The Keys of the Kingdom
by OverMaster
Summary: Pseudo-sequel/spinoff to Unequally Rational and Emotional. Negi Springfield and the rest of Ala Alba travel through the multiverse trying to stop the machinations of the Heartless and the mysterious villains behind them. Eventual harem content. Don't expect to see the Original Generation Kingdom Hearts characters. Lots of Disney, though.
1. Prologue

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Prologue**.

* * *

It was the first time Negi Springfield had that dream. A dream of falling through darkness, with the bandaged wooden staff he had received from his father in his hand. Negi's small, light body felt more like it was slowly floating down than anything else, as an icy chill caressed the skin of his exposed face and hands. The rest of his body was covered by his dark green suit with red tie, the same one he had used through most of his teaching days over the last few months.

He vaguely remembered a few passages from one of the stories his sister Nekane loved to tell him, back in the peaceful hills of Wales.

' _Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!'_ _(Which was very likely true.)_

Negi was not afraid. He was a brave young man, and the events that had transpired around him since his arrival to Mahora had only further steeled his resolve and courage. He also fancied himself a rational mind, for the standards of the magical community at least, so he was fairly sure there was something impossible about the current scenario he was living through. Last thing he remembered before that was going to sleep in the small bedroom he shared with his students and Ministra Magi Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi, and that did not gel at all with what was happening to him right then. However, for some reason, he was not waking up yet, as was the custom whenever he realized what he was dreaming at the time just couldn't be possible.

Still, he felt no fear, but an acute sense of annoyance.

 _Down, down, down. Would the fall_ never _come to an end! "I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?" she said aloud. "I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the Earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think—" (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a_ very _good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) "-yes, that's about the right distance-but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?" (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)_

Negi realized his eyes had been closed, and he opened them again, hoping that would wake him up, but it made no difference, for everything around him remained darkness, with only a pinpoint of white light faintly glowing as high as his gaze could go. He tried reaching for it with the hand that wasn't holding his staff, but it was as pointless as he had expected it to be, although now his fall seemed to be growing faster, as punctuated by the increased force of the cold air hitting his face and messing his dark red hair up.

"Chisame," he said, calling out with a very weak voice.

 _Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. "Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!" (Dinah was the cat.) "I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?" And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over._

And just like that, barely hurting his behind as he landed on it, Negi reached the bottom of the abyss.

The boy sat up, and now he could see something; he could see thanks to the lights emanating from the floor, which was covered by a variety of stained glass portraits, each one decorated with the face of a different, attractive young woman. Later Negi could not remember the exact details of each girl's face, however, except for the one displayed on the portrait right before his face. It was a gorgeous face that combined the vitality of youth with the stern demeanor of maturity, framed by a long golden mane, and sparkling at its middle with the mismatched bright of a blue eye and a green eye.

Just like Asuna-san's eyes.

" _This,"_ a deep, strong male voice told him _, "is your heart."_

"My heart?" Negi repeated, thinking he had heard that voice before.

" _So much to do, and so little time…"_ the voice mused, seeming to come from everywhere at once. _"The times are upon you now, Negi. The times where you will have to fight."_

"I have fought already," he said, standing up. "I have even faced and defeated the Queen of the Night, Evangeline."

" _Your fights haven't started yet, Negi,"_ the voice said. _"Evangeline had mercy on you. Those waiting ahead for you will not. Protect those around you, and allow them to protect you as well. Only that way, you'll prevail where I failed. Don't make the same mistakes I made."_

"The mistakes you…?" the young boy gulped, sweating despite how cold he was feeling. "Are you…?"

Negi felt a chill running down his spine, and then several of the glass panels flew in pieces, spraying sharp shards all around him, forcing him to back away on staggering feet, shielding himself with a sleeve and the staff. From the new holes on the floor, several small creatures rose, surrounding him quickly from all directions. Their bodies were dark and almost featureless, armed with long, clawed limbs; and their faces were marked by nothing but red glowing eyes above large, crooked grins full of long fangs.

Now Negi _did_ feel a bit of fear.

But his battle instincts, that had been honed lately, during his training under the Vampire Witch of legend, took over for him almost instantly. _"_ _Rastel Maskir_ _Magister!"_ he chanted. _"Veniant Spiritus Aeriales Fulgurantes!"_ he added, and shot a barrage of lightning bolt discharges from his staff at the beings who were charging towards him.

The dark creatures flew in all directions, away from him, but while a few dissipated into shadows from the impact, the largest of them rose back and ran towards Negi, waving their members threateningly.

" _Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens!"_ Negi growled, with a raw ferocity that bubbled up his chest, taking aim at the group of attackers and hitting them squarely with a wave of blinding light projectiles that skewered the menacing beings, destroying the remainder of them. However, the discharge shook him as well, and sent him down to his knees, forcing him to support himself on the staff, panting for air. "I'm…" he said between pants, "I'm not strong enough, not yet…"

 _"Live strong, but mostly, live happy, Negi,"_ the friendly, warm voice told him. _"And don't ever live alone. Find your mother, and make her happy as well. For she is the Key… one of the Keys…"_

"What?" Negi blinked, his lower lip trembling. "My mother? I thought my mother was dead, that's what everyone told me at the village, why are you telling me this…?"

" _Now, it is time to wake up,"_ the voice said. _"But never let your dream die. And remember; a little courage is the true magic."_

"Father!" Negi cried, working back to his feet. "Father, wait! Don't let me-!"

The whole of the floor shattered, and once again, the darkness swallowed Negi, as there was nothing to hold him under his feet anymore.

 _"You will open the door, my son."_

And then he woke up.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	2. Mahora?

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter One**.

* * *

"You lazy, no good bum," Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell told him the next afternoon of their current three hours-outside three-days inside after classes session, as he rested on his back, on the sandy grounds of her favorite training arena, deep into her hidden resort, which was located in the basement of her cabin in the Mahora woods. Said resort was in a pocket dimension stored inside of a large bottle, which was one of the many things that would have been normally mind breaking even for a mage, but he had come to readily accept over the last few months. Now, Eva calling him bad mean names, he still couldn't get used to that. "How do you want to call yourself my student with that kind of attitude?"

"Get easy on him already, Evangeline," Chisame groaned from the sidelines, where she sat with the rest of Negi's Ministra, as well as the rest of Ala Alba; ermine Chamo, Kasuga Misora's loli partner Cocone Fatima Rosa, Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei, his Ministra and pupil Kaga Ai, Chisame's love-crazy Tsunetsuki Matoi (also another student of Itoshiki), young goddess Skuld, and Skuld's Ministra Sasaki Makie and Morisato Keiichi. "Can't you see you've beaten him up to half-unconsciousness? Konoe, go heal him."

"Okay, Squad Leader!" the black-haired Konoe Konoka giggled, saluting the bespectacled girl with a giggle and a casual flick of fingers on her own forehead before merrily skipping over to Negi's prone form, an unfolded fan in each hand. "Now be still, Negi-kun, this will take no time at all…" she cooed, kneeling down at his side.

The tiny, blonde Evangeline gave Chisame a scathing look. "Boya won't go anywhere if you keep treating him with silk gloves, Hasegawa. Who are you to defy my authority on his education, anyway?"

"I'm at charge of his physical wellbeing," Chisame replied. "If you don't like that, go discuss it with the Headmaster."

Evangeline sneered, now looking condescendingly at Yukihiro Ayaka as the blue-eyed heiress helped a newly healed Negi to stand back up. "Perhaps I will. I hadn't started having fun with Boya yet, and who are you guys to take one of my few pleasures away from me?"

Evangeline's robotic servant Karakuri Chachamaru, who had been standing in silence before her since the sparring match's end, said "Master, I was under the impression you regarded these times spent with Negi-sensei as mere inconvenient annoyances…"

"Be quiet, you," the diminutive Queen of the Night snorted.

"I'm okay with another round if you want to supply me with one, Master," Negi said as he rotated his left arm, much to Ayaka's gasping horror and several groans from the other Ministra. "You're right, effective training is about pushing one's limits past their past endurance limits…"

"Only if you try and fight better this time around, Boya," Evangeline said, falling into a battle stance. "What is your problem now? During this fight, you looked like your damn mind was somewhere else…"

"I did?" Negi blinked. "Hm, I only got distracted for a second, thinking of the dream I had last night, so I don't see how—"

"What dream?" Evangeline and Chisame asked at the same time, to their mutual annoyance.

"Oh, it's nothing important," Negi said. "It was too silly and probably it's just another expression of my subconscious trauma that refuses to let go, like Arai-sensei said…"

Evangeline clenched her fingers in and off as she began floating up, ice and darkness swirling around her hands. "Sounds fun! So let's hear what torments your weak, pathetic heart, Boya, just as I take your body apart!"

"Evangeline-saaaaan!" Ayaka growled.

The vampire laughed evilly as she thrusted her hands ahead and sent a first wave of black ice towards Negi, who had to roll aside just in time, barely dodging the terrifying attack…

* * *

"You know, I think you were right after all, Boya," Evangeline said, sipping from her cup of tea while a resigned Konoka healed Negi again, now the time limit after her latest healing had finally passed. "That dream sure sounded like your own mind playing tricks on you."

"It's kinda icky," Asuna cringed from where she sat the other end of the dinner table, while one of Chachamaru's doll maid 'sisters' served took her cleaned up plate for the washing. "Why did that woman in your dream had eyes like mine? You'd better not getting the wrong idea about me, brat!"

"Nonsensidical," the blond and busty Suzushiro Haruka 'harrumphed', primly cleaning the corners of her mouth with a napkin while Ayaka and Kakizaki Misa tensed up in alarm. "Negi-sensei is too much of a gentleman to have salascivious dreams about you, Kagurazuka-san!"

"Kagurazaka!" Asuna corrected. "Geez, VP, we've been training together for weeks by now, you really should have learned my proper name already!"

"I'm pretty sure my own proper name isn't 'VP'!" Haruka countered.

"She got you there, Asuna-chan…" Saotome Haruna nodded.

"You stay out of this, Paru," Asuna warned.

Negi blinked. "What wrong idea am I supposed to be getting, Asuna-san? I'm not sure I understand…"

"N-Never mind that, it's just Asuna-san being Asuna-san!" Ayaka said. "Anyway, Sensei, if you're feeling troubled, the best thing you can do is keeping opening your mind to m—us! That's what your subconscious, through your father figure, was trying to tell you, after all!"

Negi pouted. "He sounded so real, though. Just like that night in the snow. I might have sworn he actually was there…"

"Weren't you the very same guy who began this story by telling us it was just your imagination?" Asuna muttered.

"I know, I know!" Negi said. "But, well, it's like my rational mind knows it, and yet my heart keeps telling me something else…"

"Well,"the dark-haired Akashi Yuuna said, "if we really want to know if Negi-kun's dream has any basis on reality, I think we have somebody onboard who, as a goddess of the future, should be aware of what's the future got in store for us. Just saying."

Slowly, the gazes of everyone in the resort's large and majestic main dining room drifted towards Skuld. Mostly that of Negi.

"What in the world do you hold against me?" Skuld asked Yuuna, then told the others, "Guys, we've talked about this before. I can't just tell you what the future has in store for you…"

"The other world's Ala Alba mentioned Sensei would have to pass through many tests to become as powerful as Magus Erebus-sensei, didn't they?" Ayaka asked.

"I clearly remember them saying I would have to defeat somebody named Jack Rakan in a year…" Negi mused.

"Which I still sustain is absolutely impossible," Itoshiki remarked.

"Gee, those meddling people!" Skuld cringed. "I'm telling you, trying to figure your future out is pointless! As soon as you do it, the future shifts again so its unpredictability factor may be maintained. I've put it in the simplest terms I could think of, and you still don't get it!"

"Well, can't you tell us how the future is in some of those alternate realities, then?" asked Shiina Sakurako asked, sitting as always beside Hakase.

"No, because that's too much of a cheap loophole!" Skuld said. "Odds are you'd get the wrong lessons and skip what you'd really have to learn anyway!"

"Not if we look at enough of those alternate realities!" the short-haired Tsunetsuki said.

Skuld stared at her. "You aren't in love with Chisame-san in any of those other realities."

"That's actually good to know. It means my devotion for Chisame-sama is unique as the most precious jewel!"

"Geh," Chisame said.

Skuld wagged a finger. "Interdimensional gazing devices, not that I'm admitting they exist, aren't toys, not even for deities. I'm not building you guys one, not even as an interesting conversation piece or display of my superior intellect, so please forget about asking further on the subject and just go back to creepily harassing Negi-sensei."

"Creepy?" Misa asked.

"Superior intellect? Yours?" Satomi echoed.

"Sku-chan," the pinkette Makie said, "aren't you looking for your long lost Oneechan? What if that other-world gizmo could allow you to find another world's Oneechan?"

"How would that help at all?" asked Skuld. "I want my sister, not some other Skuld's! And even if I wanted her, I'd have to share her!"

"Not if you murder your counterpart first," smiled Chachazero, Eva's tiny doll servant, now suddenly sitting on the table before her annoyed mistress.

"Who asked you about anything, abomination…?" Skuld grumbled.

"Can you tell us, at least, if those things Negi-sensei saw in his dream do exist?" asked the freckled Hasegawa Sora, very shyly.

Skuld paused before answering reluctantly, "I'm not saying they were the same creatures, but yeah, beings of that nature do exist in other planes of existence. Shadow demons created by dark, powerful overlords who exist in the space between dimensions. We call them Heartless, because they lack hearts of their own and resort to eating those of other creatures. If you ask me, it's just a coincidence, however. Negi was no doubt influenced by the memories of the demons he met at Kyoto, not to mention the popular imagery of shadowy menaces is very widely spread both between mages and mundanes."

"Okay, that makes good sense," Keiichi nodded.

Skuld nodded back. "And that's why you should stop worrying about that already and think of your own future in this very world instead! Any more questions?"

"Do you think at this very same moment, in some other world, some other Ala Alba is having this very same discussion about us?" Makie asked, very curious.

"Eeeeehhhhhh!"

* * *

"Whew!" Asuna breathed out as they all walked out of Evangeline's cottage, the early night already coming up the horizon. She stretched her arms up over her head. "That was some darn nice dinner! Chachamaru-chan sure outdid herself this time!"

"She's been collecting a lot of data from Yotsuba-san lately," Satomi said with obvious pride. "Isn't her rate of learning speed simply astonishing?"

"It isn't just that, though," Konoka said. "You also can feel her heart in her meals…"

"Oh, yes, that as well, I suppose."

"Oh, Sato-chi, you!" Sakurako gave her a playful pinch in an arm.

"What was that for?" Satomi blinked.

Sakurako sighed. "Never mind. My fingers slipped."

"Um, I hate to interrupt a private conversation like this," Ai-sempai whined, stopping all of a sudden. "But, I think I haven't memorized this path too well yet? Because I don't recognize this patch of the road, s-sorry…"

Ala Alba stopped as well, looking in all directions at the woods that surrounded their narrow paved way. Woods that seemed to be thicker than ever and loaded with an eerie, foreboding sense of menace than they had ever felt before. Owls hooted between the twisted branches of larger than usual trees, almost continuously, despite their being rather rare birds in the Mahora area. Even the skies themselves, now that Negi thought about it, seemed more sinister than the norm, shrouded with a faint reddish halo of sorts that stretched from North to South and from West to East.

"Say, you're right!" Misora gulped, reaching for her Pactio card with shaky fingers. "But, but, we must have taken a wrong turn…"

"What wrong turn?" Haruka asked, pulling her card out as well. "It's a road with no beofurcations or dejours! As straight as Sasaki-san's bustline!"

"Pettanko and with pride!" Makie humphed, then narrowing her eyes. "Beware, guys! My Gymnast-Sense is tingling! _ADEAT!_ "

"Gymnast-Sense?" Konoka asked. "Wha—"

"Duck, Ojou-sama!" Setsuna urged, quickly grabbing her and forcing her down with herself, as a large shadow drooped from one of the trees, lunging for Konoka's head and barely missing her.

"See, I told you!" Makie said, her magic ribbon already lashing out to latch onto another dark creature rushing at them from the bushes, and then slamming it against a tree trunk. "Homura-mama and Kodachi-sensei taught me well!"

"What is this, I don't even…" a confused Chisame babbled. "Oh, what the heck. _Adeat!_ " she called out as well, just like the rest of her Ministra partners, and the very next moment Ala Alba was in full battle regalia and falling into a circle formation, back to back, Negi clenching his teeth and chanting his activation between them, staff tightly held between both hands.

"Hey, Negi-kun," Misa said, looking at the dozens of black critters scurrying out of the woods' shadows to surround them from all flanks. "Would these happen to be the same monsters you saw in your dream?"

"Yes," Negi confirmed. "Remember, just like in the practices. Keep this formation and don't turn your backs on any of them…"

The first line of alleged Heartless sprung, with feral low grunts, towards the youngsters and the gasping scrawny adult, some of them brandishing what seemed to be crude sharp weapons, a few of them similar to swords, others more reminiscing of spears. Yuuna imagined herself in a Halloween shooting game as she relaxed, as per Makie's instructions during her handgun training. And her fingers began squeezing her triggers, magic cancelling bullets flying in all directions from her twin guns.

They worked, thank God, even better than Yuuna had expected. Even better than Asuna's paper fan, which ranked a close second best in the defense effort, restricted only by its lesser reach compared to Yuuna's fast projectiles. Misa's barrage of light needles was doing just fine as well, piercing through the quickly mounting waves and waves of seemingly beastlike, nearly mindless attackers; when perforated, the 'Heartless' dissipated almost just as quickly as when hit by anti-magic.

The others were holding their own for the most part, especially Negi's repeated Sagitta Magica, but not nearly as well as the three 'top scoring' girls. Skuld's mallet and Haruka's spiked mace crushed the Heartless efficiently enough, but their limited speed was a problem, and while they were doing decently for now, soon they would be overwhelmed at that rate. Ai's water streams from her Pactio umbrella and the punches from Hakase's metal arms were only keeping the monsters at bay, not destroying them. Misora and Cocone only could throw loaded crosses around as fast as they could, and while they did a good job at burning the beings with their holy power, the nuns in training only had a limited amount on them, one Misora's very speed guaranteed would reach its limit soon. Setsuna's Shinmeiryuu techniques and Haruna's creations, while skilled and spectacular as always, somehow seemed to be less efficient against this variety of shadow demons than against the enemies at Kyoto. Itoshiki's own shadow magic seemed to fare the worst, doing almost no damage to all to the cackling, ferally gushing adversaries.

"Negi!" Chisame said, her scepter's electric discharges faring no much better than Nozomu's magic. "In that dream, you could take these guys out on your own, couldn't you!"

"There weren't as many of them then!" Negi protested, kicking a Heartless his arrows had missed in the face, and sending him flying back. He had little time to congratulate himself on how much the kick had resembled those Ku Fei had shown him. "We must find their source as stop them from there!"

"Yeah, they just keep coming at us, don't they?" asked Yuuna, silently thanking God her ammo was limitless. Or at least, she had found no limit to it yet during her training. She hoped she wouldn't have to find one tonight either. "Negi-kun, if you're still dreaming, this'd be a good time to wake up!"

"What nonsense are you spouting, Yuuna-san?" said Ayaka, whose whip was doing about as well as Hakase's punches were, barely giving her any room to breathe and move. "I'd suggest going back to Evangeline's cottage! Surely she'll know what to do!"

"For once I agree with her!" Asuna said, slamming another Heartless down into dust. "Unless Skuld-chan here knows how to kill all these things at once!"

"I'm a Bug exterminator, not a Heartless—" Skuld began to say, right before a beam from above slashed the Heartless before them in a clean sweep, cutting them in two. Similar beams began descending on all those monsters swarming around Ala Alba, maiming and destroying them with clockwork efficiency. "Oh, Father…!"

"Chachamaru!" Satomi smiled even before looking up, well aware such machine-like skill could only come from a person in the world. "You're here to save your poor mother! And your new mom! And your dad!"

"I'm a mother now?" a perplexed Sakurako asked.

"I'm a dad?!" Negi gasped.

"… I'm not sure I would agree on those designations, especially the latter," Chachamaru, still clothed in her French maid uniform, beam cannon firmly in her grasp, began descending as the Heartless screamed and quickly poured back into the woods, fleeing the scene as fast as they could. "But yes, I hurried to your rescue as soon as we heard the commotion, Mother. Are you all okay?"

"We almost were killed, but yes, you arrived just in time, Karakuri-san," Ayaka breathed out, nodding. "My deepest thanks."

"My pleasure, Iinchou-san," Chachamaru landed right between Satomi and Negi. Her eyes glowed in faint emerald as she looked between the trees, now the Heartless had cleared the path out. "There's some sort of unknown shielding presence blocking my vision of the woods. I would advise against going to search for these 'Heartless' and their whereabouts or origins."

"You don't have to tell me that twice!" Misora gasped. "What the hell's going on here?! Who's responsible for this?!"

"Exactly what I want to know, Kasuga Misora," Evangeline said coldly, appearing in the air above them, in her skimpy black lingerie and cape ensemble, which fluttered in the cold nocturnal air. "Although, I'm not sure yet if to punish or reward whoever did it…"

"Master!" Negi said, eyes almost popping out, and not only because of Evangeline's near nudity. "But, this isn't a full moon night!"

"New moon, indeed, and yet look at me…" Eva sultrily smiled as she landed on her bare feet before him, a hand cocked on her hip. When Negi naturally blushed and looked down, she cackled. "Well, I love a well crafted mystery! This one, however, works on a different level. The straight answer is pretty simple… Nagi's spell doesn't work anymore because we aren't at Mahora."

"Say what?!" Haruka cried.

"Look," Eva pointed towards the South. "No World Tree anywhere in sight. My cottage seems to have been moved into another world, probably at the same time Boya was having his dream in my resort. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say we are in Mundus Magicus, although it doesn't feel right, for some reason… That's where the actual mysterious part of this conundrum comes in."

"Well, whaddya know, it's true!" Sakurako whistled, looking Southward as well. She could see a tiny village near the river, in between what would have been the locations of the World Tree and Library Island. A village barely lit by small dots of yellow gleam. "My horoscope this morning told me to look for an unexpected trip…"

Chisame facepalmed. "Oh, for the sake of…! Can't we spend more than a month without falling into a new weird dangerous thing after the last one?!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	3. Traverse Town

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Two**.

* * *

It had been a long, tense march through the woods over the next two hours or so, but on the plus side, they at least had not been attacked by anyone… or anything… else.

"You know I don't like feeding that bad habit of yours," Hasegawa Chisame said now as she walked along her Magister along well paved dark streets, barely lit by a single lamppost placed at each block. The buildings they passed by were just as dark, with no almost no lights coming out their windows; and the few that had them were placed very high in the top stories of the tallest edifications of them all. Overall, the village gave an eerie sensation of being nearly abandoned, although hardly in ruins or alarming decay.

Negi blinked and looked at her. "Which bad habit?"

"What else? That bad habit of yours, of blaming yourself over every little thing!" the young woman with glasses growled, tossing her hands up. "But this time, I really think it's definitely your damn fault!"

"Language, Chisame," Negi chided her. "And why would this be my fault?"

"Yes, why would it be, Chisame-san, she of the bad language?" Ayaka asked, rather pointedly.

"We just stepped out into what seems to be another world, with no idea of how we got here, so that's obviously magic screwing us over yet again, and you're magical, so of course it's your fault until otherwise proved!" the teenager yelled at the much shorter red-haired boy. "As simple as that, genius!"

"And the critters we fought were originally in HIS dream, as well," Itoshiki nodded. "Although I imagine we are fortunate we haven't fallen into one of MY dreams instead. Now that would be despairing!"

Chamo, Matoi, Misa, Asuna, Misora, Yuuna, Setsuna, Skuld, Sora and Keiichi all shuddered from heads to toes.

"Evangeline-chan is magical as well," Makie pointed towards Eva. "What if it's her fault instead?"

"Why would it be?!" Evangeline shouted.

"You always say you're evil, and this is a clearly evil thing that has happened to us!" Makie argued.

"I believe this is an extremely rare case where the Master's willingness to do actual evil is just as short as her capacity to pull off this level of evildoing," Chachamaru quietly opined.

"Nobody asked you!" Evangeline snapped.

Negi blinked, pondering their words for a few moments, before saying, "When you put it like that, you make a lot of sense, Chisame-san, Itoshiki-sensei, but this apparent displacement seems to be, as Karakuri-san put it, far beyond even the Master's capacities, never mind my own, so I don't feel confident saying it's my fault just yet. Besides, I don't think we should talk about 'the M-word' aloud until we learn if that's of public knowledge around these places..."

Chisame facepalmed. "So now of all times you choose to be rational over emotional! And look around us, will you?!" she gestured in all directions, startling the oddly yellow skinned dog who had been following them ever since they reached the village's outskirts. "Other than this mutt, we haven't found anyone in this godforsaken ghost town! Frankly, if yelling about magic gets anyone to notice us, so be it!"

Makie pouted, idly caressing the head of the dog that had been marching at her side. "Don't call him like that! Isn't it nice from him, escorting us like this to protect us?"

"So what if a mutt starts following you like that, he's just hoping to have some meat thrown at him, that's what mutts are supposed to-" Chisame stopped herself, looked back at the dog, and asked him, "You're just playing dumb, aren't you? You're actually another weird talking animal, just like the ermine, and you know exactly what brought us here and how to go back! Don't you?!"

The dog tilted his head aside, with a truly curious expression, and barked, "Woof woof wark wark?"

"... Chisame, everybody knows doggies can't talk..." Negi said.

On that very second, she was on him, angrily pulling on his cheeks. "Don't start being Mr. Arbitrary Scientific Rationality on me now either, you **brat**!"

"Chisame-san, let Negi-sensei go immediately, or else!" Ayaka protested.

Asuna sighed and looked at Chamo, who had made the road while comfortably perched on Matoi's head. "Either way, are you sure you can't talk with him, weasel?"

"Why should I be able to?" Chamomile asked back. "Just because I'm an animal, it doesn't mean I'm created equal to all animals out there! I can't talk Dog any more than you could talk Russian!"

Asuna's jaded glare shifted over to the green haired gynoid. "Chachamaru-chan? You're the animal lover here…"

"Cat lover, Kagurazaka-san," Chachamaru gently corrected. "I have no idea where you got the impression I was fonder to dogs than I am to any other particular lifeform. I won't be disrespectful to them, but they don't hold my special attention either." Pause. "Although this one is reasonably cuter than the average canine."

"Really? I think it's very ugly. Looks like something out of a bad old cartoon," Evangeline sneered.

"Now, now, everyone!" Negi tried to impose order. "First things first, I think we should try to knock on some door or another and ask for information about this town before-"

"Excuse me," a voice said from the other end of that narrow, quietly foreboding street, "but, I overheard you talking, and... are you mages? Were you sent by the King, perhaps?"

"... Oh, dear! Good evening, Ma'am!" Negi gasped, surprised, and Chisame tensed up in confusion. "Sorry to disturb you, we are- Wait, the King? Which King? Perhaps you mean… the Emperor of Japan? Or, or maybe…"

The girl standing across the street and holding a long black staff in a hand blinked, now just as confused as Chisame. "Emperor? Do you mean you don't come from Timeless Kingdom? Oh, well, that's just logical, coming from a traveling mage party, isn't it..." Then she gave the scarcely clad Evangeline a better, longer look and asked, "Oh God, what have you been doing to this girl?"

The petite vampire smirked smugly. "Nothing yet, much to my disappointment. Why? Do you want to try me first, woman? I'm not entirely adverse to the idea…"

The local, who was wearing a pink bow on her braided light brown hair, as well as a pale pink dress and starkly contrasting thick and sturdy brown boots, paused for several moments. "I think we should discuss this somewhere else," she decided.

* * *

Chisame had been extremely wary every step of the way, but Negi, Ala Alba, and the stray mutt still had followed that strange young woman all the way a few blocks away, and into a old, run-down, apparently abandoned hotel where they had been less than enthusiastically greeted by a tall man apparently in his forties, who had been just as surprised to see them as they had been.

The man was even taller than Itoshiki, and sported a strong, rugged and manly build that had Asuna contemplating him in silence, with a slight blush on her cheeks. He wore a sleeveless vest over a dark shirt, black pants, military boots, and goggles that rested on his unkempt dirty blond hair. He had been smoking one cigarette after another in a hostile, wary silence while Negi explained himself and went over the recent events as best as possible, which was not that much actually.

"- so, obviously," Negi deduced now, rubbing his chin in deep contemplation, "you are alternate world denizens, much like those from Magus Erebus' world. I never dreamed we'd run into more like you so soon after that..."

The two locals sitting across the table blinked, sharing several confused glances, before the big man, whom the girl had introduced to them as one 'Cid', focused her attention on Negi's face again. "You look and sound a lot like a librarian egghead, boy. What did you say was your name?"

"Negi Springfield, sir," he politely bowed to him again.

"And he is a legitimate genius teacher taught by the best academy of Wales!" Ayaka remarked proudly. "So you'd better not underestimate him, Mister!"

Cid scoffed, taking a long puff from the cigarette in his mouth. "For a supposed smartypants academic, you sure talk a lot of nonsense! What's with this whole 'Magus Erebus' business, brat? And where's this 'Wales' you speak of, anyway?"

"Cid, please. So, what you are saying," the girl who had introduced herself as Aerith said, "is that there are many other worlds, or dimensions, and you come from one of those, and there might be others like us there. Right?"

"That's correct," Haruna nodded. "Like it happens all the time in videogames and TV shows…"

"Although I imagine your counterparts would be living on Mundus Magicus rather than Earth," Evangeline contemplated, crossing her legs lazily over the table, toes wiggling in a way that made Cid, Itoshiki and Keiichi really uncomfortable. "I can't imagine either of you living as office workers in, I don't know, New York or London…"

"No, seriously, what the hell are you rambling about? Mind making it a bit more straightforward, you cuckoos?" Cid growled.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that," Chisame commiserated. "I've been struggling with them over that for many months now."

"Well, from what I can understand, it matches with what's happened to us lately," Aerith said, a bit nervously. "We obviously aren't at home anymore, and what happened before we arrived here definitely wasn't anything normal at all."

"Even for people like us!" Cid huffed, tossing a discarded cigarette aside and picking another up. Then he saw Chamo sitting on the table and gesturing for a puff with a paw, and handed him a cigarette of his own, without a single word.

"So what happened?" Chisame asked, already fearing the answer.

"All around Midgar City, our place of origin, huge walls of white light began appearing, advancing and swallowing everything at their wake," Aerith narrated, with a noticeable pang of melancholy in her voice. "Anything and anyone they touched just... disappeared! We tried to flee them, but while doing so, we got separated from our friends and companions, and we were attacked by Shadow Demons. And somehow, the darkness the demons projected enveloped us, and... we ended up here when it cleared up."

"Midgar City?" Makie asked. "Where's that? Germany?"

"No place with such name exists in 'our' Earth," Skuld mumbled under her breath. "If my guess is correct, these people hail from Dimensional Plane PS1-VII."

"Shadow Demons?" Ai inquired.

"The same ones Skuld-sama called 'Heartless', obviously, Kaga-san," Itoshiki told her.

"Ah! I'm sorry for asking a dumb question like that! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Ai apologized.

"From what we've gathered," Aerith gently explained, "this place is called Traverse Town, and it's some sort of site between... 'realms' where those who have lost their... 'realms' fall into. Everyone kept calling them 'realms', but now you're here, I suppose 'dimensions' or 'worlds' might apply too."

"You mean there are others in this ghost town!" Negi almost sprang from his seat.

"Well, yeah, but not that many," Cid replied. "And that's a good thing, apparently. Well, bad for us, I guess, but we've been able to get by over the last few weeks. We're natural born survivors, and when the going gets really rough, that also means we can be natural born scavengers."

"I can tell!" Yuuna nodded, looking at the plate of canned beans she had been served, while Ayaka grimaced awkwardly at her own.

"We've established a territory all our own, just like in a No Man's Land, and not to boast, but I'm sure the rest of our team would be damn proud of us!" Cid sighed, shaking his head to himself. "Of course, I guess you can stay as well, as long as you prove yourselves useful. We could use you runts to replenish our ranks, assuming we can make real soldiers outta you..."

"Soldiers?" Negi repeated, dubiously.

Evangeline hissed, folding her arms. "Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell doesn't need proving herself to the likes of you, fool! Now my power reigns supreme again, I don't even need to-!"

"Uhhhh... thanks, that's very kind from you, Cid-san, and we mean it," Chisame scowled, "but I think we'd better try looking for a way back. What happened to your city sucks, for real, but I'm pretty sure the same thing didn't happen to ours, so..."

"If, if anything has happened to our friends," a very nervous Negi looked down at his cellphone, "I don't know how I could live with that! If, if, if only there was some way to contact them!"

"Riiiight, sorry I mentioned that," Chisame said while Misora and Ayaka fanned on a hyperventilating and softly sobbing Negi. "Try to keep a positive mind, Sensei! And yeah, I know about the irony of me of all people saying that!" she snapped, making Misa, Sakurako and Haruna to quickly close their mouths from what they were about to say. "Either way, Aerith-san, you mentioned something about some King, didn't you?"

Aerith nodded, while inwardly wondering what this whole '-san' verbal tic was about. Likely, it was better not asking. "Some newcomers who dropped from the sky days ago mentioned working for the King of the Timeless country, whom they are looking for. They haven't gone away yet, so I supposed they had sent for others to look for them..."

"What do you mean?" Chisame asked.

"The airship they arrived in broke down, and the rumor is they are still trying to fix it," Cid informed. "I'm kinda curious to check it out myself, so we can take you there tomorrow, if you want, but not right now. The nights are dangerous for brats like you. Sometimes, shadow demons come around, looking for those they missed..."

"She was prowling around at midnight, all alone!" Chisame protested, pointing at Aerith.

"It can't be helped," Aerith said. "Someone's got to do night rounds to make sure the area's safe."

Chisame hid her face between her hands and sizzled her frustration.

"Is this dog yours, by the way?" Aerith asked, crouching down to pet the animal's head. The dog immediately began waving his long, thin black tail and licking her face. "Ah ha ha ha ha, it tickles!"

"He isn't ours, but he followed us since he found us, a few hours ago," Negi said. "He's very friendly, isn't he?"

"Nope, he's Pluto," Makie shook her head, taking a pointing finger at the dog's collar. "At least, that's what it says here!"

"Pluto? What a stupid name for a dog," Chisame muttered bitterly. "And yet... it sounds familiar, somehow?"

She thought in silence for the next few moments, unaware everyone, even the dog, began gradually looking at her under the light of the old lanterns hanging from the walls, in the otherwise grimly dark room.

"... nah, must've been my imagination," Chisame finally shook her head. "This is all a dream anyway, isn't it? Soon I'll wake up and everything will be normal again, with no dimensional displacements, talking ermines, boy mages or Tsunetsuki..."

"Tsunetsuki?" Cid-san repeated.

"That's me," said the plain looking girl with short black hair who had just showed up right behind Chisame.

"Ah!" Aerith gasped. "You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded.

"See? These kind of people is what I have to deal with every day," Chisame said.

"Oh, poor, poor girl," Aerith placed a hand over her own mouth.

"Bah, she knows she loves it," Evangeline waved a hand.

"BUT I DON'T!" Chisame protested.

* * *

"Is this a thing that also happens to you every night?" Aerith asked as she sat next to Chisame on the back of Cid's truck, the mumbling man at the wheel with a sheepish looking Keiichi at his side. The rest of Ala Alba and Pluto sat tightly crowded around a very tired Negi, who napped resting against Chisame's left side, large bags under his eyes. "I mean, that he keeps sleepwalking into your bed, and then everybody else keeps pulling them towards their own beds, and then a fight breaks out, and then…?"

"No, normally, he only rooms with Chisame and me, and we both are okay if he decides to sleep with the other one," Satomi said.

"Grrr," Chisame said.

"He greatly prefers to sleep with Chisame, however," Satomi added.

"GRRR!"

"… okay," Aerith said.

Now Cid chuckled, as the vehicle made it past Traverse Town's borders and down into a zig-zagging muddy path leading into the back woods. "Mind, Aerith isn't exactly a stranger to that kind of shanenigans. There was this Cloud boy, who was in a big love mess with her and a girl named Tifa and—"

"Cid!" Aerith snapped.

"People are the same everywhere," Evangeline observed, sitting indolently on Chachamaru's lap as she gazed at the woodlands with a difficult to read expression. "How long until we get there, old man? You aren't trying to lead us into some trap, are you?"

"Old? Damn, kid, show some respect already!" Cid said. "And if we wanted to set a trap for you, we had plenty of chances last night, while you were busy being all pervy around the poor boy!"

"Effortlessly seductive, you mean," Evangeline corrected, smiling and raising a pointer finger.

"Yeah, it doesn't take too much of an effort to slide under the covers with somebody else, I imagine…" Skuld muttered.

"Of course you have to imagine it, since I'm certain you've never done it before being far older than me," Evangeline taunted. "Poor girl, I'm sure that's what you'd need to stop being such a—"

"Will you please stop giving a bad impression of Mahora before these decent, unluckynate people who have offered this great help to us?!" Haruka screeched. "They'll think our school is poblated by nothing but weirdos and deviants!"

"You know my opinion on the subject, so I won't voice it again," Chisame said, while Negi stirred sleepily against her.

"It's here," Cid said as he stopped the truck before a large, wide clearing in the woods, one apparently formed by a massive crash from above, as they still could see broken, ravaged remains of trees everywhere, scattered all around a bright red and yellow airship of sturdy, blocky appearance, the size of a small airplane. Strange, grunting, gruff noise could be heard from its inside, even from that distance. "Townsfolk saw it falling from the sky a few nights ago, and then creatures who looked like a giant dog and a duck were seen nosing around Traverse Town, asking for a King from the Timeless country, but Aerith would know more about that. She actually spoke to them…"

Before Aerith could expand on the subject, however, Pluto began baring his teeth and growling, the fur on his back crawling, and leaning ahead so hard Makie had to hold him from behind. "Whoa, easy there, Pluto-kun! What gives?!"

"Sensei, wake up," Chachamaru reached over to gently shake on Negi's right shoulder, her other hand's wrist blade popping out while her eyes glowed emerald. "I detect more Heartless creatures inside of that ship…"

"WHAT?!" Misora, Haruka, Chamo, Asuna, Yuuna, Keiichi and Makie all cried.

"Oh, poop," Cocone deadpanned, already pulling out a handful of throwing crosses.

" _Adeat,"_ Setsuna said, not wasting any time on summoning her Pactio outfit and then standing up to shield Konoka with her body, Yuunagi at the ready. "Stay behind me at all times, Ojou-sama. We'll take care of this for you."

Aerith gasped in mild awe, and it was mild only because she had seen a lot before, as the other Ministra also called on their Pactios and Negi propped himself up while Chachamaru quickly updated him on the current situation. The local girl prepared her staff as well, rising to her feet and looking intently at the ship. "Beware. Looks like something's coming out as we speak."

"Let them come," Evangeline chuckled, starting to float up. "Soon they will learn the folly of standing on my path."

"HEY!" a loud, gruff, unmistakably male voice came from the ship, as its cabin's door was kicked open from the inside. "Who's snooping around this time?! I told you guys to keep a perimet—petrimer—a watched area around this—Oh, sheesh!" a big, fat, black furred head clenched its sharp-looking teeth as it peeked out from the crashed vehicle.

The dog began barking in earnest then, slipping free from Makie's grasp and jumping down the truck, standing his ground against the crassly laughing obese figure that was squeezing itself out the door, which seemed to be a tad too tight for it. "Well, well, but if it's the King's precious pup!" the massive beast man who resembled a cross between a black bear and a gigantic cat stepped fully out, pushing his thick fists against his voluminous hips. "You were looking for your friends, weren'tcha? Bad news, mutt! They can't help you anymore—nor anyone else! Not even themselves! Haw haw haw!"

"Chisame!" Makie gasped in horror. "He's… He's a not a dog lover, either!"

"I think him being a giant cat thing is more impressive than that, Sasaki!" Chisame yelled at her.

The weird creature, who stood even taller than Cid, wore an elaborated suit of armor, with robust shoulder pads and boots that reached up to his knees. He already was unsheathing a long black sword from his clunky looking metallic belt. "And what did the doggy bring me, hmmm? A bunch of nosy kids, how cute! Who are you, brats? And whaddya want with The Mighty Pete, Commander of the Heartless?!"

"Wait!" Misa gulped. "Did I hear the cat-thing right? Is he of all people responsible over… what happened to us?"

"You would have expected for someone far more impressing, wouldn't you, Kakizaki?" the floating Evangeline sneered. "For once I can't blame you. No, whoever this loser is, he can't be anything but a low-tier middleman…"

"What did you just say?!" Mighty Pete bellowed, his fur standing up in rage. "Cheeky weird brat! I'll teach you some manners!"

"Chachamaru, you're the cat lover!" Misora told the gynoid. "Go there and pet him to oblivion, or something!"

"I'm not sure I can consider this foul smelling creature to be a cat, actually…" Chachamaru said.

"Foul?" Pete blinked, then quickly sniffed himself under an arm. "Well, maybe, but give me a break, we've been working for hours inside of that tin can! Heartless!" he commanded. "Rush over these kids and spank 'em hard!"

On command, several dozens of Heartless began crawling out of the same relatively small ship, like nightmare clowns oozing out of their car. In seconds, they were out, but just as soon as they seemed to have stopped, a final, much taller and fatter Heartless came out as well, with burning blueish eyes and a striking color design based on black with red and blue stripes, giving it a vague circus-like appearance. This Heartless moved to the forefront and right next to Pete, as the smaller ones gave it way with an attitude that almost seemed to convey fear, respect, or a mixture of both.

"Uwaaaa!" Misora cried, cowering behind Negi.

"Master?" the boy teacher warily asked Evangeline. "Should I take this as a test, or—"

"Don't worry, I'll handle it this once, just because I want to show off a little," Eva chuckled, arms folded. "What if I do it with no hands? Yeah, I think I'll do just that. You just sit back and enjoy the show, Boya."

"You've never seen a Heartless before, have you, girlie?" Pete smiled widely, eyes narrowing. " Before long you'll be crying for mommy, once you've seen what they can do! Well, what are you waiting for, fools? Charge 'em!"

With loud, garbling sounds, the Heartless obeyed readily, the biggest one aiming his eyes at Evangeline and shooting twin beams of dark blue light at her, startling everyone but the vampire herself, who just easily flew aside before thrusting herself with a kick into the Heartless' head, sending it crashing down against the smaller ones. Just as quickly, she landed before it and kicked it up like ball, keeping her arms always folded before headbutting him directly towards Pete.

"What the—OOOPHHHH!" the burly, slow cat-person could not sidestep in time, and the Heartless' bulk pressed him against the ship's side. However, just as soon, he single-handledy pushed it off himself, sending it stumbling back towards Evangeline. "You idiot, don't let a little girl to treat you like that! You'd better do it right this time!"

The lead Heartless made another short sound and slashed around with its long clawed arms, trying to strike Evangeline, but she only laughed evilly and ducked under the claws, projecting herself ahead and actually kicking into the Heartless' body, her left bare foot crashing through the creature's belly. Negi cringed as he watched this, shooting _Sagitta Magicas_ at the smaller Heartless, and overall doing as good a job at it as he'd done the night before; the same could be said about the rest of Ala Alba, although they were faring slightly better now they also had Aerith and her staff swings with them; despite her petite size and build, she was proving to be surprisingly strong and fast at batting the dark beings aside.

"So," Evangeline's eyes became golden and black, while Pete gasped in shock and she easily picked up the giant Heartless with a single hand, lifting it over her head, "is that fear I see in your eyes now, big guy? After all that big talk, is the Commander of the Heartless just as scaredy kitty? How pathetic! Even Kasuga has more guts than you do in that gigantic belly!"

"Hey!" Misora cried from where she and Cocone were keeping a single Heartless at bay.

"Now, now," the bloated cat-thing began to say, carefully stepping back one step or two or three, sword coming slowly higher, "let's keep in mind I never told anyone to kill you, Even Evil Has Standards, have I mentioned I have two children of my own…?"

"Two orphans, you mean!" Evangeline cackled demonically, holding the twitching Heartless close to her face. "Just watch what I'll do to your underling and despair, for you'll be—"

Then, suddenly, she paused after catching a casual glimpse into the Heartless' eyes. Her mouth hung slightly loose, fangs glinting under the morning sunlight, and her expression became distant and absorbed, as a subtle voice seemed to lull a sweet, enchanting, but also terribly dark song into her mind. It was a somewhat familiar voice, from long ago, even though she couldn't tell from when or where; a voice that called out to her, and made her feel, for the first time in forever, comfortable and strangely warm.

That lasted only a few seconds, but to her, it felt like hours; and when it was over, she chuckled grisly, elongated her fangs even further, and sank them without a warning into what approached the Heartless' neck, avidly suckling its darkness into herself, her eyes switching from golden and black to crimson. At that point, Ala Alba and Aerith had already wiped the other Heartless out, but just barely, and most of them didn't even realize what she had done until she dropped what little remained of the Heartless below her, still cackling softly.

Negi had seen it all, however, and he only could gape and stare up at her, his face pale. "M-Master! What have you done…?"

She looked back at him, over her shoulder. "I have done what I wanted to do, just like always, Boya. Why so surprised? You already should know this is my nature."

She landed on her feet softly and walked towards Pete, who held his sword ahead menacingly, or at least as menacing as you can be while quaking in fear.

"D-Don't get any closer, you… you witch!" he warned. "I'm a really bad guy! The roughest, toughest thug you've ever met! You can't scare me, I'm more than a Heartless, I'm Pete…!"

"You're nothing!" she snarled, reaching over to grab his blade and yank it off his hand, ignoring the deep cut on her palm as she tossed the sword back, behind her. Sakurako yelped as the sword fell in the grass; tip first, right before her feet and barely missing her toes. "Know your place, you filthy vermin!"

"Evangeline-san!" Hakase cried. "You could have hurt Sakurako-chan!"

"Oh, so I missed?" Evangeline growled, grabbing Pete by the belt and flipping him over casually, tossing him in an arc until his body hit the grass right before the appalled Negi. "It doesn't matter anyway. Now I've gained my freedom back, I don't need Boya anymore, much less to keep bothering training him! Chachamaru! We're leaving!"

The robot girl blinked. "… leaving? But, Master, where…?"

"Wherever I want to, Chachamaru!" Evangeline laughed, tossing her arms up. "This pointless squabble has made me realize I don't have to keep wasting my time with small fry! From now on, I'll just chase my own way, like I always wanted to! So, are you coming with me, or not?"

"Master, this is too sudden, and you gave your word to Negi-sensei you would—"

"My word is as good as I want it to be! I have little patience for indecisive people!"

"But I need more time to calculate these variants, and—"

"Oh, forget it," Evangeline scowled in disgust. "Do whatever the hell you want. The same goes for the rest of you, as long as you don't pester me again!" And without any further words, she took off and way up into the air, quickly becoming a twinkle in the sky.

"Master!" Chachamaru said, giving Satomi, who was just as shocked as her, a brief back glance before telling her, "Mother, I… I will only go see what has happened to her. I promise I will come back as soon as we have figured it out… But there's no time to waste!" she finished, rocket feet flaring up as she zoomed up after Eva's aerial trail, starting to track her from the disruptions of the air flow at her wake.

Before Satomi could even call out for her with her abruptly dry throat, Chachamaru was gone as well. "Cha… Cha… Chachamaru-chan!"

"Oh, geez!" Misora said. "Now what's gotten into Eva? Did y'all see that?"

"Well, duh, of course we did!" Asuna said. "It was that thing's fault! She started acting that much worse than usual since she bit it dry!"

Negi sizzled in newfound anger, grabbed the dizzy Pete by the collar, and lifted his upper half so he could see into his eyes. "What did your monster do to Evangeline-san?!"

"Evangeline… san…?" the groggy Pete groaned.

Negi began rattling the much bigger beastman around. Chisame was truly impressed how strong he had become lately, and in such a short time. "My student! The girl you taunted, you ruffian! I swear, if anything happens to her, you'll pay…!"

"Negi-sensei, please, hold yourself back!" Hasegawa Sora pleaded, stepping closer. "We just can't lose you as well!"

Negi seethed, then breathed deeply, in and out. "You're right, Sora-san. I'm sorry; I don't know what came into me. But, we've lost sight of most of our friends, and to have this happen to Evangeline-san as well…"

"Forget Evangeline-san!" Hakase cried. "What about my Chachamaru?!"

"Speak, evildoer," Setsuna approached them as well, leveling Yuunagi towards Pete's face. "How did you do this to our only mildly evil mentor?"

"I, I don't know, it never happened before!" Pete raised his hands in thick armored gauntlets. "I make a point of not letting my Heartless to get eaten by anyone! That's bad for my reputation, you know!"

"Who sent you?" Setsuna pressed on. "And you'd better not lie, or else…!"

"I, I, I am an elite force of an organization out to conquer the worlds," Pete stammered, "an unstoppable force known as… Cosmo Entelecheia!"

Silence fell over the surroundings.

"… what's Cosmo Entelecheia?" Makie, Aerith and Cid finally asked, all three at once.

"What, you don't remember?!" Yuuna spun around to face Makie. "That pale girl who fought Negi-kun in Kyoto, she said she had been sent by Cosmo Entelecheia!"

"Oh, yeah, that girl," Makie said. "Well, why wouldn't I forget that name, then? It's very difficult and it's written in Polish!"

"Latin," Negi muttered before rattling Pete some more. "So you take your orders from Sextum Averruncus?"

"The Mighty Pete takes no orders from anyone, just suggestions occasionally enforced through threats of body harm that, of course, I know are only hollow, because no one can—"

"We can and we will, if you don't just go straight to the point," Setsuna plainly stated.

Pete nodded quickly.

Negi sighed and dropped Pete, who fell on his face with a faint 'Ouch!'

"Even here, they won't stop endangering us…" the boy teacher sadly pondered. "And what's worse, once again, I've endangered you through my—"

"Sensei," Ai shyly said, "forgive me for saying this, but I feel threatened in my complex whenever you step into the character shtick that is rightfully mine."

"Oh. Sorry, Kaga-san," the boy nodded. "Well, whether this is my fault or not, I still couldn't stop it, so…"

"But this makes no sense," Chisame said, "since when can that girl and her accomplices travel between dimensions and all that crap? And how?"

Pluto then tensed, his tail stiffening, and ran towards the ship, sniffing around it and finally pointing his snout inside.

"What's wrong, Pluto-kun?" Makie asked, skipping after him before Yuuna could stop her. She took a look in, and then cooed, "Ooo! Isn't this the cutest thing ever…?"

"Wh-What do you mean, Makie-san?" Negi made his way over to her as Itoshiki handed Setsuna several feet of the rope he always kept in his hakama so he could hang himself, which the swordgirl put to better use by tying the miserably sobbing Pete's arms and legs. Negi looked into the aircraft as well, and gasped. "Oh feathers…"

"Feathers?" repeated the tiny creature that was kept hogtied and hanging from the piloting cabin's ceiling. It was a very small mouse-woman, or feminine vaguely anthropomorphic mouse; with long strawberry blond hair, and large blue eyes. Her slim bipedal body was covered by a light purple mechanics coverall, with a darker belt, matching the color of the flight goggles she kept secured around her head. "What a strange thing to say, since there are no birds anywhere in here. Although it's difficult to say for sure, since this angle doesn't allow me a full view of my surroundings. Could any of you please untie me? My name's Gadget Hackwrench, and I am a Gummi Ship pilot for King Mickey's Aerial Forces…"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

1- Where is Leon/Squall?

I want to keep Final Fantasy VII characters grouped up with Final Fantasy VII characters, and Final Fantasy VIII characters grouped up with Final Fantasy VIII characters. And besides, I only played VIII like twice or thrice several years ago. Keep in mind this story is inspired by Kingdom Hearts, but not directly based on it, which is why these characters come from Midgar City rather than Radiant Garden. Regardless, since their KH versions weren't fighters, I decided not to have Aerith using magic, for instance.

2- Where are Chip and Dale?

It makes far more sense to have Gadget as a mechanic and pilot than them. No matter the problems Disney and Square Enix may have with the Disney Afternoon, a fanfic doesn't have to follow suit there.

3- Where are Donald and Goofy?

You will see, eventually. Regardless, with Negi in the party it doesn't have much of a point to include Donald as the mage of the team.

Until next time, be good.


	4. Gummi Ship

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Three**.

* * *

"I don't intend to offend," Chisame said, not too sure she wasn't lying herself, "but what kind of name is 'Gadget'?"

"My father was a bonafide, hardcore devotee of all things machinery," the tiny mouse-woman said, very solemnly, "but I won't hold that against his beloved memory." Then, brightening up all of a sudden, "My turn now! What is the meaning of the name 'Chisame'?"

"… it's not intended to mean anything, it's just 'Chisame'," Chisame said.

"And what a musically gorgeous name it is!" Matoi sighed.

"Haw! A meaningless name! Who's got a bad name now?" asked Pete, as Setsuna and Cid pushed his tied up form up onto the back of the truck.

Chisame stared daggers back at him, from where she and Ala Alba sat next to the downed ship, before its former pilot. "Your name only stands for 'Peter', how is that any better?"

"You don't know the first thing about Christianism, do you, Chisame?" an unamused Misora asked.

"Anyway," Gadget continued, "little over one week ago, King Mickey, our country's wise leader, disappeared leaving only a letter behind…"

"You mean 'King Michael', right?" Chisame asked.

Gadget gave her a strange look. "Michael?"

"Chisame-san, please stop questioning the names of everyone around us. It leaves a bad impression on people," Ayaka chastised.

"Well, yeah, like I was saying," Gadget continued, "King Mickey left us, leaving this note behind…"

She straightened up, assuming a very serious posture. She closed her eyes, opened her mouth, raised her pointer finger, and recited from memory, feigning an even higher pitched, yet somewhat manlier voice,

 _Dear Donald,_

 _Sorry to rush off without sayin' goodbye, but there's big trouble brewin'. Not sure why, but the stars have been blinkin' out, one by one. And that means disaster can't be far behind. I hate to leave you all but I've gotta go check into it._

 _'There's someone who might be the key to our survival. Master Yen Sid called him the 'Thousand Master', the man of a thousand spells. Got it? We need that person or we might as well be doomed! Not that you should be alarmed or anything, of course._

 _P.S.: Would ya apologize to Minnie for me? Thanks, pal._

"Wow," Makie said, "you're good."

"Thanks, I get that a lot," Gadget nodded.

"Th-Th-Thou-The Thousand Master?!" Negi gasped aloud.

Gadget looked at him. "You know that name? That might prove to be helpful."

"The Thousand Master is Negi-kun's father!" Misa said, almost as startled.

"Ohhhh, so you're his son…" Gadget said, in quite a quirky spaced out tone for a genius, looking up and down at Negi as if measuring him up. "But, surely he's rather taller and bulkier, isn't he?"

"Do you happen to know where he is?!" Negi rushed towards her, towering over the much smaller figure, heart beating up as fast as it would. "I've been looking for him for years! I need to know of his whereabouts!"

"… if the King had known, he would've just contacted him instead of going on a search, don't you think?" Gadget said calmly.

"AAAAARRRGHHHH!" Negi began tugging at his hair. "Foiled again! Why must the universe make my search so needlessly difficult?"

"I can't believe Negi-kun's father could have been in this sort of weird place," Yuuna said. "What kind of man he was, anyway?"

"A very mobile one, let me tell you," Itoshiki explained with a sad sigh.

"The plot thickens!" Haruna piped in dramatically.

"It sure seems that way, doesn't it?" Gadget nodded.

"Oh yeah," Haruna nodded back. ""By the way, calling that Donald guy 'dear', addressing the letter directly to him instead of his royal consort, talking with a voice like that... not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with that, but that king of yours might have some sugar in his pocket, don't you think?"

Haruka, Ayaka, Chamo, Asuna, Setsuna, Yuuna and Chisame all facepalmed HARD.

"... I never had thought about it that way before, and I'm not sure I want to start to now," Gadget admitted. "So Queen Minnie sent Sir Goofy, Captain of the Royal Guard; Sir Donald, Head Royal Mage; Sir Jiminy Cricket, Royal Chronicler, National Conscience and Bard; and me, to look for the King. We managed to track his Gummi Ship's displacement trail to this world, where we were ambushed and captured by this traitor to the crown…" Gadget kept on narrating.

"Goofy? That's just a cruel nickname you gave him, isn't it?" asked Chisame.

"Chisame-san, what have I just told you about mocking foreign names?" Ayaka chided her. "You wouldn't want to be accused of being a namist, do you?"

"Namist? That's a thing now?" Makie said. "Wow, being PC is hard..."

"This traitor to the crown thinks you're being too open around this traitor to the crown, mouse," Pete bluntly stated from where he sat, twitching his nose since he couldn't scratch it.

"Well," Gadget said, "if you didn't know all of this already, you wouldn't have been here in the first place to ambush us, am I right? Now, what did you do with the rest of my crew?"

"I'll never tell! What are you going to do about that, goody-goody pipsqueak, huh?" he boasted.

Setsuna quietly placed the edge of Yuunagi against his throat.

"I sent them over, properly chained and gagged, to our current base of operations, which I won't tell you about, but please take that thing away already! I told you guys, I have children and a wife!" he quickly whimpered. "Why are little girls so violent these days? Society's really gone down. In my days, little girls were easy little hostages, not like the little rotten girls you get these days, with their vampire novels and their pony shows... "

Gadget blinked. "Oh! Well, I can understand gagging Sir Donald, as his chatter can be very frustrating, but that's still not a very nice thing to do…"

"What's this fellow's story, either way?" Chamo asked.

"Chamo-kun!" Makie gasped. "I thought you couldn't speak to other animals!"

"Maki-chan, please…" Yuuna groaned.

"Captain Pete here," Gadget explained, "used to be Queen Minnie's Captain of the Queen's Guard, but darkness grew in his heart, and he plotted to kidnap her, replace her with an impostor, and take advantage of it to seize the throne. The Queen was understandably angry at him, so she exiled him into another dimension, and that was the last we had seen of him. But of course, that was several years ago…"

"Isn't that the most tragic story you've ever heard?!" Pete began sobbing loudly. "As you can see, I'm a poor victim of a tyrannical reign!"

"Sounds like you were a backstabbing kidnapper out to impose your own tyrannical reign," Keiichi opined.

"What, Shorty, don't you believe on equality opportunity of tyranny for everyone?" the large cat growled.

Haruna nodded sympathetically. "Preach it, brother!"

"Okay, so Lardball over there captured your friends, you still don't have the slightest idea where your King is, and all you've got left is a crashed ship," Chisame summed up. "What do you plan doing from here on?"

"Gee, great way to lift the girl's spirits up, Chi-chan," Yuuna said.

"It's better if she grows used to the futility of life while she's still young," Itoshiki advised.

For better or worse, however, Gadget's spirits seemed almost as unsinkable as Kafuka-san's. "I guess I'll repair the Gummi ship, then leave you to scout this realm for the King while I try in another nearby realm," she mused aloud, rubbing her small chin. "As soon as I find him, I'd better take live samples from him to invent a King Mickey Universal Tracker Unit. That should be feasible…"

"Eeeeeehhhhh, wait there, galpal!" Misora said. "Whatever gave you the idea we'd be looking for that King of yours, when we still gotta find a way back to our world?!"

"And my father!" Negi cried.

"And Chachamaru!" Satomi added.

Gadget blinked. "I don't know what a Chachamaru is, but finding the King would be your best chance to achieve your other two goals. The King knows more than anyone else about travel between realms, and it would seem he knows far more about this Thousand Master fellow than I do, as well."

"You may have a point there, but still…" Asuna said doubtfully.

"What about this Yen Sid person you mentioned?" Negi urged Gadget. "You said he told your King about my father! Where is he?"

"Yen Sid is a wise mage who taught the King during his youth, although magic is too much of a nebulous and frankly overrated craft of dubious origins if you ask me," the tiny gadgeteer said, "but he's a hermit, and only the King himself knows where he resides. I'm afraid I can't help you find him, Professor."

Negi made a cascade of anguished sounds before pacing back and forth in the background. "Goshdarn it, why are wizards you're looking for so hard to find?-!-?-!"

"Golly," Gadget said, "the Professor is very volatile and angst-ridden for a child, isn't he?"

"No, actually, he's far too optimistic and careless," Itoshiki replied. The girls, with the sole exception of Ai, who only looked at the ground in silence, coughed loudly at that sentence.

"Hey, Mousey," Cid said, already taking his place at the truck's steering wheel, "do you plan on fixing that ship all by yourself? You're too damn small to do it alone!"

Gadget waved a hand. "Don't concern yourself! As long as I find suitable materials to work with, it shouldn't take me longer than a couple months! Now, could you point me the way to the nearest trashfill?"

"Well," Cid took a puff from his cigarette, "I'm damn good with machines, too. I can help you for the mere thrill of taking a good look at that thing."

"I'll help as well!" Skuld raised a hand. "I happen to be an expert at this subject! And all others as well!"

Chisame looked aside. "Hakase? By this point, shouldn't you eagerly offering yourself to tinker with that alien thing as well?"

"Chachamaru, Chachamaru, Chachamaru! Return to me immediately!" an oblivious Satomi was shouting to the sky, her back to the team. "Come back to mommy!"

Chisame sighed, forcefully grabbed her roommate by the shoulders, and spun her around, pushing her towards Gadget. "She'll help too. She's the best mechanic I've ever met, and really, she needs something to distract her mind at this time."

"What?" Hakase babbled. "What am I supposed to do while Chachamaru needs me? My little girl is out there all alone!"

"Don't you want to learn the secrets of interplanetary flight from an alien civilization, Satomi-chan?" Sakurako asked her.

"… it's what I've always dreamed," Hakase answered, "But couldn't I do it after we've found Chachamaru? She'll be all by herself in a strange place! That's a bad thing!"

"Don't start with that again!" Chisame told her. "Chachamaru will be back as soon as Evangeline gets over what she drank and comes back to her senses! Odds are they're just chilling back at the resort, and no one's going to get into a fight with Eva and her and walk away! So stop overreacting and get to work so we can get out of here, wherever here is!"

Pete chuckled darkly. "If me an' my Heartless couldn't get that old thing flying again, what chances do you little punks have?"

Chamo looked at Gadget. "Is Fatso supposed to be good with machines?"

"His wife once told us he couldn't even fix their oven without it blowing up on his face," Gadget shrugged.

"Darn that woman!" Pete shouted. "After I tried to steal a whole kingdom for her, is that how she repays me?"

"She never asked for that kingdom, Captain…" the mouse reminded him.

"Well, that's the only thing she never asked for!"

* * *

 _At the same time, back in another realm:_

"— a fantastic realm Negi has left behind, a realm currently under attack from the Forces of Evil, with no Star Butterfly-chan around to save it yet—"

Inugami Kotaro looked back without stopping, still running his tail off. "Now what are you babbling about?" he hissed, trying to keep his voice low. "If you don't have anything important to say, just shut up!"

"Sorry. I'm not good at that whole 'shut up' thing, except for that stupid movie where they took away my mouth, the bastards," confessed the man who had been running with him over the last few hours, ever since the truck bringing them from Kyoto had been violently taken off the road. The man was fully covered in red and black, his mask hiding even his eyes under large, Spider-Man-like black and white twin vertical ovals. His belt was loaded with enough pouches and gunholders to make an American comics artist from the nineties orgasm in joy, and two katanas were attached to his back in 'X' shaped holders. "Oh, give it a break, I think they figured my identity out already!"

Kotaro, frankly exasperated by now, shot him another harsh back glare. "Where did they teach you how to be a mercenary, Konoha? Stealth! Try it sometime!"

"But everybody is making a lot of noise, why can't I? That's unfair! I'm telling Eishun-sama, nyah!"

Kotaro shook his head to himself as he kept running through the wilderness of the Mahora mountains, on all fours to better stay mostly hidden between the tall grass. "Freaking gaijin."

"Be careful, you're starting to sound like Chigusa, although maybe a bit sexier..."

Now that made Kotaro stop abruptly, spin back on his heels, and shake a fist on the masked man's face. "What was that about, you freak?!"

The man held his gloved hands up. "Whoa, lighten up, pup! I'm not on your case! I like my men older, bigger, more Liefeldian, with whiter hair and more bionic arms. And I know you're saving yourself for Negi-kun..."

Kotaro's fist met the man's face. Hard.

"— I think the boy doth protest too much," the man mumbled to himself as Kotaro started running again through the mountain pass, under the watch of the black winged creatures that occasionally passed by, heading towards the same destination they were pursuing. Those beings, unlike the ones that had attacked their truck, seemed mostly oblivious to everything happening under them, but Kotaro still kept himself playing his run as safely as possible, under the circumstances.

They could hear the vague screams and commotion in the distance, and that only spurred Kotaro to move even faster, clenching his teeth. For some reason, the face of that silly girl with the thick bangs he had met at Kyoto kept coming back to his mind, even over that of his mission's target. That girl might have impressed him with the abilities she had gained, but he doubted she could hold her own under the present circumstances, much less her annoying, know-it-all powerless friend. And despite it, despite how little he normally cared about that kind of people, he... he couldn't help but hoping they were okay.

"Are you sure you're okay, pup?" the annoying man asked him as he moved behind him. "I almost can hear your internal narration from here."

"Shut up."

"Be honest with me. You want to keep me silent because you think I'm not Marvel enough? Because I'm too FOX for your WOLF liking? I'll tell you what, I might not be part of the MCU, but I'm still Marvelous all the same, and so I think I still fit this— never mind. I think I'm getting too... meta by now. It's making even me feeling bad. Maybe I should stop it for the next few paragraphs and just stay off-panel until... w-well, I guess the term 'off-panel' doesn't apply here, but..."

"I told you to shut up," Kotaro said, screeching to a halt as soon as he reached a clearing where he could look at the Mahora valley below them, now in full display to his awed eyes. Young as he was, he had seen a lot of really bad shit before, and yet what he was seeing now left him speechless. The dark creatures, airborne and terrestrial alike, were gathering around the place in even greater numbers than those they had displayed in Kyoto. "Oh. Geez."

"Oh geez indeedy!" Deadpool said as he came to a halt of his own at Kotaro's side. The smile tugged under the cloth of his mask. Katanas were pulled out with audible gleams. "Looks like we're really gonna earn this one, uh, pup? You'd better remember the Ojou-sama's scent really well, because odds are finding her, or what's left of her, will take us a while..."

Far above them, at the top of the hill they were at, a short, cloaked figure in black also looked down, and inwardly despaired for a moment.

Even the Thousand Master's world was being overrun by darkness now. Could he find the man in time, after all?

* * *

Ayase Yue, who was humble but never one prone to false modesty, thought she had coped very well with the jarring twists her life had experienced over the latest two months. Turns that included having her best friend and roommate becoming a hunter of magical cards– sorry, _captor_ – having herself engaged to an alien princess- who also was engaged to her second best friend's boyfriend- after grabbing her tail, and learning from said best friends their boy teacher was actually a mage from Wales. At this point, she half-expected to find out she wasn't a real person, but some kind of artificial magical human thingy. Yue, who had already had her share of weirdness in life that would have driven lesser girls insane, had decided to decline Haruna's offer to join said teacher's magical society, and was beginning to regret that refusal now.

Nodoka had been holding her steadily ever since they left the girls' dorm building, once it was clear enough the dark beings suddenly overrunning the place would leave them no exit but forcing Nodoka to use The Jump and leap through an open window with Yue. Since then, and for the last few minutes, they had been bouncing across the campus, heading towards the woods since, Nodoka had said, Evangeline-san would know what to do, and odds were Negi-sensei was with her.

This was probably all Haruna's fault somehow. She didn't know how, but it was most likely her fault.

Yue, whose mind often took intriguing detours while faced with a situation of danger, silently wondered why she was not taking any apparent internal damage with each massive jump Nodoka took. She supposed Nodoka's own magic took care of her body, but what about Yue's? Was it possible her friend's magical enhancement and/or shielding extended to Yue's own anatomy as long as Nodoka was in close contact with her? She would have to ask Kero-san about it later on. Though he probably didn't know. The little plushie seemed woefully ignorant on the echnical points regarding his charges.

"Wait!" the tiny flying plush lion shouted as his flight came to a stop just as they were reaching the old playing grounds, near the giant Emperor Penguin slide. "They have us surrounded!"

And it was true. The playground was currently deserted save for the shadow creatures swarming all over it, but there were dozens of those, and worst of it all, several of them were flying, flapping wide batlike wings as they hovered in place over those running across the ground and slinking around the swings and other attractions. Yue could hear the hard dry knot in Nodoka's throat, and she clung tighter to her. _"Nodoka,"_ she whispered. _"There's something I need to tell you. I lov—"_

Nodoka, seemingly ignoring her, descended towards a relatively safe spot and swiftly pulled out another card, hitting it with her wand while the monsters came closer. "Clow Card!" she shouted. "The Windy!"

A moment later, the spirit form of the Card's manifestation towered above the playground, and a strong burst of wind swatted the demons aside in all directions, momentarily clearing the way ahead. "C'mon, Yue!" Nodoka said, riding the staff and forcing Yue behind her, flying ahead in a straight line while Kero struggled to keep up with them.

However, one of the larger creatures, which was almost as tall as Nodoka, hissed and lunged ahead, reaching for her and managing to grab one of Nodoka's ankles. The Card Captor shrieked as the Heartless giggled madly and clawed up further, leaving red slashes across her leg while pulling itself up and Nodoka down…

Before she could fall taking Yue with herself, however, there was a dark blur, and something tackled the demon, smashing it down into the dirt before slashing at it with long, sharp claws and barking like a mad dog. While that didn't destroy the demon, it made it squirm free from the newcomer's grasp and scurry away into the bushes by the pathway, the smaller ones following it away in a hurry.

Nodoka gasped again, but this time with a smile, looking down from the staff, the single eye visible through her purple bangs gleaming. "I-I-Inugami Kotaro-kun!"

The boy rising from the ground dusted himself off and grinned up at Nodoka. "Yo, so you remember me, Pink Panties! And the Chibi-nee and the plushie haven't been killed yet, either! What a shock!"

"… hello, Inugami-san," Yue said, very dry. "Don't tell me you're behind this, too."

"Oh, woe is the life of a soldier for hire," said the masked man in red and black who was walking up to catch up to Kotaro, a katana soaked in black in each hand, startling the girls and Kero. "Anything bad happens, and people are so quick to assume you made it happen… when you usually only HELP to make it happen! Not this time, though. We're innocent as babes!" He brought his hands together and only lacked a golden halo briefly appearing over his head.

"You!" Nodoka said. "You're one of those bad guys who kidnapped Konoka-san!"

"Just like him, you mean?" Deadpool pointed at Kotaro. "Of course, not that I'm a cute Shotaro boy with dog ears and an adorable fluffy tail, so I guess that makes me more automatically evil."

"That, and you do kill," Kotaro told him.

"Well, yeah, if you want to get technical, there's that too."

"Glad we've settled that. We're on a probation emergency mission from Ojou-chan's father," Kotaro reported to the girls. "Several hours ago, these demons began appearing all over Kyoto, and Eishun-sama's forces have their hands full handling them. With no one else to resort to, they promised us a pardon and payment if we came here to make sure Ojou-chan's okay."

"So you know things are really, really crappy right now. Do you know where's Ayaka-chan now, too? I've been trying to call her, but…" Deadpool shrugged.

"Oh my," Nodoka gulped nervously. "I-I imagine Iinchou-san and Konoka-san are with Negi-sensei right now. F-From what Paru told me, they train daily over at Evangeline-san's house, and we were going there to see if—"

"I see," another voice said. "That's very valuable information. You have my gratitude."

Kotaro felt a chill running up his spine as he looked back, staring at the playground's fountain. A pale, petite figure in a boyish gray uniform was rising from the water, yet completely dry, her arms folded behind her back. "Sextum!" he pronounced the name as if they were a curse.

Sextum Averruncus nodded quietly. "And so, Princess Asuna is surely with them, as well. You can join our retrieval party if you wish, Inugami-san, Deadpool-san. Despite my partners' reservations against your personal quirks, I still believe your unique talents would be valuable traits for the ranks of Cosmo Entelecheia…"

"What the…" Yue began to say.

Kotaro raised a hand to stall her reaction, then asked Sextum, "Do you really think I'd help you anymore after this? I mean, this is hardly like last time. Now, these things you have brought in—"

"We don't know if she's brought them yet, buddy-boy," Deadpool pointed out.

Kotaro blinked, frankly surprised to hear him saying something that made sense. "Well, no, but who else could—?"

"I did indeed bring the Heartless both here and to Kyoto," Sextum nodded. "My associates are also spreading them over other key parts of this world as we speak."

"W-Well, then my point stands!" Kotaro pointed a finger at her. "These things, they're hurting and killing people, and I've got some standards, you, you witch!"

"We worked with Tsukuyomi," Deadpool happily reminded him.

"I didn't know she was a loony then!" Kotaro said.

"But they aren't killing anyone," Sextum said. "They are assimilating those in their wake, so their life essences can be remade elsewhere."

"What," Nodoka, Yue and Kero flatly said at the same.

"I would prefer explaining myself in the presence of Negi Springfield, if you don't mind," Sextum answered. "Could you please take me to him?"

Nodoka swallowed, then firmly gripped the handle of the red staff, while her bangs obscured the whole of her face. "I don't think so," she said in the sternest tone she could muster.

Sextum fought the momentary urge to check if she had any overdue library books to return. "I imagined that," the pale girl with short grayish hair nodded, then asked Deadpool, "How about you? You still have to give your answer."

Deadpool cocked his head aside. "Oh, decisions, decisions. You know, Sexy, I'd love to see what're you up to now, but I kinda gave my word to Tall, Handsome and All Scarred I'd carry on the mission he gave me with no double crosses, and a merc's only as good as his given word, ya know?"

Sextum nodded again. "I understand. It's actually nice to see you hold on to some moral standards after all, Deadpool-san."

"My friends call me Wade. Not that I consider you a friend of mine at all, but I still thought I should tell you."

"I appreciate that, as well," Sextum politely said, then outstretched a hand and bombarded them all with a barrage of sharp ice projectiles.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	5. King Mickey

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Four**.

* * *

Far from the first time ever, Kotaro could hear his mother's voice in his mind, nagging him over making a stupid decision. Surely, a clever guy would have played along with Sextum's offer, take her up on it to keep himself and the girls safe, and then waited for a chance to betray the bad guy—or gal— and save the day. But no, he had to be a stupid, Honor Before Reason hotblooded stubborn dog like his father…

On second thought, knowing he was going to die like his father almost made Kotaro happy. He was no Negi (and who was?), but he couldn't help admiring the man's memory, even if he wouldn't admit it outwardly. Ironically, in no small part due to his mother's stories.

All of that happened inside of Kotaro's issues-plagued mind in the blink of an eye that it took him to leap back, spinning in the airto shield Nodoka and Yue with his body… only to realize, as he closed his eyes, that he wasn't feeling multiple stabs into his chest, freezing him to death.

Kotaro landed back on his feet- despite being dog, not cat- while Nodoka, Kero and Yue gasped, and Deadpool feigned an over the top swooning coo. He saw another figure standing between them and Sextum, thrusting bony, long-nailed hands forward to project a magical energy shield before himself, blocking Sextum's projectiles in midair. "Headmaster-sensei!" Nodoka's cry confirmed the identity of the old person.

The elder remained where he was, but a blue eye under a bushy white eyebrow tilted back to nail itself on Nodoka's figure. "Miyazaki-kun. Fly away," Konoe Konoemon commanded.

"Great Elder of Kanto," Sextum bowed. "I'm honored my humble presence has merited your arrival, instead of your subordinates'."

Konoemon chuckled as he dropped the shield, and the ice daggers fell to the ground, only freezing parts of the sand. "To see these creatures again, after so long… which puppeteer is tugging on your strings now, young lady? This never was Cosmo Entelecheia's way, but that of—"

"I'm under a vow of secrecy on the subject, I'm afraid," she said. "I hope you will understand." Then she made head gestures towards Nodoka and Yue, who were frozen in fear if not in reality. "Good girls should be disciplined enough as to obey their seniors' commands. Flee."

"The same goes for you, lads," Konoemon added, slowly slamming each foot on the ground, spreading his legs slightly open. "Is Eishun alive?"

"Last time we saw 'im he was up to his neck in those videogame mook thingies, but… if you ask me, he looked livelier than ever, slashin' away at left and right like me on my sixth birthday…" Deadpool replied with a fancy sigh at the end.

"Ah, then he's okay," Konoemon nodded. "Now go!"

"But—!" Nodoka said.

"GO!" Konoe repeated.

"Teen Titans!" Deadpool chuckled while jumping ahead down the road, katanas spinning in the air. After a moment, Kotaro nodded at Nodoka, and the rest of them followed the masked merc down as fast as they could.

Sextum sighed. "I find this scene to have been rather archetypical."

Konoemon calmly readied his arms into a fighting posture. "Oh? Would you happen to be a student of fictional narrative, perhaps?"

"As the most advanced model, I was designed to be the closest to standard human behavior," she slowly reached over with an arm, "although I have to admit perhaps my third brother's got an edge in that regard so far, brought from his longer immersion amongst humans."

Then she, as she had expected, felt the lightning fast miniature cuts of the air around her, as the paper charms that had just flown from the old man's sleeves surrounded her from every angle, growing sharp and sinking into the ground. Instantly, the barrier cage was projected around her, and Konoemon slammed his hands together, concentrating as fire erupted within the barrier's limits, engulfing Sextum. She barely smiled, and before the flames could do anything but sting her clothes, she altered the water molecules in the air, turning all in her proximity into liquid that gently doused the fire.

Next thing she knew, the old man had slammed a foot on her chest. An interesting kick, no doubt a personal development born from Chinese kenpo roots. She pondered congratulating him for a moment, but as she grabbed his leg and twisted it around, she decided he could find the mixture of actions and words insincere and insulting. People tended to react that way about compliments thrown during violent physical contact, she had learned, even if the reasons still eluded her. Humans. Go figure.

With her hands busy, he spun, ignoring the pain, and kicked her in the face, sending her neck slightly back. She released the leg, which still remained functional enough, and blocked his next punch. It seemed he was banking on his barrier keeping her restricted enough as to allow him impact her with purely physical contact.

Still, he didn't seem too disappointed or shocked when she simply punched through the barrier, pulling herself out. He was not underselling her, after all. "Thanks," she said, with a slight nod, before deciding to match words with actions this time, and honor him by countering with martial arts rather than spellwork. Maybe she could assimilate new data in an area where Tertium still outclassed her.

She advanced with a calculated combination of several styles' moves, including Karate and Capoeira, to keep him guessing and confused. His blocks were very solid, but mostly insufficient to repel her, and before long he found himself being driven back by her, forced into the defensive with no time or room to retaliate. He had been hoping that, by forcing her to fight up close, she wouldn't resort to long range magic, an area where Cosmo Entelecheia's creations clearly would surpass him easily, but…

"I think by now they should have reached their destination. Thank you," Sextum said then, just lifting a hand and creating a massive sphere of ice and snow right over the old man. One she then brought down on him, crushing his hastily prepared defense shield, and burying him under a giant cloud of howling blizzard. Once the cloud dissipated, she quietly looked at the figure encased into a small hill of ice left in its place, and bowed deeply to it. "You will be remembered fondly," she promised before quickly moving down the path, following the trail of the youngsters and the insane man.

* * *

A very short while after, two other figures, arriving from another section of the campus, stopped by the playground, pausing in shock before Konoemon's frozen frame.

"I can't believe it," said the young woman in the tight red sweater and short black skirt. She sounded like a very large gem had just been stuck into her throat. "Who could have… done this to the Headmaster? He was supposed to be one of the strongest mages in the world…! Not a magus, but still capable." The shorter figure in the purple hat, mask and cape approached the ice mountain, touching it carefully with the tips of his fingers. "He might still be alive," he observed cautiously. "It's just ice. I've seen spellcraft that freezes its victims in life before. Plus stuff like this used to happen to me all the time."

"Seriously?" Rin asked. "Where…?"

"Let's just say I used to date an actual witch, and leave it at that," the duck muttered, feeling the back of his neck crawl. "Anyway," he looked down the small road and the varied footprints scattered all over its surface, "I believe our culprits went that way. You should head back, Rin. See if Sakura's okay…"

"I left her in good hands," Tohsaka Rin said, voice tightening. "Come on. I wouldn't be worthy of my title as a Master if I'd let you do all the work."

The Vigilante rolled his eyes as he began moving after the trail. "You won't be of any use to me or anyone if you get yourself killed, 'Master'. And besides…"

"And besides," Rin completed, walking right behind him, shiny gems between her fingers, "Konoe Konoemon was one of the few actual and honest friends my father had. He could have kicked us out after my family fell from grace, but he always had a place for Sakura and me in Mahora. If he's been killed… I want to be there to avenge him," she coldly finished. For some bizarre reason, she had to fight off a sudden urge to put on a mask, cape, and sexy tights.

Her Servant exhaled in exasperation, but just nodded his tacit acceptance. Crazy girl would probably just use a Command Spell on him if he tried to reject her help. She had been nearly over the edge since the mysterious attacks had started, but then again, he didn't feel he could really blame her.

"Do you think Servants might be involved in this?" Rin asked him as they followed the unknown. "Kirei told me stories, about the Fourth War and a Caster who summoned abominations unto Fuyuki City…"

"I can't feel Servants anywhere nearby," Vigilante shook his head, "but that only makes the situation more dangerous. We're facing an enemy unlike anything I've ever met before. Then again, I welcome that, yep, yep, yep. As I used to say…"

A wide smile tugged on the corners of his beak-like mouth. Which was a beak. An orange duck beak.

"Let's get dangerous!"

* * *

 _Meanwhile!_

Since there was no point on everyone staying by the Gummi Ship while it was being repaired, the non-fighter members of Negi's crew had retreated back with Aerith-san and their prisoner (whom they had locked up in a basement until a better arrangement could be found. Chisame decided against asking about the 'Leon was here' graffitti on the basement's walls). Skuld had estimated the repairs would take another day or so, and in the meantime the frontline fighters would stand guard over them in the event more enemies might arrive.

"All I'm saying is," Chisame was arguing now, sitting next to a tea-sipping Aerith and across from Makie and Yuuna back at Cid's hideout in Traverse Town, "if they call him Goofy, they're the insensitive ones, aren't they? Why do I get called out on it just because I point it out? What kind of friends allow their friends go through life being called 'Goofy' anyway? That's like, I can't think of a good example..."

"Like calling someone 'Baka Pink'?" Makie asked.

Chisame flinched. "Hey, we weren't friends," she said lamely.

"I thought you liked being Baka Pink?" Yuuna asked, drenching a piece of bread that was too hard for her comfort into her cup.

"And I'm sure that guy likes being called 'Goofy' too," Makie reasoned, "because even I know no one who got to be the Captain of a Royal Guard would let people call them names they don't like without busting the teeth of those calling them like that. And Gadget-chan has all her teeth in their place."

Aerith put her cup down. "What does 'Baka' mean?"

"Idiot," Makie replied. "Though I heard it means 'cow' in some countries down south."

"And why do they call you that? Because you've been the smartest person through this whole conversation."

"Hey!" Chisame protested.

"I get bad grades." Makie shrugged. "Like Yuuna-chan said, I like the name. I think it's cute! Never tell my Homura-mama they call me that, though, or everybody in my classroom will lose their teeth..."

* * *

"N-No way," Nodoka gasped while she, Yue, Kero, Kotaro and Deadpool stopped in front of where Evangeline's cottage used to be. Now the only thing left at the site was a large, charred hole in the ground, around as big as the cabin had been. "P-P-Paru! N-N-Negi-sensei…!" and she fainted back into Yue's arms, the smaller girl's knees wobbling and barely keeping her standing.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Kero asked, flying in circles over the burnt patch of ground. "You never visited her that much, did you?"

"Only once, when we came to give Evangeline some homework after she and Chachamaru-san skipped classes… but I'm pretty certain this was the exact site!" Yue gulped.

Kotaro sniffed the air. "No blood or charred flesh around, and I can't see any signs of a destroyed house either. Now this is weird."

"Said by the half-dog demon hybrid, folks," Deadpool said.

"Hey, Chibi, you sure she just didn't move away?" Kotaro asked Yue. "Because I can see a witch doing this to her former place of residence. All the better to not leave any tracks or clues behind."

"The runt's right this once, Yue," Kero flew down to Ayase's eye level. "If the enemy'd gotten to them first, then that girl wouldn't have asked us for this location…"

"Well thought, servant of Clow Reed," Sextum said quietly, appearing on the narrow road behind them, and surprising them all. She only walked towards them at a sedate pace. "It would seem you are as ignorant as I am on this subject, so I suppose there's little of a point to start a new battle you couldn't win."

"What, what did you do to Headmaster Konoe?" Yue stuttered.

"He gave me no choice but to freeze him," Sextum answered. "Rest assured he is alive, and if I placed him in a block of ice rather than turning him into an ice statue, it was to lessen the chances of someone shattering him. However—"

"You, you did what?!" a livid Yue backed away, dragging Nodoka's limp frame with her. Then she shook her head. "F-Forget it, that was a dumb stock question…"

Sextum nodded. "Now, I won't repeat my prior offer, but I am still willing to spare you if you can guide me to another possible location of Kagurazaka Asuna and Negi Springfield…"

" _Pearl!"_ yet somebody else cried, and a vaguely spherical blast of light came out of the woods, hitting Sextum's feet and knocking her back into a bush. She instantly leaped back to a fighting stance, as she and the others saw a small hooded figure fully clad in black step out from between the trees, holding a massive key-shaped instrument in a hand that was gloved in starkly contrasting white. The metallic object was almost taller than its petite wielder, and yet they gave no sign of any physical strain as they pointed with it towards Sextum. "Don't you dare move, Ma'am! The rest of you, move behind me! You can't help this girl… or everything might be lost!"

"… dude, are you high on helium?" Deadpool asked. "Congratulations, your voice has single-handledy turned this scene from Badass to Narmy…"

"Say what?" the newcomer seemed confused, as the two students and Kotaro nonetheless quickly obeyed them. "Oh… forget it!" He kept brandishing the giant key towards Sextum. "Go tell your masters you'll never prevail! The power of darkness will never win!"

"You just can't stop with the Narm, can you?" Deadpool asked before realizing there was a long, thin, black tail coming from the back of the stranger's clothes. "Oh great, we've just been saved by a furry cosplayer, to boot! Yoink!" he chuckled goofily, grabbing on the tailing and pulling hard on it.

The mysterious stranger shrieked in pain.

"This better not be a Devilukean, Mercenary-san," Yue said, "or you're in for a world of trouble. Although you might just not care, come to think about it…"

"L-Leave the tail alone, willya?!" the stranger moved it away from their reach. "Now, as for you, Ma'am…"

Sextum flicked a wrist and sent a few ice darts towards the stranger. However, almost as quickly, the strange new arrival just deflected them all with a turn of his key, so they landed amidst several nearby trees, freezing their roots. "Impressive," she blandly said. "So this is a 'Keyblade'. They were right; it mustn't be allowed to be used against us. However, I wonder," she said, gesturing around so the air around them was filled with dozens and dozens of ice projectiles, all hovering towards the heroes-antiheroes-unknown factors, "will even it be enough to block all of these at once?"

" _Stopza,"_ was all the cloaked figure said then, and Sextum herself froze… not wrapped in ice, but simply being forced into a still position, as were her intended weapons. Nodoka, who was coming back to her senses, gasped as she saw her just standing her, perfectly immobile.

"Wha-What is going on…?" the shy librarian began, before this short person in black she'd never seen before silenced her with a squeaky hiss.

"Stopza won't last long," they said. "Let's move away quickly. From what I've heard about these beings, I can't defeat one of 'em one-on-one…"

"Hey," Kotaro grunted, "not that we're not grateful for the help, Shorty…"

"He's just as tall as you," Kero observed.

"I'm eleven, dumbass!" Kotaro barked. "Anyway, I'm not going anywhere with you as long as I can't see the face under that hood! I learned that the hard way, pal!"

Deadpool visibly raised an eyebrow under the mask.

"It's not that, you filthy minded freak!" Kotaro protested.

The stranger sighed. "Okay. But please don't be alarmed. I believe you don't have many who are like me in this world, so…"

And then he pulled the hood back, and revealed, to everyone's awe, a mostly black head with a shiny black nose and a pair of big, perfectly round ears…

"Oh my gosh, this is so cool and so fancy and so out of a Don Bluth Acid Sequence!" Deadpool squealed girlishly. "You are… Mighty Mouse! _Here I come, to save the day…!_ "

The others looked at him.

"Okay… do I get a second guess? Jerry, is that you? You sure are smaller in the cartoons…"

* * *

"We should be safe here for the time being," the giant mouse said, taking his hand off the door he had been applying a spell on, using the huge key much like Negi would use his staff. He then sat on the floor before the others tightly crammed into the small tool shed in the woods, one the Mahora forest rangers and surveillance staff like Mana and Setsuna made use of during their patrols. "I've just sealed and cloaked us from detection over the next few… hours, I estimate. My name, then, is—"

"Speedy Gonzales!" Deadpool enthusiastically said. "Ricky Rodent! Itchy the Mouse! Danger Mouse! Little Cheese from the Zoo Crew! Rattrap!"

"—Mickey Mouse, king of the Timeless Lands," the rodent patiently said, "and I'm looking for a man named Nagi Springfield, the Thousand Master. That girl back there, she mentioned a Negi Springfield, is that—"

"N-Nagi the Thousand Master is the father of N-Negi Springfield-sensei, our teacher, sir…" Nodoka stuttered, "b-but he's been missing for years… Negi-sensei has devoted his life to finding him, but... but with little success so far…"

"It can't be," the bipedal mouse's mouth hung slightly open. "I, I had been told he was a hero without peer, how could he…?"

"Has anyone ever told you your ears look the same from all angles?" Deadpool asked, his head circling all around Mickey's. "It's actually kinda creepy…"

"Oh dear, I wasn't expecting to find him immediately, but this…" he lowered the key a little, his grip quivering ever so slightly. "Yen Sid. I must go back to Master Yen Sid, he'll know what to do, there's no time to look elsewhere…"

"Oi, Ears," Kotaro groaned, "what's so unique about Negi's pops anyway? Yeah, I heard he was a great hero, but this world has no shortage of those, and neither does Mundus Magicus."

"Mundus Magicus?" King Mickey asked.

"Yeah, well, that's where you come from, right?" the dog-boy asked. "I can tell, just by looking at you, you ain't from Okinawa."

"I think… I come from a place you aren't even aware of," the talking rodent confessed. "All around my realm, the stars have been going off, and there've been omens… well, I was told I'd need to find the Thousand Master, he who knows one thousand spells, and he'd help me find the balance between the worlds…"

"I'd ask you what have you been smokin', pal," Deadpool said, "but looks like what I smoke is better anyway, since a giant mouse is talkin' to me."

"Oh!" Mickey blinked. "If you can't help me find the Thousand Master, can you point me towards Clow Reed? Yen Sid told me they'd studied together, and…"

"I'm sorry to tell you, mister," Kero said, "but Clow Reed was my master, and he's been dead for a few decades now…"

Mickey paled again, made as if to bash himself on the head with his key, then stopped himself from doing so, shaking his head in dismay.

"So, about those monsters," Yue said, trying to keep herself calm, "why are they here? What do they want from us?"

"Heartless," Mickey brought his hands together. "That's what they're called. They go from one world to another, stealing the hearts of all those they find, and plunging them into darkness. They are almost impossible to destroy unless one wields very powerful magic, like this," he said, lifting the key effortlessly. "The Keyblade, given to me by my master…"

"Yen Sid?" Kero said. "I remember Master Clow telling me about him once, but other than some clumsy apprentice who messed around with enchanted brooms, he never mentioned Yen Sid had any disciples…"

"Eeehhh… ah-ha-ha, I was that apprentice," Mickey sheepishly said.

"Figures," Kero sighed.

"You're a flying keychain for girls, I don't think you can think of anyone else as pathetic," Kotaro pointed out.

"Mind your own business, thug!" Kero yelled at him.

"No, really, that fancy conversation piece?" Deadpool asked. "Are you for real, Magical Talking Mouse from a Fantasy Alternate World? Wait, I just answered myself, didn't I?"

"Well, you just saw what he did to Sextum, didn't you?" Kotaro asked in turn. "And we're well aware of how damn strong she is!"

"Language," King Mickey and Nodoka said at once.

 _Somewhere, Captain America pointedly did not sneeze._

"That girl you fought…" Yue said. "She tried to kidnap our classmate Konoka a couple months ago, so she could use Konoka's power to help a witch summon a much bigger demon. Might it be they've taken Konoka again, and used her to bring this upon Mahora?"

"Chernabog?!" Mickey all but screamed.

"I beg your pardon?" Yue blinked.

"That demon, could it have been Chernabog, the ultimate manifestation of evil in our world?!" Mickey quickly demanded.

"Ah, no, that was another demon," replied Deadpool. "What was his name again? Anyway, it had several arms and several faces, all of them ugly, an' it was a tad stupid, he never did anything but roaring and getting frozen… and anyway, in this world the ultimate manifestation of evil is named Stephanie Meyer!"

The two librarians shuddered. "Never bring that name again in our presence," Yue warned.

"Okay, sorry, Shorty," Deadpool raised his hands. "No need to get all icy at me. Why, I can feel the room's temperature literally going down…"

Kotaro tensed up. "Um, Your Mouse-jesty… you did say this cloakin' of yours would hold on for a few hours, right?"

Mickey clenched his teeth while standing up and readying the Keyblade. "Then again, one can never know for sure when dealing with the unknown. She's good at being bad, I'll give her that."

Nodoka and Yue looked at the walls, which were being quickly covered by a thin layer of ice seeping in from the outside, and thickening at a fast pace. "She found us," Nodoka said, reaching for The Create. Despite of her previous attempts to write 'Take all the evil things away' and 'Create a giant dragon that eats all the evil things' failing for some reason even before they met Kotaro-kun, forcing them to flee, she knew The Create remained, in theory, her best trump card against overwhelming odds, and she was willing to give it another try…

"Brace yourselves," King Mickey warned, aiming the Keyblade towards the shed's door, and then blasting it open.

* * *

 _Meanwhile!_

"It's sort of funny, you know," Negi mused as he looked at his cards, "how one is always learning new things about people, even those we thought we already had learned everything there was to know..."

"What's wrong about keeping a deck of cards on oneself at all times?" Setsuna asked. "I do a lot of patrolling with Mana-san, and while we both know better than to play cards in the line of duty, it always sharpens your mind to distract yourself for a while after you're done..."

Negi blinked, truly perplexed. "Seriously?"

Setsuna nodded. "Just make sure to never bet any money with her. Then she WILL win no matter what, no matter how utterly impossible and illogical the odds."

"Oh my God," Asuna looked up from her own hand. "You ARE more of a workaholic than Setsuna-san, sensei! How comes Chisame hasn't kicked the concept of post-duty entertainment into your mind?!"

Negi seemed half-scared of her reaction, half-unsure of what did she mean to start with. "Um, well. That's a matter for another time, I guess, although right now, we technically still are on watch duty. Maybe we should stop doing this and be more alert in the event—"

"Why, oh why, would anyone need to keep paying attention when I can keep doing it?!" Haruka's voice loudly came from the top of the tree she was sitting on. "After all, I'm well used to doing all the actual job others negligeet, from years suffering under Fujino's shadow! Not that I'm complaining, since I love doing it anyway, like I'm doing now...!"

"The right word is 'neglect', even I know that," Asuna muttered, pondering what to do about the hand she'd been dealt, "and really, Vice Prez, if you want to play with us, you only have to ask, I'd be glad to teach—"

"I don't want to! The sight of this godforsoothen place from here is absolutotally wonderful! I can see the ruins of monster-ravaged towns in all their grim spleendor!" Haruka's voice forcefully sing-sang.

Asuna sighed. "Suit yourself."

"Either way, I'm not in the line of duty for the moment," Setsuna grimly said. "My duty is to look after Konoka-Ojou-sama, and she's back at Traverse Town, so I'm already indulging in an unforgivable transgression as it is, and what difference does it make adding a game of cards?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Asuna said.

"Language," Negi said reflexively.

 _Somewhere, Captain America pointedly did not sneeze._

"Setsuna-san, this is part of your duty as well! If the smart guys don't get this thing flying, we might stay stuck in this weird place forever!" Asuna continued, pointing at the nearby Gummi ship, filled with the frantic sounds of heavy manual work inside. "Do you want that, huh, huh?"

Setsuna thought it over, pondering a long succession of mental images of herself and Konoka growing happily old and gray together away from the prejudiced eyes of modern civilization, and ended up just biting her lower lip, hissing under her breath, and coloring her pale cheeks with a deep reddish shade.

"... you'd better not be thinking about what I think you are..." a half-livid Asuna said, right before the sound of an explosion from inside the ship startled them all.

"We're okay!" Skuld's voice happily said. "We've just successfully calibrated the energy transference from the core rerouter to the hyperspace accelerator!"

Another explosion ensued, making the ground tremble, and one of the ship's wings fell down.

"We can fix that!" Satomi's voice promised. "Rather easily, at that!"

"That," Setsuna said, "is why I don't trust any flying conveyance that doesn't grow from my back. Also, queens full," she added, laying her cards down.

"Suddenly it seems having all our mad scientists working on the same project might not be such a good idea…" Asuna mused.

* * *

"Well, there should be no problem, right?" Deadpool asked as the shed's door came slowly falling off its hinges, its ice-covered surface shattering on contact with the ground outside. "Just hit 'er again with that time-freezing spell, and voila…!"

"I can't do that too often," Mickey said in a low voice out of a corner of his mouth, stepping out to face Sextum, who now was flanked by several dozens of small Heartless. "If I do it, a nice Guardian of Time lady with a very long staff comes down and threatens to kill me. Not that I blame her, it's her job after all…"

The Heartless immediately rushed forward, but even before Mickey could strike at them, Nodoka finished what she had been writing on the pages of The Create, and several large battering rams appeared out of thin air, slamming the Heartless far away. Two even larger rams surrounded Sextum and tried to smash her between both, but she only punched each one aside, breaking it into many tiny pieces.

"Okay, to hell with the Disney principles, it's time for some bloodletting!" Deadpool pulled twin handguns out, aiming at Sextum and letting the lead fly. Not that it did much, since Sextum easily flipped around in the air, pirouetting past Mickey and kicking the Merc with a Mouth on the face, as she casually swung a fist aside, catching Kotaro in the nose and breaking it before he could react. "Okay, that worked as well as it should've, yeah, I'm an idiot…" Deadpool muttered, landing on his butt and rubbing his face with the back of a hand.

King Mickey swung the Keyblade at her, and while Sextum blocked it with an ice-covered elbow, the force still made her reel back on her feet. She blocked his next strike as well, but much to her surprise, it did actually hurt. Pain was something she was not used to, out of a few of her sparring sessions with her brothers and Lord Dynamis, but she assimilated the mostly alien sensation rather well. She countered with a kick, but now it was his time to block with the Key. It was then when she realized something. "You rely exclusively on your weapon. Without it, you should be no threat."

"Good luck takin' it away from me," he smiled, now sending a flurry of quick jabs with the Keyblade, one of which actually impacted on her chest and made her stagger a few steps back. _"Pearl!"_ he repeated the earlier spell, unwilling to show more of his repertoire just yet. In combination with the hit he had just landed, it sent her crashing against the shed, while Yue, Nodoka, Kotaro, Deadpool and Kero all gathered behind him, on the road, ready to either help him or retreat.

"Mike, do y'think we can take her down?" Deadpool asked. "Or is it too early into the storyline for that?"

Sextum rose back to her feet, raised a hand, and sent an onslaught of ice flechettes towards Mickey, who moved his arm extra fast to stop them all, with flashes of light that seemed to spark from the Keyblade. "I'm not sure yet," he confessed. "But either way, I think we're wasting our time here…"

"Just think, if we kill her now," Deadpool mused, "the next bosses will be even more fucked up. We'll have motherfucking Kefka in the next stage, and in the third one, who knows if we'll have Xehan—"

Before the sentence could be completed and the sense of internal narrative and continuity could be further threatened, another voice called out from above, "I am the terror that flaps in the night…!"

King Mickey blinked, now standing his ground against Sextum herself, who had just rushed ahead to push against his key before he could cast Stopza again. "That voice…"

"I'm the unexpected Class that foils your Great Grail evil dreams…!" the voice continued.

"Holy chichimanga, it's Jim Cummings! We're saved!" Deadpool cried joyfully.

"I am…" a small purple figure dropped from the trees between them, "The Vigilante!"

Mickey blinked again. "What."

"… a duck," Yue blandly said.

"Okay, what's next? A barbarian aardvark? Stripper pole dancing cat? Fox fighter pilot? Ninja turtle with nunchakus? Leather-clad biker rat from Mars? Oh please say it's the stripper pole dancing cat…" Deadpool began jumping up and down on a leg.

Dramatically standing with his fists on his hips, the masked duck in the hat and jacket directly addressed King Mickey, his long purple cape flapping in the cold breeze. "Okay, Black-Clad rodent, that's enough! I don't know how you could come here from Mundus Magicus, but it's time to take your shadow minions away and leave these poor children alone!"

"I'm not a child! I have a gun license and a hot blond girlfriend and everything!" Deadpool petulantly whined.

Sextum and Mickey had stopped momentarily, staring at the newcomer while deciding what to do about him. "Ah… I think there's been a mistake here, mister," Mickey said. "You see, this young lady here, she's the one who's been—"

"Oh, sure, the black clad denizen from another world has nothing to do with the black creatures from another world, it's the fault of the young human girl," Vigilante said as he casually punched back a Heartless trying to sneak on him from the bushes. "Sure thing, sure thing!"

"But it **is** her fault," Nodoka said.

"She's admitted it and everything," Yue added.

Sextum nodded. "I am, indeed, in charge of this invasion operation."

"… oh," the duck said. Then he pointed a gun with a short, thick barrel at her. "And so you've played into my carefully laid hand, young delinquent! Now that you've admitted your guilt, you'll come peacefully with me to the Principal's office! Well, the acting Principal's, anyway, since someone turned the Principal into a popsicle…"

"I think we have a Vice-Principal, don't we?" Nodoka asked Yue.

Yue shrugged. "Honestly, I never had bothered to think about it..."

"This is far too… silly," Sextum said. "It seems somewhat unfair. Primum and Secundum got to fight the great heroes of Ala Rubra, why must I be delayed by this nonsense?" She sighed and then waved her fingers around, making several huge geysers of water sprout from the ground everywhere around her, sending her opponents flying around in all directions.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	6. Saint Canard

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Five**.

* * *

"—no, Bugs, I'm never going sky diving with you ever again..." a groggy Mickey muttered, then shook his head to clear his mind, propelling himself up with his Keyblade while regaining his full awareness and dearly hoping he hadn't spent too long passed out after hitting his head against that trunk...

"Tien Shin Han!" Deadpool shouted as Sextum flung Kotaro against the ground, right after frustrating the inu's attempt to leap on her from behind.

"Oh dear," Mickey gasped.

"Krillin!" Deadpool said while the masked duck, after shooting a cartridge of purple gas at Sextum, had the gas turned into fine snow that fell harmlessly with a single wave of Sextum's hand. In a blink, she punched him in the stomach and sent him away as well.

"Hold on there, lil' pal," Mickey gasped, seeing the boy was badly hurt, and kneeling at his side to start applying a Curaga spell on him. Judging from how badly wrecked their surroundings were, it was clear they had been fighting for several minutes while he was unconscious. "You'll be okay, I promise!"

"Dumbass, protect... the girls... Kotaro groaned, trying to get up. "She wanted to take your stupid Key, and they got in the way, so I had to..."

"Yamcha!" Deadpool shouted now; after trying to apply a wind blast at Sextum, Nodoka had been foiled when, without missing a beat, the Averruncus of Water simply swatted a hand aside and, without even touching Nodoka, sent a burst of compressed air strong enough to ripple through Miyazaki's attack and make her fall back. Yue rushed to her side, beginning to forcefully drag her away despite of Nodoka's attempts to rejoin the fray.

Mickey stood back while Kotaro blinked in surprise and touched all over his own torso, finding the bruises and wounds all gone. "I see. Thanks for protecting the Kingdom Key then. I'll take over from here... Kotaro-kun, wasn't it?"

"Chaotzu!" Deadpool shouted next, while a girl of dark twin-tailed hair whom Mickey hadn't seen anywhere before being knocked out was also batted away, rather easily, after trying to ambush Sextum from a distance with a series of blasts of dark energy shot from her fingers.

"Hey," Kotaro reached for Mickey's sleeve and tugged back on it, "if ganging up together on her won't work, what makes you think you'll—"

The mouse shook his hand off without even looking back. "I'm not sure. But I still gotta try."

"And I guess that makes me Ooolooooooong!" Deadpool chanted while he, himself, was flung far away after trying to stab Sextum from the back. "Why can't I be Goku? _Why can't I be Goku?!_ "

Mickey fell in the standard 'dramatic ass-kicking' pose that was standard issue with each Keyblade. "Ma'am!" he yelled. "It's me you want! So let's settle this one on one and leave 'em out of it!"

"I would be perfectly okay with it," Sextum nodded towards him pausing as everyone else around them paused in their moaning attempts to recover. "However, I don't think they'll be convinced to retreat until they are either unconscious or dead. Perhaps they would listen to you?"

Mickey looked at Vigilante, trying to remember where he had seen him before. Then he looked at the back of the hand of the girl he was helping up, and then he understood. Lifting a hand for a moment, gesturing for Sextum to wait, he asked Rin, "Are you a Master? My teacher told me, in this world, there are humans who use Magecraft to summon spirits from the secret realm between worlds."

Sextum listened with curiosity at the exchange, eager to learn more about the secrets of the other worlds. She was fairly reassured about the manageable threat level posed by all those present, so she stood and paid attention, nonetheless casting a passive barrier around herself.

Rin blinked. "Are you... from Vigilante's homeworld? Vigilante, is this someone you knew in life?"

"Never seen him before," Vigilante growled, dusting himself off grandly. "Don't get any closer to him, Rin."

"We aren't from the same world," Mickey extended the Keyblade towards them, "but close enough. You know Scrooge, don't you?"

It was Vigilante's turn to blink in surprise. "Scrooge... Mc Duck? Where—"

The King smiled. "I thought so. With you here, I can open a Door. As long as the keyhole in your heart remains."

"What in the world are you talking about?" Rin asked, pulling the last handful of gems she had on her out. "I don't like your tone, you... you... whatever you are, rat or..."

The King sighed and kept his weapon at held at a middle level. "I haven't ever tried this before," he warned, "but going from what Yen Sid told me, it might just work. _Let silver and steel be the essence. Let the dreams and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. Let the four cardinal gates open. Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdoms rotate!"_

He looked back, sure Sextum would be attacking him now, and hoping the others could stall her just long enough to...

But no. She was not even moving. As it happened, she seemed even willing to let it all transpire, and then he knew perhaps he had made a mistake. He had just shown her a way to open more doors. However, what was done already was done. He couldn't back away from the proccess now.

"What is he babbling?" a confused Kotaro asked.

"I don't know either," Rin confessed. "It sounds like a Servant summoning, but what's the point of..." Then she saw Vigilante taking a hand to his chest and gasping in pain, and she paled. There seemed to be a faint, small light coming off his torso now, barely peeking out through his jacket, vaguely shaped like a... "No way!" Rin gasped, her skin crawling. "No! Vigilante!"

 _"Into the Seventh Heaven, ruled by the Seven Princesses, fly back forth into the ring of restraint, Protector of the Balance! Let what once was be remade! Listen to me, listen to my decree! Herald the pass of the King and his Troop!" Mickey shouted, as the air all above the clearing was filled with lightning and loud crackling, and in the second that followed, before anybody could think or react to stop him... he dashed again, eye_ s closed, teeth clenched. And rammed the Keyblade into the perfectly shaped form shining from the gasping and dying Servant's chest.

"Forgive me, pal. I'll be seein' you," the King said in a low, regretful voice, before the light of the Heroic Spirit and that of the Key came together, and then everything everywhere became pure whiteness.

The last thing anyone heard was Deadpool's indignant voice saying, "You're Ultimate Mickey, aren't you?-! Because only an Ultimate asshole would... !"

* * *

Sextum lowered her left arm, which she had just been using to shield her eyes and face from one of the most powerful and violent emanations of magic she had ever witnessed. She was not surprised at all to find everybody around her gone, and the ground marked the same fashion as the former location of Mc Dowell's cottage.

She doubted the children and the ani-men had been vaporized by the release, although she would not outright discard the possibility either. As things stood, however, she had not achieved anything but collecting some interesting, but probably useless for now data. She had failed to locate the Twilight Princess, but if her current guess was correct, she could delegate that onto another of the agents currently deployed elsewhere.

"Well," a voice said from behind her. "You could say the situation exploded in your face, couldn't you? I guess those fellas had a shorter fuse than they looked. But at least you don't seem to have in too deep shit just yet..."

Her expression showed no emotion as she turned back. "I don't answer to either of you, and if anything, it would be the other way around. So please spare me useless commentary on a rather serious chain of events. And start justifying your inclusion in this advance party."

"Oh, poo," the person who had just spoken to her made a face, as the much shorter person standing next to him giggled girlishly. "You know, Sexy, seeing as destiny brought us together, literally, you shouldn't fight your intense feelings for us. Embrace them, Ice Queen! The incoming brouhaha will depend on emotions, and you have a lot to catch up on in that regard...!"

Sextum just stared up at him in a flat, stoic silence.

The pale man standing next to Tsukuyomi licked his wide red lips, then placed a hand holding a Joker card on one of his chalk white cheeks. "You don't get it yet, do you?" he asked. "Maybe it's my fault for once. Maybe I haven't expressed myself all that well. But I can't help it! This whole Disney saccharine-feeling theory ain't my style. After all... I've always been more of a Warner boy!"

* * *

The first thing Tohsaka Rin did after regaining consciousness what she thought had been seconds after was to look all around for her stupid, useless, pitiable, poor, actually rather noble, not a Saber of a Servant. She saw all the other idiots who had been fighting the strange pale intruder scattered around her, including the mouse-thing in black who had attacked Vigilante, but there was no sight of Vigilante himself anywhere.

Panicking, Rin looked at the back of her hand, and found it fair and clear, free from any Command Seal marks. Gasping in horror, she quickly spun to face the recovering rodent creature, who was coming back to his feet as well. "Is everyone okay," the monstrosity began asking with that freakish squeaky voice, "I think we made it, but—"

"YOU SCUMMY MURDERER!" Rin slapped him across the face, leaving a large red mark on his cheek. It was true she had brought the Vigilante into a bloody and brutal chain of battles to the death, but her intention had always been to keep him alive as long as she could (except for those intense but rare moments when he would piss her off too much), and she always knew she would lash out at anyone who ever managed to kill him much like she was doing now. Because it was the thing she should do for the honor of her status as Master and representative of the Tohsaka family, of course, not because she cared for the Servant himself, no, no... "Why'd you do that?! What did he ever do to you?! You weren't even part of the War, and he fought to protect you, and, and—!"

He took the next slap of the weeping girl as well, then blocked her next one with a gloved hand, firm but gently. "Miss, please," he asked with a soft, humble tone. "I'm really sorry, but... your 'Servant' still lives on. His heart, his spirit, his self, he is somewhere out there."

And he gestured towards the majestic city landscape sprawling all under them. It was only then that Rin realized they were at some skyscraper's rooftop, and looking down at a massive metropolitan city in the middle of a full moon night.

It was a beautiful city, of a contemporary American architectural style best described as an unholy union of Gotham angles, Las Vegas neon, Apple aesthetics and literally monumental penis envy. Brilliant lights shone everywhere, across long and densely trafficked streets and up tall towers that stabbed for the skies, reaching nearly ridiculous heights, as if trying to deflower the clouds themselves. And it seemed Rin and the others stood on the tallest of them all; which also appeared to be located at the exact centre of the urban extension. In the distance, sirens wailed, and a peaceful sea stretched under and around a suspension bridge similar to the Golden Gate.

"Where... Where are we...?" Nodoka gulped, while Kero sat on her head and whistled, and Yue let out a softly muted impressed gulp. Kotaro just sniffed the air suspiciously, and Deadpool checked on his weapon cache before pulling a map out.

"I'm sure we just took a wrong turn at Albuquerque..." the masked man hummed, looking intently at the map.

Mickey flinched briefly. "I don't know how you know that, but please stop saying that. Anyway, welcome to the city of Saint Canard, and according to the legend of your Servant, he..." Then he paused, looking at several billboards and luminous signs spreaded all across key points of the city; they were all huge and showed a stylized corporate logo that resembled a cross between an industrial cog and a duck's head. Under the logos, they all read 'QUACKWERKS'. "Oh boy," he swallowed. "Looks like we arrived at a bad time."

Yue rubbed the space between her eyes and sighed.

* * *

Now, the morning after, all of Ala Alba, plus Aerith-san and that mutt, had been called back to the landing site after being told the repair work on the Gummi ship had been finished.

"I've gotta hand it to you guys, I thought it would take you a whole lot a more time," Misa said, a fist cocked on a hip as she looked at the ship. "That being said, are you REALLY sure it won't explode in mid-flight?"

"There is never a hundred percent chance of succes in any venue of exploration," Gadget shrugged. "But it should work at least as well as before."

"... that's not a very reassuring thing to say," Sakurako said.

"Do you want full reassurance or full sincerity?" Gadget asked this time.

"Considering how you guys CRASHED here, saying it'll work 'as well as before' is far from being a sterling endorsement," Misora frowned.

"Allow me to clarify that," Skuld said. "This spaceship worked based on a neuro-absorbtion empathic web, linking the crew's emotional and mental activity to the energy core and propellers. However, the emotional state of Hackwrench-san's crewmates at the time of their arrival here was far from the optimal parameters the ship had been programmed to meet, and that caused a crippling power shut-down that greatly affected its functioning. Hence, they plummeted down, and the further down they went, the lesser their chances to stabilize their required thought patterns, until direct contact with the planet was a dire and unavoidable event."

"Meaning?" Asuna asked.

Skuld sighed. "Happy thoughts powered the ship. The crew was worried, they couldn't keep on having happy thoughts. The ship fell, went BOOM."

"You should have explained it that way from the start, Sku-chan," Makie said.

"Well, then we're screwed," Yuuna said. "Unless we send Sakurako-chan, Maki-chan and Konoka-chan on all flights, I doubt this thing will be able to ever lift off at all."

"Now that you mention it... we could use a few more members with sunny attitudes, couldn't we?" Asuna wondered.

"I have no idea what are you talking about," Haruka argued. "I constantously keep a bright, never-say-die attitude towards everything!"

"You're only 'never say die' because you don't know how to spell it..." Skuld muttered under her breath.

Yuuna rasped. "How's Kikukawa-sempai doing, by the way, Vice Prez-sempai?"

Haruka blinked, wide eyed, before retreating several steps away to support herself against a tree, her back to everyone, dark swirls of misery spinning around her. "Yukino... I failed to protectorate you... who knows if you're still alive... all my fault...!"

"That was very cruel," Negi opined.

"Indeed! Please, Akashi-san!" Ayaka said. "I admire how you've handled your separation from your father better than how the Vice President has managed her own trauma, but that doesn't give you the right to—!"

By now, however, Yuuna was standing against the tree next to Haruka's, quietly sobbing while turning her back to everyone. "Did you have to remind me...?! Daddy! I'm sorry, Daddy, I forgive you for keeping very important, life-changing stuff secret from me...!"

Ai sighed. "I'm sorry I'm a pathetic, useless sack of existential miseries as well. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Hey, what about me?" Haruna protested. "You can say a lot of things about me, but not that I'm not one to keep a positive attitude towards life!"

"Are you really sure Yue-san, Nodoka-san and Rito-sempai are still okay as we talk, Saotome-san?" Skuld pointedly asked.

"Of course I have faith! That won't work on me, Skuld-chan!"

"Do they have to be good happy thoughts, or evil happy thoughts count as well?" Aerith asked Gadget.

"Gah!" went Haruna. "You're thinking of me as evil already?! We just met!"

Aerith stared at her. "Somebody should have sawed your hands off at birth."

"Oh!" Satomi said. "You two slept together last night, I assume?"

"I should have known there was a reason nobody else wanted to share a bed or sleeping bag with her!" Aerith's right eyebrow began twitching. Now Hakase did realize the huge, thick bags under the young woman's eyes, as well. And that Haruna had a black eye herself.

"I regret nothing," Haruna stoically said, fingers flexing in and out as if squeezing something imaginary.

"I thought you were going to warn her?" Chisame asked Ayaka. "You're our Iinchou, after all."

"That's while we're in the classroom!" protested the heiress. "While on Ala Alba business, you are the field leader, or did you already forget?"

"Girls, girls," Gadget waved a hand. "There's no point on fighting over that anymore! You'll see, Mr. Cid, Miss Skuld, Professor Hakase and I have reworked the Gummi ship's circuitry so it can access to a wide variety of different emotional settings for their energy source. After discussing the specifications of your party, we have decided to settle the default to 'Doubt and Angst'."

"So I should be the designated driver from here on?" Itoshiki asked. "It seems reasonable, since I'm one of the only three of us with a driver's license. Don't worry, I won't even try to run the ship into a sun or asteroid field unless I happen to be the sole person inside it at the time..."

"Actually, until we've tested the engines further, you are forbidden from entering the ship," Skuld told him. "You might overload it and make it explode."

"Ah!" Nozomu gasped. "Could this be... the dreaded 'You're too good at it' effect?!"

"Excuse me?" Sora blinked.

"The 'You're too good at it' effect!" the teacher repeated. "It's what happens when society labels you too effective at something to take care of it yourself! In our harsh modern world, it keeps happening with despairing growing frequency!"

 _You are too good a debater; no one will want to debate against you anymore. That means there'll be no debate left to be had for you._

 _You have been too good an actor to deceive and manipulate those around you. You end up unsure yourself of when you are being sincere or not._

 _You excel at being a Crack Writer. No one will take you for a serious author anymore._

 _You have become an excellent comedian. You can't speak at a friend's funeral without everyone breaking into laughter; other comedians will know they'll be overshadowed when performing with you; even when you are trying to actually convey a point, people will think they're just missing the point of your joke, and laugh at you._

 _You are too good a runner; they will suspect, find out you were running doped._

"I'M IN DESPAIR!" Itoshiki tossed his hands up. "Being too good at Despair has left me in Despair!"

"... I'm never thinking of Cloud as angsty again," Cid decided.

* * *

"Okay, then," Keiichi looked up at the ship, "this is still fairly small, though, so how many passengers and crew can it take at a time?"

"It never was designed to hold a lot of human-sized passengers," Gadget said, "and other than Captain Goofy, everyone who was supposed to ever travel in it was fairly shorter than your average height. Now, for the maiden trip of the updated version, I would suggest only three of you..."

"So few?" Ayaka asked. "Why? It looks like it could fit a few more."

"It makes sense," Itoshiki said. "In the event of a fiery crash or engine failure in the middle of the cold vacuum of outer space, it's better if our losses are as scarce as possible. Are you sure I can't go?"

"Shut up," Cid told him.

"Yes sir."

"I'll go!" Negi offered.

"But, you're only a child!" Aerith argued. "That's out of the question... right?" she looked at the assembled Ala Alba.

They all shiftily looked away, every last one avoiding an outright answer.

Somewhere, a cricket chirped.

Gadget looked around. "Jiminy?"

Itoshiki spoke again at last. "I suppose you could say, if this were an action and adventure story, Negi-sensei would be our protagonist. Nominally, he is the leader of Ala Alba, much like his father was to the previous Ala Rubra, even if Hasegawa-kun and Suzushiro-kun take pretty much all decisions, much like Negi's mother used to take most for Ala Rubra whenever she was present..."

"My mother?" Negi blinked. What did mothers have to do with anything? They weren't very important, otherwise Father would have said so...

"I have said too much, to my shame and disgrace," Itoshiki said, wandering around with some rope towards a tree.

"Okay... Anyway, we're looking for MY father, so I'll go!" Negi put his foot down.

"This is one of the few things where he will always put his foot down," Chisame dryly informed the otherworlders.

"My father fuels my drive !" Negi proclaimed, a fist to the skies. "For him, I would go against anything or anyone's wishes in a way that is not creepy at all no matter what anyone might tell you!"

"Our talks with him on the subject have been sadly in vain so far," Ayaka said, wiping at the corner of an eye with a handkerchief.

"Okay, I can understand it being an important subject for you, but maybe you should trust your elders to look for him, and wait until..." Aerith tried to reasonably negotiate with him.

Negi, eyes now burning, aimed his staff towards the Gummi ship.

"You are not," Gadget bluntly said, "threatening to blow up my King's prized ship, the pride and joy of my achievements as a mechanic, if we don't let you go, are you?"

Negi, after a very long and tense silence, said, "... No. Of course not. That would be... wrong."

But he still didn't lower the staff.

Silence.

Silence.

More silence.

Aerith laughed, with a drop of sweat on a side of her face. "Ah ha ha ha! What an admirable, brave dream, Professor! Well, then I wish you the best of lucks in this absolutely necessary quest of yours to become a real man!"

"... fucking weirdos," Cid grumbled lowly, then raised his voice. "Okay, who'll go babysit the kid then?"

"Why, of course, I'll—!" all the girls but Satomi, who was just scanning the skies with a miniature device obsessively muttering something about Chachamaru, said at once. Then they looked at each other.

Massive Catfight Ensued.

"Don't fight, don't fight!" Negi said. "I should go alone after all! I won't endanger anyone, I'm sure I can learn how to fly—!"

The Masive Catfight's eyes all turned towards him, then it engulfed him into it as well with several accusations of useless martyr syndrome and boyish stupidity.

* * *

"... okay, I'll admit that was sorta nice to see," Cid admitted a while later, sitting next to a blank-faced Aerith, Pluto and Gadget, as the Ala Alba girls finally sat down to settle an agreement.

"All right," Chisame grunted. "So this is what we'll do. You'll need someone to help the mouse with the controls, since she's, you know, mouse-sized."

"That's never stopped me before," Gadget said, "I always have been perfectly able to pilot on my own and—"

"I can't hear you from there, you're too small, your voice is too small!" Chisame said, adding 'Sizism' to the already long list of -isms she was -ist over. "And even if she could do it on her own, you might run into some situations that would call for a bright scientic mind in the usual weird sci-fi and fantasy crap! And since Hakase's going to be too busy looking for Chachamaru, you'll have to suffice, Skuld-san!"

"Chachamaru! Chachamaruuuuu!" Satomi cried. "Can't you see your absence is placing great emotional distress upon your mommy?! I don't like emotional distress! It feels... bad!"

"... so I'm your secondpick," Skuld coldly said. "After _that_."

"And," Chisame added, "since they might run into more magical crap as well, Kagurazaka will tag along! Her anti-magic works the best against those Heartless things, and she's our second best fighter after Sakurazaki, who just won't go without Konoe!"

Setsuna nodded.

"Awww, can't Setchan and I go at the same time?" Konoka pouted. "If lack of room is a problem, I could sit on her lap...!"

Setsuna began blowing steam out of her ears, and she stuttered, "C-C-Come to think about it, Negi-sensei might need Ojou-sama's healing powers..."

Makie began counting with her fingers in silence, then pouted. "Awwww, so I can't go with Negi-kun? That's unfair...!"

"Are you sure, Field Commander," Ayaka strainedly asked Chisame, "I shouldn't go instead of Asuna-san? Not only I'm a better thinker, but surely Asuna-san lacks the personal motivation to stick closely to Negi-sensei's side..."

Chisame nodded. "And that is why she'll also lack the personal motivation to let herself get distracted by being all but alone with Negi away from the others. I mean, be honest with yourselves!" she addressed her classmates. "Other than Kagurazaka, Skuld-san and me, can you see any of us NOT trying to take advantage of it to fool around with him?!"

"Fool around?" Negi repeated.

Misa grunted and dragged a foot around. "You MIGHT have some sort of point there, but...!"

"Why are you including yourself there with Skuld-sama and me?" Asuna asked. "Just because you're in denial, that doesn't mean you are any less of a—"

"I didn't hear that, and you didn't say it!" Chisame snapped. "Anyway, there's somebody else who should go with you guys! The ermine!"

Chamo perked up. "Holy mole! You remembered I exist WITHOUT stomping down on me!"

"Well, yeah, savour it as long as you can," Chisame grumbled in disgust. "Everybody knows what happens every time Negi gets into a jam, right?"

"You yell a lot at him, then at the rest of us?" Misora snarked.

"Har-har, that was so clever," Chisame snarked back. "No, as we know, whenever that happens, Chamo will propose to the nearest girl at hand, they'll have a Pactio, and the Pactio will help to save the day. I don't like it any more than you do, but you are all aware that's how it works."

Chamo's eyes began leaking waterfalls. "Dear sister! You've finally understood, I'm so glad I could kiss y—"

"DON'T TRY ME!" Chisame punted him into the sky.

"... Chamo-kun!" Negi gasped on cue.

"OBJECTION!" Ayaka vigorously pointed at Chisame, her eyes twin blue flames. "Chisame-san, how can you do this?! Setting our poor and innocent Negi-sensei into a path of vice, by suggesting Chamo-san to set him up with girls we don't even know anything about!"

"Let's put it this way," Chisame calmly said. "Before being forcefully brought into closer contact with you guys, Hakase and I didn't really know any of you either, right?"

"In a way," Ayaka admitted, "but what does that have to do with..."

"Well, it has happened to us eleven times ever since," Chisame pointed at Ayaka herself, Sora, Haruka, Yuuna, Haruna, Misora, Misa, Sakurako, Asuna, Konoka and Setsuna. "And do we complain about it? Too much?"

"Well, Sato-chi doesn't," Haruna conceded.

A wounded Sora pointed to her own chest. "I was an 'unknown' to you as well, Chisame-chan?"

"What is my favorite color? My shoe size? My e-mail? My blood type?" Chisame began asking her sister. "My favorite TV show? My three sizes? My hobbies? My temperament? What would I pull out of a burning building?"

Sora began whining and quietly sobbing in a way no one named Sora should ever do in a Kingdom Hearts fanfic.

"I'm sure I won't need to establish any more Pactios," Negi said confidently, "but I'll be glad to take Chamo-kun along either way!"

Again, the girls just stared at him, although this time in a non-violent silence. He just kept on smiling, happily oblivious now he had things mostly his way.

Aerith looked at Sakurako, who sat the closest to her of all the 3-A students. "What's this whole Pactio business they're talking about?"

"Well, you see..."

A few moments later, Chamo landed back on his face on the grass and twitched. "Ow, that was some..." he began to gurgle before a red-faced Aerith slammed a boot down on him, "HEAVY ANIMAL ABUSE!" he cried from under the sole.

* * *

"Are you sure," a nervous Ayaka asked before Negi, Asuna and Skuld went into the Gummi ship for takeoff, with Gadget already sitting at the controls and Chamo setting himself on a seat, "you won't take too long? I mean, in science fiction books, interplanetary travel will often work according to Einstein's principles of relativity, so by the time you come back, I might be an old woman..."

"Don't worry, Iinchou," Asuna dryly said, "I'm sure you'd wait even one hundred years, patiently, for me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Asuna-san! I was talking to Negi-sensei, not you!"

"Are there science fiction books?" Makie asked, shaokced and appaled at the very notion. "I thought science fiction was for movies and anime!"

Haruna flinched. "The science fiction genre was **born** in Literature, Makie-chan."

"But that's absurd! How can you see explosions in a book? That is, you can draw explosions, but it's not the same thing, unless you are the one drawing them, Haruna-chan, but if not..."

"Science fiction is about more than explosions!" Konoka and Haruna cried fiercely, proving they were, in fact, librarians at heart and not just a scheming lesbian and a bisexual mangaka.

"Don't worry, Iinchou-san," Skuld waved a hand. "These ships run on hyperspace loophole principles, so from every viewpoint, travel between wildly separate areas of a galactic conglomerate should only take a few hours or days at most of objective time, depending on the distance. This is an initial scouting flight, so it shouldn't take us long..."

"You had to say it!" Yuuna said it.

"I'm a goddess!" Skuld reminded her. "I don't 'jinx' things by stating them! I bless them!"

"... I'm feeling far less confident now than when this conversation started," Ayaka delicately bit on her fingernails.

"Relax, Iinchou-san," Negi delicately patted on one of her hands, making her swoon. "I have the utmost trust in the technical capacities of our engineering team..."

"Chachamaru, Chachamaru, Chachamaru!" Satomi sobbed from where she was hammering on a radar plate she was making for better planetary detection of her creation. "Come back to Mommy!"

"I... guess it's good she's so devoted to her child?" Sakurako said, feeling oddly neglected.

Asuna sighed. "Well, if anything happens to me, at least I'm an orphan, so I won't leave a family behind besides Onee-sama, and she's in another universe, so she'll never find out and feel bad about it. That's why I'm glad you won't be coming yet, Konoka..."

"D-Don't say that, you idiot!" Ayaka yelled. "3-A and Ala Alba should be your family after all we've gone through together! Don't treat our ties as if they were nothing! That's just plain disrespectful, you, you ape!"

"Wait, are you trying to say you like me now?" Asuna asked.

"I said we were like family, what does that have to do with liking each other?" argued the blonde, not unreasonably. "Anyway, you'd better take care of yourself so you can take care of Negi-sensei!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Asuna replied, muttering. It wasn't like she felt glad to hear Ayaka wanted to be her family or anything! It was merely out of pity, hmph!

* * *

"Wow. I can't believe it actually worked," Yuuna later said, looking up as the Gummi ship disappeared up, up and away into the sunny sky. "Back at home, Skuld can barely start putting something together without filling our room with eight-legged white rabbits."

"Eh?" Misora asked.

Yuuna shrugged. "It's... difficult to explain."

"Negi-senseiiiiii!" Ayaka fell to her knees on the grass, finally breaking down now he was out of sight. "Please come back to me, bringing the stupid violent ape along! So, um, your noble heart isn't broken by your perceived failure at— AAA-AAASUNA-SAAAAAAN! AAAASUNAAAA-SAAAAAANNNN!"

"Iinchou, please, think of your fans at home," Makie shook her head in faint dismay. "See? This is what happens to people who read too much, sci-fi or not. It hurts their minds."

"It doesn't! That has nothing to do with this!" Konoka and Haruna barked. Without Nodoka and Yue around, they felt they needed to more fiercely protect the Librarian Pride, lest people fall into bad habits.

Aerith kept staring at the clear sky. "I have just realized I'm rather superfluous to this story so far."

"That's the story of my life," Sora sadly mused, looking after her.

"The author seemed to forget I was even here," Keiichi said. "This line had to be added by the editor."

They remained in a contemplative silence only broken by Satomi's blowtorch hissing and Ayaka's hysterical bawling over the next few minutes.

"Say," Chisame ended up mumbling, "who's been feeding Pete-san since we left him in the basement, anyway?"

"What do you mean? I thought you'd been doing it!" Misa gasped.

"Me? Since when am I the cooking type? Hell, since when have I been the compassionate type to care about that stuff? Do I look like Yotsuba-san?"

"Shouldn't it have been Aerith-san? It is her house after all," Makie said.

Aerith's eyes became perfectly horizontal slits. "It's our house, but it's not our prison. I never signed up to look after any prisoners, sorry..."

"Konoka-san is the best homemaker of us all," Misora said, "so I was under the impression she'd cook for him..."

"I'd have loved to if I had been allowed to, but nobody gave me the permission to use Aerith-san and Cid-san's provisions, so..." Konoka replied.

"Oh, don't worry about him, he's got reserves of grease to spare," Sakurako said. "And he's the rough military type! No doubt used to the harshest conditions of warfare! How hungry could he have gotten in such a short time?"

* * *

Pete, hands still chained behind his back, kept on chewing on the hard surface around the lockhole of his firmly closed door, thick tears peeking out.

"Eben I'd leaffe muh phisoners wif' some bdead an'd whader!" he cried while gnawing on the tough, ancient wood, and had violent flashbacks to his rough military days.

They'd been right after all. Wood _did_ taste better and _was_ easier to eat than the crap they'd been issued!

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	7. Tsundere in Wonderland

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Six**.

* * *

Somewhere else, far, far away, a blond girl sat under a tree and a sunny sky, along her older sister, who was reading a very thick and boring book with no pictures on it. The younger didn't see what was so fascinating about it, or why her sister's face was always so red when she read it. What could this 'Darkenning' person have written that was so interesting if it had no pictures?

A small, furry white creature passed by before the girls, hopping while looking at a golden watch and lamenting in short, despairing outbursts.

The older girl paid it absolutely no attention whatsoever, fully submerged into her red-faced reading. The younger girl gasped with the awe of sincere youth, and chased after the strange white rabbit, deeper into the grassy fields...

* * *

"This is incredible!" Kagurazaka Asuna gushed, with the awe of sincere youth, as she, Negi and Chamo all stuck their widely grinning faces against one of the windows of the Gummi ship, looking in fascination at the larger than life display of the star-filled boundless extensions around them. "I wish Chizuru-san could see this!"

Then she eagerly reached into her breast pocket and began taking pictures with her cellphone.

Skuld smiled smugly from where she sat next to Gadget not too far away by the ship's control panel. "Do you think that's impressive? You should see the birth of a star, now that's a show to remember."

"I'm rather glad they aren't asking 'Are we there yet?' over and over, like Donald and Goofy did," Gadget said. "Since they're children, I was sure they'd do it too..."

"I'm not a child!" Asuna said, then cooed again, as she, Negi and Chamo pumped their behinds up and down in excitement. "Oooohhhh, that's a comet! It looks so close, too!"

"Somehow, I can't even be worried about the possibility of being hit and killed by one of those!" Chamo marveled.

"They are... cute!" Gadget smiled.

Skuld made a face. "I guess that's one way to describe them... Okay, listen up back there! We're about to enter the orbit of the nearest world, so I want you all on your seats and with you safety belts on two minutes ago!"

"Ah? So soon?" Negi asked, reluctantly pulling his face from the reinforced glass and leaving a contour of sweat shaped like his features on it. "But we just took off!"

"We've been traveling for over a day now!" Skuld said.

"Well, it felt like a very short time," Asuna argued, taking her seat and buckling her safety belt up. Then she took a good look at the fore window and what waited ahead, and she asked, "Wait, isn't that just a chunk of rock floating in space?"

 _"A pastel colored chunk of rock floating in the space,"_ Negi added, just as flabbergasted. "And it's so small... it shouldn't even have the same gravitational pull as the moon!"

"So?" Skuld and Gadget asked at once.

"Well," Chamo asked, "how are we supposed to move across a, let's be generous and call that a planetoid, planetoid with even less gravity than the moon?"

"Oh, for Dad's sake!" Skuld cried. "You of all people getting technical about that? These are worlds running on magic!"

Asuna pouted. "Well, you're a scientist just resorting to say 'It's magic!' and leaving it at that!"

"I'm a Goddess of Science! I'm supposed to be scientifical and magical at once!"

"And then why you can't do any magic whatsoever, huh, huh?"

"Girls..." Negi and Gadget groaned, shaking their heads.

"She started it!" Asuna and Skuld pointed at each other.

* * *

The ship slowly came down in the middle of a flowery field, one covered by very strange looking flowers, many of which seemed to whine and whimper while the space vehicle landed on them. It trembled for a few minutes after touching the ground, until its rattling stopped and a very long, tense silence ensued.

Then one of the side doors went open, and it stayed that way over the next few moments.

"Should we say something special for the occasion?" Asuna asked dubiously, standing before the door. "'This is a small step for a Baka, a huge step for Mahora'? Shouldn't we have brought a flag?"

"Are you sure this environment isn't contaminated by any sort of alien germs?" Negi asked. "Maybe we should send an exploration probe before anything else..."

"You just spent several days in a parallel world that was as alien as this one, and you start worrying about that now?" Skuld snapped. "Just step out already, sheesh! We're on a schedule! A loose one, but still!"

"Actually, they might have a point," Gadget hummed, "We haven't ever been in this particular realm before. Perhaps we should have brought a test animal with us?"

"We have," Asuna said.

A moment later, Chamo was flung out. "ANIMAL ABUSE!" he cried.

"Asuna-san!" Negi yelled.

"Well, maybe you should have thought of bringing the dog around, you genius! At least I'm supposed to be dumb!"

* * *

"I have the nagging feeling we're being watched," Chamo said, trailing behind Negi, Skuld, Gadget and Asuna. The mouse had reassured them it would be okay to leave the ship alone, since they had outfitted it with a powerful security system (after once witnessing the security measures Satomi's lab had and barely escaping them with all of his limbs, Negi felt inclined to believe her). Occasionally, the ermine would cast nervous back glances over his shoulder, making the beautiful flowers with feminine human faces who were intently spying on them from behind to quickly hide said faces between their petals before he could see them. "Don't you?"

"Nope," Asuna shook her head, without looking back.

"We should trust Chamo's instincts, though," Negi said, staff at the ready. "Ermine fairies are gifted with a powerful sixth sense."

"It's a shame that sense isn't common sense," Asuna mumbled. "All right, how does this work anyway? It's like in Star Trek, where even when the Captain was unaware of what was going on, trouble would be waiting for them wherever they were beamed down?"

"It's a very small planetoid, so doing a search shouldn't take us too long," Skuld answered. "Anyway, I doubt the Thousand Master or anybody else of any importance would be stranded in this piece of floating detritus."

"Don't call it that, it's beautiful," Negi said, smiling up at the pastel-blue sky with golden clouds. "You know, somehow, I'm reminded of my childhood just by seeing this, but I have no idea why…"

"There," Gadget pointed ahead, towards a small forest beyond the flower-covered plains they had been scouting. "The odds of finding something hidden increase when there's someplace to actually hide anything in!"

Asuna grunted and her grip on her paper fan tightened. "The odds of finding trouble, you mean. Well, we won't ever achieve anything by just waiting for things to happen, right?"

"Certainly not," Gadget agreed, as Negi led the way into the forest. The boy was startled by looking at the birds perched on the branches of the trees, many of which had strangely shaped beaks reminiscent of honks, hammers or even saws. They came in a wide variety of striking, brilliant colors as well, more proper of birds from tropical climates than those of the apparently European clime of the planetoid. "Golly, now this is interesting," the mouse added, looking up, just like the open-mouthed Asuna and distrustful Skuld. "I wonder if they have Aracuans around these places as well?"

"Chamo, is your ermine sense telling you anything about this?" Asuna asked.

"It's telling me to keep away from the trees," the white animal said, shuddering while staring at the trunks, most of which seemed to have large, sleepy-looking male and female faces carved on their wood, to a surprisingly lifelike impression. "I think they're actually alive, as in, as much and you and me, that is… sentient!"

"How can you know that?" Asuna questioned, right before giving a jump back when, after stepping on a root, the tree she was closest to opened the hole that passed for a mouth on its surface and gave a loud, aggressive howl of warning. "Kya, you're right! What the heck!"

"Oh, I do hope these aren't Ents," Skuld muttered under her breath, mallet prepared. "Not that they're bad, but their lectures are such a drag."

"Ents?" Negi asked. "Those are from Tolkien's literary works, how could they possibly—"

Skuld held a pointer finger up. "Never discard anything as impossible when going through the infinite range of pandimensional trespassing, Negi. Something wrong, Chamo-san?"

The ermine pointed with his nose towards a narrow passageway between the trees. "That wonderful, delightful scent is the same no matter the world! We have a young girl ahead! Thirteen, most likely, Caucasian, in emotional distress judging from her laments…" he added, pointing a paw at one of his perking ears. "Loli in distress!"

"A lady needs our help!" Negi gaped, heading in that direction quickly.

"Whoa, Teach, what if it's a trap?!" Asuna rushed after him. "What will Chisame do to me if you get yourself killed in my watch? And Hakase! Why, even one of her bath-scrubbing robots almost killed me, and it just wanted to wash me…!"

" _ **My**_ robots never do that, by the way," Skuld told Gadget as they and Chamo followed the duo deeper into the woodland.

"What can I say?" Gadget said. "I've never been interested in AI and its applications; I like machines I'm always in full control of…"

* * *

Negi came to a halt before a small clearing, framed by the sunlight that came down filtered through the higher branches, offering an almost bucolic spectacle in the middle of that world's bizarre sense of nature. Where the colors of the flower field had been sharp and overwhelming, and the entrance to the woods had been somber and oppressing, the clearing gave the impression of being a visual breather, reminding Negi even more of his days in Wales. There would be a place, much like that one, where Anya and him often would go to practice magic in private, all the better to master forbidden spells...

It was far more innocent than it probably reads.

A beautiful girl, younger and shorter than Asuna, but older and taller than Negi, sat at the center of that clearing, quietly sobbing to herself on a white silk handkerchief. She was slender and fair skinned, with long, voluminous blond hair and large blue eyes that barely were visible during the brief moments she would stop drying them, quite spoiling the Evangeline-esque look she'd been pulling off so far. As Chamo had said, she should be around twelve or thirteen, Negi calculated as he slowly approached her. She wore a long blue dress with a white apron, tied around her back with a big white bow; her dainty feet were in shiny black Mary Jane shoes and long white socks, and there was a thin black band on her head, with a very small bow on it.

Around the girl sat several of those strange birds that populated the forest, gathered around her in apparent sympathy and silent commiseration; some of them had no heads but oversized reading glasses attached to their bird necks. Some others had two heads, and yet others wore little vests. A few had mirrors instead of eyes, and the bodies of several were birdcages with smaller birds in them. Asuna, who had just arrived as well, cringed in visible discomfort at such unsettling sights, and didn't move past a certain point, even when Skuld, Gadget and Chamo caught up to her.

"Okay, I thought I had seen freaky before," Asuna said, "but this is the freaky to top over everything freaky. Those things just have to be animatronic robots, right? Are we in some sort of alien amusement park?"

"... ah?" the unknown girl, hearing Asuna's words, sat upright, startled when she saw Negi standing so close to her. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—" There she paused, as if to think of something she should be sorry about, and cautiously added, "— spoil your stroll through the woods? With my, my crying?"

The girl stood up, trying to quickly gather an air of composure about herself, quickly wiping the last few tears away before giving the small group a nervous curtsy. Chamo, nose twitching, came closer as well, almost snaking around Negi's feet and looking up and down at her, with sharply sparkling eyes.

Negi swallowed. "Oh! Don't worry, you didn't interrupt anything, is there anything we could help you with, Miss?"

The girl raised her head a little to look intently at his face, small mouth half open in dawning enthusiasm. And she said, "Oh, what a relief! A young English gentleman!"

Negi was taken aback, pleasantly surprised by having someone recognizing him off the bat as an English gentleman instead of a slow, naive brat or a glorified child pet to cuddle and hug to bits. "Ahh, you are from the Isles as well!" he smiled, catching on her slight accent. "It is a pleasure! My name is Negi Springfield!"

"Negi?" the girl repeated, a bit dubiously, as that name didn't sound too English to her ears. Still, as far as that day had been going, this development still was as normal and understandable as they came. Gently touching the edges of her skirt, she gave a single nod towards him. "Enchanted to meet you, Mr. Springfield. My name is Alice Liddell."

"I see. That's a simply lovely name, Miss... Liddell?" Negi's voice slightly cracked at the last word.

Alice blinked. "Would you happen to know of my family?" Because there had been times, while talking to somebody she had just met, the mention of her family, and most especially her father, had quickly distanced those persons from Alice's side, for some reason or another. Her sister had just advised her to not think about those people any more than she absolutely would need to.

After a moment of looking at her in faint, confused disbelief, Negi shook his head slightly. "I just thought... I had read of that name somewhere, long ago. Ahem. Forgive my manners, please. I happen to be a teacher in a school in a faraway land, and these are two of my students, Kagurazaka Asuna and Skuld Jotunsdottir."

"What are they saying? Why are they talking in English?" Asuna asked Skuld. "Because that's English, right?"

"Because she's from England, why else?" the annoyed young goddess asked back. Clearing her throat, she stepped towards Negi and Alice, and bowed as well, although her style was far from humble. "Greetings, young lady. Miss Asuna hails from Japan, and I... I come from Norway. And yes, we are two of Negi's students. What are you doing in this place?"

"I... I don't know, really, that's the problem," Alice confessed. "I just got lost, in a way that even I cannot believe now, and... are you, perhaps, on a class trip?"

Skuld shrugged. "You could say we are..."

That answer was not as clear as Alice would have liked but, once again, it was one of the most straightforward things she had heard all day long, and from comparatively normal people when put next to everyone else she had met recently. Even if, for the average standards of her day-to-day life, they still seemed mighty suspicious.

It would probably illustrate the kind of day she'd been having if we told you that at this point, Itoshiki would have seemed halfway normal to her by now.

She looked curiously at the red-haired girl who didn't seem to understand her at all, catching up on her strange aspect. "So... are you from the Far East? I had been told its denizens were... rather different."

 _"Nani?"_ the strange girl with bells on her head asked. _"Negi-bouzou, wakarimasen!"_

Skuld sighed very loud and harshly. Then she grinned at Alice in a very wide and forced way, intimidating the blonde quite a lot. "You just wait there a little while as I fix a few of the many wrong things with my friend, will you? Professor Negi will keep you company...!"

"Well, of course, you are excused, but I don't even know..."

"Thank you, we won't take long!" Skuld then forcefully grabbed Asuna by an arm and quickly pulled her away, behind a few tall, thick trees that completely hid them from view.

"Hey!" Asuna protested along the way, "Now what's gotten into you, the least you could do for me is translating their speech, I don't like being in the dark...!"

"I'll do something far better than that!" Skuld promised as she all but shoved Asuna out of sight.

Alice stared, dumbfounded, in their general direction for a few moments before smiling nervously at Negi. "W-Well! I must say, I've never heard tell of a teacher who was so young before now. You must be a remarkable person, Professor..." she said awkwardly, not sure of how to address him. The familiarity owed to a small boy, or the respect earned by a cathedratic?

Negi chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, I'm just a humble educator who's had a lot of luck, really. I like to think I'm not special; the class I have been blessed with, they are the special ones..."

"Ahhhh! What is that thing, and what are you doing with it?!" Asuna's voice screamed.

"Just be quiet and take it like a woman!" Skuld's voice cried. "If you had bothered to learn your English, I wouldn't have to implant this into you now!"

"Wait, no! NEGI! I'm sure this isn't a proper medical procedure! I'm sure you aren't a doctor either! NEGI!"

Alice had paled visibly now, and her eyes had been reduced to black dots.

Negi made a short mortified whimper and looked at his shoes.

"There! It didn't hurt that much, did it?" Skuld's voice rang triumphally now.

"You dirty girl!" Asuna's voice said, now in perfect Queen's English (as opposed to Canadian English, which had been tainted by heathen France, Australian English, which was literally as far from the Queen's English as possible, American English, which was ALL WRONG, and Internet English, which was not officially a form of English, but rather a delusion used to communicate). "Now I'll never be able to marry! How will I look at Professor Takahata in the eyes ever again? And why didn't you tell me about this earlier? I'd have aced all my language tests!"

"They're good girls, really they are," Negi bland and lamely said.

* * *

"R-Regardless," Negi stuttered a chuckle while a red-faced Asuna walked back, smoothing her skirt down while Skuld whistled innocently, "I think you should start at the beginning, so you'll understand how you arrived here, Miss. What happened last time you were in familiar surroundings?"

"Well," Alice said, finding that petition to be reasonable enough, "I sat by my older sister, near a country home of our father's, and we were under a tree, and she was reading a book…"

"With no pictures at all?" Skuld pointedly guessed.

"Why, yes!" Alice gasped. "How did you know?"

Skuld shrugged. "That's the kind of books older sisters favor." Actually, Belldandy did; Urd's prized books had many illustrations, all right, but of a positively scandalous and licentious nature. Skuld's books had as many technical diagrams as possible.

Alice nodded. "That is very true. So, while we sat there, you wouldn't believe it, but a white rabbit passed by, looking at a golden watch and yelling 'I'm late, I'm late!' Well," she took a fairly casual look towards Gadget, "you are in the company of a mouse in pantaloons, so you probably feel inclined to believe me."

Negi slapped a hand on his face. "Oh, so foolish of me! Sorry, I forgot to introduce you to Miss Gadget Hackwrench, our—"

"Mechanic!" Gadget happily waved at Alice.

After a moment, Alice waved back. "Are you a student of his as well?" Because at this point she felt inclined to accept any possibility about anything.

"No," Skuld and Asuna bluntly said.

"Ah," Alice said. "As I was saying, curiosity gained the best of me, and I followed the rabbit without telling my sister, into a rabbit hole that, in hindsight, should have been a sign for me to stop giving chase. I fell down the rabbit's hole, for a very long while, until I reached a strange room with a single door, a door that was too small for me. But there also was a table, and on the table there was a tiny bottle that read 'Drink me'. By that point I was fairly thirsty, so I drank from it, and wouldn't you believe it! It shrank me to the size of a mouse!"

"Wait, this is starting to remind me of a fairy tale," Asuna said. "Goldilocks, I think…"

Skuld discreetly kicked her on a shin. "Let her continue, Asuna!"

Alice paused again. These fellows seemed to be fairly polite to strangers but rather rude to each other, which was puzzling, because it usually was the other way around, was not it? Then again, this was a backwards world. "I don't think so. I know Goldilocks' story, and it doesn't have any rabbits, I'm afraid. Sadly, while now I was the right size to go through the door, the doorknob, which talked, told me I needed a key…"

"But the key was on the table, and now you were too small to reach it," Skuld said.

"That's exactly what happened!" Alice gasped. "Did it happen to you as well?"

"No, but it's fairly easy to guess. Murphy's Law," Gadget supplied.

"I don't know a lot about laws, I'm sorry," Alice apologized. "I wasn't aware there were laws for such things. At that point I was trapped with no way back or forth, and I started crying. My tears formed a river that dragged me around, pushing past the door, and it brought me into this strange world. Perhaps I have gone insane, and I am imagining all of this, and I am imagining you now…" she shook her head in dismay.

Asuna reached over and patted the poor crazy girl's shoulder. "I don't think you're insane, Alice-chan," she lied, taking pity on her all the same. "What happened later?"

"Isn't that enough for you?" Gadget asked.

"Well, it was not enough for this world," Alice said. "The river dragged me towards a dodo, who was organizing other animals in a race to get themselves dry. I ran with them for a while, but then I saw the white rabbit again and I had to follow him! Because if he knew the way in, then he'd also know the way out, isn't that reasonable?"

"Quite," Gadget nodded.

"But alas, I lost track of the white rabbit again!" Alice lamented. "He's quite a runner, but I suppose that's also logical, with him being a rabbit, even one with a vest and watch. I stumbled into two little odd men who called themselves…"

"Twedledee and Twedledum?" Negi frowned. "That's quite weird, they are from a different book…"

Alice gave him a long look, after which she asked, "You did go the same way I just did, didn't you?"

"You could say we've read some sort of travel guide for this world before arriving here," replied Skuld.

"You have? Oh, then you could help me find the rabbit!" Alice brought her hands together. It didn't escape Skuld's attention she wasn't asking for a direct way back, instead. This girl was weird. Granted, that had been expected.

"I'm afraid," Negi said, "if this is indeed the place we have read about, then maps and guides wouldn't be of much help."

After showing a face of utter disappointment for a moment, Alice nodded again. "That's what the cat I met later told me, in his own way. He just could advice me to go find the Queen of Hearts, and that I could find the rabbit there…"

"NO!" Skuld and Negi cried at once.

"But why not?" Alice asked.

"The Queen of Hearts is evil!" Skuld said. "She has people beheaded over the smallest slights, real or imaginary!"

"She's unpredictable and dangerous!" Negi warned. "Although odds are the King will pardon you behind her back, but still!"

"Oh dear, that sounds just awful," Alice took a hand to her small mouth, "but how will I find the rabbit, then?"

"Guys, are you sure you're getting the fairy tale right?" Asuna asked. "I don't remember any Queen of Hearts in Rumpelsilk—Rumpletstick—the story of the wacky goblin!"

"This isn't Rumplestilking either!" Chamo said.

Alice blinked. "Oh my. The ermine talks too."

"After all you've watched and heard here, does that surprise you?" Skuld asked.

"It's hardly a matter of being surprised anymore," Alice conceded, "but all manners of talking animals I have seen have been wearing some manner of clothes or another. I was given to understood only animals who were, well, animals, would walk around in an unclad state. Should I feel disgusted and appalled, or would you find that offensive?"

"Oh, he's Chamo. We feel disgusted and appalled around him all the time, so don't worry," Asuna smiled.

"I don't! He's my best friend!" Negi claimed.

Chamo looked down at his private parts. "Why the question anyway? Um, they aren't showing through the fur again, are they?"

"So," Alice said then, deciding just to ignore the ermine's comment, which for once trumped everything else that had recently happened to her in terms of wrongness, "what else should I do? How do you think I should find the white rabbit?"

Skuld and Negi looked at each other, then each grabbed Asuna by an arm and quietly dragged her back with them as Skuld discreetly pushed Gadget towards Alice with a foot. "We are going to discuss the subject for a few moments, if that's no bother," Negi gently said, nodding towards the blond girl, who just sat there in further confusion.

"Okay, I'm warning you," Asuna said as she was led out of Alice's sights again, "none of you are going to insert anything else into me, and I mean it," she gestured with her harinsen for emphasis. "This might not be Twilight Onee-chan's sword, but...!"

"What are we going to do?" Negi asked Skuld, his voice low and hissing. "Is she even the real Alice? That's impossible! She's just a storybook character!"

Skuld wagged a finger. "Technically, she's just as storybook character in your original realm. If you choose to adhere to the theory of infinite realities, and even we gods have only disclosed a limited gamut of them, then it's entirely possible for worlds to exist where the parameters of reality simply happen to coincide with those of your fictional stories."

Asuna patted herself on the bum. "This thing must be failing already, because I'm not understanding a word of what you're saying. Wouldn't it have made more sense to stick it into my head?"

"Sure, as long as you don't mind brain damage if I had failed at the insertion in such an area, and in an operation theater far from optimal requirements," Skuld grunted. "Worst case scenario in THIS event, you just can't sit down for a week..."

"Aheemmm..." Negi coughed into a fist, cheeks flushed, "Okay, let's accept for a moment this is a girl who just happens to be in the same circumstances as the Alice I have read of. Even assuming those overwhelming odds simply happened to fall into place..."

"This world's very presence here, in closeness with our group's own displacement, might be related to its synchronization with our memories of such a world existing at all, even if only in our imaginations," Skuld postulated as she rubbed her chin. "Sister Belldandy always had these theories about the power of human faith and spirit..."

"... even assuming that," Negi gestured with both hands, nerves mounting up, "how can we possibly send her back without placing her in danger? The story just ends when Alice wakes up! But obviously, doing that isn't an option for us!"

"Really? I was under the impression the story that sorta went like this ended up when the Prince kissed the Alice girl and they married, of course, not like we have a Prince at hand..." Asuna mused.

"That's not this story either!" Negi and Skuld snapped at once.

Asuna grunted. "Well, excuse me for moving past kiddy fare long ago!"

"Listen, Negi," Skuld told him, now ignoring Asuna. "Weren't you the one pushing obsessively for clues to your father's whereabouts, and little else? No matter who's this Alice, it's obvious she can't help us there. Let's leave her to her own devices; if she's actually intended to follow the same course of events, things will work out for her somehow..."

"I just hope it doesn't end with her waking up and finding out she's been dreaming us the whole time," Chamo, who had silently sneaked in close a few paragraphs of squabbling ago, sounded really concerned now.

"But Skuld-san," Negi told the goddess, "you also tried to steer her away from the evil Queen! How can we leave a lost, defenseless girl all alone like this? It's just plain wrong and cruel! And my father would be disgusted! Everybody back at home, too!"

"Chachazero-chan would love it, actually," Chamo piped in.

"Think about it, Negi!" Skuld argued. "You said it yourself, there's no way we can know how to send her back in a solid, real sense of the term! It's not like Carroll left detailed, exact maps of his Wonderland! We don't even know for sure if—"

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" cried the small and slightly chubby white-furred creature now hopping past them, oblivious to all of them and just staring fixedly at the golden watch in one of his paws. "Oh my whiskers and ears, the Queen will be mad for sure!"

"..." Skuld said.

"...!" Negi said.

"...?" Chamo said.

"You know, the direct gaze at the stars was great and everything," Asuna said, "but if you're ever doing this again, Chisame can take my spot."

Negi, after shaking the shock off himself, dashed after the rabbit, who naturally was racing towards where they had left Alice and Gadget. "Mr. Rabbit, wait! Just a second, please, we have to—!"

"Ahhh!" Alice said a moment later, voice gaining newfound added life. "Professor Springfield! You're such a helper! You have brought Mr. Rabbit to me!"

"This is not turning out okay at all," Negi decided.

* * *

When Asuna stopped behind Negi and Skuld, she could see the rabbit, which barely rose above Alice's knees even while standing as straight as he could on his hind legs, had quickly gone from shock and confusion to livid outrage at confronting the girl.

"Why, Mary Ann!" he shouted, angrily waving a paw at the suddenly stunned blonde. "What are you doing here, at this time of the day? Slacking away on your duties while I'm plagued by such, such dire predicaments! Look!" he held both naked paws before her. "I forgot my gloves! No; _you_ forgot my gloves! Do you know what the Queen will do to me if she sees me, without gloves, in her presence? I'll lose my head! Oh, woe, woe me!" the small animal sobbed frantically.

"E-Excuse me, Mister Rabbit?" the girl stammered. "I'm afraid you mistake me for someone else. I don't even know anyone named Mary Ann, my name is Alice…"

"I don't want to hear excuses, Mary Ann!" the rabbit waved his paws at her. "Stop playing with your friends and go fetch my gloves! You know where I'll be! And I'm late to be there, by the way!" he gasped exaggeratedly, looking again at the time. "Late, late!" he began hopping away again.

"Mister, I told you to wait for me, please!" Negi started to run after him once more. "This won't take any long! We just want to ask you something!"

The rabbit looked back over his shoulder at the stranger who gave him such close chase. "Who are you, lad? Mary Ann's boyfriend? Mary Ann is too young, and so are you! Harumph! She'll hear about this, and I'll tell the Queen as well! I don't have any second to spare for you, because I'm late!" he redoubled the pace of his hops.

Negi was truly shocked he could move so fast; he had been training and increasing his speed at Evangeline's resort over several weeks now, and yet this tiny being kept a comfortable advantage over him with nothing but seemingly clumsy bounds that covered deceiving lengths of ground each. Negi grunted, aimed his staff at his own feet, and muttered a spell, which doubled his speed and allowed him to close the gap between them in no time. "She just told you, her name's Alice! And I'm no one's boyfriend! My name is Negi, have you ever heard about a man named the Thousand Master?"

"The Thousand Master!" the rabbit gasped. "What are you talking about, lad? The Queen is our only master around these places, and she holds sway over far more than one thousand! If she hears you, she'll have your head! Stop saying nonsense and help Mary Ann with my gloves!"

And he ran away even faster now, leaving a gulping Negi in his trail of dust, powerless to reach the diminutive creature who had outrun him without any apparent effort. "I wish Misora-san would be here…" Negi quietly mused, stopping now he saw the chase was over. For the time being, at least.

After several moments, a panting Asuna caught up to him, with an even more strained Alice, Skuld, Gadget and Chamo arriving even later. "Dammit, that thing is fast!" Asuna supported herself on a hand against a tree. "I'm the class' second best sprinter, and yet that critter… Wow!"

"What will we do now, Professor?" Alice asked. "He won't even talk to me! Why, he won't even listen to what I have to say!"

Negi sat down on a rock, which quickly shook him off itself to reveal it was a turtle, which stomped away on firm, sturdy legs and lifting its nose petulantly. Then he felt another rock around before sitting on it instead. "Well, I suppose we could bring you with us, and see if we can send you home when we find our own way back, but…"

Then the sounds of merry, yet unsteady and deranged, sounds of distant singing drifted in from the darker further depths of the forest. Alice perked up. "That sounds like some sort of social gathering!" she said. "Perhaps we could find someone who knows the way back there!"

"I don't think that's a very—" Skuld began to say, then sighed. "Never mind. Let's get over with this as fast as we can."

"You sound," Alice said, giving her a suspecting glare, "like you actually know what we will find there."

"I might have a vague idea," Skuld allowed, leading the way down the tight path leading to the source of the chanting, "but what's the difference? It's your story, not ours, and you must fulfill it whether we're here or not…"

"What does she mean with that?" Alice asked the others.

"She's a determinist. Fatalist, even," Chamo explained.

"Ahhh…"

After a couple minutes of treading carefully between trees that seemed to throw them stern looks of disapproval from their foliage and the quirks and carvings of their trunks, the small party reached another, much wider and better lit up clearing, trimmed exquisitely like a proper English garden of times long gone. It was framed by several bushes shaped like fabulous animals of legend, and at the centre of it, there was a huge table, most of its seats empty but three. A crawl ran up Negi's spine.

The scene looked straight out of a John Tenniel illustration. There you could see the small Dormouse, quietly snoring with his face resting next to a cup of steaming tea. At his side, there was the colorfully dressed humanoid brown Hare, a fair tad taller than the minuscule rabbit, licking his lips and whiskers absently between avid slurps from his own cup, breaking into rapid and insane laughter at random intervals.

And then there was the short man sitting at the head of the table. That was what unnerved Negi, Asuna and Skuld. For, while the man looked straight out of a storybook drawing, he also was unmistakably someone they had seen before. Even in the familiar context of those circumstances, there was no mistaking him; for he was not the figure he had chosen to meticulously copy and imitate; he was…

"Jervis Tetch!" Negi gasped.

The bucktoothed man lifted his perverse, glinting glare from his tea and smiled widely at the boy. "Why," he said, "but what do we have here, now? But if it's the Red Queen's main enemy! Her most hated adversary! Such a surprise gift; maybe it is my birthday after all. And even better…"

His eyes traveled to the intimidated Alice, resting adoringly on her, and he sighed, sniffing thick tears back. His hands trembled. This was the moment he had waited for ever since his rebirth from a gray, average person into the embodiment of his personal fantasy; this was the culmination of the role that had consumed him, changing him irrevocably; this was his strange, cherished moment of glory, being face to face with someone who was not a simple blond co-worker who happened to share that name, not a nearly forgotten Jezebel who had chosen a simple, unremarkable man with no sense of whim and wonder over him; someone who was nothing of that, but the real incarnation of the spirit of Wonderland.

"… you have even brought Alice to us!" the Mad Hatter sighed, as deeply moved as a man can ever be.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	8. Underworld Unleashed

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading, tweaking on Hades' Character Development, and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**.

* * *

 **Author's Notes** :

First of all, let's answer some questions asked in the reviews.

 _"by the way is sextum also in negi's harem?"_

Um, no, at least not yet. At this point they're still enemies.

 _"and hmmm i don't remember deapool being in disney either"_

He has appeared in the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon that airs in Disney XD, and that's enough to qualify for this fanfic! And I don't say this because I have a katana pressed against my throat while someone whispers disturbing threats involving chichimangas up my rectum!

 _"who was the tsundere there?"_

What do you mean with that? Both Asuna and Skuld are long-time Tsundere!

Vote in the Character Pool at my front page, please! Currently Elsa leads, which I'll admit it's sort of problematic. Because Elsa is supposed to be the leader of her own country, and it's hard to justify her following Negi around as his Ministra. It's kind of depowering for her, don't you think? Still, I'll see what I can do. Ditto for Kida.

Everybody else who've been voted so far are more manageable, although Flynn is my favorite Disney male animated movie lead ever (other than Beast and Kuzco), so I'm kind of reluctant to break his pairing with Rapunzel up or prevent it from happening. But, again, we'll see. I do have a reasonably good idea for an Artifact for Rapunzel, after all.

Eilonwy's Pactio is an almost sure thing to happen in the fanfic, because seriously, fuck Taran. Never cared too much about Li Fang (I don't dislike him, but I don't think he and Mulan have much chemistry either), so Mulan's another strong contender. As for Tinkerbell, while I have a good set of ideas on how she could interact with Negi's Ministra, I keep shooting blanks on what could work as an Artifact for her. Maybe something from the CGI movies? I've only watched like two and a half of those.

I have the Hunchback of Notre Dame story planned out better than almost any other Disney visit by this point, so Esmeralda should be another pretty sure bet. Still, don't give anything for done until it's actually written down, please.

And so, let's move on to the chapter…

* * *

 _Mahora:_

"You won't touch her. She's under my protection now."

Shiomiya Shiori, junior librarian at The Island, was not a member of the Library Exploration Club. While her greatest passion in life was books, what she liked about being surrounded by them was the peace and quiet reading brought. Actually adventuring into the depths for more volumes, no matter how tempting the prize, was just too much for her.

While Saotome, Konoe, Ayase and Miyazaki were her juniors, she had never been as bold as them, and always remained behind, quietly organizing what the Explorers brought from their trips, categorizing and filing it, doing her best to stay away from trouble.

Only now, trouble had come right to her, as she walked out of her night shift and began making her way back to the dorms. There, she had been ambushed and surrounded by strange creatures out of a horror novel, crawling and leaping out of the boulevard's shadows, giggling and gurgling and hissing as they came closer, and closer, until...

"You won't touch her. She's under my protection now."

That was exactly what Shiori had heard right then, even before realizing that other girl had just dropped to her feet between her and the impossible creatures. Brown skin, light silver hair, and now Shiori looked up from where she had cuddled into a ball on the ground, she could see there were strange markings on the girl's stoic face, as well.

After a moment of doubt, as if recognizing the newcomer for what she was, the Heartless charged forward. The girl barely flinched, but her hands changed, long, sharp claws like blades jumping off each finger. She moved her arms in a circular fashion, with smooth and fluid grace; and while Shiori shrieked in terror and fainted, the shredded remains of the monsters went down slowly, turning into dust that the nocturnal breeze softly blew away.

And then, a voice that was much more human, but no less threatening, than those of the Heartless spoke from the darkness.

"Huh. It really must be the end of the world. Who'd have thought you get so attached to the infinite little meatbags, Poyo honey. Does your mom know about this?"

"I always was looking towards their interests, poyo," she coolly replied, lowering her claws but remaining just as battle-ready all the same. "Why would this surprise you now, poyo?"

"Yeah, but you only used to care about the big picture, not the little details, Poyo" the voice chuckled roguishly, as greenish smoke began to slowly swirl around her. Still on edge, Poyo allowed a corner of her mouth to move slightly aside, which was as far as her emotions would allow themselves to be expressed. "Losing cute little Zazie's must have hit you harder than I thought, poor Poyo. If only there was somebody who could do something about it for you, Poyo honey..."

"So, is this your handwork, poyo?" she asked. "It's very unusual for you to ever show up in person, poyo. And stop taking my schnicht, poyo. Ending sentences with -poyo is my thing, poyo."

"Hah, funny! Well, I didn't want to, but I just had to come up when I heard the boundaries between realms were cracking around my favorite remaining sixth-degree niece," the shape now vaguely visible between the shadows pondered ominously, tapping with two long, bony fingers on an elongated, grayish chin. "Who could have ever caused something that awful, I wonder?"

Poyo Rainyday picked u Shiori's limp body in her arms. "Uncle, poyo. I'm not in the mood right now, poyo. If you and my mother are scheming something, please have the decency to leave Mahora out of it, poyo. And don't tease me about my sister, poyo. We both know you'd never do anything for her, poyo."

"No. But I'd do it for you. Assuming, of course, you would do something for your dear uncle and a few of his friends first. Come on? Whattadya say? _Let's make a deal..._ "

Grinning like a shark, the figure that towered above her finally stepped close enough as to be within reach. His green eyes flaming as much as the fire that passed for the hair on his head.

He gestured with one of those large hands with nails as sharp as talons, and opened one of those portals Poyo had just never been able to master, no matter how much she tried.

"But why don't we discuss that at my place?" he asked her.

* * *

When Shiori finally woke up, she found herself surrounded by a relentless darkness barely mitigated by some faint lights that seemed to come from below. Not from right below her, however, as she was at the moment lying on some sort of wooden surface, with that strange dark skinned girl sitting next to her. The girl's hands were normal now, instead of sporting claws, so Shiori guessed she had to be dreaming when she imagined the girl had been slashing at those scary things.

"I'm Zazie Rainyday," the girl matter of factly said, looking ahead and not down at Shiori. "A classmate of Miyazaki Nodoka and Ayase Yue. Do you feel better now?"

It was then that Shiori noticed she actually was on a boat, and that the eerie lights seemed to float from the river said boat was navigating. Furthermore, there were two men standing on the boat, with their backs to the girls. Both were quite tall, but the shorter and thinner one was completely wrapped into a black robe, and moved the boat with a wooden oar that was taller than Shiori herself, which he quietly pushed and pulled into the fetid waters, following a steady rhythm. The taller man had very wide shoulders and a bald head on which someone had placed a fire CGI effect. Shiori reasoned this was some sort of practice for the Mahorafest's Tunnel of Terror, and she had stumbled into it by mistake. Anytime soon, they would tell her…

"My apologies for bringing you along," Zazie-san said, "but I wasn't sure you would be safe if I left you back there."

"Ah… thank you?" Shiori gasped, sitting up and trying to look up, expecting to find a starry sky but instead glimpsing what seemed to be a cavernous rock ceiling, full of shrieking bats, that appeared to be impossibly high, as high as that of a domed stadium at the very least. "Is this the way to the infirmary? I-I'm okay, really, we don't have to bother Kitami-sensei…"

"Kitami? The hot nurse, you mean?" the man with the CGI effect asked, folding his arms behind his back. "No, she's not here… yet. But it's only a matter of time. You'll see, she's made deals with us, and—" He glanced back at her over his shoulder, and Shiori shuddered at the vision of his face, especially his smile, full of little teeth as sharp as a piranha's. "Well, why do I bother telling this to a sweet girl who clearly doesn't belong here?"

Shiori took a very deep breath, assimilated the basics of what actually was happening past her standard Mahora magic conditioning, and realized nothing of what she had ever read about CGI had ever told her it would work that way. Gathering the courage of all Mahora librarians, even those who stayed behind while the others raided for old books amongst traps, she asked the terrifying man, "Am I dead?"

"Not yet," the man with fire for hair shrugged, somewhat annoyed when she hadn't started screaming and trying to jump into the river. "Just give it a while. You should count yourself lucky, young lady; we haven't had a single live guest since Orpheus. At least you're a step up from her; honestly, all musicians are pests! That's why when someone asks me why I don't do musical numbers, I just tell them to go—"

"Uncle," Zazie-san stiffly said, "you're rambling again."

Shiori backed away on her butt until she realized there was nowhere else to go but into the water, which was filled with streaming ghostly figures that wailed and hollered; they were the source of the green lights, and Shiori's heart went into overdrive. "A-Are you g-g-going t-to k-k-kuh-kuh-kill me?" she asked.

The man in black and gray stared down at her with mild contempt, pulled a small card out of one of his wide sleeves, and read from it. "Shiomiya Shiori, right? Hmph! No, some other girl does that. You're a librarian, isn't that right? Do you like Alighieri?"

Shiori, who would answer a question related to literature no matter what, nodded.

The man smirked, patted on one of Rainyday's shoulders, and said, "This is your Virgil. Don't bother me and you might get to see your Beatrice!"

"He's my sixth-degree uncle Hades, Lord of the Underworld," Rainyday said, no passion or emotion.

Shiori swallowed the large and hard knot in her throat. "P-Pleased to meet you, sir…"

"No, you aren't," he said, sitting down before her. And then he grinned again. Shiori had the impression she'd be feeling marginally better if he were scowling. "Why would you? By the way, she isn't really Zazie. She's got… dead sister issues. You can call her Poyo. And you can stop acting already, Poyo. I know how hard is for you to keep the tic under control Poyo."

"That isn't your problem-poyo," Poyo said, colder than the river they were traveling. "And I told you to stop that."

"Where... where are you taking me?" Shiori fought her tears of panic back.

"I'm not taking you anywhere; you're just this little flea my niece decided not to shake off before coming with me. Now, if you mean where I'm taking my niece, I'm taking her to my office, since she's a big girl who can talk business with her elders now. Would you like a book to read in the meanwhile?" He sank a meaty arm into the river, felt around with an expression of concentration, and finally pulled out a tome he dropped into Shiori's sweaty hands. "Enjoy your reading! After all, it's fundamental!"

Shiori looked at the volume in her hands, then dropped it with a shriek after reading the title. _"Twilight!"_

"Well," Hades frowned, picking the book back and tossing it back over a shoulder and into the Styx, before it could burn a hole through the wood, "were you expecting wholesome reading from the damned? Oh, never mind, we're almost there." He rose back to his sandaled feet, now pulling a long bone from his other sleeve, and waving it high towards something gigantic and black that growled and barked on the shore. "C'me here, c'me here, Cerberus, Daddy's back home! Who's been a good bad puppy, who, hmmm?" With an icy chuckled, he tossed the bone up, and one of the three massive heads with glowing red eyes that drooled and slurped in the darkness sprang ahead from the others, catching the bone between its titanic fangs and quickly crunching it to the marrow. "You wouldn't happen to know where I can find a girlfriend for him, would you?" Hades casually asked Shiori. "We're looking for a litter now we're expanding the place. I don't trust your new-age security systems. Alarms are a pain, and demons are always triggering them just for laughs…"

"B-but, but, Hades was lord of _all_ the dead, not just the d-damned..." Shiori said. "N-noble dead. Heroes. Th-the underworld isn't h-hell..."

For the first time, Hades grimaced. For a moment, his image seemed to flicker. "It used to be," he said grimly. "But... things have gotten _really_ messed up around here... Stupid time travelers."

Shiori finally had enough and fainted again.

"This girl needs more vitamins in her diet," Hades observed to Poyo. "And I think she has a Runaway Spirit inside of her, too."

"Don't tell me-poyo. I'm not her mother-poyo."

* * *

"What are you up to this time, Tetch?" Negi demanded, growing quite angry, and aiming his staff at the Mad Hatter. "Is Sextum-san with you? Were you the ones who brought us to this world?"

"So many questions should be discussed over tea," the Hatter said, pouring himself another cup and adding two lumps of sugar into it. "Won't you come and sit down? It's well past four o'clock, after all, so why to stall it any further?"

"From where do you know this man?" Alice nervously asked Asuna. "And why does he seem to know me?"

"He knew someone named like you, and who looked like you, long ago," shared Negi, who had made a point of reading on all the super criminals they had faced at Kyoto after that particular fiasco. "Don't accept anything that comes from him. He's extremely dangerous and… deranged."

The Hare who sat near the Hatter lifted his own cup, took a long, messy drink from it, and then mused aloud, eyes crossed and tongue half-hanging out, "If he's deranged, then who is ranged? Of which range are we talking about, by the way? Is it a strange range? Or have I manged the range of the term 'range'? Also, could I have more tea?"

"You couldn't have any less," the Hatter chuckled, pouring him more of the steaming drink.

"Mr. Tetch," Skuld tensely asked, "what have you done to the actual 'Mad Hatter' figure of this place? Where is he now?"

"Where is he?" the Hatter blinked, surprised. Then he placed a hand on his chest. "Why, he's here, naturally! Where else would he be? And where else would I be? I am the one and only Mad Hatter of Gotham and Wonderland alike! And should anyone think differently, I would just shoot them and kick them down the river! It wouldn't be the first time either…" he chuckled maliciously, savoring distant memories of once dispatching a mustachioed impostor in the Gotham City underworld.

Alice shuddered, clutching onto Asuna's side. "What is he talking about? Is he an actual criminal? Should we call on the guards?"

The Hatter made a distraught face at that. "Alice! No! The whole point of Wonderland is having a place full of mirth and nonsense! Why would you call on guards to disrupt that? The Queens always spoil everything, with their guardsmen and rules and laws! Wouldn't you rather sit here to share some tea and celebrate this joyful day under the sun?"

"What are we supposed to be celebrating?" Alice warily asked.

"Is it your birthday?" the Hare asked.

"No," she said.

"Mine neither," Gadget shook her head.

"I'm never sure, being an orphan and all, but it's not the birthday Takahata-sensei gave me, that's for—" Asuna began.

"Asuna-san! Don't play along with them!" Negi scolded her.

Asuna pouted. "Just answering wasn't hurting anyone!"

The Hare clapped his hands together, with raw enthusiasm. "Oh, that's good, good! Then we'll have a collective unbirthday!"

"Unbirthday?" Alice echoed dubiously. "What is that?"

The Hatter answered with sibylline enjoyment. "Every one of us has a single birthday every year, which leaves us all with 364 unbirthdays every other day. Wouldn't it be much better to celebrate all those unbirthdays than that single birthday? And since all of us happen to have one unbirthday today, that means we can party all day long and far beyond!"

"This year has 365 days, not 366, or am I wrong?" the Hare asked, drinking more tea as he consulted a calendar he had just pulled out of his chest pocket.

"Well," Alice said, "that sounds very amusing, but after a while, wouldn't the novelty disappear? What makes your birthday special is that it only comes sparingly."

The Hatter grimaced, his top hat sliding slightly towards the left side of his head. "Alice! I truly expected better from you. Have these bad companies spoiled your sense of decorum? You haven't even sat down despite being invited to do so!"

"Oh, my deepest apologies, but it's just, I'm still confused about what—"

"Don't even think about it," Asuna warned. "This madman is a real rotten egg. I have no idea how he got there, but seeing how he knows us as well, I'm pretty certain he's the same guy who once helped an evil b… witch to kidnap one of our dearest friends!"

"That was the Red Queen's idea, hardly mine," the Hatter said, twiddling his fingers together. The boy still had that powerful stick zeroed on him, so he couldn't reach for his handgun, despite of how much his trigger finger itched. He would have to make use of the gift bestowed upon him before being sent to Wonderland. Again. "Your friend was an inferior, awful Alice! She was not even blonde!"

"What, are you an Aryan supremacist now?" growled Asuna, gesturing towards him with her harinsen while Alice gasped at the barbarism rampaging everywhere, from everyone. "Girls don't come much better than Konoka, so watch your mouth while you still have those oversized teeth in it!"

Gadget frowned mildly as she absently caressed her own front teeth with a finger.

"Asuna!" Skuld gasped. "You could pronounce 'Aryan supremacist' flawlessly! Wow, I *am* that good!"

"Can it, Skuld-sama," Asuna muttered.

"Get up slowly, and with no tricks, Tetch," Negi coldly told the man. "You know you're no physical match for me. And I can see you have a gun in your pants," he added as the scowling Hatter obeyed slowly, hands going up. "Drop it down. Now!"

Chamo sighed as the Hatter let the large handgun on the grass. "Oh, that's a relief. So he wasn't just happy to see us, especially Alice-chan!"

"What did you mean with that?" Alice asked, puzzled.

"Ask your mother," Skuld grouched.

"You may think you have won without even starting to fight, vain young man," the Hatter bitterly said, "but things hardly ever are what they seem, and this side of the mirror, anything is possible. March Hare, you can pour the special tea now."

"The special tea? FINALLY!" with the air of a possessed person, the twitching, excited Hare quickly took hold of another teacup and poured its black, thick contents into his cup, before anyone could stop him. All the eyes that had been on the Mad Hatter moments ago now went to the cup as it quickly overflowed, its contents surging up in a way that startled even the March Hare, making him stumble back and fall on the manicured grass. The Dormouse hiccupped in his sleep, lazily lifted his head, looked at the dark mass rising from the tea right before his nose, and then mumbled as he simply went back to sleep.

Negi watched in horror as the darkness took on a massive, towering shape, reminiscent of a medieval knight. It wore some sort of dark blue armor materialized out of nowhere over his sleek, powerful black frame, and all of its face but its slitted, icy cold white eyes was covered by a metallic looking helmet with two tall and sharp horns, one on each side of its head. On its broad chest, there was an emblem shaped like a stylized black bat; in a heavy clawed hand it held a shield, and a long sword in the other.

"… man," Asuna said. "You Gotham freaks really are obsessed with Batman-sama, aren't you? Not that I don't understand the appeal, he's a real stud, but still... "

"Kill everyone but Alice. Don't touch a single hair of hers, or you will pay," the Hatter dryly commanded, and then the Heartless Knight lunged ahead with his sword towards the closest target. Negi.

* * *

Shiori knew well the feeling she was having now, after the horror of being trapped in the afterlife was sort of fading away. It was that feeling one has when one starts reading the fifth book in a fantasy series without reading the four first ones beforehand, and the author hasn't bothered to supply a helpful recap. Normally, it was something she tried to avoid as certified Good Reader, but there would be times when she would find a Part Five before having a chance to buy or be lent the previous installments first, and her near-maniacal reading instincts would force her to read through the available book immediately.

Addictions work that way.

She sat very straight on a rock, since of course the Lord of the place hadn't thought of installing chairs for any visitors. Shiori suspected anyone being led there before her was supposed to be on their knees the whole time, so she knew better than to push her luck, and only sat there in perfect silence, with her fists on her lap and her lips tight.

"Tea?" said one of the two tiny demons who had been eagerly waiting for Lord Hades when they arrived to the sinister dark chamber of doom and no chairs for visitors, offering her a steaming cup of something vile and vicious with a finger floating in it.

"Or coffee?" asked the even shorter, chubbier demonic imp at her other side, offering her a cup that looked and smelled just as bad, but this one had a toe in it instead.

Shiori gulped. "Thank you very much, but... wouldn't you happen to have something without any body parts, please?"

The two imps looked at each other, highly confused at that strange request, before they reached into the drinks, pulled the finger and the toe out, and then offered the cups to Shiori now, sporting identical toothy, nervous smirks. "We do now!" they chorused.

One eye slowly floated up to the surface of the skinny blue imp's drink. "That wasn't supposed to be there," he said.

Meanwhile, the Continuity Lockout conversation between Hades and Rainyday-san that had been vexing Shiori until then continued.

"Look, it's not my fault," Hades shrugged, comfortably sitting on the dark throne of ominous dread at the end of the chamber. "If I could manipulate time and space, do you think I'd have to do that whole thing with the potion and the Titans and all that? But hey, they offered me a seat at the big kids table, what was I supposed to do? I had to play along, but believe me, Poyo dear, I know a rat when I see one. We've got a lot of them here, though we didn't use to. Used to be, they sent everyone else down too, so I got a nice little cosmic macrocosm of life, but nowadays I only get the lowlifes and nobodies. Standards have really gone down. Damned time travelers… Anyway, do you know why half of the suckers here were sent to me? Betrayal!"

Poyo, who sat seiza on the ground before him, barely made comfortable by a pillow Pain and Panic had brought for her, said nothing.

"Now, I know what are you thinking," Hades smiled, taking a finger to his forehead. "You're thinking I'm trying to fool you, to sweet-talk into thinking I've turned a new leaf, to convince you I'm an unwilling party in all of this. Because you're such a smart girl, Poyo."

"If you say so, poyo," she plainly said. "And what have I told you about my schnicht, poyo?"

Hades formed a cigar out of thin air and began smoking it, blowing skull shaped tiny clouds. "You know I hate being here, don't you?"

"It's a frequent topic of amusement for Mother, so she makes sure to mention it at least once per visit, poyo," Poyo said.

"Isn't that just like Hildy?" Hades chuckled, with some deeply bitter semblance of fondness. "Well, yes, there used to be a time where I to take Zeusy's big cushy Laz-E-Boy, move into the big house, to take over creation forever and cast them down here, so they'd know how it feels, while I spreaded my darkness around all of existence... And then, well, there was that whole stunt with Herc, and I nearly succeeded, if not for some bad luck, and you know what that near-success led me to realize?"

"That you can't fight fate, poyo?" asked Poyo.

"No, that's was defeat taught me," Hades sighed. "What near-victory made me realize was, I'd have extended my darkness over everything. Darkness which I didn't originally have, mind you, but time-travelers, screw 'em."

"I fail to see how that would be a realization, poyo," Poyo said.

"Come on, see the pig picture, Poyo... girl," he said, remembering just in time to not make it sound like he was stealing her thing. "By making everything like Hades, I'd have been trapped in the same kind of place I detest! But now that place would be everywhere! I'd just be trading a prison for an even bigger prison, and 'bigger' is no relief when you're a god!"

"So basically, you are trapped in a situation you can't escape, poyo," Poyo observed. "You can't just take over without being yourself, and contaminating everything, poyo. You would end up living, not in Olympus, but in an Olympus turned Hades, poyo."

Hades nodded and let out a miserable sigh. "Isn't that just like a Greek Tragedy, I ask you?"

"You might just try to change yourself for the better, poyo."

Hades made a face of disgust. "Hey, I _used_ to be better! I used to be a nice guy! Even mortals remember how it used to be! I didn't go around fucking everything that walks, flies, swims or came from a tree like everyone _else_ in my branch of the family! I came in to work every day, made a ton of money, didn't go out a night to party... was the _responsible_ one! Persephone actually liked me, and none of the _other_ married people in my family could say that! The only reason it was incestuous was because big bro liked to porked everyone that moved! Or didn't move! Or was made to not move! Or made to move!" By now, everyone was leaning back slightly as Hades caught fire, the flames licking higher and higher. " _ **And then Chao Lingshen came along and screwed up everything and then THIS happened!**_ I tried you know, I tried going back. _**ASK ME HOW THAT WENT?!"**_ Abruptly he deflated, the radiant, towering inferno that had been rising towards the near-invisible ceiling of the Underworld disappearing into a little puff, the bright orange flames turning back to cool blue. "I'm cool, I'm cool... Remember what the Doc told me… Anyway, I brought you here because it's the only place where I'm sure those guys can't hear me or see me. Because no one can look into the realm of the dead until their time is due... or they're sing magic to cheat... or they're Telute, because death gets everywhere... but hey, it's STILL one of the most secure places to have a conversation in creation. No one can hear you."

"She could though, your Dark Horse Magnificence," Pain pointed at Shiori.

"Her time was due! Her time to be brought along because Poyo is apparently a soft-touch bleeding heart, you idiot!" he angrily gestured towards him with both hands. "Don't be nitpicky while I'm trying to prove a point!"

"... sorry!" the imp squeaked, rushing to hide behind Shiori.

"What would you need my help with, poyo?" Poyo asked.

Hades stood up and led her towards a planetary model at the other end of the chamber, one depicting a planet wrapped into heavenly mists. He waved a hand around it, and the floating model that was made of some otherwordly material more consistent than light, but far more ethereal than stone, metal or wood, gave a zooming closeup, showing several areas covered by ancient Greek architecture. Small cities, great metropolis of days long gone, and hillside villages, were all visible in great detail. Hades moved a finger through the scale landscape until it stopped at a gigantic Coliseum in one of the bigger cities.

"Do you know why, in the world that used to be before this, I endured long past my siblings, those who lived in the clouds surrounded by luxury?" Hades asked.

Poyo actually sighed. "Because death and taxes are the only constants in the existence of man through the ages, no matter what, and death is the only mystery they will never figure out-poyo? The only frontier only faith can break through-poyo?" she droned. "And no matter what, dead people have to go somewhere, poyo?"

"Yup," Hades hissing, grinning perversely again. "That's why. The clock keeps ticking, and everyone of my sibs and their kids get forgotten or kiddified, and I come out on top. Nice guys finish last, yanno. But now, now guys have been playing fast and loose with time and space– and if _**I**_ say someone's playing fast and loose, you know it's serious shit– in no small part because of all the instability your egghead classmate caused... now, this has reappeared."

"Your homeworld-poyo," Poyo dispassionately said. "So, is everyone there...?"

"Existence is re-creating itself," Hades growled, his burning eyes nailed on the model. "And now to things that definitely should not be happening are, well, happening. My nephew, who's shown up on your world looking like a steroid overdose who got hit with the ugly stick as the mindless Servant of a little princess (which I think is hilarious and no big change, by the way) is back here too!" He poked a finger angrily into another part of the world, as if trying to stab it with his sharp nail. "And I don't like that! At all!"

"So much for leaving your past alone then, poyo," Poyo said.

"It's not like I have a choice," Hades huffed. "Anyway, I want you to look into that for me. Lend your poor uncle a hand, and I'll see what can I do for Zazie. I'm not even asking you to make him slip on a banana peel, just look."

"Do you want me to go up against Hercules-poyo? Are you sure you don't want to try again, now these allies of yours have given you a chance-poyo? Why should I believe your earlier claims then-poyo?"

"Because, if I just wanted to strongarm you, I wouldn't even need to lie, would I? I'd just need to pluck Zazie's soul out of storage and threaten to do the usual nasty stuff to it, but that's just barbaric, right? It's the kind of thing those Christians do over... there" He waved vaguely as, his face looking annoyed, as if he was talking about an annoying neighbor who held karaoke parties long into the night with the volume turned all the way up. "I'm a civilized Greek, we don't do things like that. And we're _family_. Look, just help a poor uncle indulge in an old grudge, for old times' sake, that's all. Come on, it's not like I'm going to pull a Zeus on the kid and rape him or turn him into a tree. Just a little straightforward suffering, maybe a few monsters, and make him wish he was dead! It's just a little payback."

"The best revenge is living well-poyo..."

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WELL! I _**CAN'T**_ LIVE WELL!" Hades' body burst into flames again, and far from him, Pain, Panic and Shiori all shrieked and hugged each other. "I JUST GOT A DO OVER SO I WANT TO GET THINGS DONE _RIGHT_ THIS TIME! CAN'T YOU GET THAT, YOU STUPID GIRL?!"

There a moment of stillness.

 _I just want to get things done right this time..._

And then he, just as abruptly, turned the flames off, slicked his 'hair' back, and recomposed himself with an elegant gasp. "E-hem! Sorry about that. Anyway, yeah, just do that, or I'll pull Zazie out of storage and crush her. Since you force my hand that much." He tried to look cool and intimidating and serious as he said it, which was kinda hard to do when he was looking away nervously fully aware he might have said something that hit just a _bit_ too close to home.

"Mother would destroy you-poyo," Poyo said levelly.

"I doubt she could, given the way things have turned out all of a sudden," he said, recovering some of his cool. "But do you really want to risk it? Hrmmmmm?"

Poyo, for the first time in a long while, actually frowned deeply, claws flexing in and off at her sides.

But she ended up shaking her head anyway. "No. I don't want to risk it-poyo."

* * *

Meanwhile, sitting alone at the head of the wide dinner table of her resort's core building, Evangeline A.K. 'definitely will never be Yukihime' Mc Dowell fumed to herself, one leg slung over her chair's armrest, and her chin on a fist. Her emerald eyes were fixed on the wall opposite her, her brow curved down with intensity.

Chachamaru's sensors, always so handy at reading any given situation, were useless this once. Even without them, she had become quite handy at reading her mistress' emotions, but not this time. It made her actually... she supposed she could use the term 'nervous' under such peculiar circumstances. She had never seen Evangeline like this, not even when she pursued Negi's blood. Evangeline's mood at the time was completely bitter and downright fierce, and when Chachamaru had suggested going back to the others, the vampire had nearly physically lashed out at her, something she had never done before.

Chachamaru had stuck regardless, for Negi and Ala Alba had each other, but Evangeline only had her. Evangeline had spent most of the subjective days since locked up in the resort, which she had sealed from the inside, trying to remain as isolated from Chachamaru herself as possible. It was clear she was dwelling on something that tormented and angered her, but subtly asking about the subject had been met with nothing but growls, evasions, and outright "shut up"s.

Until that subjective morning, when Eva asked Chachamaru to bring her a box of toys she had once bought from a traveling collector. She often did that, and added them to her impressive collection of dolls and playthings. Chachamaru wondered why she would want these now, however. She had never showed any special attachment to them, and they were not expensive or particularly fine, in purely material terms. Still, perhaps they would lighten the Master's mood, so Chachamaru obeyed quickly, contented to be asked for help at last. It was progress, of some sort.

So why did she hesitate now, stopping at the dining room's doorstep, with the cardboard box in her hands?

"Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it to me already," Evangeline curtly ordered without looking back at the door.

"Yes, Master," the gynoid quietly said, walking to her and delicately placing the box on the table.

Evangeline looked inside and nodded only once. "You can go now."

"Indeed. I'll be waiting outside of your room in the event you—"

"I mean," Evangeline snarled, "you can go. Out. Away. Back to your creator. I don't need you anymore."

"Master?"

"You don't even need to call me Master," the vampire said, standing up and pointing for the door. "Leave. If I ever have need of your assistance again, I'll let you know."

"But, should I contact you if Hakase-san and Negi-sensei learn anything about how to head back to Mahora?"

"Why would I ever want that? I'm free now. I have no further need for Boya or his blood, or for anyone else, for that matter. That includes you, so go and search for your own happiness. You won't find it at my side."

"With all due respect for your instructions, Master," Karakuri said, "I won't ever be happy if I suspect you aren't enjoying any measure of happiness yourself. And if I can say so, your actions of late have hardly been those of a happy person."

"I'm a creature of the night, fool! My sole true happiness lies in being alone, apart from mankind! And you have become far too human for my comfort. So leave! Shoo! Scoot! Forget you ever knew me! I'll drop the resort's seals just long enough for you to leave, and don't bother coming back afterwards. You'll find them in place again!"

"This is nothing but a temper tantrum, Master," Chachamaru calmly replied. "Is this the mid-life crisis we were warned about"

"I! Don't! Throw! Temper! Tantrums!" Evangeline slammed a foot on the floor with each word, rather petulantly. "And I don't have a mid-life to have a crisis _of_! But I'll throw **you** out if you don't leave soon!"

Chachamaru blinked, then reached over and tugged on one of Evangeline's ears. "Stop acting like a dumbass, you gorgeous powerful foolhardy gem, you!" she shouted in a perfect copy of Evangeline's voice.

"What's that for, you moron?!"

"It's what you instructed me to do in the event you ever became too irrational and childish for your own good," she honestly replied. "Has it worked?"

"NO! Now leave already before I... before I shatter you into a million pieces!"

"Can I be back by Saturday?"

"NO!"

"Sunday, then?"

"NO!"

"Very well. Monday, in that case. Enjoy yourself in the meanwhile, please," said Chachamaru, deeply bowing to her before turning around and leaving.

Evangeline hissed and seethed viciously, rubbing her aching ear, while listening to her soft steps down the hall, growing softer and then silent. Her eyes gained her warning golden on black colors, and she muttered to herself, fangs showing. "I should have destroyed her..."

 _Never mind that now. It's time to start unraveling this damned puzzle,_ she thought as she pulled the toys out of the box and aligned them before her, neatly, one by one. Then she stared angrily at them, waiting. When no answer came by, she pushed two fingers against the chest of the old cowboy action figure she had placed at the head of the group, whose colors were fading, both on its exposed face and the clothes he was wearing.

"Stop playing the fool, will you?!" she yelled. "I want some damn answers, and I want them now!"

The cowboy plopped down on his butt and then, making a muted grunt, moved one of his hands, taking it to his chest. "This is why we don't like playing with you! You play rough!"

"And that's because I'm not a child anymore," she growled, grabbing the cowboy and pulling him up face to face with her, as the other toys also stirred to life and began to moved, looking up at them in several different levels of concern and surprise. "The man who sold you to me said he'd gotten you from a parallel world. While passing through a place called 'Traverse Town'! Who left you there in the first place, and when?!"

* * *

The Mad Hatter took another elegant sip from his tea, now he had taken his seat back, and quoted, _"You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?' the White Knight remarked, putting on his helmet too."_

Asuna grunted in exertion as the Knight Heartless swung his sword at her, once again barely missing her and Negi. It was fast, very fast, giving Negi little room or time to charge any spells, and constantly closing in on them, so they had to fall back on purely physical defense.

Hatter chuckled, pouring a refill for himself and another for the March Hare, who looked sort of sullen over being batted back earlier, but apparently would put up with it over the tea. _"`I always do,' said the Red Knight, and they began banging away at each other with such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out of the way of the blows."_

Alice, who inded was behind a nearby tree now with Skuld, Gadget and Chamo, blinked at the latest quote from the small man. "How curious," she said. "Are you saying there is a story about another girl named Alice, and he is obsessed with it?"

"Sort of," Skuld grunted, keeping a Skuld Bomb in hand, but not daring to toss it at the criminal or the Heartless until she could find a proper opening. Giant paper fans and wooden staffs, even ones of magical origins, were not the best instruments to block strikes from bladed weapons, so Asuna and Negi were really against the ropes by now. Only the fact there were two of them and each was keeping the Heartless' attention in a different direction was buying them enough room and time to survive. "Any ideas on what to do now?"

"The gun in the man's hand," Gadget pointed towards the Hatter, who was holding his cup in one hand and the handgun he had picked back from the grass in the other. "Even if the Professor and Asuna prevail, he can use that to shoot them down while they're tired and in shooting range."

"I'm on it, Hon!" Chamo made a brief salute with a flip of a paw, before quickly disappearing between the bushes.

"He'd better not have taken that as an excuse to escape..." Skuld mumbled.

"Asuna-san, I'll go low, you go high!" Negi shouted, ducking and striking with several Sagitta Magica to the Heartless' legs.

"Roger!" the girl nodded, using her greater height to begin pummeling the Heartless' torso in rapid succession as the creature lost footing. While its armor absorbed most of the blows, they still made it fall, and once it was down, Negi raised his hands and blasted him with a quick barrage of successive Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens. The Heartless howled savagely as most of its armor flew apart, shattered, but it incredibly leapt back to its feet, swinging its shield and catching Asuna in the face. "Ugh!"

"Asuna-san!" Negi cried as the girl flew, batted aside and momentarily stunned. Seething in anger, he conjured a Flans Saltatio Pulverea and blasted the Heartless with it, sending the dark being crashed against the tea table, greatly startling Hatter and the Hare.

The Dormouse, giving a few small snores, flipped around in the air after the collision, fell into an empty cup, and kept on sleeping as the cup slide down the broken remains of the table to softly land on the grass.

Mad Hatter growled, pushing the goofily chuckling Hare off himself and taking aim at Negi with his gun. "If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't— OWW!"

Chamo, who had jumped onto his hand while he hadn't been looking, had sunk his teeth on his fingers, and the pain made him drop the gun, long enough for Skuld to find the chance to toss her concussion Skuld Bomb in his face, knocking him back and making him cough as the gas from the projectile enveloped his face.

In the meanwhile, the Heartless rose again, running towards Negi and slashing at him. Negi blocked just in time, but the sword was so sharp it left a large dent into the wood. The Heartless pushed Negi back, and then brought his helmeted head down, hitting the child's own head with it. Negi cried and stumbled back, stunned by the impact, which had left a small bleeding gash on his forehead. The Knight kicked him in the stomach, while Alice shrieked in terror; and Negi fell to his knees, gasping for air, head spinning.

The Heartless stood over him, brought his sword up, and then brought it down...

Only to find it blocked by another sword. Although its face itself was not visible, its widening blank eyes said everything.

Negi lifted his head and gulped, almost as surprised. "Asuna-san!"

Asuna smiled, teeth awkwardly clenched. "You spend so long trying to get the sword, and it only appears when you have to save a brat...!"

With renewed energy, the girl pushed the Knight back; Alice watched on in pure awe how that girl, barely older than herself, swatted such a gigantic weapon with such ease and power. "I'll never hear the end of this from Misa and the others now!" she raged, redoubling her efforts with great rage, striking furiously at the Heartless, slowly overwhelming it. "They'll get the wrong idea, and it's all your fault! It's not like I could let a child die, but you think they'll take it that way? No, no, no, no! You idiot! You just brought me a whole world of pain!"

"Asuna-san, I doubt it can understand you!" Negi said, trying to come to her aid, but unsure of what angle to take without getting in her way. The way she was attacking wasn't helping him there.

"I was talking to _you_!" Asuna growled, swinging her newfound sword from below and up into the Heartless' now mostly exposed upper body, cleaving it cleanly by half. "NEGI, YOU DAMN FOOL!" was her desperate cry as the Heartless' body exploded into black sparks that flew everywhere.

Then, while the black specks floated down slowly, blanketing the grass, Asuna hissed and grumbled, limbs trembling slightly. "Last thing... I needed... was your jealous girlfriends on my case now...! Why me, why...!"

Negi gulped. "Asuna-san, I'm so sorry over that, but... I'm also so thankful... You just saved my life, and—!"

Then he felt another sharp, metallic thing being tightly pressed against his throat from behind. And he saw another figure, as tall as a man but shaped like a giant playing card with a head and limbs, appearing behind Asuna as well, pressing a long spear's tip against her back.

"Halt!" the card soldier detaining Asuna shouted, with a strong and manly voice. "You all are under arrest in the name of the Queen of Hearts!"

"... aw shit," Chamo muttered from the grass.

"... is it your unbirthday as well?" asked the Hare. "What a happy coincidence!"

The Dormouse blinked lazily, looked at the card soldiers that were filling the clearing now from all sides, turned his cup around so it covered him, and just kept on sleeping underneath it.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	9. Alice Mc Beal

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**.

* * *

"Vigilante!" Tohsaka Rin gasped. "That's him!"

Her eyes were fixed on the gigantic screen dominating the view of the suspiciously Times Square-like intersection they were overlooking, standing on the rooftop of another building while Yue scanned the crowd below with a pair of binoculars Deadpool had lent her after a polite petition, a lot of petty and childish refusal, a lengthy ethical and philosophical debate, a game of rock-paper-scissors, and finally a swift kick to the balls.

The screen showed Vigilante himself dashing heroically through the night, although from a back angle that was far from being flattering, swinging with his gas gun in hand towards some sort overgrown rat in a yellow jumpsuit who stood on top of a power line tower, electricity crackling all around him.

 _"And so we commemorate the one-year anniversary of 'The Starducks Caper', the last known adventure of Saint Canard's masked avenger, Darkwing Duck!"_ a narrator exposited all across the intersection, to the indifference of the masses transiting below.

"Darkwing Duck?!" Rin cried. "His name was Darkwing Duck?! No wonder he never wanted to tell me! What kind of name is Darkwing Duck?!"

"I'm Mickey Mouse," King Mickey had to remind her, frowning as he carefully checked a map he had pulled out of his robes, with little evident success. He even would scratch his head at times, then turned it over 180 degrees. Then turned it over to look at its back. He folded into a paper hat. "I really need to stop using ACME maps and switch to google..."

"This is insane," Yue muttered to herself. "This society is either populated by an incredible variety of wildly disparate species, or the world's biggest furry convention is in town. Good thing Haruna isn't here..."

"You don't mean that," Nodoka told her.

"Please let me cope, Nodoka," Yue replied.

It had taken them a lot of effort to get that far from the top of Saint Canard Tower without being noticed along the way. Nodoka's staff could only carry two passengers from one building to another at a time, and while Deadpool did have a grappling gun with him, nobody had been exactly thrilled about swinging around with him, dozens of stories about ground level. The others were capable of jumping between the buildings, but that put them in plain view of the rather obscene amount of security cameras all over the place, and everyone knew enough to know that anyplace with THAT many cameras was someplace you didn't want to be caught on camera in (the librarians has read the classics and currents of dystopian fiction, Rin was naturally paranoid as a magus, Kotaro has occasionally gone Solid Snake Sneaking in the name of a paycheck, Mickey had merely muttered something about a 'wascally wabbit' and Deadpool had been kicked in the balls again).

 _"Before the days of the Quackwerks Corporation,"_ the narration continued, and Rin paid it every bit of attention she could muster, _"Saint Canard depended on unlicensed vigilantes with, at best, questionable tastes in fashion."_

"I'll say!" Deadpool said. "All that purple clashing together, yuck! The lack of pants is a nice touch, though. Screams 'liberated badass who doesn't care about others' opinions' oh so much! I think I'll copy that, actually..."

"Take those pants off and I'll toss you to the pavement," Kotaro warned him.

"Actually," Yue observed, feeling vaguely voyeuristic, "around half of the animal people walking through those streets seem to be lacking any pants. Mostly the male birds, which sort of makes sense, since cloaca don't stick too much. They _are_ arresting a pantsless dog-person over there, so it might be mammals are still required full attire. Which I guess makes sense, with the external genitalia and all..."

Deadpool sighed. "Just my luck! I'm finally surrounded by public half-nudity everywhere, so of course I'm also with children so I can't have a good, long—"

"Finish that sentence and _I_ 'll toss you to the pavement," Mickey warned.

Deadpool made the 'obviously lifting an eyebrow' face he somehow could make despite the full mask. "And how do you know about those things? Shouldn't you be some wholesome icon for the whole family?"

 _"A far cry from the safe streets we have today thanks to Quackwerks' Crimebots!"_ the satisfied narration finished. _"For the Quackwerks Satellite Network, I'm Chip Dipson! Dip Dopson will be back tomorrow."_

"... I don't understand," Rin weakly said. "So whatever happened to Vigilante? One year? Has he been... dead ever since? Is this how he—"

"He should still be alive," King Mickey rolled the map up and tucked it back in. "And we'd better find him before we can leave this place."

"So you can j-j-jam it in again?" Deadpool asked.

"J-J-Jam it in?" Rin snorted. "What a tasteless joke!" She sneezed. "Gah, stupid city air!"

He chuckled. "Oh, you don't know half of it... Anyway, Ears, really, how does finding the fashion nightmare help us get back home? Do you have to stab him again for it to work? Or can I do it this time?"

Mickey frowned, looking down at the city. "You're going to need disguises. But, how to get them? I have no money on me, and yours won't be accepted here, and—"

Nodoka looked up at the moon in the sky, calculated the time from its position, and then pulled The Create out again. "Sir? Um, I think I could help with that..."

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

"Ah! This is horrible! I can't beleive we've been arrested! By a queen, even! That's a big thing with us Welsh! ARGH! I'm a horrible teacher! Now my students won't take me seriously anymore, and I'll be forced to retire in disgrace and scandal!" Negi panicked as he, Asuna, Skuld, Alice and Gadget were made to walk together into a tight circle, with the armed guards surrounding them. "Wait, what did we do, anyway?"

A Nine of Hearts cleared his throat and declared, "You have been sighted in the company of one of the dark creatures who tried to steal the Queen's heart this morning! Hence, you are charged with conspiracy to commit attempted regicide!"

"We were KILLING that monster!" Asuna protested. Then she stole curious glances at the paper-thin sides of the guard and asked him, "What's with your inner organs anyway?"

"The prisoner has just shown an interest in inner organs! Further proving she's a thief of such organs! Let it stand on the royal record!" a Seven of Hearts proclaimed.

A Five of Hearts glanced at a Two of Hearts. "Are we supposed to keep records of arrests? Since when?"

"Never mind, I'll do it," offered a Three of Hearts, pulling a pen out and writing the statements down on himself.

"Asuna-san, please," Skuld groaned out of a corner of her mouth, "just leave the talking to us, okay?"

"Gentlemen, please!" Alice asked. "Let's be reasonable here, will we? I was as surprised as anyone can be when I saw the Professor was a warlock, but I'm rather sure he's a benevolent sort of—"

"Uh, we prefer 'mage' or wizard' these days," Negi said. "Warlocks are... not nice people."

"We have no problem with anyone practicing magic or not," the Seven of Hearts said, "since magic doesn't exist, the Queen said it so. However, you were still seen with a Heart-Thief, and that is a crime punishable by death!"

The Four of Hearts played an ominous beat on a drum.

"Who saw us, then?" Skuld asked. "Who called you guys, and for that matter, why didn't you step in to take care of that 'Heart-Thief' before?"

"It doesn't matter to you, betrayers to the crown, who tipped us off your felonies," the Five of Hearts huffed, as a rapid chuckle was heard from a nearby tree, from a wide grin half-hidden between the leaves. "As for why we couldn't arrive sooner... our legs are made of layered pasteboard!"

"Okay, that's good enough a reason," Negi allowed, "But we aren't in complicity with the Heart-Thief, I swear! You should ask that man over..." Then he realized the Mad Hatter was not there anymore; he had disappeared from the spot where he had dropped minutes ago. "Oh feathers!"

"That dirty rat escaped while we weren't looking!" Asuna said.

Gadget coughed delicately into a fist.

"What?" Asuna asked. "You're a mouse, not a rat!"

"Many of my best friends are— actually, now that I think about it, no rat has ever been kind at all to me. Never mind then, sorry," Gadget replied.

"That'll be enough!" the Eight of Hearts shouted. "You'll now be brought before the Queen for a fair and benevolent trial where you'll be found guilty and beheaded! So start moving already, hooligans!"

"What? Oh, no, you can't do that!" Alice protested. "We haven't done anything wrong, and I couldn't possibly have tried to steal anyone's heart! I was busy elsewhere all through this morning; you can ask the Cheshire Cat, or the Dodo, or Mr. Caterpillar, or the White Rabbit, or..."

"Save your lies for the jury and the Queen, who are wise to them!" Seven of Hearts said.

Eight of Hearts looked at him. "You are aware that was a subversive statement, aren't you?"

"What? No!" Seven of Hearts gasped.

"It is," Four of Hearts said. "You have implied the most fair and benevolent Queen is well versed on lies."

"You'll probably be beheaded," Two of Hearts nodded.

Seven of Hearts made a truly anguished expression, then dropped his spear and resignedly joined Negi's prisoner group.

Negi looked at Skuld. "What do you think? I'm sure we can take them down and escape..."

Skuld sighed. "Let's play along for the time being. If the course of history in this realm is to be properly followed, Alice will have to pay testimony and be put on trial. Maybe if we're there we might alleviate any further damage our interference might have caused."

"Do I have to? Why? I object to that notion!" Alice cried.

"Silence! The prisoners will remain silent from this point on! That applies to you as well," one of the soldiers prodded the chest of the March Hare with his lance. The Hare, who had gone back to drinking his tea without a care, just blinked.

"Will there be tea at the trial?" he asked.

"Well, the Queen always likes enjoying a cup and pastries after the executions," Six of Hearts said.

The Hare jumped back to his feet with a very wide grin. "Then let's not make the lady and her tea and pastries wait! Is this her unbirthday too? Because I'm afraid I don't have any ungifts on me..."

"Oh, for the love of—!" Five of Hearts began just pushing him away, towards the clearing's edge.

Sometimes, it paid to be easily forgettable, Chamo thought as his head carefully peeked out of the bushes he had been hiding into after the cards' arrival. He waited just a couple of moments after Negi and the others were led away, and then jumped after their trail, moving as stealthily as possible. Coward or not, he was not the kind of filthy coward to leave his brother and four cute girls at the chopping block! He'd have to find a convenient hiding place though. Alice's skirt would do, it was so wide and poofy you could hide another loli under there...

Once he was gone as well, the large grin on the tree moved further ahead, and began laughing aloud, as the striped figure of a cat appeared around it...

* * *

 _Saint Canard:_

"—so, as you can see, Sempai," Nodoka explained patiently as they walked down the suburbs, "I just chose that species for you because of, well, your twin-tails! I wasn't trying to insult you, really! We hardly even know you at all!"

"I suspected that much," Rin dryly said, the short tail that now stuck from the back of her skirt wagging slightly behind her. Her small nose was now cold, round and black; and her twin-tails had been replaced by two furry brown dog ears of the same length. "Just making sure."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Deadpool asked Mickey, who simply walked along with his hood down, his mouse head exposed for everyone to see.

"I'm enjoying being able to stroll around as myself, but of course I'd never enjoy seeing human beings subjected to uncomfortable changes," Mickey piously said.

"Uh-huh," said Kotaro, who was walking in his wolf form, with a loose shirt that Nodoka had summoned for him over his increased frame. "And yet, you're making no effort to hide that giant key of yours..."

Mickey raised the Keyblade over his head as they passed by next to a strolling couple of parakeet-people, and loudly said, "Mickey, Donald and Goofy's Locksmithing! We smith locks! Coming soon to this neighborhood!"

"... ah," Kotaro blandly said. Then he stared at Deadpool. "And you? That's gotta be the crappiest costume I've ever seen. You shoulda accepted the form Library-chan tried to give you..."

"This one works just as well!" Deadpool protested, pointing a thumb at his own chest while wearing a cross-eyed, badly sewn together dog head over his mask. "Hey, you!" he called out for a fat pig who was passing by in his nightly jog. "I look like a normal, average denizen of this fair city, don't I?"

The pig stopped, blinked at him, and asked, "You're a friend of Herb Muddlefoot, aren't you?"

"Well, I'd be a friend of anyone with that kind of name if I only—"

"We are," a resigned Mickey pushed Deadpool forward, quickening his step. Then he hissed at the man, "Really, you should have taken that form! It's a miracle we've made it this far without being stopped by one of those robots!"

"Who would ever suspect anything bad about Paul J. Dogpool, accountant and perfect model citizen? That's me, by the way," Dogpool replied. "And besides, for the last time, I wasn't going to be a beaver! Why should I? Just because I'm a Canadian (maybe, damn memory implants!)? That's racist and stereotypical!"

"How about a moose, then?" Nodoka shyly suggested, the twitching Kero pretending to be a pendant hanging from her neck. Nodoka and Yue wore matching cat ears and tails, also brought on them from the magic of The Create. "You like moose, don't you?"

"That's even worse!" Dogpool cried.

"A wolverine?" Nodoka asked now.

"You're doing this to annoy me, aren't you?! That's supposed to be MY role!"

Mickey massaged the bulging veins on his head back down and sighed, looking up at a street sign. "Well, looks like we've finally hit Avian Way. This was the last known place of residence of Launchpad McQuack, the sidekick for the person we're looking for."

"They prefer 'junior partner', I think," Yue said.

"No, he's definitely a sidekick," Mickey said. "You'll see"

"Launchpad McQuack?" Rin echoed, a corner of her mouth stretching. "Not to be, well, a female dog, but again, what kind of insane name is that?"

"You namist!" Dogpool accused her.

 _Somewhere else, Chisame sneezed._

"An edgy gray-haired bishounen, Roger Rabbit, even Oswald..." Mickey was muttering to himself as he closed his eyes and shook his head. "Woody Woodpecker, Doraemon, Mortimer, even _Howard_..." as he spoke, the motions of his hands slowly became more and more desperate and urgent. "So many, so many, I could have stumbled into to share this quest, and I had to—"

He sighed very deeply, then stopped before one of the houses, a charming suburban residence all painted white and preceded by a well trimmed garden. The others stopped behind him. "Okay, deep breath, deep breath, keep your cool, Mickey..."

"You feeling okay there, King-Dude?" Dogpool asked.

"YES!" he asked, loud and clear, and all too stiff, before lowering his voice back to normal. "This is it. 357 Avian Way. Donald once told me, Mr. McQuack, who also used to be his uncle's private pilot, lived here and—"

He then realized everybody else had left him behind and Yue was ringing on the front door. Mickey exhaled another exasperated sigh and quickly joined them, pushing his way to the forefront. He straightened and placed a hand on his own chest as the door went open. "Good evening, Mr. Launchpad! Sorry to bother you, but I'm a friend of your boss' nephew Donald, and—"

"Vigilante!" Rin gasped, pointing dramatically in a Kaleid-y fashion.

"— yeah, also a Vigilante who... what? No!" Mickey said.

"Launchpad McQuack doesn't live here anymore," the duck who had just opened the door coldly told them. "And absolutely no Vigilantes have ever lived here either, and... wh-what is that creature with the badly sewn head doing to my mailbox now?!"

Dogpool lowered his leg and innocently asked, "What? We dogs are supposed to do this... right?"

* * *

 _Mahora:_

"See, Rito, see?" the tall, shapely, pink-haired Lala Satalin Deviluke cheerfully said as she led her fiancé Yuuki Rito towards the large spaceship that had crashed in the middle of the Southern woods, close to the river that ran through Mahora. As soon as it had entered Earth's gravitational pull after breaking through the dimensional barrier, it had triggered the surveillance systems Lala had set up in the event one of her more amorous and bothersome suitors would arrive, looking for her. "I told you it'd be right here!"

Rito gulped and nodded absently, stepping closer to the downed craft, on shaky legs but trying his best to keep a brave face on. When the crisis broke out all over Mahora, spreading from several focal points that had manifested themselves at once, the faculty had been too pressed to keep the safety of the student body as their main priority, so it seemed they hadn't been able to send any staffers there yet. Naturally, that HAD TO mean it fell on him to help Lala stop those invaders before their latest madcap attempt to force her into marriage would wreck large portions of the school again.

Already those weird alien thingies they had been sending down were pushing the students into a frenzy, so things were bad enough by that point. No need whatsoever for them to get any worse!

Well, to be perfectly honest, at least one staffer had been dispatched to deal with the UFO anomaly, the local expert assigned by the Galaxy Federation's contacts with Mahora. A woman who was even taller and more buxom than Lala, who walked along them quietly puffing on a cigarette, and not even bothering to keep the housecoat she wore over her pink negligee closed. It was no wonder Rito would prefer to keep advancing towards the unknown of the ship rather than looking back at Mikado Ryoko-sensei, who obviously was either too lazy and shameless to dress properly when called in the middle of the night, or too devoted to her job to even pause to cover herself when needed.

"It doesn't look like any design I'm familiar with," Ryoko observed, more interested than anything else. "Princess?"

Lala shook her head, scanning the ship up and down with a small device sporting three large red, swirling eyes. Miraculously, the device hadn't malfunctioned and stripped everybody naked yet. "It barely looks functional! Certainly not aerodynamic enough. It's the kind of design I'd come up when I was a child. But then again, it can be excused, since humans are still so new to space travel…"

"Humans?" a confused Rito stopped. "Why would you say this thing was made by humans? Just because it looks clunky?"

"Well, that, and because I get readings of two human beings inside," Lala said.

"What?!" Rito did a double take. Then he shouted towards the half open door on the ship's left flank," Oi, whoever's in there! C-Come out and leave that ship now! A-And let your human hostages go! … please?!"

There was some rustling and a short discussion from the inside, and out the door peeked a small head with large clear eyes and bright pink hair, made into two side-tails tied with white bows. Followed, a moment later, by an identical head, different only because of a more fearful expression, and the fact its hair was made into twin bums. Ryoko cursed under her breath.

"Ah! But if it isn't Paru's boyfriend Rito-chan!" Narutaki Fuuka greeted the boy, before recognizing the girl who had been awing Mahora over the last few weeks as the newest sensation at campus. "And Deviluke-sempai, as well! And Mikado-sensei! Why are you here?"

A vein bulged through the skin of Rito's forehead. "Why are we here? Why are you here?! And don't call me Rito-chan! Only Haruna-chan can do that! I'm your sempai!"

Fuuka rolled her eyes. "It's rude to answer questions with other questions and an order, sempai. Anyway, our ninja camp's near here! Kaede-nee says we aren't skilled enough to use hers yet, so we set our own!"

"Okay," Ryoko said, "and why are you inside of a spaceship, then?"

"W-Well," Fumika gulped, "we were, ahhhh, setting a campfire at our, ah, our camp, when we saw this, this shooting star, and then we saw it falling into the woods, and Fuuka-chan we should check it out! So we dressed up, I mean, we put the fire out, and came… I mean, we came here, not there, I mean…"

"We came both here and there," Fuuka pointed out, as Fumika blanched, Ryoko frowned, and Rito and Lala just scratched their heads in confusion. Thankfully for Rito. "That is, we saw this and assumed it was another failed experiment from the Space Exploration Club, so I told Fumika-chan we should check it from the inside…"

"You saw an alien-looking vessel crashing in the wilderness, and your first instinct was to walk inside to have sex?!" Mikado said in utter disbelief. She was a kinky woman herself, but never to Darwin Award extremes.

"To have what?!" Rito squawked, arms flailing.

Fuuka sniffed and lifted her nose while an embarrassed Fumika hid her face against her sister's arm. "You didn't see us doing it, you can't prove we did it, so we didn't do it! The sex, I mean. But off the record, the more forbidden and dangerous, the better, don't you see?"

"But, but, but, but, but, but you're sisters!" Rito cried.

"Aren't you aware," Ryoko evenly asked the twins, "there are dangerous creatures of unknown origins currently swarming all over Mahora?"

"What?!" Fumika screamed.

"For real? Whoa, Sensei, if you're trying to get one over us for this, you'd better think a better lie…"

"Is Kaede-nee okay?!" Fumika cried.

Ryoko nodded. "The few students of 3-A we could locate are currently under Takahata-sensei's protection, and Nagase is with them. She's rather worried about the two of you, actually."

"Oh, so she didn't know about the secret camp, then!" Fuuka rubbed her chin and grinned. "We're better than I thought!"

"For the love of God, sisters!" Rito protested, livid. "That's forbidden, dangerous love! Lala, say something!"

"They did say the more dangerous and forbidden the better for them, didn't they?" Lala asked. "I think they're cute! They remind me a lot of my own sisters, just far more incestuous. Although not for a lack of trying on Momo's part…"

"LALA!" Rito yelled.

"Is anyone else with you?" Ryoko asked the Narutakis.

Fuuka shook her head. "This place was deserted when we arrived. Although there were those strange footprints all over the mud…" she pointed at a trail of very big footprints leading away from the ship. They looked like they belonged to rounded, oversized shoes.

"You saw footprints like those and assumed they belonged to the Space Exploration Club," a dismayed Mikado said.

"Well, in our defense, they are THAT weird," Fumika piped in.

As Mikado ran her hand down her own face, Lala stepped in, past the twins, and stared intently at the ship's controls, touching them lightly with her fingers. "Very cool…! Looks like a mental interface-based system! A basic design, so simple even a child with a Level 8 intellect could handle it!"

"What do you mean, Lala?" Rito asked, grumbling as he and Mikado reluctantly made their way in from the outside.

"It would appear," Lala hummed, her hand swiftly traveling over the panel, up and down and back, examining the configuration, "it runs based on the user's emotional spectrum. Specifically, it would seem to gain power and acceleration from happiness. Oh, I'm SO HAPPY to have made this discovery! Although I think I saw one vaguely similar of this, way back in—"

The door abruptly slammed shut. The ship began rattling back to life.

"LALA!" Rito yelled again.

"What did I do?!"

* * *

"AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!" Fuuka and Fumika shrieked, hugging each other while the Gummi Ship zoomed through the atmosphere, up in a nearly perfect vertical line.

"Lala, what the hell are you doing?! Stop it now!" Rito screamed, stumbling around after losing all balance, and slamming into Ryoko's body, head sinking between her large breasts. "Ugugugugu!" he gurgled, jerking back while pressing a hand against his bleeding nose.

"Why, Yuuki-kun…!" Ryoko chuckled before bumping her head against a wall. "Oops!" she cringed, rubbing the bump amongst her hair with a hand.

Lala, however, just smiled in an impossibly wide way, eyes sparkling madly. Her tail had swirled around taking a heart shape. "This… This is incredible! For such a primitive model to reach this takeoff speed, reaching warp levels now! What is its secret? I just have to learn it! Ooohh, the challenge! The thrill of learning when one thought one had learned everything! This is the happiest day of my… recent… life!"

"Lala-sama!" the white, swirly-eyed decoration on Lala's head cried. "I'm always glad you're glad, but perhaps you should be a little less glad!"

"Ah? Why, Peke?" she asked, tilting her eyes up towards it.

"We're going to burn in space, my tummy is all upside down, and that thing is talking! Nee-chan I'm afraid!" Fumika wailed.

"Fumika-chan, one last glomp!" Fuuka sobbed, squeezing her sister's rump.

"What are you all making so much of a fuss about?" Lala tilted her head aside. "This is normal escape acceleration!"

"No, it isn't! And I've been in many flights before!" Ryoko disagreed, as this time she was the one to stumble and land with her breasts around Rito's head. Rito cried like a girl.

"Well," Lala pouted, keeping herself remarkably steady for such a takeoff, although the speed was diminishing as she pouted, "it is standard speed for Devilukean ships, at least!" Then her face brightened up as she toyed with more of the controls. "Ah! It's a multi-language function! Now it'll be even easier to control! Look, look, Rito, they have Khund! Saiyan! Legalese! Thanagarian! Czarnian, even! What's this? A warp function, too? Ooohooohooo, could it be…?"

As Lala's eyes mischievously took odd curved shapes taken straight from a gag manga, Rito yelled, hugging one of the seats behind her, "Dammit, Lala! Do you want to get us killed?! This isn't a toy, act your age, you can't simply—!"

"Warp Speed!" Lala cooed, gleefully slamming a finger on a large button consisting of three circles that was shaped vaguely like a mouse's head.

"—damn woman," Rito dryly said, one moment before the space around the ship shifted into a blinding flash, and Fuuka and Fumika's cries and mouths melded into one.

* * *

When Lala realized the ship was now floating, stranded and losing momentum, in the middle of a stellar layout she didn't recognize, she realized perhaps she had taken things a bit too far. This depressed her, since she had never intended to get Rito into any trouble.

As soon as her smile went down into a frown, the ship began quickly losing altitude, heading down at an even higher speed towards the small dark planet they had appeared close to after emerging from the other end of the warping vortex. The celestial body's gravity caught them just as Rito was beginning to wake up, wondering why he felt like he was breathing white cotton…

Then the impact of the violent landing, even though softened by the Gummi Ship's automatic shields, knocked him out a second time.

* * *

The Dark Lord sitting on the top of that world's tallest mountain saw the tiny shooting star speeding down towards the other end of his homeworld, past the borders of his black kingdom, close to the mage's domains. Something in his sinister heart stirred uncomfortably, in a way akin to that of a diminutive red hot needle prodding his charred soul. He had just had a presage about that apparition, and so he opened his wide, bat-like wings and roared.

The demons crawling and prowling all around the rocky mountain, under the starless sky, paused and looked up, at the giant who stared fire towards the other end of the planet. They stood silent before his inhuman growl. The horned nightmare sank his claws into the rock and dragged them across the hard surface, ripping through the ebony stone, seething miasma and poison.

Chernabog was not pleased.

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

Now, Negi, Alice, Asuna, Skuld, the Hare, the Seven of Hearts and Gadget sat in that order, before a very tall stand painted in checkered red and black, in the middle of a gigantic garden surrounded by bushes of red roses (a few of which suspiciously dripped red paint). Behind the garden, there was a majestic white castle with four towers that were even higher than those of Mahora, so Asuna was fairly impressed by that, and not so much by the bizarre menagerie of colorful beings populating the audience and the jury stands of the hastily concocted royal court. She'd been to last year's Mahorafest after all, and honestly, it didn't compare.

Alice could recognize Mr. Dodo, happily puffing on his pipe, among the jury, along with the hapless looking Bill the Lizard, still coated in chimney ash. There also was an odd little man in a Fauntleroy suit, shaped like a white egg, which was mighty strange because he wasn't supposed to be in the book this story was based onto. There also were several other clothed animals whispering to each other and occasionally pointing thumbs at the defendants, then ran fingers across their own throats and shaking their heads.

Alice cringed at that, on the verge of tears, but Negi reached over to gently pat her small hand. "Don't worry. I happen to know some customs of this kingdom. The Queen of Hearts is always sentencing her subjects to death, but the King will always pardon them later, behind her back, before the sentences can be carried over," he told her in a low voice.

"That's in the book, Negi," a somber Skuld said, gripping her mallet. Thank the Father the card soldiers, with their paper brains, were not smart enough as to take it away from her. "In the book."

Negi gave her a confused glare. "Do you mean there are other versions?"

Skuld glared back. "You never watched a lot of TV, did you?"

"I wasn't even aware there was a book…" Asuna mused.

"Somebody wrote a book about my life without my consent? That is awfully rude from them," Alice opined. "And my family could have used the publishing royalties!"

"Ask Reverend Dobson next time you meet him," Skuld muttered.

Alice was about to ask what that nice man had to do with any of this when she was interrupted by the blare of a trumpet. "Mr. Rabbit!" Alice said with a returning smile.

The White Rabbit stood before the royal stand, lowering his golden trumpet and announcing in a loud and clear voice, "Everyone stand up for the most excellent, most glorious, most wise, most benevolent, most magnificent, most fair, most beautiful Red Queen of Hearts! And the King," he added as an afterthought, before quickly stepping aside and saluting.

The audience, the attendants and the jury all stood while an imposing, bulky figure in checkered red and black made her pompous way to the podium, bulbous nose high, thick, chubby arms cradling a golden scepter with a heart at its tip. Her dress was so long it hid her feet from sight, and there was a very tall golden crown on her head. Her hair was black and slick, bunched up into a bum, and her eyes were large, round and black, with long and thick eyelashes. Behind her marched a tiny man who had to hurry comically just to keep up to her step, short legs barely up to the task, his crown obviously too big for his size, his powdered wig only adding to his sense of ridiculousness rather than giving him any dignity. Negi was reminded of the fish that lived in the deepest trenches of the ocean, the females being huge, hideous predators, the males being diminutive parasites that fused on the females' bodies to act as their sperm banks.

The domineering figure of the Queen stopped behind her podium, took hold of a mallet, and slammed it down. "GUILTY! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" she shouted.

"Guilty! Off with their heads!" the King nodded and clapped his doll hands.

Asuna glared at Negi. "So the King would spare us, right?"

"Darned Adaptation Decay!" Negi groaned.

Alice stood up, nearly jumping. "Your Honor, I mean, Your Majesty, I protest! We can't be found guilty until the trial is over!"

"Well, it is over now," the Queen's wide shoulders shrugged. "Is there any time limit on how lengthy trials should be? Because I don't remember ever writing any. And you have just further proved your guilt by objecting to my decisions."

"I'm all up for the trial to be over right now," the March Hare observed, "as long as it means the tea ceremony will follow immediately."

The Queen nodded and gestured with her mallet towards the Hare. "Do you see, young lady? Your accomplice accepts the Queen's wisdom. So we only will cut half of his neck."

"Oh, that's good to know!" the Hare breathed in relief. "Which half?"

Alice facepalmed.

Negi swallowed, then said, "But Your Majesty, wouldn't that mean your valuable time has been wasted, then? After all, they made you come here, only for you to dictate a verdict so quickly?"

The Queen blinked, frowned, then hesitantly said, "Well… there is some truth to your words. Who has dared staged a lightning trial, only to make me waste my time like this? It took me more time to come here than to listen to the testimony and debate the facts! Who is responsible for this?"

The assembled cards gasped, then began to frantically point at each other, over the next few moments, before all settling on pointing at Three of Hearts, even himself. Then he realized that and gasped in horror.

The Queen slammed her mallet again. "GUILTY! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

Then she looked at Negi's group again. "We will listen to your case now. This morning, one of your shadow creatures came to my palace and tried to steal my heart. It was only due to the efforts of our private guard, it could be driven off. Are you going to deny that fact?"

Negi was fairly impressed. For all of their silly appearances, those soldiers had to be very good at their job, if they could hold their own against a major Heartless like the Bat Knight.

"How are you so sure it was after your heart, ma'am?" Asuna asked. "Did it talk to you, or—"

"You will not answer a question with another question!" the Queen bellowed. "You will answer with the answer we asked from you!"

"Well," Alice said, "we aren't aware of the facts that transpired while we weren't here, but if you say that's what happened to you, we couldn't possibly put a Queen's word in doubt, so it must have happened, but…!"

"That sounds like a confession of guilt to us! Off with her head!" the Queen cried.

"Undeniably!" the King nodded quickly.

"I only said it must have happened, not that we had anything to do with it!" Alice protested.

"Where is our lawyer anyway?" Asuna asked. "For that matter, we weren't even given the 'you have the right to remain silent' speech! That arrest wasn't valid! I cry fowl!"

"Foul," Negi corrected.

"Whatever!"

"You should ask this man instead," Alice pointed at the Hare. "He was the one with the short, awful man who sicced that monster on us!"

"Which short awful man?" the Queen asked.

"A hatter," Gadget answered. "Who was quite mad."

"All of us are mad here," a crooning voice said from nowhere. "I am mad, you are mad, and the Queen is the maddest of all..."

"Who said that?" the Queen looked in all directions. "I want their head off! That's the worst thing anyone has ever said to us!"

"I, I don't know!" the King gulped, while he and everyone else also looked around for the source of the mysterious voice. "I could have been anyone!"

"Well, then we want for everyone's heads off!" the Queen huffed.

"Even the executioner's?" Skuld asked.

"Especially the executioner's!" the Queen waved a hand. "I never liked him anyway!"

"But who would behead the executioner, My Love?" the King asked.

"Couldn't he just behead himself? Why must I think think of everything? It's like no one else has a head on their shoulders!"

"But why would the executioner behead himself?" Alice asked.

"Because otherwise we'll have him beheaded, of course!" the Queen said, frankly appalled at this girl's stupidity. Perhaps she wouldn't miss anything after her head was off.

"I think," Negi opined, "our case should wait until the Mad Hatter is brought here to answer for his role in this affair. After all, a proper trial can't be carried over without the whole weight of the available evidence."

"And," Skuld added, "it would give you one more head to cut off."

"Skuld-san!" Negi hissed.

"Trust me! I know what I'm doing!"

The Queen scowled, then rubbed her round, doughy chin thoughtfully. "One more head…? One on which sits a tall, beautiful top hat…? Well, there is no problem that cannot be fixed by taking one more head off. Even so, how can I be sure you aren't just stalling for time?"

Skuld smiled. "You have my word on it! And that's the word of a goddess!"

"Should he be charming her by now?" Asuna muttered, looking between Negi and the Queen of Hearts with a frown. "Of all the times for his strange sex appeal to conk out on us..."

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"My repeated failures at locating her can only mean one of two things," Hakase declared grimly, pacing back and forth before the assembled Chisame, Matoi, Sakurako and Cid at the latter's workshop. Cid sat smoking a cigarette and utterly failing to look like he gave a shit. Matoi melded like a shadow to Chisame's back, much to Hasegawa's annoyance; on unknown grounds, the older girl fell back onto old habits instead of sitting at Chisame's side, which would have been less unnerving. Sakurako put on her best long mortified face, twiddling her fingers on her knees. "Since we haven't scanned any new ships leaving or entering our current aerial space, either Chachamaru has returned to the sub-dimension located within Evangeline's cottage, or some new transdimensional anomaly has claimed her."

"So we just walk back into Eva's and see if she's there," Sakurako groaned. "What's so difficult about that? Why are we stalling so much?"

"Do we need to remind you of how Eva was acting last time we saw her?" Chisame asked.

"So what, even if she's grumpier than usual, she won't hurt us," Sakurako said. "I mean, she could have done it before leaving, and yet she didn't."

"Only because we weren't pushing ourselves on her and into her house," Chisame said. "As the current de facto leader, no matter how much I may hate it, you're all... ugh... my responsibility now, and I'm not letting you get close to Eva until we're sure it's safe."

"No, I think Sakurako-chan's right!" Satomi stopped to face her roommate. "Negi wouldn't want us to abandon a teammate… friend… daughter to her own devices near an Evangeline-san in an altered state of mind!"

"You can walk directly onto Eva-sama's toes and get frozen for all I care, Forehead-san," Matoi said, "but I won't have you undermining Chisame-sama's authority while doing so. And you know everybody else in Ala Alba will support Chisame-sama's decision. Since, you know, even Haruna-san's not that insane."

"Guys," Aerith pushed the workshop's door open, "can you spare a moment? I was knocking, but—"

"If necessary, I'll go alone with Sakurako-chan and Itoshiki-sensei!" Satomi argued.

"The skinny weirdo? Why him?" Cid asked.

"Well, he'll seize any chance he has to place himself in mortal peril…" Satomi explained.

"You have a visitor, in the event you're interested…" Aerith said.

"We're supposed to be all together in this! And we aren't going there all together, so we're staying here all together until Negi returns!" Chisame was telling Satomi.

"Chisame," Satomi said, "I'm Chachamaru's mother before being a member of Ala Alba! Don't force me to choose between one and the other!"

"And before being Chachamaru's mother, you were the daughter of… of… whoever your parents happen to be! Do you want me to give them the news I let their daughter get frozen to death by a mad vampire on an alien world?!"

"Out of all the sentences I never thought I'd ever heard…" Cid pondered.

Aerith clapped her hands loudly and stomped a foot on the floor. "Will someone start paying attention to me already?!"

Chisame, Matoi, Satomi, Sakurako and Cid all turned their heads around to look at her.

Aerith's cheeks went briefly pink before she hummed and hawed, with a fist on her mouth. "Sorry. Miss Chachamaru has just made it back. I thought you'd want to know…"

"Chachamaru!" Satomi joyfully ran past Aerith and into the arms of the girl who had just stepped behind her. "I knew no harm could have befallen such a perfect specimen of advanced engineering!" she said, sinking her face into Chachamaru's stomach as the gynoid tenderly caressed her hair.

"I'm glad to see you again as well, Mother," Chachamaru said quietly. "And you as well," she bowed for the others. "However, I feel I must ask… where is Negi-sensei at the time?"

"Well, he took the spaceship and left for another planet with Asuna-chan, Skuld-chan, Chamo-kun and some mouse girl we found in the ship," Sakurako answered. "Apparently they think they can find Negi's dad and some clues on how to get back home."

"Ah," Chachamaru said. "That would explain why, as Konoe-san told me while greeting me, Iinchou-san has been locked up in her room crying over the whole last day."

"Yeah, it would explain it," Chisame dryly said. "And how's Evangeline doing, by the way?"

"I'm not sure. She is undergoing some heavy emotional turmoil at the moment, and I decided to leave her handle it by herself for the time being. I believe she's having the midlife crisis my alternate self warned me of."

"Uh-huh. You did that after Eva kicked you out?" Chisame guessed.

"Well, that was a factor greatly involved in my decision, yes…"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	10. The Laughing Cat

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

Disclaimer: the authors of this work do not actually think Anglicans are stupid. What Norse goddess might think is another matter, but that's not us. The opinions of Norse goddesses are not endorsed by these writers.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Nine**.

* * *

"So," said the Queen, clearly unimpressed, "you are a goddess."

"That I am," Skuld nodded, smiling.

"You should know as well as I do, there is only one God, and you also know blasphemy is almost a serious a crime as insulting the queen," the Queen remarked, moving her mallet in circles. "We're all proper Anglicans here, you know!"

"So what are you going to do then? Cut her other head as well…?" chuckled the voice that Alice recognized as that of the Cat.

The Queen looked in all directions again. "By the end of the trial, you'd better have found that scoundrel, or all heads here will roll!"

"Did I ever say I was a god?" Skuld asked. "I said I am a goddess. Does your Bible say anything about there being only one goddess?"

The Queen opened her huge mouth, frowned, closed it back, rubbed her jaw for a moment, then asked, more reluctant, "And what proof do you have to give of your divinity?"

"You are on the throne, aren't you?" Skuld asked.

"Actually, right now, she's standing at our courtyard, presiding over your—" the King began.

His wife bopped his head down. "She means I'm the current sovereign, you fool!"

Skuld nodded. "And kings and queens remain in power because the deities wish it so. I wish for you to remain in power, because seriously, who wouldn't? So that proves I'm a goddess, since my will is for you to rule, and you rule."

There were numerous murmurs and nods of approval both in the public and jury, while Gadget, Alice and Asuna simply sat in a stupefied silence and Negi had violent flashbacks to Kafka reading assignments. The Queen blushed lightly at the flattery, then coughed and softly rapped the mallet. "While your words hold a lot of wisdom and common sense, this court would like to see a display of your divine powers before issuing an opinion."

"Very well," Skuld said. "When mortals ask me for proof, I always give them two choices. I can display my power by razing their whole country to ashes and charred bone, or I can display it through the miracle of the two hot water glasses. Which would you prefer, chosen of the Heavens?"

The Queen blinked, then ordered the White Rabbit, "Bring us two glasses of hot water on the double!"

The Rabbit swallowed loudly, saluted clumsily, then ran out of sight as fast as he could, to return seconds later holding a glass of steaming water in each paw. "Is this, is this hot enough for you?" he reverently asked, offering both glasses to Skuld.

She hummed, touched them with the tip of a finger, and nodded. "Your offering pleases the goddess. Set them down on the grass, at least five feet apart from each other."

As the Rabbit fearfully did so, the Queen pulled a out pair of spectacles and put them on, staring intently. The audience and the jury also looked on expectantly, while the King clutched on to his consort's dress. Skuld stepped before one of the glasses, placed a foot above one of them, and then disappeared in a flash, making everyone but Negi, Skuld and Asuna gasp. A moment later, she reappeared above the other glass, arms wide open. "Ta-daaaaa!"

The public broke into shocked gasps and interjections, and then into frantic clapping and cheering. Even the Queen seemed visibly impressed. She stood up and proclaimed, "Welcome to our kingdom… O Goddess of Hot Water!"

"… goddess of the future…" Skuld mumbled lowly, before adding in a higher voice. "So, um, as you can see, I hold unspeakable power over the forces of nature, and unless you allow us to go, I shall wreck havoc upon your homeland, blah blaah blah, doom and gloom. Can we go now?"

"As long as you bring me the Mad Hatter's head," the Queen regained her deep, stern scowl. "Preferably attached to his body, so we can separate them personally."

"That can't be, we don't condone murder, not even if it is—" Negi started.

"Done!" Skuld nodded firmly.

"Skuld-san!" Negi cried.

"What? It's not murder, it's an official government execution after a just trial. That's totally cool. Even Batman would be okay with that."

"And of course," the Queen added, "while we never would dream of holding a goddess against her will, we are still going to keep one of you detained until you deliver the true guilty party to us."

"Please don't smite us," the King begged.

Skuld grimaced, then, as she felt all stares on her, most of them in terror, swallowed. "W-Well, I am a benevolent goddess, so of course I will humor your, ah, mortal petition and hold my almighty hand from burning your planet just yet. So… who are we supposed to sacrifice, I mean, leave under your custody in the meantime?"

* * *

"Dammit, Skuld, Brat, I'm not going to forget this! Ever!" Asuna fumed as she clutched the bars of the giant cage she had been stuck into, which hung next to the royal stand, flanked by two armed cards. "I'm a political prisoner! Call Amnesty International! Call on the Headmaster! Konoka knows very good lawyers! I'm sure money won't be an issue! _Damn it, where's Chamo when you need him for something like this?-!-?-!-?-!-?_ "

"Well, you were the one carrying this, Asuna-san," Negi sheepishly said, holding Asuna's sword with a certain amount of visible effort, "so perhaps they thought you were the most dangerous of us?"

"Actually," the Queen said from the stand while flipping through a flamingo cricket program, "I just can't trust anyone who wears bells in her hair."

"Ah, that sounds reasonable enough," Gadget nodded.

"When I get outta here, I'm going to stock up on mousetraps!" Asuna promised.

"Anyway," the Queen said, stifling a yawn, "you have until nightfall to find this Mad Hatter and bring him to us, with evidence he is the mastermind behind the attack on my royal person. Or else, this bell-wearing head shall roll at the chopping block. That will be all for now, court is in recess, is anyone up for a game of cricket in the meantime?"

"Before you go," the March Hare eagerly asked Skuld, "can you do the water trick again for me? It's my unbirthday, after all!"

Skuld sighed. "Okay, all right, get me two more glasses and let's make it quick…"

* * *

"In any criminal investigation," recitated Negi, who had been taught Magical Crime Detection Basics in Merdiana, and had been disheartened when he learned the advanced courses only could be taken after hitting fifteen years of age, "it's important to go back to the crime scene and look for any clues the perpetrator might have left behind. That can tell you not only about the culprit's identity, which we already know in this case, but about their whereabouts, which is what we need to learn now."

He knelt in the middle of Tetch's wrecked tea party, carefully going over the shattered remains of the Hatter's chair, occasionally adjusting his tiny bifocals to look at a particular strand of loose hair or minuscule piece of shoe dirt. "You know," mused Gadget, who stood slightly apart with Alice and Skuld, "I've been wondering about those glasses. They seemed too small to work properly on someone your size, but…"

He smiled somewhat sheepishly, back at her. "Yes, they are specifically designed to help me in the analysis of magical particles. Magic, like everything else, leaves a faint trail behind, even after a certain scene has been cleaned. If anything, contamination is more harmful to research than cleansing, since it brings further elements you can't be sure were part of the original incident or not. Tetch is no magical adept, so the means to control and create Heartless must have been bestowed upon him by someone else. And yet, by their own nature, the Queen's soldiers must be of magical origins as well. So, when they walked all over this scene, they erased a lot of what Tetch left behind…"

He sighed, pressed Asuna's card against his forehead again, and asked, "How are things going over there, Asuna-san?"

 _Fatso's still playing cricket with the other weirdos,_ Asuna's voice reported, _and they seem to have forgotten about me. She's sentenced three talking birds and two noblemen to death already. What a sore loser. You already caught up to Hatter?_

"Not yet, I'm sorry," the boy said. "Please hang in there, Asuna-san. We're doing our best."

 _Well, try doing your fastest too!_ Asuna protested. _If you don't make it back soon, they're going to make me one head shorter!_

"Asuna-san," he evenly said, "there's nothing to worry about."

 _YOU of all people are saying that?!_

"If we fail to meet the deadline," he said, "I'll just use the card to summon you to my side, that's all."

 _..._

"Asuna-san?"

 _...!_

"Asuna-san, are you okay?"

 _NO, OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY! BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME IN THIS STINKY BIRDCAGE WHEN YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN ME OUT ANY TIME YOU WANTED TO! Why haven't you transported me yet?!_

"Because," Negi said, "we can't let the Queen of Hearts know we can, not yet. If we do that, she'll just send more guards after us, and they'll keep getting in our way before we can find and stop the Mad Hatter. Besides, you'll be safer there for the moment. If we need your help, I'll make sure to summon you."

 _SAFER HERE?! I'm surrounded by mad people who want to chop my head off!_

"They won't do it yet, and until the deadline's up, you're safer there than you'd be out in the open," Negi reasoned. "You have nice, thick metal bars to protect you."

 _Oh! So, you'd have left everyone else caged as well, if you could have?_

"..." it was Negi's turn to say.

 _NEGI, YOU IDIOT!_

Negi lowered the card and sighed. "The labor of an educator is often harsh and unthanked."

* * *

Asuna lowered her card and seethed to herself. "Honestly, that damn brat! Chisame's too soft on him! I'd have whipped him into shape already!"

Then she saw one of the two card soldiers standing guard next to her cage making amorous eyes on her direction. "Why, hello there, gorgeous..." he crooned.

Asuna grimaced. "No offense, Mister, but you're not my type!"

The card made a disgusted face. "Who was talking to you, ruffian? I was talking to her!" And he lovingly pointed at Asuna's Pactio card. "Such a lovely beauty! What are you doing in such bad companies?"

"... she has my face, you know," Asuna said.

"Yes, but she makes it work!"

"Oh, for the love of—!"

* * *

"I am certainly impressed," Alice said, hands intertwined before her. "Magic has more practical applications than I'd ever have thought possible. And the way Miss Skuld used her magic to make the Queen think she was a goddess was very intelligent, as well."

"Actually, I _am_ a goddess," Skuld said.

Alice blinked, then laughed gently. "W-Well, that's a rather funny joke, but we all know there's only one God in Heaven, and please don't tell me the same answer you gave the Queen...!"

"But I am a..." Skuld tossed her hands up. "You know what, forget it!"

Alice nodded. "Because a real goddess could have actually just razed this whole country to the ground, not that I'm saying you should have done it."

"Sure, think whatever you want," Skuld pouted. "Stupid Anglicans, this is really going too far and too long just to justify one little divorce...!"

"Ah-hah!" Negi cried, bringing their attention back to him. "I found it! A trail Tetch must have left while he fled the scene!" Eagerly, he rushed through a narrow pass between the bushes, followed by the girls... only to stop abruptly with an anguished gasp.

The small dog with a broom for a head who had been diligently wiping the Hatter's trail up to that point, coming from a direction opposite to Negi's, looked up as the boy screeched to a halt before it, then jumped on all fours and quickly ran back into the woods.

Negi drooped to his knees on the dirt. "Darn it! Where's Milky Holmes or someone from the detective school annex when you need them..."

Alice sighed. "Yes, he's done the same thing to me before you found me, I'm afraid..."

Negi took his hands to his head. "Ahhh! What are we supposed to do now?! I can't even fly up and search from above! The forest is too dense for that to work!"

"What if we just summon Miss Asuna, cut our losses, and leave to try for the next world?" Gadget suggested. "By this point it's clear we won't find King Mickey, your father, or anything of any scientific value here."

"All these strange creatures aren't of any scientific interest to you?" Alice asked. "I'm sure Professor Darwin, one of my father's colleagues, would find them extremely interesting..."

"They are too illogical to be scientific," Gadget waved a hand.

"Your concept of science is obviously just tinkering around with household items," Skuld muttered.

Negi exhaled. "We can't just leave and let Tetch do what he wants here!"

"That's right," Gadget said, "but if we find King Mickey first, he'd be far more qualified to deal with this situation. For starters, he could convince the Queen to help him, since they're equals..."

"I know a solution!" a voice triumphantly proclaimed from within Alice's dress. "One of you should try a Pactio with my bro here!"

"EEEEEEEEEEE!" Alice shrieked, leaping back and shaking her skirt energetically, then quickly stomping, several times on what fell off it even before realizing it kept on screaming with a highly human voice.

 _ **"ANIMAL ABUSEEEEEEE!"**_

"Oh, there you are, Chamo-san," Skuld deadpanned. "I was starting to wonder where you were."

"Seriously?" Gadget asked. "To be perfectly honest, I'd forgotten about him altogether."

"Me too, but I was trying to be kind," Skuld easily confessed.

A sniffling Negi picked the beaten, twisted ermine and held him close to his chest. "Really, why are you girls always picking on Chamo one way or another?"

"I think I see many nightmare pink elephants on parade!" Chamo gurgled.

"Oh dear!" Alice gasped. "I'm sorry, I thought it was something in my dress, not... _someone_ in my dress," she finished, her tone changing as realization set in towards the end. "On second thought, perhaps I am not so sorry after all."

"I'm sure it was just an accident. Chamo-kun is very accident prone like that. He can't help it!" Negi argued.

"No, Haruna's boyfriend is very accident prone like that and can't help it. Chamo's just a freak," Skuld said.

"I'm not!" Chamo protested.

"We've just met Alice-san, and you already want to set her up in a Pactio with Negi! For shame!" Skuld began wagging a finger at him. Then she realized what she had just shouted, and bit her tongue. "Ah, crap. Three, two, one..."

"What's a Pactio?" Alice innocently asked.

"Oooohhh boy, here we go..." Skuld ran a hand down her own face. "Has Aphrodite been messing with this kid? Is that it? Really, why...!"

"Chamo-kun, I don't think this is the right time..." Negi said.

"Basically, a Pactio or provisional alliance is a sub-system of magic through which a person who decides to help a mage gains ex-tra-or-din-na-ry powers from that mage!" Chamo told Alice, ignoring Negi altogether. "That person then becomes the 'Minister' to the mage's 'Magister'. Negi here already has alliances with several fortunate girls who have gained incredible powers, including Asuna."

"Oh dear. That sounds pretty advantageous, even if also adventurous," Alice said. "Could I gain the power to leave this world if I did that too?"

Chamo shrugged. "You never know for sure before doing the alliance, but nothing to lose by trying. It's a very simple procedure!"

"Then I'd like to do it as well, assuming the Professor doesn't mind!" Alice brought her hands together.

"No," Negi bluntly said.

"But why?" Alice and Gadget asked at once.

Negi looked aside and blushed. "There are several ways to establish a Pactio, but the only one we know how to do is… it's something I couldn't possibly ask from a proper English young lady I've just met."

Alice clasped both hands against her mouth as her face went beet red.

"Don't make her think weird things!" Chamo said. "It's only a kiss!"

"A kiss!" Alice gasped, horrified. Then she thought it better and asked, "Wait. Do you mean kiss on the forehead, or the cheek? Like an average greeting? Because that doesn't sound too bad…"

"It has to be a kiss on the lips," Skuld mumbled.

Alice grew even more agitated. "On the lips! So, Miss Asuna is your fiancée?!"

"Wha—NO! We're only good friends!" Negi claimed.

"Good friends don't kiss each other in the mouth!" Alice said. "That's something only married couples, and engaged couples at worst, should ever do! And to think I believed you were a gentleman!"

"Where we come, it isn't such a big deal, actually…" Chamo pointed out.

"It is when the kisser is of Negi's age," Skuld muttered.

"Well," Alice told Chamo, "then the customs of your place of origin are more scandalous than those they have here! That is it, I'm leaving!" she swiftly turned around on her heels. "I don't feel safe around people with such… decadent habits!"

"You don't have to kiss anyone! We don't go around just offering kisses to everyone we meet!" Negi said.

"All the same, I can't trust you anymore!" Alice began walking away. "I'd prefer to try my luck with these insane people! At least they don't… do unmentionable things to women!"

But Negi already was in front of her, standing on her way and startling her. "I can't let you go until we have solved this situation! There's a man out there who has an obsession with ladies modeled after you, and he's far more dangerous than we ever could be! You might just wander into his clutches!"

Alice folded her arms and closed her eyes. "So, is this a kidnapping?"

"Call it however you please, but it's not like you can escape us anyway," Skuld said. "Besides, you're on parole. If you just leave, Asuna will be killed in your place. Is that something a proper English lady would do?"

Gadget chuckled nervously. "I don't think it's such a huge deal either way, but if it makes Miss Alice uncomfortable, we should consider other alternatives instead. If we put our minds together, I'm sure we can—"

"Well, if you ask for my opinion, as well as if you don't," a disembodied voice said, playful and chuckling, "many empty minds brought together only add up to an even bigger void!"

"The Cheshire Cat!" Alice recognized the voice immediately.

"In the teeth!" a huge, leering grin suspended in the air floated down to ground level, where a big, striped, purple cat waving a long fluffy tail materialized around the grin, whiskers sticking out in all directions. "And now in the flesh as well!"

There was a beat.

"Is it just me, or does he kinda remind you of Haruna?" Skuld said.

* * *

Traverse Town, by day, was actually far more disturbing and eerie than at night. After dark, it was just yet another ghost town like all those Evangeline had visited—or caused—long ago while traveling the world. By day, stripped of darkness, the ruin and decay of what once had clearly been a thriving urban center between realms, a port of commerce and exotic exchange, was all the more evident, reduced to dusty ruin between which scarce survivors and errant children from other worlds spent most of their time distrusting and avoiding each other.

Just like Evangeline was right now distrusting and avoiding Ala Alba, although the irony was completely lost on her.

"Are you sure this is the place?" she asked the toy she was holding negligently by its legs, the still-shiny spaceman. She wore a dark robe and hood that concealed all of her but her face, and her calm, yet deeply foreboding emerald eyes.

"Positive," Buzz Lightyear affirmed. "After… the dark storms passed, we were all got separated, and a bunch of us ended up here. Back then, there was a lot more people, though. I almost didn't recognize it, but yeah, this is the place. I'm pretty sure of that."

"Good," Eva said, and kicked the small building's door open. The door gave no opposition, falling off its hinges with a long, whining creak. Evangeline walked in, looking at the remains of what once had been a prosperous business that sold and bought assorted oddities and curiosities. The shelves were mostly empty now, but a few moldy and broken souvenirs still remained, covered in dry spiderwebs. "Knock knock," the vampire droned, further advancing inside.

"We don't know what happened to the rest," Buzz reminisced painfully, "but a bunch of us were found by the same man and brought here. He was… special. He knew we were right from the start. It was a shock, actually, learning toys weren't supposed to be alive in other worlds…"

"Your cowboy boyfriend told me all of that already. Be quiet and speak only when I ask you something," Evangeline commanded.

"Well," Buzz said, "someone woke up the wrong side of the coffin this morning."

"I told you to be quiet," she ordered, rapping him firmly against the side of her leg. Intently, she looked through the shambles of the old store, walking from one side to another and back; her eyes were well adjusted to darkness. "Someone ransacked this store long ago, looking for something," she exposited, an old villain habit. If there was someone to talk to, you spouted the obvious, with a few threats thrown in for garnish. "Look at all the broken furniture and shattered merchandise. Whoever did it was someone brutal, bestial, angered over not finding something, but too stupid to search where they should have." And then she asked, "Where did the owner keep you?"

"Over there," Buzz pointed near the backdoor, the tiny light projector in his right arm sending a spot of red towards that point. Evangeline hummed while walking there. A shelf stand painted in fading red, green and white stood there, as much as something that had been smashed in half can still stand. There were several baubles and cheap souvenirs tossed all across the floor around it, including something that stuck out from under a broken piece of wood. Evangeline crouched down, lifted the plank, and picked up the book that had caught her attention up.

It was a fairly simple looking storybook, not exactly shabby but far from looking like a show piece. It had withstood the ravages of time remarkably well, but it was also spent and half-rancid, a nasty smell wafting from it. "I've never wondered this before, but… can you smell?" she asked Buzz.

"Unfortunately!" the spaceman grunted, waving a hand over his nose and then closing the transparent plastic helmet around his head.

Eva grinned, pressed the button to open Buzz's headpiece again, and rubbed the book's cover all over his face. "Seriously, what's wrong with you now?!" the space hero shouted, waving his arms to try and push the tome back.

"That's what I want to learn," Evangeline, scowling again, opened the book on its first page. "Whoever ravaged this store, and I'm suspecting those 'Heartless' creatures, was desperately looking for something important. But they missed the most obvious thing. Someone who would collect living toys would be somebody who would value the dreams of children above everything else," she sneered, pulling a chair up and sitting down to read aloud.

" _Once upon a time, long, long ago, there were three mages and seven kings, who came together to fight a great evil that came from the shadows of the edge of the universe…"_ she read aloud. After all, she had an audience.

* * *

"What do you guys intend to do," Misa asked all of a sudden over the dinner table, "if we never find a way back?"

The silence that ensued all through the dining room of Cid's hideout lasted for several moments as everybody tried to make sense of what they'd just heard.

"Misa-chan!" Sakurako was the first one who could speak. "That's not like you! For you to even consider the possibility of getting stuck here…!"

"It'd royally suck, wouldn't it?" the lavender-haired cheerleader sighed. "Trapped on a rock in the middle of nowhere, with no TV, no rock bands, no huge happenings, not even Yotsuba's meals…"

"No car races…" Keiichi pondered somberly, "No car shows, either… No motorcycles anywhere… No magazines with interesting articles about cars and mechanics…"

"And breasts and butts?" Yuuna suggested with a knowing leer.

Keiichi decided not to tell her that, worst case scenario, they'd still have plenty of those around. He was a gentleman, but he wasn't blind to how nicely 3-A were growing up, and would likely continue doing so… and how they seemed to be nudity-prone. "The idea didn't cross my mind, really," he piously said.

"Well, since it's that terrible to even consider," said Chisame, whose face already was starting to twitch at random periods from prolonged Internet Withdrawal, "then don't even think about it!"

"We'll pull through, it's what we always do," Konoka said. "I mean, I'm not giving up until I get to see Daddy and Grandpa again!" A beat. "And mom too, I suppose," she added reluctantly.

"Let's trust in Negi-kun, okay?" Makie asked. "I'm sure by now he's found a clue on how to get back!"

Another long silence, this one perhaps even longer, ensued. It gave birth to lots of smaller silences.

"Anyway, maybe the others will be sucked in to this dump too," Yuuna mused. "I'm sure Chao must be looking for us with some of her weird science gizmos that can do anything. She'll find the wormhole or whatever it is that brought us here."

"Fair enough," Misa said, "I was just talking crap to liven up the mood."

"You should have chosen your tropics better!" Haruka scolded her.

"Topics, Sempai, topics," Satomi corrected her.

A third silence ensued, since Rule of Three and all that. This silences children had enough time to grow up and their mother silence cried as she watched them go off to silence college.

"Maybe we could rebuild this city," Aerith mused after sipping the last of her warm drink. "I'm sure Cloud is looking for me as well. It'd be like a retreat in the mountains for the two of us…"

"And that'd be fine for the TWO of you, I'm sure," Cid snarked. "Don't count the rest of us in just yet!"

"Between Gadget-san, Skuld-san and me, even with the scarce resources available, I'm sure we could rebuild this into an utopia, although I'll admit it won't be the same without Chao," Satomi said.

"I refuse to even consider the overwhelming statistic probability we might have lost her already," Chachamaru stated.

"I'll keep looking for my mamas and Kage-kun forever if needed!" Makie declared.

"Mamas?" Aerith asked, confused.

"Same here!" Haruna added. "I'm never giving up on my parents, Rito-kun, Nodoka, Yue, and now Lala-chan!" She held up a fist. "Team Resolve Reinforcement Time!"

All across the table, the girls of 3-A, including Chisame, lifted their fists for them to converge with Haruna's at the middle of the table. So did Matoi, Haruka, Sora, Cocone, Keiichi and Ai, and after a few moments of grim hesitation, even Itoshiki. Aerith and Cid smiled and held their fists up to join them. Even Pluto, barking and wagging his tail, raised a paw and placed it on the wooden surface.

"ALA ALBA, HO!" they shouted.

" _Awoooooo!"_ howled the dog.

It was then they realized someone else had just also added their fist. They looked up the arm the fist was connected to and saw Ayaka, smiling sadly and sniffling while rubbing her reddened eyes with her free hand.

For once, they all were too moved to end this scene with a punchline.

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

"So, did you enjoy your time with the Queen of Hearts?" asked the Cat merrily, standing up on his tail and grinning at the group. Gadget, instinctively, took a few steps back to stand behind Negi. "I heard from the best source she's a mind blowing person… or would it be, if she left anyone with a mind and a head by the time she's done with them!" He laughed heartily at his own joke, grabbing his hind paws with the front ones.

"Oboy," Skuld said. "A trickster. Just what we needed."

"No no no no, what you need are answers on how to get out of here, and the Cheshire Cat (that's me) has all the answers!" The cat proudly slammed a paw on his chest. "Of course, I don't want to tell half of the answers, and the other half makes no sense!"

"Par for the course with this place, naturally," Negi sighed. "Then let's keep on moving, girls, Chamo-kun, we'd better—"

The cat instantly appeared floating right before his eyes. "Now that's rude, just leaving like that, without even trying to ask. And after I was of such help to Alice. Isn't that right, Alice dear?"

"Well," Alice said, "when we crossed paths this morning, you told me any way I would take would be the same, since I didn't know where I wanted to go. And I know even less right now, so I thought I wouldn't bother you again."

The cat rubbed his broad chin and twinkled the whiskers. "That makes sense, of a sort… so of course, it's false! You lied when you told me, earlier, you didn't know where to go, since you know you want to go home, don't you?"

"That's right," Alice nodded, "but I have no idea what way would take me home, so I wouldn't want what direction to ask for. Wasn't that what you tried to tell me the first time we met?"

The cat chuckled, crossing his 'arms' behind his neck and lazily floating back. "Now you're talking like a Wonderlander, that is, making full sense while making no sense. I see the place is starting to rub off on you! Or maybe you always belonged here. Your new friends, on the other hand, belong much less, despite being even madder. That, too, makes full sense while making no sense!"

"Listen, pal," Chamo said, "all we want to know is where to find the Mad Hatter. If you can't give us a straight answer, fine, just keep enjoying your drugs and—"

"The Mad Hatter!" the cat assumed a sitting position on the air. "But there are better people to find that the Mad Hatter! Actually, everyone is better to find than the Mad Hatter. Wouldn't you like to find the Princess of Heart instead?"

"Princess of Heart?" Alice asked. "Is that the daughter of the Queen and the king?"

The cat broke into laughter. "Far from it!" He waved a chubby finger mischievously. "The Princess is not from this world… although you could say she belongs here, too. Then again, we all belong here because we're all mad."

"What are you talking about?" asked Skuld, frankly annoyed. "There was no Princess of Heart in the original Alice story!"

The feline huffed, lifting his nose. "Well, there were no Skuld, Negi, Asuna, mechanic mouse or talking ermine in the original Alice story either! Everyone knows ermines can't talk, that'd be just crazy!"

"You're a talking—" Chamo began.

"And I have so much to talk about!" the cat laughed, hopping all around them, turning into five bouncing cats for a few moments, before melding back into one. "But the question is, do I want to? No, I always want to, except when I don't. The question is, who is the Princess of Heart?"

"Who is the Princess of Heart?" Negi asked.

"There's no Princess of Heart!" the cat opened his arms.

"But, you said—!" the boy protested.

"There's no single Princess of Heart, there are many Princesses of Heart!" the cat answered. "And the Wonderland one isn't even a Princess, but we looo-ooove her all the same!" The cat opened a small door on his chest and revealed his beating cartoony heart for a moment before closing it back. Alice cringed visibly. Negi and Skuld, who had cut dead animals open very often during their respective studies, and Gadget, who was unflappable to the physical damage of cats, never flinched. "To open the keyhole that stands between all the worlds, and seal the darkness back from where it came, you need at least seven Princesses at your side!"

Negi tensed up, feeling a straight answer at last. Of sorts. "Aren't you joking?"

The cat's smile grew perverse, and his face became demonically white for a moment. "Do I look like a joker?" he crooned in a sinister voice before going back to what passed for normal in him. "Although the darkness wanted to shuffle me into their deck anyway. Because I know all sorts of things, as you can see!"

"Do you mean the Queen?" Alice asked.

"The Queen is only a cheap card from a lesser deck!" the cat laughed, slapping himself on the knees. "The darkness, those playing the Mad Hatter for a fool, come from beyond, from far beyond, and they know things, too. They know about your father."

"My father? What does he have to do with any of this?" Alice asked.

"No! Not your father!"

"My father, then? He's been gone for years," Gadget said.

"No! Not your father!"

"Listen, friend," Skuld groaned. "If anyone can look after Himself, it's my Father…"

"No! Not your Father either!"

"My father!" Negi gasped, then rushed ahead to grab the cat by his chest's fur. "What do you know about him?!"

"Why, all I know," the cat said, disappearing and leaving nothing but his grin and a few hairs on Negi's fist, "is he was a great hero, the same thing everybody knows. I don't know a lot about heroes because they are boring, and there are no heroes in Wonderland. If you want to know about heroes, you should ask Philoctetes, the hero trainer who lives in the next orbit! They say he's trained every great action hero since Schwarzenegger! Or was that an actor?"

"Philoctetes? You mean, like the mythical Greek character?" Negi asked.

Alice looked curiously at his impressed, paling face. Was that boy actually the son of some great… war hero of sorts (Alice wasn't really sure there was any other kind of hero)? If so, why had a great man allowed his son to become a dissolute? Unless he had been killed in the battlefield, which seemed reasonable enough.

The disembodied grin floated erratically all over the place. "If you say so! It sounds Greek to me, I'll give you that! But that's all I'll give you. And in turn, I just want you to give me nothing but a tiny itsy bitsy... snack!"

The grin, which at that point had suddenly hovered over Gadget, swooped down and caught her between its teeth, and the cat fully reappeared swallowing the yelping Gadget, then licking all over his mouth and whiskers.

While Alice gave a short shriek, Negi immediately grabbed the Cheshire Cat, turned him around, and began to violently slap his butt. "Spit her out! Spit her out! SPIT HER OUT!"

"Gack!" a second later, the cat coughed up a thick ball of purple fur. The ball rolled across the grass unfolding itself, and at the end of its roll, a dazed and saliva-covered Gadget sat on the ground, head slightly throbbing from one side to another.

"Daddy, I don't think I like that ride anymore..." she babbled.

The cat indignantly vanished from Negi's arms and reappeared a few steps away, dusting himself off. "The nerve of you, boy! I mean, that joke was pure Looney Tunes, not Disney! You're getting it all mixed up!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	11. Drake Mallard

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**.

* * *

Somewhere else, a tall, lean figure stood on top of a sinister, dark and foreboding fortress, overlooking blackened dead moors and swamps as far as the eye could see.

The figure had their arms crossed behind their back, and their hands held a long scepter. On their head sat a hat with two long, curved horns. It radiated a fearsome aura of subtle menace, despite being far from bulky or massive. The much smaller figure that had just stopped shortly behind could feel that aura and accordingly cowered in its presence.

"Speak," the rich, cultured voice of the horned figure commanded.

"My Liege," the smaller being fell to a knee, head lowered. "We have reports from the latest world to be conquered. The area around its World Tree, specifically. The sixth Averruncus from Cosmo Entelecheia sighted King Mickey, and it seems... he escaped with a couple of local students and two mercenaries apparently sent by the Kansai Association. However, the King's ship was used by someone else, and it warped into another world."

"Which one?"

"We aren't sure yet, Your Liege. But we are looking for—"

"Find them soon!"

"Of course, my Liege. Also, hm, it seems the vampire witch you had a interest in... was also displaced along with her home. And, well, lastly, Captain Pete, managed to capture the King's Captain of the Guard and Royal Mage and delivering them to us... but he has failed to report back since. We believe he may have been captured himself, but since he was such a lowly asset..."

"Send someone to search for him regardless," the magnificent, malevolent figure sneered. "I don't like loose ends, not even the smallest ones. They tend to unravel even the best laid schemes. And you would do better to find McDowell before the day is out, as well. I grow impatient with the results so far."

"Yes, my Liege," the subject's forehead and his handpalms touched the stone floor. "Please forgive us. I swear from here on, our sight will try and match the reach of your hand."

There was a short, dry and humorless chuckle. "That will never happen. Try your best, or else you will be served swift death, but keep in mind your paltry senses will never be as wide as the all conquering hand..."

The figure turned back, with a malevolent smile on its sharp, elongated, pale features, cheekbones sharp enough to slice bread. It gestured with a hand of thin, long fingers as if to crush something, the dark scepter firmly grasped in the other.

 _"... of Loki, God of Mischief!"_

There was a beat.

"Uh, pardon me my Liege, but I thought you were going with 'God of Stories' these days?"

"Eh, I decided that since we were going for an organizational reshuffle I'd hold off on paying Dream's franchise fee."

* * *

 _Saint Canard:_

"I'm listening," the duck wearing a pastel colored sweater sat on an armchair opposite Kotaro, Mickey, Yue, Nodoka, Dogpool and Kero on the couch in his living room. "And you'd better have convinced me not to call the Crimebots five minutes from now on..."

"The police, you mean," Mickey said.

"No, the Crimebots, because I want to see things done," the duck said.

"Yea, about that," Dogpool said, "why do you have duck shaped Sentinels floating over this whole city? That's really creepy, man. Then again, robots are always creepy. They're always plotting to kill you while you sleep. That's why I always sleep with a gun under my pillow, and a finger on the trigger. Although sometimes you end up accidentally shooting yourself, which is a pain even when you can regrow parts of your brain..."

"What...?" the duck blinked very slowly.

"I'll go straight to the point," Rin said, pointing a finger at the duck. "You're Darkwing Duck, aren't you?"

The duck's already white face paled visibly under his feathers, but then he just broke into a nervous chuckle. "Darkwing Duck? Me? Now that's ridiculous, I'm just an unremarkable civil servant for Quackwerks! Darkwing Duck's sidekick used to live here, yeah, but would I be as stupid as to live with my own sidekick in my civilian identity if I had been Darkwing Duck?"

"You lived with another dude?" Dogpool asked. "Well, more power to you, different strokes and all that, but that's kinda—"

Nodoka rasped loud enough as to cover his next word, then told Rin, "He's got a real valid point there, Sempai. Why would you say he was this Darkwing Duck vigilante? We've just met him..."

"Oh, come on!" snapped Rin. "You all saw that recording on the giant screens! Just put a Darkwing Duck costume on him, and you've got Darkwing Duck! He's got the same size! The same build! The same voice! The same elongated, thin cheeks! The same ass, for God's sake!"

"The same voice?" Drake Mallard took a hand to his throat, then spoke again, in a rather changed tone, "W-Well, I'll let you know these cheeks are very frequent in this city. You guys come from Duckburg, don't you?"

"Actually, we are heading to Duckburg," Mickey sighed. "Just tell us where Launchpad Mc Quack lives right now, please, and we'll leave and you'll never hear about us again."

"But I thought you had told us we needed to find Darkw—" Deadpool said before an oversized round shoe discreetly kicked him in a shin. "Was that a come-on? This place must have something that makes people—"

Yue coughed loudly enough as to cover the next word to come from him. "I think I speak for everyone when I say we don't particularly care about who Darkwing Duck was, or whatever happened to him."

"What? Why not?!" Mallard said, suddenly sounding offended.

"Well," Kotaro said, "from the looks of that report, I'd say he was a very crappy superhero anyway. Fighting a rat who shoots electricity? Really? That's hardly Brainiac, conqueror of worlds. And what kind of loser disappears for years leaving his city to a bunch of fascist flying tin cans?"

Mallard's right eyebrow began twitching. "I'm sure he had his good, important reasons, and he had done his job when... he paved the way for a safer Saint Canard..."

Then someone rang at the front door. "Excuse me a moment, please," the duck said, standing up and walking for the door.

He opened it and found himself face to face with a sleek, black metallic drone that was rather bigger than him, armed with two long arms, and floating several inches above the doormat. "Citizen Drake Mallard," it said in a cold, raspy voice. "It has been brought to the attention of the Avian Way Community Department of Urban Maintenance, Division 1991 of Quackwerks Inc. Public Services, that you have urine all over your front mailbox. This is to be penalized with a fee of fifty-five dollars, unless you can provide us with a description of the guilty party that damaged your property."

Drake flinched, and for a moment his eyes rotated back towards Dogpool, who twiddled his fingers innocently. Then he just sighed. "No sir, I have no idea who did it. I'll happily pay my fee and remember to keep a better watch on my property in the future."

The robot nodded, produced a ticket from the horizontal slit that passed for its mouth, and handed it over to Drake. "Please remember to call your local Quackwerks Public Security station in the event of further damage to your home. We still remember the incident with Negaduck one year ago, sir..."

"So do I, believe me," the duck grimly said.

"By the way," the robot added, "we remind you unauthorized reunions of six people or more in private homes past twenty-two hundred hours are forbidden until further notice by the Sixth Amend of the Quackwerks Policy of Public Safety. To file a petition for an authorization, please deposit ten dollars in this unit," it said, a tiny red light flickering on another slit below the first one.

"Thank you, but they won't be here for much longer. They'll leave as soon as I give them some directions to a former friend's house."

"Understood," the robot said. "Have a good night then, Mr. Mallard. And remember, Quackwerks will always be watching you for your safety," it finished before swiftly flying away downstreet.

Drake shuddered as he closed the door back.

"... suddenly, I'm a lot more appreciative of Hakase and Chao's work," Yue said while Nodoka nodded and gulped.

"See what I told you? CREEPY!" Dogpool said. "Thanks for the save, Darkwing Dude. You're not as crappy a hero as I thought! I thought I was municipal pound meat for sure... or that gizmo was bullet-filled trash for sure. Whatever happened first!"

Drake sighed, supporting his back against the door, and slumping over. "Exactly what are you up to, anyway?"

"We are looking for ways to fight the darkness that is coming over the world. The worlds, actually. All of them," Mickey said, very seriously. "And I can feel some of that darkness in those very robots controlling your city. And... well, I can feel some sort of dark presence watching us from above, as well, but it's hardly the same thing, so..."

Drake gave a jaded glare up the living room's stairs. "Oh. That. Actually, that's just my daughter, spying on us. Gosalyn! Stop using dark magic! It's past your bedtime already!"

"You have a daughter?!" Rin gasped.

"What's so incredible about that?" Drake scowled.

"Well, you adopted, right?" Dogpool asked.

"What, how did you know..." Drake blinked.

"Just a hunch," Dogpool said, "since, not that there's anything wrong with it, but you're so obviously—"

"I'm not!" Drake growled, his face reddening.

"I was going to say 'heroically chaste'! Sheesh! Why is everyone so dirty-minded?!"

* * *

The Heartless were spreading across Mahora City now, and so both the police department and the unofficial defenders of the city were being forced to cope with the onslaught of darkness in their own ways. There was a lot of running around, screaming, big swords and general mayhem. Rukia was yelling at Ichigo that he hadn't warned her about this. Milky Holmes were being thrown around like pastel pinballs. Haruhi was in tears at not being able to check out the invasion, stuck in Kyon's house as part of a ridiculously elaborate charade to make him think it was all a perfectly normal unexpected storm. Homura-mama had broken out the illegal automatic weapons and was fighting her way to the dorms to "SAVE HER BABY!". Mitril was trying to extract Kyoko, who insisted she wasn't going anywhere without Kaname. And 3-F were all casually walking around using what was going on as examples in their latest bit of social commentary (which was 'licensing and regulation').

The rose embedded itself into the Heartless' forehead, thorny tip first. The black creature, vaguely shaped like a bipedal rabbit, paused for a moment, then tilted its head to the side and growled, as if actually questioning the nature of the attack.

So Tuxedo Kamen punted it off the rooftop's ledge and down to the street below.

"Okay, who's next?" he invited, gesturing with a gloved hand towards the small but incredibly numerous beings surrounding him from all sides. It was all quite refreshing really. He felt so _useful!_. Was this what the Senshi felt _**all the time?**_

The Heartless charged at him. Flashing a smirk, the masked young man swung around, using his cane to swat more Heartless down to the pavement, where they shattered into explosions of dark specks. At the same time, he kicked others away from him, although that barely kept them apart. He had been fighting them for nearly an hour now, all across the neighborhood, and it felt like he was barely making any actual progress. For each he destroyed, several more would take its place. He had to find the source of those creatures before—

 _"Dead Scream,"_ someone whispered from the shadows of the night, and a wide range blast pulverized most of the Heartless facing Tuxedo Kamen, the others being quickly dealt with as a blond woman in a familiar sort of uniform landed before him, making short work of the monsters with the wider end of her long, metallic staff.

Tuxedo Kamen took a step back, cane still at the ready. "Why, good evening. So there's another one now, huh? Let me guess... Jupiter?"

"Pluto," Sailor Pluto said, cold and distantly, regaining her dignified pose. "Senshi of Time."

"Uh, does Pluto count?" he said. "Because according to the naming convention... well, Pluto isn–"

 _ **'"Pluto is still a planet, damn it!"**_ _'_

"Oh," he said. "Well if you say so. I'm—"

"Tuxedo Kamen, I know. Venus has... repeatedly told me about you," she chose to say only part of the truth. She looked down at the city below, apparently the same as always save a few small fires starting across the Commercial District. "Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise," he said, also choosing to avoid noting how she didn't sound pleased at all. Not that he could blame her given the circumstances, but he had the impression she'd have acted the same under any other conditions. "Then, where are Venus and Mercury right now?"

"Right here, Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Minako happily said, dropping along from another nearby tall building, with a subdued looking Akira landing right behind her, a clearly disturbed Artemis cradled in her arms. You almost could have seen a heart at the end of Minako's speech then, which made Akagi Ritsuko roll her eyes to herself. This would create a lot of problems by the time they finally found the Moon Princess. How would have Meioh dealt with that, she wondered? "So we meet again, isn't that nice?"

"Nice?!" Artemis yelled from Akira's arms. Sometime, the author might actually write the untold story of how he first spoke in presence of Tuxedo Kamen, but until then please just smile and nod. "Venus, there isn't anything 'nice' about any of this! This isn't a date night, you know!"

Venus sighed, her shoulders drooping. "Let's assume the best until we're sure what happens to the people these critters absorb, alright? In the meanwhile, what if we keep a positive attitude so, I don't know, DESPAIR AND STRESS DON'T CRUSH US HERE?!"

"... fair enough," Artemis raised his paws. "I suppose we don't want to start attracting Witches or 3-F on top of everything else..."

"Absorb?" Tuxedo Kamen wondered aloud.

Akira nodded. "We've seen what happens to people when these creatures get them. It was... disturbing, but... at least not bloody, I guess. They... produce something that envelops them, some sort of flowing darkness that swallows them down..."

"But for all we know, that only sends them to another dimension, like what happened with the Phantom Bus," Minako shrugged. "I'm choosing to believe they can be rescued unless otherwise proved!"

"The Dark Agency never tried anything on this scale, however," Akira rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Where to even start to—"

"It's not the Dark Agency's work," Pluto said grimly.

Minako blinked. "How are you so sure, Pluto-sama?"

"I just am," the woman said cryptically.

Minako stomped a foot down. "Oh, for the love of all—! Pluto-sama, could you stop being obtusely enigmatic at least once?! Seriously, if you and Artemis were just plain clear about things every once in a while, our freaking job would be that much easier!"

"I only know as much as I say! I have partial amnesia!" Artemis protested, with a paw on his chest. No one actually believed him. Even though he actually was saying the truth. It comes with being Artemis.

Ritsuko sighed. "I simply am not allowed to reveal things beyond what is strictly necessary at any given moment. Doing otherwise could alter the course of history in potentially disastrous ways." There was a beat. "Although it might be too late for that by now. Honestly, this job already came tainted when I took it..."

"What do you mean by that?" Akira asked.

"Nothing," Akagi took a deep inhale. "I honestly have no idea about the origins of these creatures anyway, so I only can assume they come from a temporal plane I hold no control over. But I can tell they don't come from the Dark Agency. Or else I would know about them."

"I love it when you girls start talking about these things around me as if I was supposed to have any idea what you mean at all," Tuxedo Kamen said.

 _Somewhere in the Underworld, Shiori sneezed._

"So you know everything about the Dark Agency and are choosing to leave us in the dark as we fight it?!" Minako exclaimed. "Is that honestly worth a vow of secrecy, Pluto-sama?! What if you get us killed?!"

Somewhere, Itoshiki sneezed.

Ritsuko turned an irritated glare to her. "I think we have gathered enough breath by now. Let's just move along, we're needed elsewhere."

Minako seethed for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. But don't even think this is the end of this—"

"Scatter!" Pluto commanded, and on instinct, Venus, Akira and Tuxedo Kamen all leapt back in opposite directions, right before a massive bolt from above struck the middle of the rooftop. The four of them then stood tensely, ready to attack, those who had weapons holding them firmly, until the smoke at the center of the rooftop finally dissipated in the cold air of the night.

Now a short girl also in a Sailor Senshi outfit rose from a crouching position amidst them, tossing her voluminous pink hair made into two thick side tails back, and then straightening her head and opening her large, round pink eyes. "So," she said, "I made it after all. Good, good!" She looked directly at Tuxedo Kamen and smiled very sweetly at him. "Good evening, Mamo-chan! Want to come with me to a whole new magical world?"

"What?!" Tuxedo Kamen gasped.

"Mamo-chan?" Minako repeated.

The girl shuddered, and then her aspect changed; now she was taller and more slender, slightly older, with long dark hair, and now wore a smaller copy of Sailor Neptune's uniform. "I don't have much time left," she flinched, putting a hand to her stomach. Ritsuko frowned, not recognizing the person at all. "Every future is crashing down together, and those who come from them are being... erased or rewritten. I only hope Lingshen is okay, or... we are all lost. If you find her, if you find her, please keep her safe, will you?" she stammered.

"Chao Linghsen?" Akira asked, stepping ahead. "What, what does she have to do with this?! And why are you—?!"

The girl changed again, this time to a girl around the same apparent height, build and age, but in a Senshi uniform that had a red skirt and high heel shoes instead of boots. She also wore glasses, and her blond hair was made into a long, thick tress on the right side of her head. Once again, Ritsuko gasped in strangled recognition. "Ah. Now this is better, way better," she said, adjusting her glasses on. "I should have more staying power." She looked even and coldly at all those around her. "I'm Sailor Mars," she said, in a vaguely Chisame-esque way that screamed 'tsundere'.

"Uhhhhh..." Minako said. "Pleased to meetcha?"

"Wish I could say the same," Mars snarked out the corner of her mouth. "Never mind Lingshen. She'll be okay, she always is, and we have no time to look for her. Pardon the cliché, but come with me if you want to live."

"Come with you?" Akira said.

 _Somewhere, Emiya Shirou sneezed and almost died again._

"Repeating what one just said is an even worse cliché, you know," Sailor Mars icily said. She looked all around and made as if feeling the air with a hand. "The displacement wave all around the arrival site should suffice to spread the effect as long as enough of it remains. Yeah, I guess I can take the jump with all of you, and if I can't, I always can try again..."

"What are you talking about?!" Minako yelled. "You're making no sense at all! Explain yourself!"

"See? That's how it feels," Tuxedo Kamen blandly said.

 _Somewhere in the Underworld, Shiori sneezed again._

Sailor Mars pulled a small dagger out of a pocket sewn into her skirt and looked grimly at it. "Prepare yourselves. The first time always feels really weird."

"What, are you going to take on us with that tiny thing?" Minako scowled. "And I thought Uranus and Neptune were crazy!"

Sailor Mars gave her a curious look. "Uranus and Neptune are already active? But how— Oh, never mind. Why should I be shocked things have gone as far off the track as that by now? You had one fucking job, Pluto."

Ritsuko walked closer. "Now wait just a moment, you can't possibly—"

"Oh yeah? Just look," Sailor Mars grunted, and then forcefully pushed the dagger's tip into her own throat.

Then the whole world went white before Akira's eyes.

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

"So," Negi summed up, "I need to go to the next world from here, find Philoctetes, and ask him about my father."

"And King Mickey. Since, well, he is also a hero," Gadget reminded him, wiping cat drool out off her hair with the handkerchief Alice had given her.

"Did I say any of that?" the Cat asked, resting on its side and scratching himself on a very wide hip. "Well, if you say so. You could even find another Princess of Heart there! Or not. They don't grow on trees, these Princesses of Heart. Except when they do. Which is why the darkness is so eager to find them, eager enough to turn to me..."

It was then that Negi tensed up in alarm. "Wait an instant. You said you had been approached by... whoever represents this 'darkness', who I'm also assuming are controlling the Mad Hatter. But... you had rejected them, hadn't you?"

"I wouldn't make deals with anybody crazy enough to deal with me," the Cat mused, taking his head off and using it to roll around on it, spreading his arms to keep his balance, like a circus bear riding a ball. "But then again, I'll also give information away when I want to all the same, won't I? I mean, that's what I've been doing for you, and you didn't even offer me any deals! You wouldn't even let me have a snack you aren't even having yourselves, you selfish people you...!"

Skuld also understood now, and her eyes widened. "Oh you bastard... You know who this world's Princess is!"

The cat stopped and wagged his tail so it circled his body. He grinned madly at Skuld. "Undoubtedly!"

"And you told them!"

"I admit I might have given some clues..."

"Clues that you didn't give us!" Chamo cried.

"First come first serve, and they asked first," the cat said, "And besides, you're the ones being tested, not them. Heroes are the ones being proved through the villains, not the other way around! Even I know that, and I'm mad as a hatter!"

The Heartless began leaping out the bushes then. By the dozens. Alice let out a short yelp while Skuld and Negi groaned and readied her mallet and his staff.

The Cheshire Cat chuckled as all of him but his grin slowly disappeared in the air. "This is your first real test, son of a Hero. Think about it this way, if you don't pass it, why should you even be tested by Phil, hmmmm?"

Something gigantic appeared then, pushing trees apart and breaking through them. It was as tall as a house. It was shaped like a monstrous and feral rabbit of sorts, with gleaming narrow eyes and an elongated mouth full of crooked fangs.

It had Jervis Tetch sitting on its head, riding the abomination with a placid, spaced-out smile.

"What regrettably little heads you have from here," he mused aloud. "I would very much like to hat them!"

* * *

"Okay, young lady, if you aren't going to go back to your bedroom, then come down here right now and explain yourself…" Drake said, folding his arms and tapping a webbed foot.

A pair of large green eyes under a mop of bright red hair with two small side-tails peeked over the top step of the stairs. "Do you think it's safe?"

"Come to think of it, no, I don't think so," her father said. "On second thought, you'd better—"

"Coming up!" the duck child above cheerfully slid down the banister, pretty much surfing on it by sliding with her blue sneakers. Then she jumped off at the bottom of the stairs, spun in the air, and landed on her feet before the visitors, spreading her arms in triumph. "Good evening, weirdly awesome people!" There was a beat. "Wow, you even have your head on backwards! Cool beans!"

"Do I?" Dogpool asked, then twisted his costume's head back to its correct position. "Thanks for noticing! Since, you know, none of my alleged friends were telling me. I was growing worried I was losing my eyesight… again…"

"We aren't your friends," Kotaro murmured.

The male duck rasped uneasily. "People who are just about to leave, this is my daughter, Gosalyn Mallard. Gosalyn, they are… I don't think I've been given your names yet, actually…"

Nodoka beat everyone else to the punch. "It's a great pleasure, Gosalyn-chan! I'm Nodokat Nyanzaki, and these are Yue Myayase, Kotaro Inugami-kun, Rin Dogsaka-sempai, Mickey Mouse-sama, and Paul J. Dogpool-san!"

"Rin Dogsaka?!" Rin cried.

"… what kind of names are those?" Gosalyn asked. She was even shorter than Drake, and other than the sneakers, she only seemed to wear a long hockey team shirt with a huge '1' on the chest, leaving her feather-covered bottom pantsless.

"Couldn't we get into problems with Chris Hansen over this?" Dogpool asked, looking randomly aside.

"I have no idea, Gosalyn, they're friends of Launchpad's," her father placed his hands on her shoulders and shook his head. "And they were just about to visit him, so if you'll excuse us…" he began pushing her back towards the stairs not so discreetly.

"Did I hear them asking about Darkwing Duck? Because I could swear I heard them talking about Darkwing Duck," she said as she was not so subtly pushed.

"You can't swear! And don't be silly, why would they be talking about Darkwing Duck?" her father asked, a vein bulging on his head. "Who talks about Darkwing Duck anymore? Now be a good child and say goodbye to the nice ladies and gentlemen…"

"Goodbye, nice ladies and gentlemen!" Gosalyn waved as she was pushed all the way up the stairs, then into her bedroom. Drake closed the door, rested against it for a moment of sweating and seething, and then calmly headed downstairs. "Now, I have done my best to forget about Launchpad's new address, but I think I have written it down somew—WAUGH!"

Gosalyn now sat before the visitors, swinging her legs back and forth. "You'll have to excuse him, he's not much of a people person. Although he's nowhere as bad as he used to be, believe me…"

"That was a neat trick," Kotaro said, sincerely impressed. "How did you learn it?"

"Oh, I learned it from Darkwing Duck! He and Launchpad used to be really close. It's a shame they had to be dumb enough to—"

"Gosalyn!" her father said.

"Dad, go for some snacks for these guys, will you?" she casually asked him. "Night's still young, I'm sure the 'bots won't be knocking for another hour or so…"

"But they were just leaving!" Drake repeated.

"I'm in no real hurry, to be frank," Dogpool said, legs crossed and arms slung over the couch's back. "And the kid's right, you're the worst host ever. Not even offering us dog snacks? For shame! What kind of cheapskate hero and protector of the defenseless are you?"

"I'm no hero; I'm just a completely average Developments employee! And I have no business with any sort of ragtag misfits looking for Darkwing Duck, or Darkwing Duck's sidekick, or Darkwing Duck's foes, none at all!" He searched all around the place, eventually pulled a small notebook from under the bust of a certain Great Mouse Detective, wrote something on a sheet at full speed, ripped the sheet off, and slammed it into Rin's hands. "There's your address! Now please leave this perfectly normal, law-abiding home and stop trying to pull our perfectly normal-law abiding lives into chaos!"

"… very well, if you say so," Yue nodded. "Thanks for your cooperation anyway, we promise we won't ever tell anyone you were Darkwing Duck…"

"I wasn't!"

"You know, man, or duck, I actually have some experience with this whole superhero business," Dogpool patiently began. "I mean, I'm no superhero myself, despite having had more magazines than most heroes (I'm still waiting for _Savage Sword of Dogpool_ , anyway), but I've spent long enough around heroes to know they never can retire for long, and if they do, they just come back in prestige format miniseries written by Frank Miller to clean the old town up and beat up on the whores whores whores infesting the—"

A second later, the whole lot of the visitors were sitting on the front sidewalk. "Wow, he's almost as good as the kid," Kotaro marveled.

"Now, let's not exaggerate," Mickey replied.

Rin was busy drawing Command Seals on the back of her hand with a red marker. "Maybe I can still force him to come along! There must be some residual link between us yet…!"

"Master Clow never warned me there would be days like _this_ …" Kero said.

"Well," Mickey sighed, rising and dusting himself off while looking at the piece of paper, "we got Mr. Mc Quack's address, so it wasn't a complete bust. Let's move before dawn dispels Miss Nodoka's disguises…"

"So it wasn't his real head what got twisted backwards, huh?" a voice asked. "I could tell, but I still held on to some hope. Bummer! It'd have been real neat otherwise!"

They all looked back to see Gosalyn Mallard standing on the sidewalk, just a few steps away. "Yo," she waved a hand up. "It's been a while!"

"Did your father have a change a heart?" Rin asked, sounding oddly hopeful.

"Yeah, he changed his heart to send me to my room and lock the door instead of… just sending me to my room," the duck girl shrugged. "So I went out the window. But he had locked it too. So I had to pick it open," she said this briefly toying with a Swiss army knife, "And now I'm here. Nifty, huh? Life with Dad is a constant battle of wits."

"I'm sure he just wants you out of harm's way," Mickey said. "And I'm afraid we didn't leave a very good first impression."

"You kidding, right?" she asked. "I can tell you're a really swell bunch! Wanna me to get you over to Launchpad's? I can put in a word for you, and I really have missed 'im a lot since… well, that doesn't matter now, but I might just tell you if you—"

"Thanks, but no," Mickey said. "We're going to do things that could be very dangerous, and we aren't gonna betray your father's loving designs on you that way."

"Aw, c'mon!" Gosalyn said. "I promise I'll only go with you to Launchpad's and then get back before Dad even learns I'm out!"

"Still too dangerous for children," Mickey insisted.

"They're hardly any older than me!" she pointed at Nodokat and Yue.

"Actually, we only happen to be somewhat curvedly challenged," Yue offered.

"Proud of it, however," Nodokat felt like adding.

"So you want me to be a good girl, then," Gosalyn said.

"Exactly!" Mickey smiled and nodded.

"Good girls should always obey the rules and make their fathers proud," Rin solemnly said, gazing up at the sky, where Tokiomi's face was smiling down at her between the stars. Which was strange, considering it was Tohsaka Tokiomi and he was smiling. Then he waved at Rin and went away to join Mufasa's face in the clouds. Rin blinked in confusion.

"Okay then. Glad we settled that." Gosalyn pulled a cellphone out and began tapping out a number.

"Hmmmm… who are you calling now?" Rin asked.

"Why, the local Quackwerks Department of Public Security, of course," Gosalyn absently answered, not even deigning to turn her gaze. "They taught us at private school, all good young citizens are to call Quackwerks in the event we run into cool weirdos talking weird crap about row row, fighting the power. You have all your papers ready and up to date, don'tcha?"

A smile curved itself under Dogpool's mask. "I really like this girl a lot!"

Mickey sighed. "And then they ask me why Minnie an' me haven't had any children yet!"

"So it's _not_ because you're secretly brother and sister?"

* * *

 **Ala Alba's Disney Masterpiece Theater!**

 **Typical Disney Forest Detritus.**

Kakizaki Misa was not used to washing her own clothes. Back home, her mother, and later the family's single maid after Daddy hit it big time, had always done it for her. During her stay at Mahora, Madoka could always been either tricked or outright bribed to do it for her (yet another advantage of belonging to a higher status level than Mado-chi's). Now, stranded in an alien world with only her comrades at her side, things had changed, and when one pulled the shortest stick in the lottery, which would naturally NEVER happen to Sakurako, noooooo, then Iinchou, Chisame and the Vice-President made damn sure one washed, not only one's own clothes, but those of the rest of the girls as well, for the day. Supposedly the others had the equally important and necessary job of keeping watch so she didn't get eaten by Heartless, but she didn't see why they couldn't do that and wash their own suspiciously-stained underwear themselves.

And if there was something Misa had never wanted to touch, much less rub over and over, that had been Haruna's underwear, no doubt. The girl wasn't on her list. She used to be, but repeated exposure had kept lowering her ranking until she'd ended up in the 'might kick out of bed depending on what she'd done recently, but wouldn't be inclined to keep any souvenirs' percentile.

 _Somewhere else, Cinderella sneezed, then rubbed her nose and kept on working under her stepmother and sisters' stern watch. It was a little known fact that they were around her all the time because, quite frankly, there was nothing to do around the house during the day except watch either Cinderella or drying paint, and since they'd run out of paint and it was still daylight..._

To make things worse, since the damn nearly-ghost town had such a terrible plumbing system, one had to wash the damn things outside, by a small river that ran between the outskirts of the town and the woods. It was enough to make Misa take solace in the only pleasure that remained available for her now. Well, the only one she could partake of in the open, anyway. All right, she'd do _that_ in the open too, but only if she was _really_ bored...

Taking a brief pause in her forcefully imposed activity, she opened her arms and began singing, beautifully as ever, a typical 'I Want' expression of her dreaming, repressed, eager-to-be-free soul...

A few moments later, Ayaka, who had approached Misa both to make sure she was okay and to make sure she wasn't slacking, walked in on her to see her, much to Ayaka's shock, blanketed by animals; birds posed all over her shoulders and head chirping happily; squirrels, chipmunks and bunnies tightly pressed against her from all sides, some going at it like, well, squirrels, chipmunks and bunnies; butterflies stuck to her body everywhere, and even a pair of turtles napped at her feet.

Misa's face twitched twice. "I hate fantasy worlds," she decided.

Ayaka just stared as the brown bear cub that had just arrived started rubbing itself against Misa's smooth legs. "Perhaps we should leave this to Karakuri-san before its mother arrives."

* * *

 **Ala Alba's Square Masterpiece Theater!**

 **Contractually Obliged to Fanservice.**

"Aerith-san," Sakurako said, peeking out the living room's back door, "the bath's ready, won't you come in?"

Aerith looked up from the daily report she had been writing. Not from her diary, mind. Her daily report, for the day she returned to her world with a story to tell the oncoming generations! Yes. That.

"Oh, so you're already done?" she asked back.

"Ah? No, we're bathing all together. Since, you know..."

"Oh, right, we're saving water, of course," Aerith said, standing up and taking her jacket off. Traverse Town's plumbing system and water reserves, after all, left a lot to be desired, easy as that had been to forget while they weren't living with over twenty newcomers from another world.

"Yeah, that, and supplying mass fanservice scenes," Sakurako nodded.

Aerith blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"It's been ten chapters now, and none of us has gotten naked yet," Sakurako replied, shrugging. "What can we do?"

Aerith stared widely at her, then her eyes warily drifted towards the fanfic's audience. Her gaze remained there for several moments, as her face tightened, and then she relented with a sigh. "Okay, sorry I asked the question I never asked in regard to the explanation you never gave."

Sakurako nodded. "You're very understanding. What can I say? It's a living. Things have dried up for us very badly since 2012." And then she shook a fist to the skies, well, the ceiling anyway, and cursed, _**"UQ HOLLLLDERRRRRRRR!-!-!-!-!"**_

 _Somewhere else, Sailor Mars sneezed._

* * *

"Perhaps," Aerith said, an eyebrow almost twitching as she sat naked in the open-air tub of the hideout, between a softly chuckling Haruna and awkward looking Ai, "we should have thought this through. Aren't we too tight in here? This bath wasn't made for that many..."

"It's tighter than it was back at home, but this is nice too!" Haruna happily said.

"— that isn't your hand on my ass, is it?"

Sora, who was sitting gloomily at Haruna's other side, suddenly tensed up. "Wait, I thought both of hers were on mine!"

"They were!" Haruna protested. "I never touch on the first date! Not that low, anyway."

"— I'm sorry," Ai miserably said.

The other girls all stared in shock at her.

Ai began whimpering. "I just wanted some screentime! Sorry for being desperate enough as to resort to such shameless and blatant fan pandering tactics for a mention! But, but I'm afraid I'll stop existing if I spend too long without being mentioned by the narration! It happened to my classmate Usui-kun, you know!"

"... who?" Matoi asked.

"..." Aerith said. And then, "Okay, I'm not mad at you... J-Just never do it again, right?"

"R-Really?! That, that's so nice from you, Gainsburroughs-san!"

"Gainsborough," Haruka corrected from the other end of the crowded pool, completely oblivious to the dirty looks Makie was giving her breasts.

"Vice Prez, please," Yuuna grunted, "Aerith-san's name is—"

"Um, actually, she got the name right..." Aerith said.

Everyone but Haruka and Aerith gained sudden expressions of utter terror and then began screaming in panic.

Aerith gave Haruka an aghast questioning look, and then the Vice President of the Mahora Student Council simply shrugged and made a circling gesture to the side of her own head.

"My God," Aerith deflated, "perhaps Tifa got off easier when she was stabbed through...!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	12. Pactio

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven**.

* * *

 _Saint Canard:_

Now they sat together, lined up, in a train car heading for the West district, an area still under Quackwerk's urban remodeling program, and blanketed by the thick gray smoke of industrial fumes. The car was relatively empty, save for them and two literal old coots napping at the other end of it, so Gosalyn felt confident talking aloud about her recent life experiences. She had grown rather savvy about what one could say in public and what one couldn't, and when and where, over the last few months.

"Dad had the fighting spirit blown outta him like a year ago," she reminisced, almost sadly. "That was when those guys began taking over the city. At first it was no big deal, they were just buying our fast food franchises an' all that. But before we knew it, they had all four fingers in each pie in town."

"You mean five…" Then Rin looked at the feathered girl's hand. "Never mind. Go on."

"You're kinda funny," Gosalyn told her. "Anyway, the timing couldn't be worse, as Dad and LP had their big falling out around that same time. Dad said LP was getting careless about our family's safety and kicked him out. He also broke up with his girlfriend and basically gave up on everything… but me."

"That just means you're the most precious thing to him," Nodokat said softly. "You should feel honored. My parents never felt the same way about me, and they were my blood family."

"Sorry to hear that," Gosalyn said. "I've tried to talk 'im outta that, over and over again, but he never listens to me. It's kinda sad seeing him like that, you know? He… he used to be my hero…"

Kotaro rubbed a corner of his eye.

"Are you thinking about your mom again?" Dogpool asked him.

"What? NO!"

"Seriously? Because when you sleep, you'll often whimper 'Mommy, mommy', and it's just natural for you to be worried for her, what with all those creepies running around our world attacking—"

"My mother's a real fighter!" Kotaro protested. "She, she can take care of herself!" And then he slumped over with both hands on his scalp.

Somewhere, Itoshiki-sensei sneezed. Yes, Kotaro was emo-ing that hard.

After a moment, Nodokat shyly reached over and patted his back comfortingly. Kotaro snorted but didn't shake her off.

"It was then I started to have those dreams too…" Gosalyn mused.

"Dreams?" Mickey said.

Gosalyn nodded. "Dreams about studying in a magical school like Harry Porker's. They're really weird because they seem to have recurring characters. There's this dog girl who's really bossy, our Class Rep, and this other dog girl with glasses who's my best friend. Then there's this human girl with pink hair and a nasty temper who's bad at everything and we call her Zero or something, I don't—"

"You know about humans?!" Mickey gasped, since contact with human beings was something this world never had before. Donald himself had told him so when he migrated to the Timeless Country.

Gosalyn bit her tongue. "I just spoke too much, didn't I." She lowered her voice and gestured for them to lean closer; so they did. "Back when Dad was… involved into weird stuff, a couple times, we made it to places where humans lived. They're like mutated hairless apes, and they smell kind of funny. But I assume you know that already, right? I mean, looks like you guys have seen and done everything…"

"I'm a human!" Rin hissed. "So are they!" she pointed at Nodokat and Yue.

"I'm half-human," Kotaro muttered.

"Actually, I'm a human as well," Dogpool said. "People keeps mistaking me for a mutant, but other than that shitty Wolverine movie, I'm a human who was subjected to experiments to add an advanced healing factor into my—"

Gosalyn stared. "No way."

"Way," Kotaro confirmed.

Gosalyn sat back. "Huh. So that's why you mentioned disguises earlier. I was sure you were just normal people in a secret mission or something."

"We ARE normal!" Rin protested.

"Okay, let's leave the complicated discussions for later," the duckette waved a hand. "Anyway, the psychologists told me the dreams were just a way for my subconscious mind to deal with my childhood trauma and all that crap. But, even with all the medication…" she stopped, looked at her wristwatch, pulled a small pill out of a pocket in her shirt, swallowed it whole, and kept on speaking as if she had never paused, "… the dreams keep coming back to me."

"Psychologists and psychiatrists are full of it. That's why I shot mine," Deadpool said. Yue and Nodokat quickly slid further apart from him.

Then Yue frowned, and rubbed her chin slowly. "Yue-chan?" Nodokat asked. "What's wrong?"

"A lot, considering our current situation," Yue honestly replied, "But somehow, hearing about those two dog girls suddenly gave me a feeling of _déjà vu_ … Nothing important, I guess. Probably just something from some of my grandfather's stories."

* * *

The next thing Akira knew, she felt like some giant hand was roughly pulling her down from in the middle of being squeezed to death in a gigantic wringer of light.

Or something like that. It's difficult to think of good comparisons when you feel like some giant hand is roughly pulling her down from in the middle of being squeezed to death in a gigantic wringer of light.

And then the same invisible force slammed her down into the grass. Or gravity simply took effect and she fell on her face. That's also hard to say for sure when you feel like some— you get the idea.

"Ow!" she heard as Minako-sempai fell next to her.

"Nyaa!" Artemis cried as he fell not too far away.

"Ouch," Pluto-sama could be heard as she fell into what sounded like a bush, cushioning her fall.

"Mother—!" Tuxedo Kamen-sama could be heard a moment later, along a strong thud.

After yet another moment, there was a new sound of impact, and then a long and loud string of colorful obscenities in Sailor Mars' voice.

Akira opened her eyes and found herself on the dirt of what appeared to be a dark forest, with Minako, Pluto-sama, Mars-san and Artemis in a heap a few feet away, between some bushes, and then, if you looked up, you also could see Tuxedo Kamen-san quite uncomfortably caught between two thick branches, his legs awkwardly spread open, his face strained and pale.

"Tuxedo Kamen-san," Akira said, beginning to push himself up, "are you...?"

"I am! Don't worry!" he replied in an oddly high pitched voice, nodding rapidly.

Venus pushed the spiral-eyed Mars off herself. "Honestly, what was the freaking big idea?! We could have— look, you almost made me sound like Itoshiki-sensei again!"

"W... Who?" Mars grunted, rubbing the bump on her head before standing up and interrupting Venus' answer before it could be supplied. "Oh, never mind! Who cares anyway!" She looked all around, hands on her hips, obviously stupefied. "Okay, we weren't supposed to end up here at all. What the fuck?"

"Why are you asking us?!" Minako shook a fist at her. "You're the one who brought us here, and we don't even know your name, and...!"

"Shut up, you, I'm thinking," Mars snapped, rubbing her chin with an expression of concentration. "Okay, if the temporal flow was cut, then that also must mean..."

And then her figure seemed to glitch and distort for a few moments, much like those of the two mysterious Senshi who had arrived before her. Akira expected she'd be replaced just like them, but instead only her clothes changed, leaving her wearing a dark uniform with a middle-lenght skirt and short cape, tall boots, and a flower-decorated cap, in addition to her glasses. Soon her figure stopped shifting around, and the girl made a disgusted sound while looking at herself. "Oh for fuck's sake," she said.

"At least I didn't fall on anyone's crotch just to be punched into the stratosphere," Tuxedo Kamen was musing to himself while climbing down the tree. "That still places me above... may I know what's happening here?"

Sailor Mars raised a hand and shouted, "MARS CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP!"

 _Nothing happened._

"MARS CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP!" she said again.

 _Nothing kept on happening._

"Well, fuck," Not-Sailor-Mars mumbled, then crouched down to start gathering some dirt into a small mound. Once it reached a height she thought adequate, she patted its top, pulled a stick out of her vest, planted it on top of the mound, and used a lighter to ignite a small flame at the top of the stick. Once that was done, she brought her hands together, closed her eyes, and murmured what sounded like some sort of obscure prayer. All the while the Senshi, the cat and the vigilante just stared at each other in mild confusion.

"You, who know everything—" Minako began telling Pluto.

"I never claimed to know everything!" the older woman said. "I'm contractually obligated to act like that for professional reasons!"

"Well, when you do NOT know something, that is supposed to be a very bad thing, isn't it?" Akira asked.

"Quite," Ritsuko nodded.

"Do you think things will magically improve if we kill her?" Minako asked.

"Aren't we supposed to be heroes?" Akira asked back.

"It's only a completely hypothetical question," Minako asked.

"It's generally a bad idea to kill the mysterious stranger off because they can start supplying cryptic half-answers to the latest impossible situation they have dragged you into," Ritsuko said. "Shouldn't you know that already? Isn't that why you haven't ever tried to kill me before?"

"Well, that, and you're kinda hot, but she's too young for my taste," Minako said before yelping as someone planted a delicate boot on her ass from behind.

"People with shit tastes shouldn't have opinions!" Not-Sailor-Mars opined before straightening up and rasping. "Ahem. I'm Sakurame Kirie. I _was_ the Sailor Mars of the future... but looks like I'm not anymore. Or rather, now I was never Sailor Mars at all."

"Ah?" Artemis, Tuxedo Kamen, Venus and Mercury chorused.

"But you still keep enough residual memory, don't you?" Pluto asked. "You're aware that makes you an anomaly, and that the duties of whoever happens to be Sailor Pluto at the time include erradicating anomalies, aren't you?"

Kirie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I'm also aware Sailor Plutos consistently fail at enforcing that part of their job, and usually just make it worse when they try, so who are you to start breaking that fine tradition? Anyway, my time period's Pluto sent me to retrieve you and bring you to her, but I imagine this failure means she's been erased from the continuum."

"I hate it when that happens," Ritsuko shook her head.

"You mean... like the two girls who came before you?" Artemis asked.

Kirie blinked. "There were two others? Ah, then it's worse than I had imagined. See, this wouldn't happen if you guys did your fucking job properly."

"Why didn't you disappear, like they did?" Mercury asked. "Could we disappear as well? Should we expect for another Senshi to show up next?"

"I didn't disappear because I am, like she said, an anomaly," Kirie pointed a thumb towards Ritsuko. "Even before becoming a Senshi, I already had abilities related to time jumps and keeping memories from previous erased temporal loops, which is why they chose me to go grab you losers. Nobody else in the team could have done it. As for your other questions, nah, you should be fine for now. Unless the bad guys start changing your past as well as your present. But since they seem to come from the same time period as you, I doubt they'd want to gamble with their own existence on it. And as long as I'm here, I don't think they'll send anyone else from the Gate of Time I used. Or if they do, that Senshi will just appear somewhere else. I used a single-channel stream precisely to prevent that."

"... okay, but where are we now?" Tuxedo Kamen asked, pretending he had understood everything from that explanation.

"Beats me," Kirie said. "If Pluto here has any guesses, she's welcome to voice them..."

"Forget about fucking guesses. I hate this job with every fiber of my being. Do you have any aspirins?" Pluto tiredly asked.

Kirie nodded and began pulling out a small package. "Here. Extra-strength. People who deal with idiots heroes swear by it."

"It says 'industrial strength horse tranquilizer'," Pluto said dubiously.

"And below that it says 'Hasegawa Chisame-approved'," Kirie said.

Pluto started popping pills.

* * *

 _Saint Canard:_

"Wait! Wait for me!" the giant-rat humanoid cried, clumsily running after the speeding Quackwerks bus. He was dressed like a stereotypical nerdy office worker, complete with thick glasses and a pocket protector in his shirt, several mismatched pens protruding out of it. Once it was clear even to him the bus had left him hopelessly behind, he hoarsely moaned to himself and dragged his steps back to the bus stop under the monumental shadow of the Quackwerks Second Municipal Tower. He plopped down on its empty bench and grunted. "Nobody waits for Elmo Sputterspark, Devoted Cubicle Slave! Not even those who would readily wait for Megavolt! And after I was promised a change for the better! That's why I signed for all of this, and now tell me, what did that bring me? What? Are you recording that, hmm? Hmmm?!"

This last part was said with vigorous stabs of a pointed finger on the small security camera of the bus stop, which eventually sizzled and shut itself down. Elmo Sputterspark looked at his finger, which shot a few tiny sparks for a few moments after that. "Wow," he mused. "I still have it! No, no, no, that's bad! Now I'll be fined, or worse, demoted!" He took both hands to his frazzled hair in anguish. "They could even put Drake Mallard above me! Oh dear, dear, me and my big mouth…!" he lamented, biting on his finger nails and making even more sparks to jump from them.

Again, he looked at his fingers and hiccupped angstily. "This shouldn't even be happening! Pills, I need more pills," he muttered, fishing into his pockets and finally pulling out a small pill not too different from that Gosalyn had taken minutes ago. "But just my luck, I don't have any water…" Since he wasn't as tough as her, and couldn't swallow them in the dry.

"Thirsty? Exhausted after a long, grueling day of corporate servitude?" a voice asked from behind him, as he was handled an empty glass. "Is your body crying for liquid refreshment to go along with your municipally mandated chemical control? We can help you!"

"Oh, thanks, Bud," Elmo nodded, then stared down at the glass. "Wait a sec, this is no help at all!"

There was a chuckle, and the person standing behind him stuck a finger made of water into the glass, then shot more water in, filling it quickly. "There you go, impatient Thirsty Believer! Never say the Liquidator didn't ever do anything for you!"

"Now see, that's much better, thanks…" Elmo nodded, then took a first mouthful of water that was promptly spat all across the sidewalk. He whipped around to stare in horror at the smiling figure in the trenchcoat and fedora that seemed to be in a constant state of liquid motion under his clothes. "You!" He looked down at the glass. "Oh, gross! I drank your-!"

"In the Hydrogen and Oxygen, your friend and everyone's, Bud Mc Fludd, the Liquidator!" the dog made of water placed a hand on his own chest, proudly. "Now back in the market, with a bold new presentation! Sold everywhere, whether you like it or not! But you'd better!"

Sputterspark backed away as fast as he could, waving his hands between them. "You'd better flow the hell away from me, Liquidator! I'm done with having my lightbulbs kicked by the law! I'll admit my life now is less glamorous, and less exciting, and it pays way less, but at least I'm not—"

"Laughing anymore? Is that what you were going to say, Sparky?" a crooning, chuckling voice said from the Quackwerks Toys truck Elmo had just realized had just pulled up by his side, cutting his backpedalling short and trapping him between it and the advancing Liquidator.

"Sparky? You know I hate being called that, you…" Elmo trailed off as he looked into the bloodshot eyes of the huge grin coming from the face at the driver's seat. "… Quackerjack."

"Wakka-wakka," Quackerjack chuckled, as a long, thick tangle of vines rose from the seat at his side, and then swooped out the vehicle's cabin, snaring the yelping Megavolt tightly pulled him in.

* * *

"Don't you have a compass on you or something?" asked Minako as they walked through the ominous forest, following Kirie-san into what she was sure had to be a trap. It was kind of surprising, actually, how ominous looking a forest could get in broad daylight.

"Of course I do," Kirie said, without looking back. "But there's no point on knowing which way's North when you don't know if you should head the North or not, is it?"

"So… you're basically just leading us around at random, much like any of us could," Tuxedo Kamen said.

"Basically," Kirie allowed, "but the thing is, not only do I highly doubt any of you have a better idea of where to go, but by going ahead of you, any danger in the way will strike at me first."

And the good part about that is…?" Artemis asked.

"Didn't you see what I did back there, with the mound and the stick?!" Kirie asked. "That's a save point! I have the special ability of returning to life in the same spot, in the same point in time I made a save point, as long as I get killed off first. And no, don't ask how I got that ability, I'm not telling, and no, it can't be taught."

"You're shitting us," Minako said.

"No, I'm not. Before jumping to your time period courtesy of our period's Sailor Pluto, I had left another save point back at home, but if that timeframe was erased or altered, then the save point was lost. Not to mention my whole fucking fortune!" she suddenly exploded, throwing her arms up, before keeping on walking, even grumpier than before. "Maybe some other Kirie is enjoying it right now. Fucking paradox-spawned doppelgangers."

"So, you're rich?" Minako asked, now a lot more intrigued.

Tuxedo Kamen looked back over his shoulder and asked something more sensible. "What will happen if someone or something destroys that save point you left?"

"Then I'd be kinda screwed in the event I'm killed," Kirie bitterly admitted. "That's why I normally only leave save points at places I consider to be safe. And so I'm looking for one of those before anything else. That one was just a provisional measure. I'm well aware a raccoon could take a dump on it anytime now."

"Do you mean… you've had the chance to see that 'works' before…?" Akira asked. "Like in, you've been killed and returned to life before?"

"Yeah," Kirie snorted. "It ain't that bad once you get used to it. You even get glimpses of a really nice young woman who treats you very well and waves you away when you come back. I think that's Death herself, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that…"

"What is happening in our world and yours, that merited breaking the laws of temporal safety?" Pluto asked. "Why would a Sailor Pluto do something like sending you instead of going herself?"

"Because, like I said, the jump had a strong possibility of the traveler being killed or deleted in the process, and if that happened to our Pluto, we'd have been left without a way to send anyone else back. For us, time travel isn't as safe as it used to be. On the other hand, even if I had died, I'd have just respawned back where I left, none the worse for the wear. It was only a matter of practicality."

"My God," Akira breathed out, "That's just terrible, that you might have died several times over, so young, and yet you treat it so lightly!"

"I get to come back, don't I? The worst thing is the pain. Most times are violent, but once you get used, pain stops being so much of a bitch, for the most part."

Then she stopped as they reached a small clearing. "Hey, civilization at last. Good, I was starting thinking this world won't be inhabited."

Akira stopped as well, gasping. "Wait! I think I recognize that cabin. If I'm not mistaken, it belongs to…"

"What are you doing here?" asked a hissing, harsh voice coming from the other end of the clearing, where a small figure in black was tossing her hood back and revealing a long golden mane was stepping out into sight, holding a book in a hand and an action figure held by a leg in the other.

Akira's face lit up with a smile. "Evangeline-san! It's you! What a relief, we didn't make it out of Mahora after all! Remember me? I'm Sailor Mercury, and this is Sailor Pluto-sama, we met at Kyoto, when—"

"Evangeline-san?" Kirie grimaced. "You mean, this is… Yukihime-sama?" she finished in a much lower voice.

"What did you just call her?" Ritsuko asked in horror, before stepping forward to grab one of Akira's arms before she could meet up with the scowling vampire. "Mercury-san, wait! I don't think this is…"

Evangeline stomped on the grass, and sent a shockwave of spiky ice towards them. The girls, the boy and the cat yelped and scattered in all directions before the deadly attack could hit them, and it only stopped when it hit a tree, which it instantly froze solid.

"Evangeline-san!" Akira cried. "Don't you remember us?! We fought on the same side, don't tell me someone's controlling you again!"

"I remember you well, idiots," Evangeline sneered. "But right now, I only want to be left alone! Flee my domains, if you wish to preserve your miserable lives!"

"… yes, that's Yukihime-sama, no doubt…" Kirie nodded to herself. "She really was more sociable when she was younger."

* * *

 _Saint Canard:_

"Do you want to hear something funny?" Quackerjack asked.

"No thanks. I've always thought your jokes stink," Megavolt said, surrounded by Dr. Reginald Bushroot, Liquidator and Quackerjack in the middle of a toy factory. Oddly enough, he could tell the factory was not abandoned, just closed during the night. It used to be, in the old days, every factory or warehouse they'd gather at was abandoned, but he guessed there weren't many of those around anymore, since Quackwerks arrived.

"Tut-tut, I never said anything about jokes, just a funny thing!" Quackerjack waved a finger at him. The colorful duck jester of crime tossed his arms open and laughed. "You know I used to make toys before... well, before making toys for crime, don't you? But I don't think you really know why I changed from the former to the latter, right? Because that made me happier. And, here comes the funny part, then they forced me to just make toys again, and for a while, that made me even happier! But now, now I'm back to making toys for crime, and that makes me happier than happier! It's a full circle that never stops!" He laughed, holding a swirling trick coin and making it spin uncontrollably.

Megavolt snorted, then gave Bushroot a jaded glare. "Say, what happened to him? He's even nuttier than before. But in a more pedantic way."

"It has to do with a girl, I think," the mutated duck-plant said, before sighing sadly. "Isn't that always the way?"

"Quiet, you!" Quackerjack growled, actually sounding like Negaduck for a moment. Then he chuckled in a more jovial fashion. "The time for playing with girls is over. I'm back to playing with boys my own age and socioeconomic level. The toy developers of Quackerwerks, you know, they were all about those fields and focus groups and sectors of the population they wanted to appeal to. They'd always be talking and talking and talking about that, about how I should stick with the program and keep all of that in mind, and you know what else, Sparky? It! Took! All! The! Fun! Away!"

"I'm crying for you, really," Megavolt droned.

Quackerjack laughed again, like a deranged hyena, slapping himself on the right knee. "Oh, no, no, you aren't! But everybody else will, soon, soon! Because, well, if my toys can't make everyone laugh, then they'll make everyone cry!"

"A veritable salty sea over all the streets of Saint Canard! Reserve your cruise tickets right now! Our operators wait for your call!" the Liquidator said.

"Cute, boys, really cute," Megavolt looked all around, at all the production lines filled with armed toy soldiers and shiny miniatures of futuristic war machines. "Trying to keep up with the trends a bit too hard, don'tcha? I mean, now you're sounding like a reject from a Chirpstopher Nolan flick. What does Neg—"

Quackerjack smiled as toothily as he could while Bushroot and Liquidator cringed back, before placing a hand on Megavolt's mouth, blocking the name before it could be completed. "We don't talk about that unperson anymore, Sparky. Whenever we do, bad things happen to whoever said it first."

Then he just pulled the hand back and waited for a response, still smiling spiritedly.

"Ooookay," Megavolt grunted. "He never was my favorite person either, but don'tcha think you're taking it too far? Whatever happened to you that—"

"We can have much, much, much more fun the five of us alone!" Quackerjack began prancing around.

"... five?" Megavolt asked.

"Five, of course! You, me, 'Dator, 'Root, and Mr. Banana Brain!" the jester held a small doll with shiny eyes, made of badly assembled metal and circuitry, up close to Megavolt's face. "You remember Mr. Banana Brain, don't you, Sparky?"

"I remember him being a bit... different," the rat said.

"Oh, that. He had an unfortunate accident with a Crimebot. Or rather, the Crimebot had the accident with him. But as you can see, he's much better now!" He held the puppet close to his own ear. "What do you say, Mr. Banana Brain? Kill him? But he's not even rejected us yet! And how can we keep being the Fearful Five when there's only four of us?"

"Okay, enough with the extra creepiness. We get it, you're edgy now, edgier than Ne— well, than You-Know-Who," Megavolt said. "And you'll kill me if I refuse to play along, like old times. You want me to abandon my safe, miserable, mildly comfortable and fully pathetic civilian life for the sake of going back to an existence of crime and city-wide terrorism that will most likely end up with the four of us being put down by Quackwerks like rabid dogs..."

"I find that term to be rather demeaning and racist, Megavolt," Liquidator said.

"Shut up, Bud."

Quackerjack chuckled softly, shaking his head, the small bells in his jester's hat tingling. "Is that why you aren't accepting your old pals straight right now, Sparky? Fear of the big bad ol' Quackwerks? What have they done to you?" he mused, reaching over to cup Megavolt's cheek in a hand. The rat cringed visibly. "Be assured, by the time we're done, Saint Canard will never fear Quackwerks again... _they will fear_ _ **us**_ _."_

A pause.

"And that's no joke, either!"

"I don't know," Megavolt said, "it actually sounds kinda funnier than your old stuff..."

* * *

Rito finally opened his eyes, looked up at the faces of Lala, Mikado, Fuuka and Fumika surrounding him from above, and smiled weakly.

"Ah," he said. "I'm glad this time I didn't wake up with my face in anyone's crotch or butt."

"No, actually, that happened half a hour ago, when you woke up with your face into Fumika's ass," Fuuka explained.

"And then she kicked your head so hard you fell unconscious again," Ryoko expanded. "Don't you remember?"

"Sorry! It was a reflex!" Fumika said.

"... actually, no, I don't remember it, and I'm glad to leave it that way," Rito sat up on the Gummi ship's floor, blinking and looked through the window, at the dark skies above them. "Where are we now? We fell back to Earth, right?"

"Um, well," Lala said, "unless this ship somehow was able to take us to the late Jurassic period of Earth, I doubt it, Rito..."

Rito then saw two pterodactyls flying past them, high in the sky, and his eyes shrank down to black dots.

Lala put a hand behind her head and chuckled. "Ah ha ha ha, I'm sorry, I guess this was my fault!"

Rito's head swelled up to a gigantic size and all his teeth became fangs while he yelled at her. "You're sorry?! You think saying 'sorry' is going to cut it?!"

Then the ground shook, and the ship shook along with it.

"You know," Fuuka finally said, very eerily, "I'd say it's a bad idea to scream like that while you're surrounded by killer dinosaurs, _sempai_."

He gulped audibly. "W-Well, that's assuming we are, somehow, surrounded by actual dinosaurs, which is just plain silly... Odds are we fell into some film studio or attraction park at the other end of the ocean, and this is just—"

Then something huge and very strong hit the ship from a side, almost turning it over, and everyone but Lala, Peke included, screamed at the top of their lungs. Or what passed for them in Peke's case.

"Oh, awesome!" Lala gushed as she looked through the window, which now had a long, sharp nose horn protruding through it and stopping at mere inches before her face. "A _Triceratops Prorsus_ in flesh and blood!" She whipped a cellphone with a pink happy-face design on it and began taking pictures of the enraged beast repeatedly ramming against the vehicle. "This sort of aggressive behavior coming from a herbivore would indicate they were, as a matter of fact, strongly territorial reptiles! You learn something new every day, after all!"

"LALA!" Rito yelled, while he and the others tumbled around from the violent shakes, Fumika's ass repeatedly slapping his face much to the discomfort of both. "STOP DOING THAT AND DO SOMETHING!"

"Okay, Rito!" she pushed the cellphone back. "But... what do you suggest? Harming this magnificent beast would be a huge loss for science! Think of how much we could learn from it!"

"Lala-sama, we have several of these in Nana-sama's private petting zoo!" Peke screamed.

"Nooooo!" Lala wagged a finger. "Those are _Triceratops Horridus_ , remember! This species wasn't sampled when Great-Grandfather took that trip to Earth's distant past! It'd be a shame if something happened to this one before we can learn if there are still others like it, or—"

Then a gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex jumped from behind on the Triceratops, taking advantage of its distraction, and chomped on the unprotected flesh behind the quadruped's armored neck frill.

"... oh dear," Lala blinked as blood splattered all over the cracked grass, a few drops landing on her face. "Looks like that's a non-issue now, anyway? Rito, Rito, do you think I should do something about this other specimen, too?"

"WHAT?!" he cried. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE ROARS OF THE TWO BEASTS KILLING EACH OTHER!"

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

Once again, a battle had broken out, and Alice had looked for refuge behind a tree, watching over the conflict with a mixture of fascination and horror.

Professor Springfield quickly moved all around the gigantic bunny, shouting sentences in Latin and shooting rays of light and blasts of wind at the beast, most of which seemed to bounce off it doing little damage. A few times, he had taken aim and tried to hit the Mad Hatter himself with a few minor air blasts, but the creature's ears had crossed themselves before the laughing man, shielding him rather effectively.

At the same time, the monster kept on spitting dozens of much smaller, but also faster moving, copies of itself, which quickly got up from the grass and rushed towards Professor Springfield, only to be intercepted and squashed down by Miss Skuld, All of this happened very quickly, so much that Alice was beginning to feel whiplash just by looking at it; she couldn't even begin to understand how it would feel being in the middle of it! Truly, violence was a terrible thing.

So, it went on and on, over several minutes. Miss Skuld covered Professor Springfield's back and flanks as he kept on attacking the core beast itself, but neither side seemed to be gaining a clear edge yet. Although Alice suspected the monster, who mostly sat lashing around at the Professor while spitting more duplicates, would outlast them since it seemed to be spending less energy as the battle continued.

And that was a troubling thought.

"Don't you think," she asked the ermine and mouse at her feet, "perhaps we should call on the Queen? Showing her this would be all the proof we need, and I'm sure she and her soldiers would want to take this... hellspawn down as well."

"Actually, that sounds like a decent idea," Chamo gulped, "but who will go there to tell her— ALICE-NEECHAN!" he cried in surprise, as he felt the girl being violently yanked away from them.

"What? Liddell-san!" Negi cried, his head spinning back in that direction, and allowing the giant monster enough of an opening for it to sink its claws into his left arm, drawing copious blood from the open wound. "AUGH!"

"Sensei!" Skuld yelled, dashing over to hit the claw with her mallet, forcing it to retreat. "Are you—"

"Liddell-san!" Negi ran past her and the others, and towards the screaming Alice, who was being dragged towards the woods' depths by three small Heartless who had just took hold of her. She managed to kick one of them away from hersef, but the other two just tightened their grip on her, painfully, and making her yell higher. "Let her go, you!" Negi swung his staff on them, smashing one of them into the dirt, and batting the other aside, then to catch Alice into his arms as she stumbled losing her balance. "Are you okay?"

"Ah, yes, yes, thanks!" she nodded quickly. She got her first close look at his bleeding arm. "My word, Sensei!"

He clenched a smile. "I've had them worse. Don't worry, it's just— Oh dear, Skuld-san!" he spun back again, looking at where Skuld hung upside down, the huge creature's long tongue holding her by a leg.

"Okay, I think it's time to summon Asuna-san for real now, don't you think?!" the young goddess cried, swinging her mallet only to fail every time, since the tongue was keeping her at enough distance from the monstrous body. "Do it now, now, now!"

Negi sighed inwardly. He was rather saddened by the growing realization it looked like he really couldn't do these things all by himself, that he constantly needed help, unlike his father (or rather, what he was given to understand about his father). What a complete, utter shame he was turning into. A total failure at being his own man, a dependant underachiever, while Erebus-san was so strong, and with such a short added time to develop his might compared to him...

"DAMN IT NEGI, STOP DAYDREAMING!" Skuld shouted as the tongue pulled her further up, Mad Hatter rubbing his chin as he pondered what to do with her.

Finally, the short man raised a pointer finger. "Let us make a deal like gentlemen," he proposed. "If you are a fair sport, so will I. If you will just handle Alice without any trickery, I will gladly release this girl and—"

"No, I'll tell you what," Negi said, holding Asuna's card high, and using his other hand to keep a blushing Alice firmly against himself. "Since you like playing with girls so much, let's just call on another one. Asuna-san!"

"Asuna-san?" the Hatter blinked. "Who in the wide green world is Asuna-san? Oh, you mean—"

Then someone dropped on his head from above, tucking his hat down to his eyes.

"NEGI, YOU IDIOT! IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" the suddenly summoned Asuna cried, bouncing down off Hatter's head without even actually noticing she had landed on a man. With a wet gurgle, Tetch wobbled aside and dropped onto the grass. Asuna, startled by the thud, looked aside and saw the twitching Hatter just a few steps aside from her. "Oh well, if you already got him, then why'd you need me... Never mind, stupid question," she added, looking up at the monster lagomorph, which now stood on both hind legs roaring. Asuna twiddled her fingers towards Negi. "My Artifact, please."

With the hand that wasn't holding Alice, Negi picked up the sword he had left on the ground when they returned to the clearing, and effortlessly tossed it at Asuna, rather impressing the young blonde. "Catch!"

The catch was just as impressive, as Asuna's hand gripped on the sword's handle with hardly a second thought or even a glance. It was almost as if she had done that many, many times before, Alice thought dazedly, wondering what kind of life did that girl exactly lead...

 _He took his vorpal sword in hand, longtime the manxsome foe he sought- So rested he by the Tum-Tum Tree- And stood awhile in thought._

"Thanks," Asuna snorted, then pushed the sword ahead, plunging it into the towering Heartless' exposed belly.

 _One, two! One, two! And through and through- The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head- He went galumphing back._

The massive Heartless then exploded into a harmless, yet very frightening, maelstrom of a thousand black specks being shot everywhere.

"Owie! Nuts!" Skuld cried as she tumbled across the grass, only to spring back to her feet as soon as she stopped rolling. She confronted Asuna in a flash, leaning up to yell on her face, "You know I hated stealing catchphrases, but what if I had died?!"

Asuna rolled her eyes back. "You would have returned home with your Dad?"

"Who would then have flung a thunderbolt on your ass!" Skuld confirmed.

"Language," Negi chided, cringing as he held the large bleeding wound on his arm tightly.

"Oh dear oh dear, I'm so sorry this happened because of me…" Alice stuttered while trying to examine the gap as best as she could. "Being a genius, perhaps Miss Skuld would know what to do…?"

"Let me see," Skuld walked closer to the boy, took a good look, and grimaced. "Ew, a nasty one. But I'm afraid my field of expertise lies everywhere. With more time and resources, I can build a sentient inflatable unit of robotic healthcare, but—Wait. This is no normal wound."

"What's up? Negi's getting cuts all the time while training with Eva, I'm sure we can just take him to—Oh, what in the world is that!" Asuna gasped, after also stepping closer, then to leap back.

"It can't be that bad," Gadget said while climbing up Negi's body until she reached his shoulder. "I mean, it isn't like he was hit in a vital—You know, forget that. Magical medicine isn't my specialty either, but what in the name of Ratesla is this?!"

Negi stared at his wound, which now had thick, black vein-like lines spreading out of it across his flesh, advancing as they pulsed and expanded, turning the rest of his arm lightly purple. What would have Father done in a moment like that? Actually, that was a stupid question, Father would never have allowed that to happen in the first place, while he only could say… "W-Well, it doesn't hurt at all, that's a good sign, right?"

The Cheshire Cat reappeared, floating over the arm and making Gadget fall back on the ground with a scared yelp. "An expert will say if it is or not!" He pulled a comically oversized pair of glasses out of nowhere and put them on to analyze the wound. "Oh my oh my oh mine oh yours oh ours what's mine is yours what's yours is mine. This looks so bad it's good. It shouldn't happen, normally, but what do I know about normalcy? Have you ever been touched by darkness, boyyyyyy…?"

Negi coughed. "Sometimes, a vampire will bit me to feed on my blood, but that's all…"

"THAT'S ALL?!-?!" Alice and Gadget cried at once.

The Cat took quick notes on an upside-down notebook, while a lab coat appeared on him. "Veeeerrrry interrrrresting! Open wide," he said, holding a tongue suppressor. Negi opened his mouth, but the cat instead looked into his ear, and saw five tiny Negis operating a shiny control cabin with Nagi portraits (and a few ones depicting Nekane and Chisame) all over it inside. The depressed looking blue Negi and the fuming red Negi obviously held control over most of the panels, especially the former, while a thin yellow Negi stood at the back, begging in vain to be given some measure of control. The Cat pulled back and massaged his own chin. "The Darkness is strong in you, young Padawan. You are controlled by your darker emotions, mainly your Sadness and Anger. That makes you especially vulnerable to the Heartless' touch!"

"Anger? Negi?" Asuna asked. "Sadness, I'll give you that, but what Anger? Negi always lets everyone walk all over him! He's the last person I ever think of when I think 'angry'!"

"Don't give me Sadness, I don't like it," the Cat wagged a chubby finger at her. "And just because he suppresses it, that doesn't mean it isn't there. He's angry at being left alone by his parents, angry the adults never give him straight answers, but mostly angry at himself over his perceived failures. Someday, it may all devour him alive, perhaps even raw! Not that I can blame it, I rather like raw meat myself…" he purred, chuckling into Gadget's direction.

"D-Don't give us that crap!" Chamo shouted, waterfalls of tears falling down his eyes. "Tell us what can we do to save him!"

"This starts to remind me more and more of what happened at Kyoto…" Asuna mused.

"Oh, don't worry!" the Cat feistily told her. "This won't be a repeat of that! Negi won't die!"

"That's good!" Asuna said.

"But he'll turn into a Heartless!"

"That's bad!" Skuld cried.

"But, being as special as he is, odds are that won't last long and he'll turn into a Nobody instead!"

"That's good! I'm already a Nobody as it is, and I only can go up from here!" Negi said.

"Not that kind of Nobody! You'll turn into a human-like, but emotionless Servant of Darkness!"

"That's bad!" Alice gasped.

"But on the other hand, I bet they'll draft you into an awesome secret organization with incredible weapons and powers, issue you a kick-arse black standard robe, and you even can regain your emotions eventually!"

"That's good!" Gadget said.

"But they'll turn you into an icon of Yaoi and Shounen Ai in the process!"

"What's that?" Negi blinked.

"THAT'S BAD!" Chamo wailed.

"… sort of debatable," Skuld softly mused, fighting off treacherous mental images of Negi and Keiichi coming together in a torrid embrace and then… "AAAAAHHH, NO, THAT'S BAD! THE WORST! THAT'S BELLDANDY'S BOYFRIEND!"

"Whut?" Asuna asked.

"Anyway," the Cat shrugged, "to delete the touch of Darkness, you would need the touch of Light. My, my, if only you had one of the Princesses of the Heart at hand!" he chuckled, twiddling his fingers on his chin and bobbling around in the air. "The Princesses have the ever healing light that dispels Darkness in their hearts, the light that seals—"

"Screw that noise, I have anti-magic! This should do while we get Konoka!" Asuna said, and slammed a hand on Negi's wound.

 _Nothing. Nothing happened._

Well, actually, that was a lie. The dark lines kept on spreading across Negi's arm, now reaching the shoulder, although they went slower now.

"Ahhhhh! Someone do something!" Chamo despaired. "No man should ever lose an arm before he can ever fap with it!"

"What does that mean?" Negi and Alice asked at the same time.

"Ask your parents!" Skuld told them.

The Cat merrily bounced in the air around the pissed off Asuna. "You haven't developed your Anti-Magic enough yet! What a crying shame! You fail at being Kagurazaka Asuna!"

 _CRUSHED!_ Asuna's mind went as an imaginary block of cement dropped on her head.

Alice sank into despair of her own, her shoulders drooping. "It's all my fault, really…" she sniffled. "It happened because he protected me, and he only had to protect me because I'm useless if there's any danger around, and…" Then she perked up, her skin crawling. "Oh, of course. It isn't logical at all, it makes no sense, it's insane and demented and just plain wrong! So it must be right that!"

"If you say so…" the Cat lazily drifted through the air around Alice.

"You said this world's Princess didn't come from this world, yet she belonged here. Which is the same thing you implied about me," Alice told him.

"Did I say that? Oh, me and my big mouth," the Cat chuckled, running a claw across the length of his grin.

"But I'm not of royal blood," Alice said.

"That you know of," the Cat pointed out.

Alice began gesturing with both hands. "But, but, that cannot possibly be, my family is pure and honest, there's no way any of my ancestors could have… well, you know… had dealings… with royalty!"

"Do you want a family tree? I can supply it, but only the censored version!" the Cat whipped out a large sheet marked 'Liddell Family Tree' with most of the branches covered with 'SPOILER' tags.

Asuna's mismatched eyes rolled around. "Oh, don't tell me she had the crazy idea she's that Princess of Whatchacallit. Some people think the whole world revolves around them. That, or she's been spending too long in this place…"

"Princess of the Heart, you mean?" Skuld asked. "It's an easy enough name. And don't reject the notion so easily. Long forgotten princesses often can be found where you least expect them."

"MALE COOOOOOOW!" Asuna said.

Alice grimly approached Negi, who now wheezed and coughed, supporting himself on Asuna. "What do I need to do?"

The Cat looked at his claws the way a bored, dismissive grand dame would look at her manicured finger nails. "Ask the weasel. I've been giving too many straight answers for a day. My stomach is turning itself inside out by now!"

Chamo's eyes gleamed. "You mean…!"

"That 'Pactio' you spoke about earlier?" Alice cringed. "Oh dear God in Heavens, I don't know if I could do it…"

"You said it was your own fauuuuuuult!" Chamo and the Cat crooned at once.

"You guys are the worst," Skuld cringed, even as Chamo began drawing the circle on the ground with manic glee. "Guilt tripping an innocent young lady like that! In no time you'll turn her into a Haruna!"

"Is that meant to be a bad thing?" Alice asked, intimidated.

"Not only bad, but the second worst. The worst is turning into a Tsukuyomi. Don't ask," Asuna sighed, softly propping the weakly protesting Negi in place on the circle. "Of course it had to come to this, when doesn't it…?"

"I suppose it is, after all, somehow reminiscing of the situation at Kyoto," Skuld mused. "Then again, when you keep facing against the forces of evil over and over, it's no wonder you'll keep getting wounds only holy magic intervention can save you from."

"Now that you mention holy magic," the Cheshire Cat said, "I suppose an alliance with a divine being could also do—"

"Alice-san, stop stalling and come here!" Skuld shouted over the Cat's next words.

Alice gulped visible, sweating like a pig in diapers, and trembling as she stepped onto the circle. She looked down at the runes all over the now glowing design and wondered, "Isn't this more like an unholy thing? Will I be able to ever step into a church after this? Or will they have to ship me over to the Americas, to be raised amongst the savages of—"

"Enough with the political incorrectness already, Victorian Sis! My Bro doesn't have much time left!"

"Your fault! Your fault! Your fault!" the Cat chanted before Skuld malleted him in the head.

"I'm sure being a Nobody won't be so bad," Negi gurgled spastically, "The black robes actually sound okay, I wore some of those during my training, and emotions only can get in the way of my rescue mission, I imagine, so you don't have to do anything you don't want to…"

Alice sighed miserably, blushed intensely, and then, much like Chisame had done what seemed so long ago, pressed a hand over Negi's eyes. Something in the back of his mind, probably his Disgust, who now actually looked more like a tiny sneering green Chisame than a Negi, told him this fittingly was the start of a new cycle that would be much like the first one, another string of failures to stand on his own, always having to be bailed out by girls, and that he should be thus disgusted of himself…

The déjà vu and Disgust's rant were both interrupted by the sensation of Alice's hesitating, rather soft and tender lips on his.

"PACTIOOOOOOO!" Chamo and the Cat chanted, dancing around with each other and waving fans, while an even greater white light than usual burst forth from the Circle, shooting up to the sky, and being seen all over Wonderland. Asuna, Gadget and even Skuld stepped back, impressed. Alice, startled by the results, pulled back and landed on her behind, quickly wiping her mouth with the back of a hand as the light slowly faded down.

Negi rasped loudly, adjusted his tie, gulped, and clumsily offered Alice a helping hand. She hesitated, then took it with a nod, gracefully standing back with his help. "Perhaps," she said, "we should have at least started with a proper kiss on my hand, but it is too late for that now, is it not?"

"Perhaps," Negi allowed, then smoothly kissed the back of her hand anyway, making her blush further. To some unconscious degree, perhaps he was an actual player, after all. He easily caught the two cards that were now floating down from way above, and only then looked at his arms, which was back to normal. "Wow. It worked better than I expected…"

Chamo was bawling with happiness. "It couldn't get any better! I have saved my dear little brother! And we have another Ministra! Another cute, lovely Ministra after so long! It feels like it's been years…!"

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"Chachamaru?" asked Chisame, as the gynoid landed on her feet before her, at the middle of the hideout's courtyard. The robot girl had been hovering over the building for hours, acting as a sentry on the lookout for any uncommon incident happening in Traverse City or its surroundings, and her turn wasn't supposed to end until two hours from then, when Sora would sub for her in her Artifact vehicle. "Now what?"

"Master," Chachamaru said. "I just got visual and thermal readings of her attacking somebody near the resort."

"More Heartless?" Ayaka asked, peeking out a window with notable concern.

Chachamaru shook her head. "From what my long range visuals could tell me, her current opponents include… Sailor Mercury-san and Sailor Pluto-san, whom we met in Kyoto."

Yuuna immediately peeked out from behind Ayaka, pushing the iinchou's head down in a comical fashion. "WHAT?! S-Sailor Mercury, you said?!"

Chachamaru nodded. "It looked almost certainly like her, but other than the obvious wonder of seeing more stranded individuals who might—"

Yuuna already was walking past them and towards the rundown streets in her Pactio outfit, hastily adjusting her open jacket on herself. "Then there's no time to waste! Come on, Maki-chan! We've gotta stop Eva before she kills her!"

"Ah? What's the big fuss about Sailor Mercury-san anyway, Yuuna-chan?" whined Makie, who tried her best to keep up with Yuuna's strangely urgent pace. "I mean, sure, she's famous and all, but don't you think maybe she can hold her own against—"

"No, I'm pretty sure she can't!" Yuuna gulped, actually running by now, which was no obstacle for Chachamaru to easily catch up to her, scooping her under an arm and Makie under the other. "Don't ask right now, just—HEEEYYY!" she gasped as she felt herself being lifted off in flight.

"If it's so important for you, I'll take you there to the best of my capacities, Akashi-san," the gynoid promised as she took up with both Sports Girls, leaving a baffled Chisame and Ayaka behind.

And Matoi. "Chisame-sama, your sister," the stalker quietly said.

"I know, I know!" Chisame said, placing her Pactio card against her forehead. "Hey, Sora! Bring your ass and your flying car right here right now, okay? Something's up and Karakuri, Akashi and Sasaki are checking it out!"

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	13. Princess of the Heart

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Shadow Crystal Mage couldn't proofread this chapter, so it'll most likely be rather crappier than the average. Sorry.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve**.

* * *

Akira jumped after her comrades down the muddy slop they had just reached, keeping Kirie-san firmly held in her arms. The smaller girl shrieked and held onto her, her hat flying off her head as Akira quickly slid down, quickly catching up to Venus, Pluto and Tuxedo Kamen, who already had reached the bottom and kept on moving towards the following patch of woodland.

"Come on, come on!" Minako briefly stopped to gesture at her, beckoning her close, "She's not playing around!"

"And you actually had classes with that demon every day?!" cried Artemis, still clinging onto Minako's right shoulder. "How comes you're still alive?!"

Minako clamped a hand around his mouth as she and Akira rushed after the others. "Pluto-sama," she said in a low voice, "surely you have some strategy or powerup tool to allow us fight back? How about you, Future-chan? Because, honestly, running away when you're supposed to be a superhero IS kind of embarrassing..."

"Future-chan?" Kirie said.

"If the shoe fits..." Tuxedo Kamen said, pausing briefly to look back over his shoulder and through the trees. From there he could see, in the distance, a tiny figure standing at the top of the slope, keeping her book in a hand and Kirie's hat in the other, then turning around and disappearing back into the forest. "Well, just look at that. It seems she has just quit."

"Odds are that's just what she wants us to think," the action figure Tuxedo Kamen was holding said.

"Geh!" Venus almost jumped back. "When, when did you—!"

The masked man smirked. "Above everything else, I'm supposed to be a white glove cat burglar, remember?"

"Actually, he tried to swipe the book away from her instead, but she pulled her hand away, so he settled up for me. I think she let him to, however..." the action figure added.

"You're welcome to be as thankful for the rescue as you want," Tuxedo Kamen deadpanned.

Ritsuko squinted, keeping a wary eye on the slope and what there was beyond. "Our encounter was merely coincidental. I doubt she cares enough about us to keep chasing us after we left her property."

"Evangeline-san never wanted anything but being left alone... with Karakuri-san, that is," Mercury mused quietly. "I wonder where she is...?"

"Miss Evangeline sent her away, back to Negi Springfield, a couple days ago," Buzz explained. "She's isolated herself from everybody else, so—"

"N-N-Negi Springfield!" Kirie gasped while Akira set her down on the ground.

"So Negi-sensei is safe and sound as well?" Akira asked. "H-How about everybody else?"

"Whoa, whoa, Cadet, slow down," the doll said. "Miss Evangeline usually keeps us boxed away while training Professor Negi and his friends, so we haven't seen him in a while, but yeah, when Jessie asked about them, Miss Eva implied they were okay... Are you one of his students too?"

Akira nodded, her lower lip tightening.

Minako laughed and patted her back. "See? I told you they'd be alright!" Then she shot the figure a sharp glare. "Then, are we even at Mahora anymore?"

"Negative," Lightyear said. "I got confirmation earlier today, when Miss Eva made me take her back to the town where we were sold to the merchant who sold us to her. That town, by the way, is not too far from here, and 'here' is a world apart both from us and ours, so—"

"As you said yourself, whoa, whoa, slow down, 'Cadet'," Tuxedo Kamen requested. "So, basically, you are a talking toy from another dimension who was sold to that young witch..."

"This is the second dumbest conversation I've ever been a part of," Minako rubbed her temples.

"My rank is that of a Captain, actually," said Buzz, who, while aware he was a toy, still remained fairly respectful of the specifications given in his box. "And, just between you and me, and not be rude about a lady..." he added, confidentially lowering his voice for Mamoru alone, "Miss Eva is actually far from being young..."

"What **is** the dumbest conversation you've ever been a part of, anyway?" Kirie asked Minako.

The taller blonde frowned. "When my parents tried explaining their divorce to me..."

Pluto softly coughed into a fist. "Well, now we are apparently safe for the time being, we should establish a few things clearly. First of all, no, Venus-san, I cannot grant you any power-up of any variety. The Moon Princess could have done it, in the event _someone_ had been more diligent about finding her..."

"I did my best, I'm a Magical Girl, not a detective!" Minako flailed her arms around.

"Additionally," Ritsuko smoothly continued, "now we are aware Negi Springfield is apparently in the immediate vicinity, our next course of action should be finding him and comparing notes on what has been happening to us. Then we will grill Sakurame-san here for information, which hopefully help us return to Mahora..."

"Oh boy, I can't wait to be tortured for information by the noble and world saving Ala Alba," Kirie snarked bitterly. "That has as much of a chance of happening as—" Then she grew worried, "W-Wait, Saotome Haruna's not part of the team yet, is she?"

"Well, actually..." Akira began.

Kirie began running in circles, her hands on her head. "Ahhhhh! I'm screwed! Being immortal does have disadvantages after all! There will be no relief for me!"

"C-Come on, Saotome-san isn't quite **that** bad..." Akira tried to comfort her.

"No, I wouldn't say so either," a voice said from between the nearby trees. "Pleased to see you again, Sailor Mercury-san, Pluto-san. And you must be the famous Tuxedo Kamen..."

Akira snapped back towards the calm green haired beauty who had just stepped into sight, holding a girl under each arm, all of them covered in leaves from the tree branches above. And her eyes instantly teared up.

Akashi Yuuna opened her arms. "It IS you! You're... alive!"

"Yuuna-chan!" Akira ran to her and quickly caught her into a tight hug, pressing her face against Yuuna's shoulder. "Oh God, thank you!"

Yuuna immediately began to gag. "Ak— Mercury-chan... Too strong... when in Mahou Shoujo mode..."

"Oh, right. Sorry! I keep forgetting that!" Akira quickly apologized, then let go of the purple faced Yuuna to hug a baffled Makie instead. "And Makie-chan, too!" She began softly rocking the gymnast in her arms from one side to another, sniffling. "Makie-chan, it's so great to see you again, alive and well...!"

"Sailor Mercury-sama is hugging me. Why is Sailor Mercury-sama hugging me?" Makie blandly said. "Is it because of my natural charm? Why don't I have a boyfriend then?"

"Makie," Yuuna grunted.

"Or girlfriend! You know very well I'm not picky, Yuuna-chan!"

Yuuna tossed her arms up. "Look, you just stay mum and I'll give you some explanations later, fine?!"

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

Alice looked at the card in her hands. It was very pretty, she thought, depicting her in her current attire, floating upside down in regard to the card's text, and surrounding by small doors while holding a flsk of liquid close to her chest. Under her picture, there was her name, spelled as 'Alicia Liddell', and a saying in Latin: _Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae_.

Despite everything, she couldn't help smiling. "What does it mean?" she asked aloud.

An embarrassed Negi looked at his feet and reluctantly answered, "There is no great ability without a mixture of madness."

"As I said," the Cheshire Cat's incorporeal smile said, hovering around, "We are all crazy here!"

"I suppose we are," Alice allowed. "And what am I supposed to do with it now?"

"Close your eyes, say 'Adeat', and you'll have a surprise!" Chamo said.

"Chamo!" Negi hissed, while Alice's eyes tightened close.

"Very well, since I have gone this far ahead, what is the difference now if I just—? _Adeat_ ," she ended up saying, and felt a soft, brief drift all over her body while Negi blushed and looked intently aside.

She opened her eyes again, and found herself wearing the same clothes, so she supposed thankfully that strange sensation of being suddenly denuded for a blink had been nothing but a mistaken perception. In her left hand, now there was one of those flasks she had drank from a few times through her stay at Wonderland, bringing her so many headaches from constant changes of size. She read aloud from its label, "Swallow me once to grow taller, swallow me twice to grow smaller."

"That doesn't look like a very impressive Artifact," Asuna said.

"No, actually, it might be quite useful," Skuld disagreed. "It's like Pym Particles in a bottle!"

"Pym what?" asked Gadget, Asuna and Alice at the same time.

"Never mind the exact name," Skuld said, "but just think about it! Growing the size of a giant or becoming small enough to avoid detection at will, that's useful both for attack and infiltration!"

"Well, it has already happened to me several times," Alice said, "and I haven't found it to be too advantageous at all. I'd prefer discussing more important subjects right now, Professor, like what are you going to do to clear my honor..."

"Aaaaaand this is a repeat of what happened with Vice Prez-sempai, too!" Asuna said.

Skuld nodded, folding her arms behind her back. "Poor Negi."

"He doesn't need your pity! You're girls, you wouldn't understand a man's needs or feelings!" Chamo said, a moment before Skuld blandly placed a heel firmly on his head.

"Y-Y-Your honor?!" Negi gulped.

Alice nodded very seriously. "Certainly! My father was going to start looking for suitors for me next year, and I can tell he'll be very disappointed I have been rendered useless for marriage long before that date. I'll be the shame of my family, and my family will be my town's shame, if you don't—"

Negi's brain began blocking Alice's words out as his teeth clacked together noisily. No, this wasn't going well at all, making him wish for something, anything, to bail him out and buy him some time, at least for the moment, until he could—

He thanked the Heavens when he heard the Queen of Hearts' strident yell of "There they are! Guards, seize them!"

"Your Majesty," the boy placidly said as, again, card guards began surrounding them from all sides, greatly startling the girls. "It's good, _really_ good to see you once again. May I ask how you found us so soon?"

The Queen, who stood surrounded by cards along the cowering King and the highly concerned White Rabbit, took a deep puff of air, in red-faced indignation. "As soon as your sorcery took that harlot away from our lawful imprisonment, I just knew I would have to look in the scene of your prior crime! After all, criminals are a superstitious lot of recurring habits!"

In the grass, the Mad Hatter twitched, as if reacting to the last few words.

"Of course," the King shyly pointed out, "the huge pillar of light coming from this point helped to clue us, as well."

The Queen looked at the downed man with disgust. "Is this the Mad Hatter you spoke of?"

"Yes," Negi said, "But I'm afraid we don't have solid proof of his guilt anymore, so you'll have to let him live..."

The Queen waved a hand magnanimously. "That's okay, I'll trust your word and have him beheaded. Of course, since you somehow helped a convict escape, your heads will be off as well. Except the goddess', of course."

"That's actually quite nice from y— I mean, no!" Skuld said.

"Oh?" the Queen raised an eyebrow. "So your celestial decree would be you would prefer losing your head along theirs?"

"WROOOOONG!" Skuld shouted. "We gave you a culprit, you can't possibly have us beheaded anymore! Just behead him and let's get this over with!"

"No!" Negi protested. "Evildoer or not, I can't allow a man to be decapitated as long as I have any say on it!"

"I support Professor Negi's claim!" Alice said.

"Thank you, Miss Liddell!" Negi smiled.

"I mean," Alice told the Queen, "the rightful sentence for offenders against the crown is proper death by hanging! Everyone at the Isles knows that!"

"Ugh," Negi's face went blank for a moment.

The Hatter opened an eye and began whimpering, shaking violently. "Oh please, Your Majesty!" he garbled out, face still to the grass. "I'm only a very poor hatter!"

"You're a very poor speaker," dared to say the King.

The Hatter kept on sobbing with a trembling voice. "You will see, I hadn't begun my tea—not above a day or so—and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the tea—"

"The twinkling of the what?" said the King.

"It began with the tea," the Hatter replied.

"Of course twinkling begins with a T!" said the King, growing sharper and bolder. "Do you take me for a dunce?" At this point the Queen rolled her eyes and began tapping a foot impatiently. "Go on!'

"I'm a poor man," the Hatter went on, "and most things twinkled after that—only the March Hare said—"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ENOUGH ALREADY!" the Queen hollered. "Off! Off with their heads! Off with everyone's heads! Everyone's!"

The guards looked at each other, then shared confused and fearful looks before raising their weapons against each other's throats.

"Not you! NO!" the Queen tugged on her hair. "THEIR heads! Off with THEIR heads!" she roared, pointing frantically at Negi's group and the Mad Hatter, who had backed away to huge Negi's legs.

Then, just as Negi readied his staff for battle, everybody else froze in place, while the boy felt a very huge shadow beginning to project itself all around them. Gulping, the young teacher rolled his eyes back, slowly, and got a good view of the gigantic form rising all over the landscape, from behind him, making the Rabbit drop on all fours covering his eyes and whimpering. Even the Queen was stepping back now, her face paling visibly, her eyes growing rather wide and round.

"You know," Chamo very quietly said, looking up too, "it's a darn shame even now we can't get a good view of her panties. Blasted Victorian style, that shouldn't even be—!"

For once, Negi was the one to absently place a foot on top of him.

 _"Et tu, Brutus?!"_ the ermine yelled.

* * *

"Chisame?" Yuuna asked, keeping her Pactio card pressed against her forehead. "We, we just found Ak— I mean, Sailor Mercury and Pluto, remember them? And, well, I think those other two with them are Sailor Venus-sama and the masked thief from the news, and... they brought some sort of Miniature You as well, apparently..."

"Are you talking to Hasegawa Chisame? THE Hasegawa Chisame?" Kirie asked her. "I'm not at all like—" Then she paused and began rubbing her chin. "I honestly don't know if I should feel flattered or insulted..."

"Wait," Makie said from between Mercury's arms. "How do you know about Chisame-chan?"

"— the Internet?" Kirie quickly offered.

"Ah, well, yeah, that," Makie nodded. "She's always at her computer, isn't she?"

"Not anymore, thanks to certain people always dragging me into the unknown!" Chisame growled as she dropped from above, being held from behind by a smirking Haruna who had just jumped with her, Saotome School-style, from the branches above. Shortly behind them, Matoi dropped by as well, with the quiet stealth of a ninja. "Okay, what's the situation? I want a complete report right now!"

"Oh hey, nice of you to drop by," Yuuna waved in her direction. "How did you—"

"Sora brought us over, she's keeping her Artifact hovering above us," Chisame pointed upwards, although the trees were so thick they wouldn't let the others see Sora's vehicle. "I repeat, what is the—"

Akira sighed, gently pushed Makie away from herself, and grimly told her, "I'm afraid we bring bad news, Chisame-san. Mahora is under siege from everywhere, by... monsters!"

"What kind of monsters?" Haruna asked, growing more serious. "Witches, Orphans, vampires, ghosts, tentacled beasts, rampaging Clow Cards, the annual Twilight-Con, tengu demons? You've gotta be more specific than that!"

"Well, I don't know!" Mercury tossed her hands around nervously. "Small, dark creatures who began attacking everywhere, in swarms! They weren't very smart, and they didn't talk, but there seemed to be no shortage of them!"

"Those sound like Heartless, Chisame-sama," Matoi said in Chisame's ear.

"I know!" Chisame grumbled, chewing on her knuckles absently. "Dammit, this makes less and less sense the longer it goes on!"

"Where's Ako-chan?" an eager Yuuna asked.

"Why would she know about Izumi?" Chisame asked.

"I left her with Takahata-sensei," Mercury told her. "Actually, I was supposed to go with them as well, but... I managed to slip away as soon as Sensei was distracted saving Naba-san and Murakami-san from other monsters. They were gathering all of us for safekeeping, but I only counted the three of them, plus Chao-san, Yotsuba-san, Kugimiya-san, Asakura-san, Ku Fei-san and Nagase-san..."

"No Nodoka or Yue?!" Haruna cried.

Akira shook her head. "I couldn't see them anywhere, but—!"

"Why would you know all of that anyway!?" Chisame confronted Akira. "Answer me before we can tell you anything!"

"I should have felt insulted, I see," Kirie deadpanned. "I had read about her being hot tempered, but never hysterical..."

"And who's this little smartass, anyway?!" Chisame pointed at Kirie.

"Beats me," Minako shrugged. "She found us, spouted a lot of confusing nonsense, and then brought us here... somehow, by stabbing herself in the freaking throat. It's almost as convoluted as the plot of a Square Enix game..."

"I am Sakurame Kirie, an immortal from the future," Kirie said, seeing by now it was pointless to keep pretending, and placing a hand on her own chest. "I'm the sole heiress of the Sakurame Corporation, and personal financial supporter and advisor for Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell..."

"So that was why she was chasing you around?" Matoi guessed. "You costed her a lot in the stock market, or something like that?"

"She hasn't even met me yet!" Kirie hissed. "As a matter of fact, I haven't even been born yet! Who are _you_ anyway? I don't remember you from any of Ala Alba's files!"

"Screw your birth," Haruna urgently said, "what about Nodoka and Yue!? If you're from the future, you know they survive this, don't you?! And my parents! And, and my aunts! And my boyfriend and my, my, my—!"

Matoi calmly turned around and slapped her.

"... thanks..." Haruna said after absorbing the blow. "I think I needed that."

"You sure you don't need another, Paru-san?"

"No, no, I think I'm okay with this, thank you..."

"Wow," Chisame quietly said, looking at them. "Now that's what I call living the dream..."

"Oh shit," Kirie muttered. "She slapped Saotome Haruna. NOW I know why she didn't live long enough as to enter the history books...!"

"I said I was okay now," Haruna coldly told her.

Kirie blinked. "You mean you aren't plotting her brutal, awful, humiliating demise and desecration as we speak?"

"... no, but I wouldn't tell you if I were planning it either," Haruna mused, rubbing her own cheek.

"Come to think about it," the action figure in Tuxedo Kamen's hand said, "you should have left me with Miss Evangeline. Maybe you still can catch up to her and ask her to keep me?"

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"Okay," Chisame said, crossing her fingers together and staring at the girl sitting across the small table of the bedroom she had been sharing with Satomi over her last few days there, "now talk. And I'd better like what I hear. I know it won't happen, but it would be nice."

"Why did you take me apart from the others?" a confused Sailor Mercury asked.

"Because—" Chisame tersely began explaining...

* * *

"— by now, we know how these things go, Venus-san," Itoshiki told Minako, who sat across the small table of the bedroom he and Keiichi had been sharing. Which made Minako rather uncomfortable, not because she was in the bedroom of two guys, but because neither of those guys with her were any particularly... appealing to her. "If we start questioning all of you together, at the same time, you'll start engaging into colorful squabbling dialogue with each other. That will lead the girls to start bickering with you as well. And in the end, we won't go too far in the resolution of this mystery."

"Which would be very despairing," said Keiichi, standing behind Nozomu's chair.

"Quite indeed," the older man nodded.

"Believe me, it's as much of a mystery for me as it is for you!" Venus claimed. "And shouldn't you two be questioning Tuxedo Kamen-sama instead? Two guys alone in the same room as a gorgeous girl! How indecent!"

 _Somewhere while being blanketed by Darkness, Kotegawa Yui gave a final loud sneeze and yelled at the shadow tendrils touching all over her body before falling into—_

"That won't work, Venus-san," Itoshiki patiently explained. "All females in this company are well aware of how emasculated we are as roles of traditional male dominance. They won't think badly of us over this, at all."

"Hey!" Keiichi gasped.

The teacher looked back at him. "Well, it is true, or isn't it?"

Keiichi almost sniffled. "Perhaps, but you don't have to put it that way!"

"Either way," Itoshiki's attention returned to Minako, "we still remain in control enough as to assure you, if this is any sort of trickery, we will be able to respond as necessary. Now please start telling us all you know, all that has been happening around you ever since this confusing tragedy began..."

* * *

"I'll talk, I'll talk!" Artemis cried, cringing away until his hind quarters reached the edge of the small table in Makie and Yuuna's bedroom. "Just keep that infernal beast away from me!"

"Calm down, you heard him already, quiet, Pluto-kun, he'll cooperate..." Makie softly pulled the growling, threatening dog back towards herself and off the table, and while holding him against her body, she asked Yuuna, "What if Chachamaru ever learns of this?"

"That's too horrible to even think of, so don't," Yuuna told her. "Now, Pussycat, it's time to start singing like you just ate a canary whole..."

"What kind of wacky metaphor is that?" asked Makie. "It doesn't even make any real sense, Yuuna-chan!"

"That doesn't matter as long as he understands it!" Yuuna snapped.

* * *

"Really, Mamo-kun," Konoka evenly told the boy sitting across her in the bedroom she had been sharing with Asuna, "whatever possessed you to do something like this?"

Tuxedo Kamen tensed up, almost as much as the Shinmeiryuu bodyguard standing behind Konoka. "What?!"

Konoka, who had just sat down... just entered the room, even... rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh please, Mamo-kun! You're only covering the area around your eyes! Take that silly mask off already!"

"But— But— But—!" he babbled.

"Ojou-sama," Setsuna babbled as well, "surely you're mistaken, there's no way this outlaw can be Chiba Mamoru-sama, a man of enough prestige for your honorable grandfather to once consider him as your possible husband..."

Konoka said nothing, not even a 'Kono-chan' correction, and instead kept on tapping her fingers on the table's wood, staring and staring at the young man.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Mamo-kun?" she finally asked.

Tuxedo Kamen quickly took the mask off and set it down on his lap, his skin crawling all over.

Konoka then smiled widely and looked back at Setsuna. "See, Setchan? I knew it! I'm not going to be fooled by an old dear friend just because he puts on a goofy mask and dons some fancy evening wear!"

"Ah," Setsuna blandly said. "I never should have doubted your peerless insight and ingenuity, Oj— Kono-chan."

* * *

"Couldn't I be answering to Akashi-san and Sasaki-san instead?" Mercury asked, hands on her own knees, eyes awkwardly shifted down, "Because I think I'd feel more comfortable around them..."

"And that's why they're elsewhere," Matoi told her, merciless. "Because Akashi-san clearly knows a lot about you, and she wants to help you keep it hidden, and— Ohhh, what the heck!" she pointed a finger accusingly at Akira. "We know that story you told us was a vile lie! Stop pretending, Izumi Ako-san!"

"... Matoi," Chisame said, "Ako is like two full heads shorter than this girl..."

"That's why this is such an ingenious and devious magical disguise, Chisame-sama!" Matoi claimed. "I mean, who else could it be?"

Chisame thought it over, and quickly began feeling very frustrated. She felt the answer to Matoi's query was painfully obvious, and yet she just couldn't state it, even to herself, for some bizarre reason...

* * *

Shiomiya Shiori, not to be mistaken with a certain Mundus Magicus-born follower of the organization Cosmo Entelecheia, was just happy to have finally left the underworld behind. Lord Hades had opened a dark portal for them, and then, after wrapping her in a cloak very tightly, Rainyday-san had told her to stay very still no matter what she felt, before hugging her and passing through the portal as Lord Hades bid them a cheerful "Ta-ta! Remember to bring souvenirs!"

For the next few moments, Shiori felt somewhat akin to being crushed by a giant press and hit with sacks of potatoes all over her body at the same time, but Rainyday-san had just held her even tighter and whispered for her to remain strong, to never try and peek out the cloak, for she would take care of protecting her while it lasted...

And in all honesty, as painful as it had been, it had lasted far less than Shiori had expected when it started. When Rainyday-san pulled the dark cloak off her, Shiori found herself in a beautiful green prairie, under clear blue sky. It was a very impressing scenery, the kind Shiori only was familiar with through illustrations. Since she never went on expeditions into the Mahora wilderness. "Where are we, Rainyday-san?" she shyly asked.

"You could say we are in the ancient Greece, although it's not exactly the same thing, poyo."

"Ah?" Shiori blinked helplessly.

Poyo stood with her cold eyes fixed on a very tall mountain in the distance. "Can you see that, poyo?" she asked, pointing at the top of the mountain, surrounded by gray and silvery mists. "That's Mount Olympus, the residence of the gods, poyo."

"It's so beautiful..." Shiori breathed out reverently, her eyes growing faraway and unfocused. For a moment, she thought she could see the vague shape of an ancient temple amidst the clouds, and the steep rocky and snowy hills of the mountain were a sight to behold in their own right. After contemplating it all for several more moments, she mused, "Just imagine the libraries they must have up there...!" with an enamored sigh.

Poyo, who never had much use for books, just like her sister, simply said, "I guess so, poyo. I've never been there, poyo. My kind is forbidden from ever reaching those heights, poyo."

"Then... you actually are a demon, aren't you, Rainyday-san?" the other girl asked.

"Yes. Are you afraid, poyo?"

After thinking it, Shiori shook her head. "We only should fear what poses an inmediate threat to us, or what we don't know at all. You obviously aren't the former, since you have protected my life, and through it, I can say I know at least enough of you to trust you."

"Not that you would have any option, poyo. You are alone in a completely alien world ruled by capricious gods, poyo. If I left you alone, I doubt you would survive for any long, poyo. Are you scared yet, poyo?"

"A little," the other girl confessed, "but if all of that is true, I have so much to learn here! And as long as I have things to learn, that can alleviate my fear a little."

Poyo cocked her head aside, as if oddly puzzled by that girl.

"Besides," Shiori said, with a small nervous smile, "I've been already to the realm of the dead, so this only can mark an improvement, can't it?"

"Often, there's more to fear from light than from darkness, poyo," Poyo cautioned, before gesturing for Shiori to follow her in a direction opposing that of Olympus. "Come with me now, poyo. I'll take you to a library beyond your wildest dreams, but there's something I'd like you to help me with first, poyo."

"Oh, certainly!" nodded and gulped Shiori, who knew there was no point on trying to disobey now. She followed Poyo at a slower, cutely clumsy pace. "But how could I help someone like you...?"

"I'm not a person who inspires trust in others, poyo," Poyo mechanically said, not looking back. "I can't connect with humans, and I'm not as charismatic as my little sister was, poyo. So I want you to help me gain somebody's trust, poyo."

"M-M-Me?" Shiori stammered. "Oh, no! I mean, I mean, I'm not good with people either! I'm not talkative, I'm not sociable, I'm not charming! I'm only good with books!"

"That's okay, poyo. I'm not asking you to smooth talk anyone, poyo. Just to be yourself around that person, poyo. And I'll do the rest, poyo."

Shiori gulped. "Oh, okay, if you say so... but, exactly who—?"

* * *

 _Two days of traveling after:_

Shiori sat back, rubbing on her sandaled feet with a mortified expression. Not only Poyo-san had forced her to take an almost uninterrupted and very taxing walk from town to town for hours and hours, with only two short stops to sleep in tiny lodges that smelled funny and were filled with people giving them strange looks, but when they finally reached their destination at the back room of another small and dubious business at one side of the road, that had only made Shiori's doubts about her own future to increase.

"— so, as you can see, by dealing with us instead, you have made a trade for the better," Poyo was saying now, having dropped her verbal tic since her conversation with the strange lady had begun. "Or would you prefer to keep receiving your orders from Pain and Panic?"

"I'm not saying that, don't put words in my mouth now," replied the young lady they had met in the tavern and then brought them there after having a few hushed words with the manager. She was, Shiori supposed, very beautiful in her own right, perhaps too elongated and thin, like a figure drawn on an old Greek vase, but still energetic and vital, with silky dark auburn hair made into a long and thick ponytail. She wore a simple but elegant long lavender dress with golden sandals, and her oblique, piercing eyes were exotically purplish. Those eyes were fixed on Shiori now, scanning her with suspicion. The librarian shuddered, not because the lady was evil looking or anything, but because she just disliked being stared at.

"It's just," the lady said now, "it's... funny Hades never mentioned either of you before. And what's up with her? I can buy you being one of his minions, but she... she doesn't look the part at all!"

"She's new at the job," Poyo explained. "She just got transferred from our Forbidden Library department, and I'm showing her the ropes."

The lady tilted her mouth aside for a moment, making a slight humming sound before shrugging. "Fine, as long as she doesn't get in the way. So, what are we supposed to do next?"

"Have you heard of Nessus the Centaur?" Poyo asked.

"Sure thing. He claimed the rivers around Thebes as his own and keeps demanding for tribute from the locals. Why?"

"Hades would like to have him working for him," Poyo explained, "and he figures three pretty girls would have a better shot at convincing him than two dumb imps."

"Oh, being so pretty is such a pain," the lady snarked, nodding and tapping two fingers on her own cheek. She reached for her drink and took another sip. "Hey, you haven't told me your name yet," she called out towards Shiori. "To whom do I owe the pleasure?"

"Ah, ah, I'm Shiomiya Shiori, ma'am!" Shiori bowed deeply.

The lady raised an eyebrow, then asked Poyo. "What kind of name is that, and from where did you get her?"

"You're probably better off not knowing," Poyo said.

"Yeah, well, that's the kind of wisdom I could have used long ago," the taller girl stood from her seat, walked up to Shiori, and patted her shoulder. "Nice to meet you, Shee-oh-ree. I'm Megara, but you can call me Meg."

Shiori blinked, startled. "M-Megara? As in, the oldest daughter of Creon, king of—?!"

Behind Megara's back, Poyo shook a finger at Shiori, from one side to another, and the librarian fell instantly silent.

Megara gave Shiori a brief stunned look, then laughed softly. "The daughter of a king! King Creon, even! You're funny, girl." She patted her shoulder again. "Look, if I ever learn who my father ever was, I'll call you back on that one..."

Shiori's look shifted to one of utter puzzlement as she glanced at Poyo over Megara's shoulder, but Poyo just vaguely gestured at her in an unmistakable 'Don't worry about it' way.

* * *

 _Wonderland:_

"Well, now you know how I feel all the time," Gadget said.

"Queen of Hearts!" Alice's voice boomed across the countryside, although very cutely in how threatening it was. "We've had enough of your, your, your cruelty! From now on, you won't have anyone else beheaded ever again!"

The Queen turned to his husband. "Do we have an axe that big?"

"I'm sure we don't!" the King gasped.

"Do we have a guillotine that big?" the Queen asked this time.

"I'm pretty sure we don't!" the King replied.

The Queen tossed her hands up. _"Do we have an executioner that big?!"_

"No, no, we don't at all!" the King cried, pulling his crown down enough as to cover his eyes, while his knees clacked against each other.

"Well, we should!" the Queen huffed, and then arrogantly turned back to Alice. "It would seem we temporarily lack the resources to cut your giant head off, so you will be let go with a stern warning to never do it again."

"Doing what?" Alice asked.

"Why, growing that big, of course!" the Queen said. She waved her fan in Alice's general direction. "You and the goddess may go. As for the others…"

"I said you wouldn't be having **anyone** beheaded again," Alice said. "Perhaps my voice is too big for your ears now, but—"

Despite everybody else in her party now standing several steps behind her cowering, the Queen stood defiant, giving another step towards Alice. "I remain the Queen of Wonderland, and as such I will decide what's the law and what not! At the very least, I will have this 'Mad Hatter' beheaded for his crimes against the head that holds the crown!"

"Oh, that won't be a problem, then," Skuld easily said. "We'll even do you a favor and have him decapitated for you!"

Negi blinked. "Wait, since when do we—"

Skuld clenched a grin and slammed a foot down on his, as hard and yet as discreetly as she could.

The Queen scowled, then caressed her own jaw with the fan's tip. "Would you do that? For me? Why, that's… actually rather mindful of you. No one had ever done that kind of favor to me! Although, it sounds… wrong, somehow…"

"But, but what use is my head for you?" the Hatter babbled. "It is full of naught but nonsense and darkness, the doctors in Arkham said so!"

"I'll tell you what," Skuld told the Queen, "as an extra token of our good will, we will behead him _twice_!"

"Twice!" the Queen's eyes sparkled, and she brought her hands together. Tetch yelped and took a hand to his privates.

Skuld nodded. "And the others will all get fitting punishments that are even worse than death! They will get… _the Saotome Haruna_!"

"The Saotome Haruna? What's the Saotome Haruna?" the Queen asked.

"It sounds dreadful and horrible!" the King and the Rabbit hugged each over, trembling.

"And it is," Skuld nodded. "It is the second worst punishment ever, after _the Urd_. Be thankful _the Saotome Haruna_ never made it to your lands, and pray it never comes here… which will happen if we are hurt in any shape or way, of course."

"I can vouch for that," Asuna said. " _The Haruna_ is terrible indeed. We normally don't even dare speaking its name, and we call it _the Paru_ instead."

"You guys…" Negi sighed.

The Queen had paled, and now fanned herself nervously. "W-Well. There are things that menace Man that Man, or even Woman, should never learn about. Go then, and take these miscreants to the Paru. And never come back! That is my verdict!" she waved the fan down like a mallet.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," Alice said, making a curtsy. "Just one favor to ask from you in return, before we leave…"

"Speak, for no voice is too big for the Queen of Hearts' ears," the woman huffed arrogantly.

"Could the White Rabbit please tell me the way back home?" Alice requested.

The poor Rabbit shook to his whiskers. "Wh-Why would you want to know the way back to my home, Mary Ann? You already work there!"

Alice facepalmed. "Please stop mistaking me for you maid, Mr. Rabbit. I'm talking about the way back to my own home. Up the rabbit hole. You were there, very early this morning, remember? Past the strange room with the talking doorknob, and the bottles of—"

"I'm afraid," the Rabbit said, and he was truly very afraid indeed! "I don't know what are you talking about, Mary Jane. I have never been up any rabbit hole. I live in a house, not in a hole in the dirt."

"Well, maybe it wasn't a rabbit hole, but it was a hole any way!" Alice argued. "You went back down, so you must have gone up in the first place! To the world above, my world, remember!"

"He can't remember what we never was aware he was doing in the first place," purred the Cheshire Cat as he reappeared, perched on Alice's shoulder and waving his tail. "I made him go up so he could catch your attention and bring you down here!"

"You did?!" Alice gasped.

"You did!" the Rabbit repeated, aghast. "So it was because of you I was late!"

The Cat brought his paws together and chuckled, a halo hovering above his head. "It was all for a good cause! If we hadn't brought the Princess here, the Prince would have never found her!"

"Princess? What Princess? What Prince? From where?" the confused Queen asked, then paused, then angrily spun back towards her husband. _**"HARRROOOOLLLLDDDD!"**_

"Y-You're the only woman for me, my little precious winning hand!" the King cried.

"And," Skuld dryly said, "if she hadn't been brought here, then the enemy you mentioned would have never found her either."

"Perrrrhapssss…" the cat purred deviously. "But then, I've always been a believer of giving both sides in a game a fair equal chance!"

"This is no game!" Negi furiously told him.

"Perhaps not for you," the cat giggled. Gadget rolled her eyes and muttered something that was quite racist under her breath.

"But then," Alice understand, " _you_ could tell me how to go back home!" she told the cat. "Please, Mr. Cheshire! My family must be sick worried for me!"

The Cat pouted, then patted Alice's cheek with a paw, leaving small pink footprints all over it. "Probably," he allowed. "But you're one of the Seven. So you must be here, whether you like it or not. And whether I like it or not. But I like it, so it's all okay!" And he began vanishing in the air, slowly.

Alice's eyes welled up. "Please, Mr. Cat! Don't be like this! I'll do anything you want me to do! I want to see… my family… again!"

Only the floating grin remained now. "And so do they, no doubt. And they'll never get their wish if you get yours. Be strong, Princess. Or don't. Either way, I'm sure you'll keep us smiling."

And then the wide toothy grin disappeared.

Alice fell on her knees and began crying.

"What was all of that about?" the Queen briefly stopped shaking the rattled King around.

Negi sighed while he and Asuna crouched down to start comforting the blond girl. "I don't know yet myself. But I swear I'll find out, ma'am."

* * *

Less than ten minutes later, the effects of the growth potion had passed, and Alice was back to her normal size. Chamo had theorized drinking a bigger gulp from the flask would have resulted in an increased duration span for the liquid's effects, but Alice had adamantly refused to try again unless absolutely necessary. Given what they were about to ask from her, Negi didn't want to keep pushing the issue any further.

They had also seen the flask filled itself back after you drank from it, which had prompted Gadget and Skuld to break into a colorful discussion about the law of conservation of the liquid matter in the way back to the Gummi Ship. As for their prisoner, Chamo had suggested forcing him to drink from Alice's Artifact and carry him in a birdcage all the way back to Traverse Town, making him drink refills periodically so he would keep that manageable size; but Negi had suspected Tetch would try to cheat and drink in a way that would make him grow, which would have been catastrophic. So instead he had hit the villain with a sleeping spell and carried him on his back, well tied up, hoping they wouldn't be too squeezed in with two extra passengers during the return trip.

"You, you're impressively strong for a young boy, Professor," Alice couldn't help but admiring, still sniffling and red-eyed, as she and the other girls walked behind the child carrying the grown man. "Are you sure you don't need our help?"

"No, I'm okay," Negi said. He hesitated before adding, "I swear we'll take you back to your home as soon as we figure a way there, Miss Alice."

She only nodded quietly. "I know. Thank you. I only wish... I could help you the same way."

"Damn that stinky cat!" Asuna grumbled, shaking a fist. "He didn't even care about a girl's suffering! What an awful, rotten person!"

"And to think," the cat's disembodied voice said as it hung along her, "there's one like me in each world! Not a Cheshire Cat, of course, for we are as unique as Tiggers. But in each world where there is a Princess of the Heart, you should look for the one being who knows the identity of that realm's princess. Good luck with that, though! Not all of them will be as helpful and charming as me!"

"Looking forward to it," Asuna grumbled. "And how about you? Are you going to keep following us all the way back home?"

"Starting to think of Traverse as your home, Miss Asuna?" Gadget asked.

"Far from it. It's just a figure of speech," the redhead said.

The cat's voice laughed. "Oh, no, no! I have too much fun in Wonderland to leave! From here on, you're on your own!"

"Neat," Asuna said as they reached the Gummi Ship. "Ready then, Alice-chan?"

"Even if I'm not, I have to be, don't I?" Alice mused.

"Oh, don't be like that," Asuna said, "At the very least, you're going to love the view. It's the most wonderful thing ever! And I'm sure the girls will love you, too, although… Skuld-chan? Won't she need a translator thingamabob like mine?"

"Of course she will," Skuld nodded, then reached up and stuck a miniature device into Alice's ear, attaching it to the underside of her hearing canal. "There."

"Wow," Alice took a hand to her ear, "it doesn't even feel like it's there at all…!"

"What the heck?!" Asuna cried. "If it was as easy as that, why did you stick mine up where the sun doesn't shine?!"

"Maybe because unlike Alice-san, you have antimagic, and these devices work on magic, making deeper penetration necessary for you?" the Norn asked back. "It was that or drilling the translation artifact directly into your skull! I had to make good use of the widest available cavity!"

"I don't like what I think you are implying with that implication!" Asuna shouted.

"Don't fight, please don't fight…" Negi blandly asked while Alice awkwardly looked back and forth between Asuna and Skuld.

* * *

Minutes later, from their favorite balcony in the royal palace, the Queen of Hearts, her King and the nerve wrecked White Rabbit watched the Gummi Ship disappear into the skies. "Well, I, for one, am glad they have left," the Queen grumbled.

"Of course, my dear, of course," the King said. "But, um, about what they said regarding executions…?" he shyly asked, realizing too late he had just tempted fate.

The Queen scowled, put a hand around her mouth, and then raised a finger. With a jubilant smile and gleaming eyes, she spoke. "As the giantess said, the proper way to dispose of criminals is by hanging them! It's far cleaner, a single executioner can hang several men at once, and best of all, it lasts longer!"

The King and the Rabbit instantly took hands to their own necks and gulped.

* * *

Not terribly far away, a teacup that had been turned upside down in a wrecked, deserted tea party was pushed back to its proper position, and from under it, a Dormouse stretched, yawned, and lazily scratched himself on a side.

Then he looked all around and asked, "Hey, did anyone leave any biscuits?"

* * *

 **WONDERLAND CLEARED UP!**

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	14. The Duck Knight Returns

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Shadow Crystal Mage couldn't proofread this chapter either, so it'll most likely be rather crappier than the average. Sorry.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen**.

* * *

"So, how it's going?" Ayaka, who had chosen to stay outside chewing on her knuckles while constantly wondering if she was doing the right thing, asked when a mildly disturbed Haruna exited the bedroom they had been sharing over nearly a week now.

Haruna supported herself against a wall, a thick eyebrow twitching. "I think… I might have met my match. Every last one of my attempts was met with laughter and claims of 'Gendo could do worse'. Whoever that Gendo was, he was a sick fuck, let me tell you."

"Language!" the Class Rep chided. "So… are you sure you couldn't do anything else?"

"Not without crossing the lines even I won't pass," Haruna shook her head. "No wonder they chose her to become a Mahou Shoujo. That oba-saan is hardcore! Maybe I should try with the blond Chibi-Chisame again?"

"So she faints before being able to say anything again?" asked Ayaka. "No. Whoever she is, she seems terribly afraid of you. Are you sure you never met her in Nerima? I find that easier to believe than her bogus claims about coming from the future…"

"This coming from someone who has met people from other dimensions and now is in one herself?" Haruna questioned.

"That's different," Ayaka said. "You could make a case for such incidents happening before in the history of the unexplained, involving mysterious disappearances and the like… but if time travelers existed, our time would have been infested with tourists from the future. That's the way human nature works." She folded her arms and sighed. "Well then, I suppose we can't do anything but waiting for the ape to return with Negi-sensei, so he can read her mind…"

"And do you think he'll do that?" Haruna asked. "You know how reluctant to read minds he is. He didn't even want to read the fat cat's…"

"Pffft," Ayaka said. "What good is there from reading a mere foot soldier's mind? It's like trying to learn about Hitler's strategies from questioning a simple, random German grunt."

"Godwin's Law aside, point, I guess," Haruna said. "Still, I wish Nodoka were here. If she made a Pactio like Psycho Purple-chan's, it'd be a great help here…"

* * *

"Could you please untie my hands?" Kirie asked through her clenched teeth, holding up her tightly bound wrists over the wooden table in Aerith and Haruka's bedroom.

"So you can stab yourself again, like the other Sailor Tenshi reported you doing?" Haruka huffed, a hand on the table and the other on her own hip. She leaned forward a little, making Kirie flinch at the proximity with her stupid cow udders until the thin white shirt. "Obese chance! I don't know what moved you to try and mutilate yourself like that, but I've got little patent for emos and their suicidal nonsense! Just ask Itoshiki-sensei!"

"… I don't hurt myself because I'm an emo! Do I look like an emo to you?" Kirie protested. "Like I told the Senshi, that's part of my immortality power! Whenever I'm killed, I return to the latest save point I made, like in a videogame!"

"Videogames? I have no time for those things!" Haruka snapped, slamming her hand on the table for added effect. It had broken many a Mahora Academy student before, including many a local gang boss. "Stop talking in hoodlum terms and explain yourself clearly, for I have no time to waste hanging at arcades!"

Kirie was no normal Mahora Academy student. "I refuse talking to people who aren't actual members of Ala Alba."

"I *am* Ala Alba!" an enraged Haruka protested.

"You never were mentioned in any of Ala Alba's exploits," Kirie sniffed arrogantly, looking aside.

Haruka fumed furiously. "Why you little—! I'm Ala Alba's field commander, disciple officer and trasu—treachu—treansu—woman who handles their money! You should be honored they chose me to question you!"

"Yukihiro Ayaka was Ala Alba's treasurer and Kagurazaka Asuna was their field commander. You can't fool me," Kirie impassively said."Get out of my sight, you useless pretender."

"Useless pretender—!" Haruka cried, livid. "And you pronounced it wrong, even!"

"Actually, no, she didn't," Aerith quietly said.

"If you really are part of Ala Alba now," Kirie evenly told Haruka, smirking deviously, "odds are they kick you out soon, so you never make it into the history books." She was well aware she came from an alternate future by now, but she couldn't resist her knowledge of her own timeline to mess with that idiotic woman's mind.

"They won't kick me out, I'm their most valuable member, and I'm Negi-sensei's finance, I mean fiancée, and and and and!" Haruka foamed off the mouth, slamming a foot down while Aerith restrained her from behind.

"Yeah, that's what they all—" Kirie stopped. "Wait, fiancée?!" Haruka nodded. "He took my lips' virginipurity, so he must marry me after my family is notified!"

"Oh, so there's not an official agreement yet, and it's only another delusional girl's hopeful crush," Kirie feigned a great sigh of relief. "Good, I was afraid your obvious stupidity might have changed the course of history, for the worse, of course!"

"Let me have 'er! Let me have 'er! Let me have 'er!" Haruka growled while Aerith restrained her with all her might, twisting the busty blonde's wrists back.

Then Kaga Ai shyly peeked in. Aerith gave an instinctive step back. "Hm, everyone? I, I'm so, so sorry about disturbing your questioning with this, but, but, Yukihiro-san thought you should know…"

"What happened, Kaga-san?" Haruka frowned at her, calming herself down somewhat.

Ai swallowed and then answered, "Karakuri-san got signals from the Gummi Ship's return, ma'am! It looks, it looks like Negi-sensei and the others are back!"

"Negi Springfield!" Kirie almost jumped up on her chair. "I'm going to meet Negi Springfield!"

Haruka, Aerith and Ai all stared at her.

"—which, of course, is highly interesting from a purely historical viewpoint," Kirie quickly changed into a plain business-like tone.

* * *

 _St. Canard:_

Drake Mallard just couldn't sleep.

It was well past curfew time by then, and tomorrow was a Saturday; his cubicle supervisor, Elmo Sputterspark, always was particularly cranky in Saturdays (Drake suspected the reason was the proximity of a weekend, even one consisting of a single day, reminded Meg—Elmo of how lonely and isolated he was everywhere but at the job), and Drake would never hear the end of it if he arrived late to the job. So he should be sleeping now.

But he couldn't.

The night outside called to him. The darkness beckoned, inviting him to defeat her, to once again gracefully leap over the buildings, a mysterious shadow above all others. The darkness challenged him, to an all or nothing game where the stakes were all he had ever held dear. He almost could feel her, whispering mockingly into his ear, questioning his worth, taunting his pride.

He grabbed his pillow and shielded his head with it.

 _Remember why you did it_ , he told himself. _For Gosalyn_.

 _And because they bested you_ , the darkness whispered.

He couldn't argue that point. By stopping Negaduck and all the others permanently, they had done what he never could; to bring true law and order to his city. Stepping aside and staying there, then, was the best thing he could do past that point, wasn't it? His arrogance had been his downfall more than once, wasn't it time already to look past it and learn his lesson?

 _This isn't about your pride anymore_ , his conscience told him. _Those crazy strangers are right. The city is darker than ever now. Everybody has lost control over their own lives and they don't even realize it. Do you really think it can't get any worse? There is no end for the evil that lurks in the hearts of animals_.

"No," he told himself. "There is a limit."

 _You are that limit_.

"I'm only a duck."

 _You aren't alone_.

He got off the bed and waddled over to his closet, opening its doors wide, and facing what he had once loved more than anything else, what he now feared more than anything else. Hanging neatly between the rest of his clothes, there was the purple vest. And the folded cape. The wide brim hat. The gas gun. The mask.

Shaking, he reached over for them.

* * *

Chisame, Ayaka, Konoka, Setsuna, Chachamaru, Satomi, Sakurako, Misa, Pluto, Keiichi and Makie waited before the just landed Gummi Ship, at the same site of its takeoff days ago, in a tense silence.

Finally, the cockpit's door was opened from the inside and out walked Asuna, smiling widely and holding her sword in a hand. But Konoka was just too happy to notice or care anything about swords at all.

"Asuna-chan!" the Konoe heiress ran to her friend, to tackle her into a crushing embrace, rubbing her cheek against hers. "It's so great to have you back! How did things go? Did you find something? Omigosh, is this Twilight Red-san's sword you got here? You finally got it!"

"Heh, well, yeah, there's a sorta funny story behind that," Asuna chuckled awkwardly, then realized Chachamaru's presence. "Oh hey, Chacha's back! Hello, Chacha! Did Eva—?"

Chachamaru shook her head. "Regrettably, the Mistress still isn't acting like herself... or is acting too much like herself, I suppose it's a subject open to debate... and she exiled me out amongst you. Which doesn't mean I'm not extremely glad to see you again, Asuna-san."

Asuna nodded, then blinked as Konoka finally let her go, only to be hugged by Setsuna just as soon. "... whoa, Setsuna-san, this is... w-well, I'm happy to see you again too..."

Setsuna simply pulled herself apart from Asuna and nodded in silence, keeping her gaze low.

Then the Shinmeiryuu stepped aside, and Asuna found herself face to face with Ayaka. "Welcome," the blonde said.

"'Sup," Asuna answered.

"Did you have fun? Of the healthy and reasonable variety, I mean?"

"Other than the time I spent stuck in a monkey cage, yeah, I did," Asuna said. "You?"

Ayaka shrugged vaguely, refusing to take the easy bait. "I suppose you wouldn't have found it 'fun', but I have had... an intriguing time."

"I imagine you'll want to see Negi now."

"Naturally. But a responsible person like myself always will tackle duty before pleasure." And with that, she enveloped Asuna in a silent hug that was twice as strong as Konoka's, closing her eyes and supporting her chin on Asuna's shoulder.

Chisame angrily walked past them. "Why don't you get yourselves a room already?" before they could scream at her in unison, she screamed at the ship, "Hey, Negi! What's taking you so long in there? Don't be a coward and show us the girl already!"

"The girl?" Misa asked.

"Duh," Chisame gave her a jaded glare. "Kagurazaka's got her sword, and she's distracting us while he gathers the courage to step out and face us. That means really bad crap happened, as I predicted, and you know what that means in turn! You just _dare_ telling me I'm wrong, Kagurazaka."

"I'm not distracting anyone!" Kagurazaka said. "I'm just stalling!"

Ayaka broke the hug and sank her hands like talons into Asuna's shoulders, her voice going ghoulishly cold. _"What. Did. You. Let. Happen. To. Sensei?"_

"And where's Sku-chan, anyway?" Makie pouted.

"Don't call me 'Sku-chan'!" Skuld growled while walking out as well, closely followed by Gadget. "We were just too busy entering the landing data into the ship's log! That's highly important for future reference, you know!"

"Sku-chan!" Makie giggled, leaping over to hug her.

"Did you listen to anything of what I just said?!"

"Nope!" Makie happily said, rubbing her cheek up and down against Skuld's just like Konoka had done earlier to Asuna.

Keiichi smiled lightly and walked closer, patting Skuld's head with a hand. "Welcome home, Sku-chan..."

"Not you too!"

"Well," Gadget sighed while Pluto licked her face over and over, leaving it covered with dog drool, "at least someone is happy to see _me_..."

"That's it, Negi!" Chisame was telling the ship. "I'm giving you and the ermine ten seconds to be men and come out with the girl before I get in myself! I won't be mad unless you make me mad! Ten! Nine!"

Chamo's head peeked out. "Geez, Aneesan, that's no way to greet your Magister and teacher, anyone would say you're just plain jea—"

Chisame picked him up by the neck, lifted him effortlessly, then flung him back behind herself. "I meant **you** and the ermine, not the ermine alone, Negi! Eight! Seven!"

Chamo gasped as his fall was stopped by Matoi's hands catching him up in the air. "Ah! You were here!"

"Yes, always," the short haired girl nodded. All in all, she had more tolerance for the ermine elf than most other girls did. She could appreciate someone with as litle concern as herself for other people's personal space, after all. "It's just even the opening paragraph for this segment overlooked me. I sort of prefer it that way anyway..."

"Six! Five!" Chisame kept on counting...

And then, a completely embarrassed Negi emerged, taking a very pretty girl in a blue dress and white apron by the hand, making Misa gasp in horror and Ayaka to sink her claws on Asuna's shoulders even deeper, to the point the redhead actually yelped in pain.

The newcomer stared helplessly at the deflating and sighing Chisame before her, and then made a calculated, submissive curtsy. "Um... It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss... I, I am Alice Liddell, and..." She looked at Negi. "Is this the girl you kept mentioning all along the trip here?"

 **"WHAT?!"** an abruptly redfaced Chisame found herself screaming along Misa and Ayaka, while Sakurako, Satomi and Konoka shared interested gazes.

Negi rasped. "Ah, no, actually, that's my sister Nekane. This, you'll see, this is Hasegawa Chisame, my first Ministra Magi..."

"Your... _first_?!" Alice gasped. "I thought you only had done it with Miss Asuna before me!"

 **"IINCHOU! THAT FREAKING HURTS!"** Asuna cried, trying to worm back and free from Ayaka's nails drilling into her flesh. But Ayaka was even past realizing Asuna was still there by then...

* * *

"Rise, Tohsaka Sakura," a voice told her.

She did, while opening her eyes, adjusting her eyesight to the darkness surrounding her until she could see the twelve figures standing before her, and little else. The room—if it could be called that—she was in seemed mostly featureless, which only a large shiny table with thirteen seats visible behind the group in long black robes that covered every part of them but their hands, heads and necks. The floor seemed to ooze with the smooth, ever flowing darkness from which she had risen, fully naked.

Normally, Sakura would have been afraid, ashamed, confused and puzzled. But right now, she could feel nothing. It was as if the tiny Fear, Disgust, Joy, Anger and Sadness Sakuras living within her mind had fallen catatonic all at once, which of course was a silly mental image she would have giggled at before; but not anymore.

The man at the head of the assembly handed her a robe identical to theirs, and Sakura donned it with the most habitual nod of politeness. "Thank you, Takahata-sensei," she softly said, recognizing both the man and the importance of being respectful of him, but not actually feeling the later in her heart.

She recognized a few of the others present, as well. First and foremost, she saw Sempai, Emiya Shirou-sempai, and despite the lack of feelings she now experienced towards him, which she guessed should trouble her, she still could sense the link between them. Sempai smiled at her, in a small way that was as opaque and hollow as his eyes, and Sakura replied in turn. "Sempai," she nodded in his direction. "Where are we?"

"In the darkness that is all that remains of our world," Takahata-sensei explained for him, and the rest remained in silence, as if admitting his authority, of which Sakura took a good mental note. Her intelligence hadn't been removed along her emotions. "Now, all hearts have been taken from all forms of life… but a few that have been scattered amongst the vacuum that surrounds this fortress. They should perish shortly, and there is no point on trying to save them, so they don't matter one way or another."

As she listened to the older man's toneless words, Sakura found herself nodding along. She always had known Takamichi T. Takahata as one of the most devoted men to the safety of his fellow men, women and children she had ever met, and hearing to him talking with such lack of empathy for what she guessed had to be untold amounts of human lives was something that would have rattled her… except because now, she found herself as unable to care as him. "Who did this?" she asked, because she supposed she had to, instead of because she cared about it.

"The Heartless, who are under my command, just as you are now," spoke a thin man in striking green and yellow chainmail armor and a Norse helmet with two long, curved horns, lazing at the head of the table, his angular chin resting on a hand. "I am Loki, conqueror of worlds, god of all I survey. And you are my Nobodies, who survived the Darkness thanks to the strength of your hearts."

Sakura stepped ahead to step besides Emiya-sempai, who said nothing. Typical of Emiya-sempai. Even now. So she spoke for him, as women most often have to do for men. "Please continue," she calmly requested of Loki.

"Regardless," Loki said, "while especially strong hearts can help you survive the process of being turned into a Heartless, all but the very strongest of them shatter eventually before the touch of Darkness. Yours were powerful, but not powerful enough as to resist us. Still, you have lived through, and so you might be useful to us. So I have an offer for you all. Serve me, and I shall return your hearts to you if you excel at your services. Refuse me, and have your bodies destroyed, as an act of mercy from me…"

"Where is my sister?" Sakura asked, again going through the motions of what she knew she was expected to ask, rather than because she actually felt the need to. "Have you destroyed her too?"

"No, as a matter of fact, she was one of the few who struck upon a chance to escape unto other worlds," Loki said. "If you accept me, you are to find her for me."

"And what will you do to her then?"

Loki smiled. "That depends on how strong her own heart turns out to be, and on how well you have served me until that time."

"I see," Sakura nodded. She reasoned, for intellect was all she had now the emotions had died, whether she wanted to save Rin or not, she still would have to find her. And the hollow spot inside of her cried for her heart back, not with anguish or sorrow, because those concepts were just as dead for her now, but with the mere physical drive of any other hunger. "That sounds reasonable and logical enough. I am willing to make an attempt."

"Most excellent," Loki nodded to her. "Takamichi? You are to do the same thing for the Twilight Princess."

"May I have a cigarette?" the bespectacled man asked back.

Loki smirked and threw a box of them at him. Takahata caught it in mid-air and went on to light and smoke a coffin nail. "It's not like there are any actual alternatives, is there?"

"That depends on your definition of alternatives," Loki said this time, "but if you don't do it, somebody else will."

"Then I might as well do it myself," Takahata reflected, blowing small rings of smoke and contemplating them dispassionately.

Loki rose from the borrowed seat. "What about the rest of your lot?"

There were several delays amongst the rest of them, but sooner or later, they all ended up accepting his conditions. What else could they do? They didn't even have the feelings of hope or outrage needed to challenge him right then and there. Their emotions gone, all that kept together their bodies and their intellectual knowledge was the shared overwhelming need to feel something again.

"Welcome then, my Organization XIII," Loki told them, triumphant.

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"Hey, you," Haruka dryly said as she re-entered the room, "Come along. Negi-sensei's back and wants to see you."

"Negi Springfield wants to see me," Kirie said to herself, standing up, her glasses slightly sliding down her nose.

"Yeah, that's what I just said, I didn't mixspell anything, did I?" Haruka grumbled, grabbing her by an arm and beginning to pull the still manacled girl out of the room. "You _and_ the others who came with you, so don't get a swollen head now!"

Kirie pouted as she followed the mouthy, loud woman down the hall. "That went without saying, you ox-woman! Do you think I'm some sort of hopeless fangirl like you? Anybody would be thrilled at meeting a historical figure!"

"I'm sure you would be even more thrilled at meeting your role models, too, like Attila or Genghis Khan," snarked Haruka, who was bad at language, yet far from being completely ignorant. Before Kirie could reply, they reached the main dining area and Haruka opened the door, leading Kirie in.

The large table was overcrowded, with the whole of Ala Alba in attendance, along Aerith, Cid, the Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen, Artemis, some anthropomorphic female mouse in blue coveralls, and a terrified looking blond girl in Alice in Wonderland cosplay. Even Pluto was there, sitting at Makie's feet and wagging his tail at everyone, pink tongue lolled out.

Kirie marveled as Haruka made her sit down between Makie and some black haired girl with strange markings on her forehead and cheeks. "This is her," Haruka bluntly told said girl. "Do you recognize her?"

"Just because I rule over the future, it doesn't mean I know everyone from the future," the black haired girl replied, then looked intently at Kirie's face. "How many years?"

"Ah?" Kirie asked. "What's my age gotta do with any of—"

"How many years into the future? The time when you allegedly made your jump into this time period!" the other girl snapped, with the tone of someone not used to be delayed or stalled. Even Kirie found it rather intimidating.

"I, I'm from 2089. And you come from late 2003, don't you?" she asked in turn.

Skuld rolled her eyes back. "Oh, great. Somebody else whose timeframe doesn't match with ours. This is gonna be another mess."

Sitting at the head of the table, Negi stood after drawing a deep breath in. "Is everybody here now?"

Matoi, who stood dutifully by his side, counted those present with the skill of someone well used to stalk individuals and groups alike. She took a few quick notes on a sheet of paper and then nodded. "Indeed, Negi-sama."

"What about Tetch?" Negi asked.

"He's been locked up with Pete-san, and should be coming back to his senses shortly," Matoi reported. "By then we should have decided how to best question him."

"Thank you, Tsunetsuki-san," Negi nodded, allowing Kirie to learn the mysterious girl's name at last. The name 'Tetch' brought her memories of some files he had studied on Gotham City criminals who had lived around the same time period as the original Ala Alba. Given they had talked about locking that man, it was logical to assume he was the infamous 'Mad Hatter', although she had never read anything about him ever encountering Ala Alba. "Now," Negi addressed the assembly as a whole, "I'm sure we all have many, many questions to ask from each other, myself included, so we will organize ourselves in an orderly manner, one by one. Starting with—"

Many hands raised at once. Two of them belonged to Kirie, who asked, "Can I take these off at last, Sensei?"

Negi looked curiously at her and her manacles, then asked Chisame, who sat at his other side opposite Matoi's, "Is she dangerous?"

"Everyone is dangerous until otherwise proved," Chisame said.

"But it's inhuman to keep a child like that before she proves herself a threat!" he argued. "She can't be any older than twelve!"

Kirie put on her best Poor Good Girl face. "I've been mistreated since I arrived here, lost and far from my home! A home that might be gone forever by this point!"

"What a brutal, unforgiving place," the girl in Alice cosplay murmured to herself, clearly dismayed.

Asuna sighed, then walked over to Kirie and easily cut the chain of her manacles with the tip of her sword, to which Kirie didn't even flinch. "The day the whole lot of us would be threatened by a single little girl should be the day we retire. I mean, not even Tsukuyomi is badass enough as to take on all of us at once!"

"Thank you," Kirie nodded towards her, keeping her cool remarkably well for someone who just wanted to squee at the legendary Twilight Princess. "Now this is mostly out of the way, let me ask you—"

"Sorry," Negi said, "but I'm afraid you have just used your first question, Miss. You will get another after everybody else is done."

"But there are like fifty people in here!" Kirie cried.

"I'm sorry, but that means there are other forty nine waiting for a chance of their own right now," Negi used her arguments against her. "We should fairly alternate between newcomers and Ala Alba members, so Makie-san will get the next question, lest her arm should fall off, which would be terrible," he gracefully gestured towards the pink haired girl waving an arm around almost maniacally.

"Ah, thank you, Negi-kun!" Makie put the brakes on her runaway arm. "Who's the girl you and Sku-chan brought along? I mean, I know you said her name was Alice Little or something, but what's her deal, and why did you kiss her?"

"He did what?!" Kirie said, as Sailor Mercury gave a strangled gasp and most Ala Alba girls began seething quietly under their breaths, the facepalming Asuna and Chisame being notorious exceptions.

"She's Alice in Wonderland," Skuld calmly answered.

"Well, I know what's she supposed to be dressed like, Madoka-mama used to tell me that story, but why is she dressed like that? Did Hatter-san brainwash her into…?" Makie asked.

"No, she _is_ Alice from the Wonderland story," Skuld said. "My theory is, this crossdimensional area we have reached vibrates through the fabric of reality in a frequency that sends pulses across the dimensional borders. Those pulses occasionally reach gifted minds who are influenced to a subconscious degree to craft stories about—"

"You're joking," Yuuna blandly said.

"No, I'm not!" Skuld said. "Sensei, Gadget-san and Asuna can vouch for it too! We saw everything; the Queen of Hearts and the King, the March Hare, the Caterpillar, the Dodo!"

"We didn't get to see the Three Bears, though," Asuna mused. "I wonder if the Queen had them killed before…"

"Skuld-sama, please," Setsuna said. "It's obvious you fell into some sort of elaborate Wonderland-themed trap created by the Mad Hatter, and even your brilliant minds, and Asuna-san's, were fooled by it. Hakase-san should run you through a drug test…"

"What would the Mad Hatter be doing into outer space without the support of some extra-dimensional entities with an interest on the Alice story?!" Skuld protested.

"How would I know? What do I know about the supervillain mindset? I can't even understand my sister's! Maybe Brainiac or Galactus took a fancy on him for some reason…" the bodyguard argued.

"Your… sister? Which sister?" Kirie blinked.

"Please stop talking about my life as if it were some sort of storybook," Alice weakly moaned.

"Well," Makie said slowly, "I'm not sure I understand it too well, but if Sku-chan that's actually Alice from Wonderland, I'll believe her. We've seen weirder things, I'd say. Even so, why did she kiss Negi-kun?"

"Because she's a so-called 'Princess of the Heart', who—" Skuld began.

"Princess of the Heart?" asked the action figure on the table that had been mostly ignored by everybody until that point.

"Oh, a toy man with wings is talking now. Of course it would be," Alice blandly said. For the first time ever, Chisame felt some kind of spiritual affinity for that girl now.

"Oh, you're one of the magical toys Eva-san keeps in her cabin!" Misora recognized him. "Lunar Larry, right?"

"Buzz Lightyear!" the toy corrected her. "And, well, before your friends here retrieved me and brought me here, I happened to listen to a story Miss Mc Dowell found in a book left in the store that sold us, long ago, to a traveler who passed through this town…"

Aerith grew interested. "So you were here once? Before this town was abandoned?"

"That's an affirmative, young lady," the spaceman nodded towards her. "Our world, much like it happened to yours later, was swallowed by darkness, and we ended up here, just like you did. But back then, Traverse Town hadn't fallen to decay either. It was a prosperous site of trade between worlds. Anyway, I was talking about the story Miss Eva found in that book. It told a tale of the origins of the darkness that destroys worlds, and how it originally was beaten and sealed by three wise men and seven kings. They used weapons shaped like giant keys to close the doors to the worlds of darkness, and they passed their powers to do so through the generations. But apparently, over time, those secrets and skills were mostly lost…"

All the eyes were firmly on him now, which actually made him feel rather well. So he stopped and smiled, enjoying the spotlight.

A few moments later, Cocone quietly asked, "… and..?"

"That's it," Buzz said.

"That's it?!" several of the others cried at once.

Buzz blinked. "W-Well… I'm not so good a storyteller, I'm afraid. Maybe if Miss Eva had brought the doll with recorded fairy tales… Oh! I forgot it, but the book also said it had been prophesized the seven kings would inherit their powers upon seven descendants of theirs, maidens with light in their hearts, who would help vanquish darkness again during a new hour of distress! Which reminds me of the seventh Star Command junior novel Andy used to love…"

"So this girl not only is Alice in Wonderland but also a princess?!" Misora pointed at the clearly uncomfortable Alice. "The original story never said that!"

"Didn't it?" Asuna asked.

"I… I think the time is due for someone else to make their questions," Negi hewed stiffly. "Sailor Mercury-san, for instance?" he smiled his best at the nervous Senshi of Water they had met in Kyoto.

Akira gulped, thinking of all the questions she had to ask. There were so many of them she couldn't decide for a single one. And so, being Akira, she decided to think, not about her own questions, but about the others'. "Actually, Sensei," she said, "I'd like, not to ask something, but to answer something before anyone else asks. I think I should come clear to all of you."

"Mercury!" Venus hissed. "Don't!"

"It's not only your secret, Mercury-san," Sailor Pluto evenly said.

"The charm should keep your identities safe even if I reveal mine," Akira told them. "And while I respect your own wishes for secrecy, I do believe it's time I gave up on mine for the sake of those who still remain with me. My best friends, my teacher, my…" she sighed. "Please forgive me, Venus-chan. You've become a very dear friend to me, as well. But I see no point on continuing this masquerade, not after all that has happened, I, I—"

She brought a hand to her own chest, closed her eyes, and squeezed her fist. A moment later, a flash of light enveloped her, and when it passed, an identical, yet oddly different girl in a plain top and blue jeans sat in her place.

"—I am Ookuchi Akira from Junior Class 3-A. Sorry about keeping this from you."

"Oh dear God, Akira-chan," Yuuna groaned, taking a hand to her own face.

"Ookuchi!" Chisame recoiled while Negi's jaw hit the table.

Sakurako blinked, then smiled at Misa smugly. Misa muttered, reached into her pocket, and handed Sakurako a few bills. "What are you going to use them for here, anyway?"

"Akira-chan, it's... you!" Makie said, starry-eyed, before her smile dropped just a bit. "Yuuna-chan! You knew!"

"Yeah, I did," Yuuna confirmed.

"And you didn't share it with me! Your best friend!"

"You didn't share it with US! Your team!" Ayaka added.

"It was a secret I learned by accident, I wasn't supposed to betray Akira's trust by telling anyone!" Yuuna protested, waving her arms around. "I didn't even tell my dad!"

"Are you sure you aren't a parallel dimension's Akira?" Misora asked, completely serious.

"... no, I'm not," Akira said.

"You sure?" Misora prodded. "For all we know, you might come from a dimension that is 99,99% identical to ours, except for—"

"I'm sure!" Akira and Yuuna said at the same time.

"Fair enough," Misora raised her hands. "Then that means Sailor Venus is one of your friends in the swimming team. Either Mizuno-san or the British girl, what was her name... Fenette-sempai, right?"

"Think whatever will make you happy, Hon," Minako dryly said.

Negi sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of a sleeve. "I'm— I'm so, so sorry, Ookuchi-san! I should have noticed the signs long ago! Your grades had even started slipping! To think... my oversight has let you engage into a dangerous, illicit life of vigilantism! I'm the worst!"

Kirie sweated a huge fat drop. Was this neurotic nerve wrecked child the actual courageous Negi Springfield? She hadn't been surprised at all to find a child, buts he had imagined him to be far more... in control!

"So," Matoi said, completely unflappable, "who wants to ask something next?"

Alice raised a hand.

"It is the turn for a member of Ala Alba," Matoi summarily said.

"Well, she's got a Pactio with my brother now, so technically she's part of the team now!" Chamo argued.

"I haven't ever agreed to be a part of— Ohh, never mind!" Alice waved her hands. "I just want to ask, how many of you have... have done... happen to own... those things! Those 'provisional alliances'!"

Awkward looks abounded around the table, before Konoka smiled and pulled her card out, holding it up.

Alice hiccuped.

Ayaka held her card next, as proudly as she could, with Haruka and Haruna following her example a moment later. Yuuna held hers with a small shrug and smile, and Sora and Setsuna whimpered miserably as they held theirs, blushing just as fiercely as the other. Sakurako and Misa intertwined their arms and showed their own cards off, with Sakurako's other arm forcing Satomi's into the same position. Misora lowered her head and displayed her card, and Chachamaru, who had been silently standing behind Chisame, held the girl's arm and card up. "H-Hey, leggo, you idiot...!" the hacker protested.

Alice let out a strangled, choked scream. Asuna lazily held her own card and groaned to her, "Well, you already knew in MY case, right? So I want it to stand in record, if you suffer a heart attack here it's not my fault."

Alice ignored her and gagged while seeing Makie and Keiichi hold their respective cards up as well. "Even you! But... _you are a man_!"

"Oh, actually, Morisato-sempai's and mine are with Sku-chan!" Makie said, pulling a growling Skuld closer to her with her free arm.

"Ah!" Alice breathed out. "Well, that's a lot better, I was thinking the Professor— No, that doesn't make it any better at all! _You're both girls!_ "

Sakurako frowned, then told Haruna, "Paru, you'd better take her under your wing."

Haruna blinked. "What? Are you... sure? Like, I mean, really really sure?"

"I agree with Saku-chan," Konoka said, just a bit coldly. "I think... she needs it!"

"And you, too!" Alice was telling Ai, who held her card to hide as much of her face as possible.

"A-A-Actually, m-m-mine's with Itoshiki-sensei..." the older girl stuttered from behind her card.

Alice blinked yet again, looked at the miserable looking man suitting next to Ai, and asked dubiously, "It's... only her?"

They both nodded reluctantly.

Alice straightened, thought it over, and then nodded and said soberly, "That is perfectly acceptable!"

"BUT I'M HER TEACHER!" Itoshiki wailed.

"Still perfectly acceptable as long as you take responsibility..." Alice replied. "You, on the other hand!" she huffed, turning around to face Negi, wagging a finger at him. "I know you're very young, but you're wise enough as to be a teacher, so I was expecting better from you! Fourteen girls now, for shame! Don't you have any self-control? You... You Casanova! You enemy of all women!"

Negi began sobbing, further puzzling Kirie. "I know, and I'm sorry! There's no day I don't spend thinking about it, and how much I have sunk, dragging my students down with myself! It's my fault, for I've been weak in more than one sense!"

Then Misa stood up, walked to Alice, and placed her hands on her shoulders. "Alice-chan."

"Yes?"

"Look," Misa patiently said. "I understand how you must be feeling. Culture shock aside, all girls think the same deep down, just like all guys think the same deep down, and I mean down, like in between their—"

"Aaaaaaaactually, I think that's rather debatable..." Mamoru coughed into a fist.

"Shut up, Vigilante-san," Misa primly told him, and then spoke again to Alice. "Oh, dear, my dear. I know you must be feeling disappointed and livid, for a boy you thought to be all so proper and different, capable and gentlemanish, to have been so... somewhat promiscuous."

"What does 'promiscuous' mean?" Negi asked Chisame.

"Even so," Misa gently told Alice, "we aren't his victims. We aren't anyone's victims, Alice-chan. Because we are strong women, each one in our own way, and we all knew what we were getting into when we agreed to this. Implying otherwise is, actually, quite insulting to all of us, so **please** don't ever do it again. Sure, it's fun to imagine, at times, when you're feeling frustrated, this is all Negi's fault, and to dream of chasing him around between all of us to punish his womanizing ways, but you know what? That's stupid and childish, and we're no children anymore. Well, except Makie-chan, but that's what makes her special..."

"Am I supposed to be flattered?" Makie asked, genuinely curious.

"Actually, chasing Negi-kun around like that... sounds kinda neat!" Haruna mused.

"Yeah, same here..." Yuuna hummed while Akira grimaced in disgust.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" Misa snapped at them. "And you, Negi-kun, don't ever apologize about any of that again, you hear me?! Show your spine! We know you have it, so don't hide it just because you feel guilty, or you'll end up like Despair-sensei!"

"That's quite true..." Itoshiki said.

Negi gulped. "Yes, Ma'am!"

Misa's hands were on his shoulders now. "We're in this because we chose to be in this!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"In a fair competition, for those who are interested! Cheering for us at the sidelines, for those who aren't!" Misa vigorously added.

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Hey, I don't ship anyone! Leave me out of that!" Asuna said.

"We are well aware of the risks! We're intelligent women, hear us roar!" Misa began getting carried away. "That's our courage, the proof of our worth! Even Misora's got it! And the man who stands with us has to be as courageous as we are!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Negi's voice rang loud and clear now.

Misa let go of his shoulders and nodded, satisfied. "Now that's what I wanted to hear!"

Ayaka was awed. "Wow, Kakizaki-san! That was... surprisingly mature from you!"

"What?" Misa snorted. "I can do mature!"

"Yeah, but she wasn't talking about your previous flings, but about this speech of yours," Sakurako snickered. "You realize you're that confident just because you were brought in very early in the game, don't you? Had you learned about Negi-kun after everyone else, you'd be even more outraged than Alice-chan, and organizing a lynching party yourself..."

"There's no point on dwelling about the impossible, Saku!" her friend told her. "So, do you have any other question for now, Alice-chan?"

Alice, with her eyes very round and wide, just shook her head slowly, still trying to process what had just happened.

"Good!" Misa said and sat back. "I have no questions myself, so who's next?"

* * *

 _Mahora:_

"—achi-san?" she heard, as she felt soft slaps patting her cheeks. "Takamachi-san, you'd better wake up already."

The last thing Takamachi Nanoha remembered was fighting flying monsters, most of them small but very persistent, in large numbers all across the skies of Mahora. Yuuno-kun had said they weren't Jewel Seed created, and that he had no idea about their origins. Nanoha had actually notable success against them, almost fully clearing the area, before the mysterious, silent blond girl in skintight black showed up again. With the same beautiful sad eyes, but now holding control over the airborne enemies.

" _Fate-chan!" Nanoha had called out, remembering the simple name the girl had given her during their second encounter, weeks ago. "Now why are you doing this? I thought you only were after the Jewel Seeds!"_

" _I was. And I would have preferred keeping it that way," the girl whispered in the breeze. "But my personal desires hold no importance here," she finished, then gestured to sic an even larger swarm of flying creatures on Nanoha._

Now she was waking up to see a familiar figure in a black bustier and pants, with a long and open Badass Trenchcoat over them, kneeling at her side, and holding Nanoha's head up, carefully. "Tatsumiya-san? Tatsumiya Mana-san?" the red-haired child weakly asked, recognizing the frequent visitor of her father's cafeteria, which she would often hit with her apprentice long after classes.

Mana nodded, smiling down at her. It was a strange, small smile, but not a false one; rather, it was the smile of somebody who had problems to smile at all. Tatsumiya-san's eyes, Nanoha finally noticed it now, while far more feline and mature than Fate-chan's, were also just as melancholic. "You fought well, and so you have my congratulations. Can you stand up now?"

Could she? Nanoha's eyes tilted up to the skies she had been blown off from, and saw them pitch black and devoid of any stars or clouds. The only plus side was there were no monsters in sight either, but the sight still was crushingly bleak. Everything around them was darkness, except for the ground, which faintly glowed in greenish hues through small fissures on his blackened surface, allowing just enough light for Nanoha to look at Tatsumiya-san. "Where's Yuuno-kun?" she asked instead of trying to stand.

"Who's Yuuno-kun?" Tatsumiya-san asked.

"My fr—My pet ferret," Nanoha corrected herself. "He was on my shoulder when I, well…"

"When the Heartless shot you down?" Mana said. "No, I haven't seen him. You are just the second person I've been able to find since Mahora collapsed."

Now Nanoha sat up, alarmed. "Collapsed?!"

Mana, instead of answering, looked towards the other, even taller and almost as busty woman standing apart from them, trying to stare into the distance with a fierce scowl. "Have you seen any ferrets in the vicinity?"

"None at all," said the woman, whom Nanoha had never seen before. She was one of the most beautiful ladies Nanoha had ever met, old enough as to be her mother, but also well toned and built, yet standing graceful and feminine, a long sword in a hand. Her golden hair was long enough as to fall past her waist, and she wore a long white dress, her feet bare. From where she sat, Nanoha could see one of her eyes was emerald green, but she tilted her face back towards them, Nanoha realized the other eye was crystal blue. "Did I hear you call those hellspawn 'Heartless'?"

"They're a legend amongst… my people. From long ago, when even my ancestors feared them," Mana blandly said, as she helped Nanoha stand up. Nanoha nervously looked all around for Raising Heart, and found the staff nearby in the dirt, then rushed to retrieve it, holding it tightly against her chest. "Is your other friend okay?" she heard Mana asking her then.

Nanoha swallowed, but then heard the gem's voice warmly telling her, _I remain fully operational, Master_. She gulped and nodded. "Yeah. She's alright, thanks for asking."

"Your secret is safe with me, assuming there remains anyone else to keep it a secret from," Mana added, dusting her hands off on her own hips. Nanoha looked further around, and shuddered to the marrow. Their surroundings had been reduced to a charred wasteland, where Mahora's once eyecatching architecture laid broken into rubble and wreckage, a few buildings still standing as ghostly skeletons protruding from the disaster. Nanoha's lower lip tightened and her eyes teared up. "M-Mom… Dad! Alissa-chan, Suzuka-chan, Kyouka-niichan! Miyuki-neechan!"

"Don't cry for anyone until you have seen them dead," Mana told her, standing over her now kneeling and sobbing form. "As long as there is—"

"No," the other woman said. "Let her cry. I would too, if I had any tears left to shed."

She looked down at her hands, which now felt filled with the actual essence of life again, rather than the blaspheme mimicry of it the Great Grail supplied its Heroic Spirits with. She couldn't feel her connection to the Cup anymore either, so she supposed it had been destroyed or their links had simply been cut by the cataclysm. But in either case, the most logical thing would have been for her to disappear, not to be reborn like this. Perhaps Rei would have known, or at least been able to formulate an educated guess.

She looked again at the World Tree in the distance, which remained stubbornly strong and straight at the middle of the devastation. No corpses anywhere, but that only made it all that much more sinister. It was not only that whatever had happened had killed all life in Mahora but the Tree and the grass, but that it had just made it disappear altogether. She had witnessed many of the horrors of war, but few as subtly chilling as those.

"Where to?" Mana asked her.

"Is there a difference?" the blonde mused. "All ways looks just as hopeless from here. As soon as the child recovers, if she can still fly, make her get a better view from above. If not, we'll head into Library Island and hope what lies within has survived."

"As you wish, Queen of Calamity," Mana bowed her head to her.

The woman stared at her.

Mana half smirked. "As I just said, my race knows many things. The ones we don't, the Headmaster filled me in. However, I had been told you were dead. Or is this the afterlife?"

Arika looked into the horizon line again. "I don't know either."

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"Other than someone else to smooch, what did you find in that 'Wonderland', Negi-kun?" Misora asked. "Any clues on your dad's whereabouts?"

"Only a possibility, Misora-san," Negi said. "The Cheshire Cat told me, in the next planet orbiting this system, I could find Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes, who might have trained my father in the past…"

"Wait, your dad trained in another planet? For real?" an incredulous Sakurako asked.

"I don't know! At this point, I'm not discarding anything! I think I should check it out anyway! We even might find another Princess of the Heart there!" the boy replied.

"So you can kiss her too?" Haruka asked, deadpanning as much as her hot tempered nature would allow her to.

"Well," Chamo said, "it seems making a Pactio is the safest way we have to make sure someone's a Princess of the Heart or not. You'll see, when my Bro kissed Alice-chan, there was this huge glow of a holy light that never was in any other Pactio, except, well—"

The looks of Ala Alba instantly drifted toward Konoka, who put a hand on her cheek and giggled. "Oh, why are you looking at me like that? Surely, Skuld-chan, who knows so much about everything, would know if I were one of those Princesses!"

"Well, your lineage is told to be regal and come from Amaterasu, goddess of the sun, and I won't confirm or deny that," Skuld said. "Back in the days when epics across realms were common, a few of your ancestors might have ventured out of our dimension, and thus out of my jurisdiction, to have adventures like the fiasco Lunar Larry described. But if it went that way, even I have no way to know what they did during their time out of our territory. They might have been in the ranks of those great heroes. They might have not."

"Buzz Lightyear! Not Lunar Larry!" Buzz protested.

"Assuming all of that is true," Setsuna said, "both Ojou-sama and Liddell-sama should be kept under constant surveillance."

"You already keep Konoka under constant surveillance anyway!" Misa pointed out.

Buzz nodded. "Yeah. The story I heard warned, if the forces of evil ever captured the Princesses, they would have the power to cover the universe with darkness. Which reminds me of the classic Princess Mira Nova storyarc in my TV show, which—"

"There's something else that concerns me," Ayaka interrupted, her arms folded. "That name, Philoctetes, hails from the Greek mythology. After your visit to a world that mirrors Lewis Carroll's stories, it's somewhat reasonable assuming the next world might reflect the Greek myths. Especially since our own ranks happen to include a Norse goddess…"

"So you REALLY are a goddess!" Alice gasped at Skuld.

"That's what I tried telling you the whole time!" Skuld groaned, before telling the assembly, "In all truth, the Greek pantheon was supposed to have perished in our world long ago, except for Lord Hades and Lady Eris. And yes, I'm aware of the cynical connotations of Death and Discord outliving everything else. However, there's a possibility the Pantheon might keep on living in other worlds. Deities exist in a multiplanar state, which means there are different aspects of ourselves across several planes of existence." At that point, Negi, Cocone, Ayaka, Haruna, Konoka, Kirie, Itoshiki, Sailor Pluto, Satomi, Gadget and Cid all nodded, but everybody else just looked dumbfounded.

"Anyway!" Skuld continued. "Even assuming the Greek Pantheon keeps on living in the vicinity, it might be a bad idea if I venture there. Last time our Pantheons met, we didn't part ways in the best of terms. It began with Thor and Heracles, who kept on getting in stupid macho contests with each other…"

"So, if you step there, they could have us punted out?" Konoka asked.

"They are Greek gods," Skuld pointed, "they don't punt people, they…"

Those with a passing knowledge of the seedier parts of the myth Greeks fell into an awkward silence.

"… what?" Negi asked.

"Sensei," Kirie took over, "do you know of the myth of Prometheus?"

Negi nodded.

"Danae?"

Negi shook his head.

"Icarus?" Kirie asked.

"Yeah, but I never got why the King had him and his father imprisoned…"

"Narcissus?" Kirie asked next.

"Of course! Everyone knows the tale of Narcissus!"

"Ganymede?"

"He was Zeus' manservant, but I didn't know there was supposed to be a backstory about him…"

"Arachne?"

"Yes."

"Acteon?"

"No."

"Medusa?"

"Naturally!"

"Oedipus?"

"Who's that?"

"Do you have any idea about the true nature of the relationship between Zeus and Hera?" Kirie demanded, growing louder.

"I'm realizing perhaps I know less about the Greeks than I thought, but they were husband and wife, weren't they?"

Kirie sighed, rubbing two fingers against her forehead, in circles. "I see. Negi-sensei was given a sexually sanitized version of Greek mythology."

"There was indecent material in the Greek myths?!" Alice and Negi gasped at once, horrified.

The others stared at them. Alice and Negi shared a few confused glances between themselves, and then the boy asked the gathering, "Exactly how much I have missed?"

"Let me put it the only way I can without having Chisame-chan kill me," Haruna said, "you are a Cute Shoutaro Boy, and we are Bishoujo. No way we are stepping anywhere close to Olympus' shadow without being impregnated by a swan, and that includes you, Negi-kun."

"A swan?" a confused Negi repeated.

Haruna rasped, feeling several threatening glares on herself. "A swan, a rain of gold, a god posing as a loved one, you name it… Greek gods were, to put it simply, raunchy enough to make me look tame."

"Oh," Negi faintly said. "So, what you are trying to say is…"

Haruna nodded. "Even I think, and I believe I speak for all those who ever have thumbed through a book on myths present here, you shouldn't go there, Negi-kun."

Negi blanched.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	15. Building Blocks

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen**.

* * *

A sharp, almost unbearable pang of pain ran all over Bruce Wayne's body as soon as he regained consciousness. With the perfected skills of concentration and meditation acquired through years of training, including months under Tibetan monks (as well as resisting the urge to beat the crap out of his board of directors when they do something stupidly shortsighted), the man in the bat costume inhaled and exhaled until he could control the sensations enough to ignore them for the most part, and get a good look at his surroundings.

The chamber of stone walls he had been locked into was mostly dark and had a pungent wet smell, which probably meant he was underground, in a site that had barely been maintained over the last few years. Something kept his ankles and wrists firmly twisted back and secured behind him; something that felt too soft to be metallic, yet too hard to be organic. He hung inside of some sort of transparent cocoon fixed to the chamber's ceiling. Despite the pain (which in its own way was a good sign as well, since it showed he hadn't lost his physical sensitivity), trying to squirm carefully within his prison allowed him a decent assessment of his physical condition. Nothing broken but a pair of ribs, including the one Croc had broken twice before. That one would be a bitch to heal back properly.

He could distinguish three smaller cocoons fixed next to his, all of them holding some sort of clothed humanoid animal. The Batman had fought women mutated into killer whales, psychic murderous gorillas, and once, with the help of Captain Marvel, even a talking world conquering worm. During his most recent trip to Japan he had met a talking, annoying, chain smoking and perverted ermine as well. And that's not counting the weirdness from when he'd attended an all-girls detective school. So this sight was only met with a reasonable amount of frustration before the mildly unexpected.

The largest of the three cocoons held a tall and lanky black dog in a mostly green suit and yellow pants, both adorned with a myriad of buckles and pouches. He also seemed to be wearing clown shoes. Never a good sign.

The other two cocoons were at the Batman's other side; one contained a white duck donning a blue hat and heavily buckled shirt, but no pants. The other one, which was tiny, held some sort of greenish insect in a black suit and shoes. All three animals seemed to be either dead or in a state of suspended animation, since Wayne couldn't read their breathing at all. However, they also lacked cadaveric rigidity, so he only could hope...

Hope.

Last thing he remembered, he had been fighting along the GCPD, Dick and Barbara, trying to drive the hordes of unexplained dark creatures swarming over Gotham City after apparently showing out of nowhere. The news were reporting Superman and other metahumans around the globe were similarly busy with other groups of even bigger, more powerful beings of the same persuasion. He remembered falling in battle, being overwhelmed by sheer numbers, and at that time, he had thought he was dying. And yet here he was now, battered and beaten but apparently still healthy enough to hope for a speedy recovery, and even his uniform remained functional enough, shredded cape aside. But that made no sense, so what...

He looked down, and his suspicions were confirmed. Whenever things made absolutely no sense at all, it paid off, more often than not, to imagine _his_ involvement.

The Joker looked up from the book he had been reading calmly right under the Bat's cocoon— Immanuel Kant's _Critique of Pure Reason_ , upside down— to give the Bat a dispassionate, flat look, marking his place with a Freakazoid bookmark. "Oh, you're finally waking up you lazy charming bum you. Sleepyhead," the demonic grin lit his face up, carving like a knife through it as the clown closed the volume and set it down on the table before his chair. He stood up, pulling on the lapels of his purple suit, and said, "You can start thanking me any moment now. After all, if not for me, you wouldn't even be alive now... at least not in any sense that can be still called life."

"Still playing with the supernatural, Joker?" the Dark Knight growled, squinting threateningly. "I thought you would have gotten your fingers burned after Kyoto."

"Kyoto? Batsy, baby, Kyoto was only a test run," he chuckled rapidly, gloved fists resting on his narrow hips, green eyes gleaming mischievously. "Now we're being pulled into the Big Leagues. This show's gonna make the whole Kyoto fiasco look like a cheap fireworks feature! And guess what? I'm getting you a first row seat... right next to mine!"

And the laughter, the damned laughter, erupted yet again, like part of a recurring nightmare…

"So, there's going to be a giant vampire moon rabbit again?" Batman said.

The Joker cut off. "Well, no, that one's one a customer."

"Giant four-faced demon?"

"Uh, no fresh out of those too."

"Little girls with too many swords?"

"I seem to have left mine at home."

"Doesn't sound very big league," Batman said dismissively. "Kind of a step down, really."

Joker glared. "Everybody's a critic…"

* * *

 _St. Canard:_

"LP? Omigosh, LP, what's happened to you?" Gosalyn asked while advancing towards the larger duck. "I can't believe you're drinking…!"

She reached over for the bottle in Launchpad's hand. With a trembling motion filled with shame, he tried yanking the bottle away from her reach, but she was faster and took it from him. She gave the bottle a very flat look."… it's soda."

"And not even diet!" Launchpad lamented, putting a hand to his stomach and squeezing a couple of rolls of fat under his jacket. Then the visitors looked towards the huge pile of discarded soda bottles not too far from him and grew collective sweatdrops.

"Well, ah. Um. Alright," Gosalyn awkwardly said. "I'm sure you can get over this… addiction, LP, I mean, I did! Sure, I still gulp a few every now and then, but now I'm only a casual drinker."

"Of soda, right?" Dogpool asked.

"Of course! What else were you thinking?" she snapped back at him before patting her old friend's shoulder. "C'mon, LP, pull yourself back together! These new friends of mine need a pilot at the top of his game!"

"Then they should look elsewhere, sorry," the male duck drooped down. "I haven't flown in over a year…"

"Haven't you looked for new job openings?" Gosalyn asked him.

"Yeah, plenty. Quackwerks rejected me, and so did Pan Animal. I even applied with Rockerduck Inc. and Glomgold Co., but they wouldn't have anything to do with an ex-employee of Mr. Mc D."

"Well, that was wrong from you, too!" Gosalyn told him. "Why didn't you head back to Mr. Mc Duck from the start?"

Launchpad frowned and looked aside. "That's another bridge I don't want to walk back, Gos."

"Jeez, LP!" the girl said. "You're as bad as Dad! Anyway, this fella here is Mickey Mouse, and these are his… associates, I think. Like I told you, they could use your services."

"Um, hiya!" Mickey laughed clumsily. "Actually, for the most part, we wanted somebody who could take us to Scrooge Mc Duck…"

"Then sorry, buddy, but you've wasted your time coming here," Launchpad told him. "Mr. Mc D an' me aren't on good terms anymore, not since I left Duckburg, which was even before I met DW…"

"Wait," Rin piped in, "you said you knew this Scrooge guy, didn't you? Then why do you need this other guy to take you to him?"

"Because Mr. Mc Duck is a very secretive duck and rather difficult to reach," Mickey explained to her. "We had a couple of adventures together, but without Donald, I have no way to contact him directly, and if I tell any of his subordinates I'm a king from another dimension, which is how he knows me, they're just going to think I'm crazy. That's why I was hoping to reach for one of his trusted employees…"

Launchpad blinked. "I'm not sure what are you guys talking about, but I happen to know someone who's still in Mr. Mc D's good graces. Gyro Gearloose, his freelance tech developer…"

"Mad scientist," Gos corrected him.

"Sure thing, but never call him that to his face! Anyway, I think I can fly you to him. A short flight, I think I still can do that…"

"Arrrrgghhhh! Not another guy to visit so we can talk to him! This is like the worst RPG quest ever that never takes off, just talking and talking to NPCs while wishing you could just go inflict unholy amounts of massacring and stabbing upon your enemies! When do we get to fight some mooks?!" Dogpool began tugging on his fake ears. "I'm getting crazier here, this is so inane! I'm an action star, dammit, you can't treat me like this!"

"—man!" Launchpad gasped. "Are you okay?!"

Dogpool instantly switched to Calm Happy Go Lucky mode. "Yep, just peachy-fine! Whatever made you think different?"

Launchpad blinked, clearly disturbed, before reaching for a small bottle of pills and offering it to Dogpool. "Medication? They're Quackwerks-brand…"

"It says 'industrial strength horse tranquilizer'," Rin said suspiciously.

"Ooh, gimme!" Dogpool said. "I wonder if this would be Hasegawa Chisame approved?"

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"What do you mean, I can't go?" Negi asked, appalled.

"You know perfectly well what we mean!" Chisame snapped at him.

"But, if you're worried it'll be dangerous, I'll just keep a low profile! I'll even go alone so it's easier for me to…"

"Damn it, you just don't get it, do you?!" Chisame said. "It's even worse if you go alone, because not only can you still not watch your back on your own, but you'll keep nosing into more dangerous crap without someone to hold your leash!"

"I don't need anyone to hold my leash, or any leashes at all, period!" Negi snapped back. "You always keep telling me to grow into a man, but at the same time treating me like a child! Or a pet!"

"Guys, I think Negi-kun's sorta got a point there," Yuuna intervened. "You keep sending those mixed signals to the poor guy…"

"Shut up, you were just saying it'd be fun to chase him around just because he kisses girls!" Chisame told her.

"Well, it would be, but that's got nothing to do with this!"

"Anyway," Chisame told Negi, "Now you're part of an organization, an organization that was your idea, I might add, and when you joined that organization you agreed to respect its decisions! And I'm pretty sure right now, the majority of Ala Alba is with me and, God help me, Saotome in this!"

Most of Ala Alba began nodding in agreement then, except for Yuuna, who sat back looking strangely thoughtful, and Ayaka, who simply remained inwardly conflicted between her desire to please Negi and that to keep him as safe and sound as she could.

Chisame nodded, satisfied. "See? You've gotta respect that!"

"But that's so… petty from you all!" Negi argued. "It's MY father, and MY dream! I wouldn't be standing in the way of any of your dreams!"

"You would if you thought we'd be doing anything foolish, and you know it!" Chisame told him. "Anyway, you still have like a million other worlds out there to snoop in and get yourself in danger! Why do you have to trust the word of a well known troll from classic literature on this?!"

Negi pouted. "Well, he was right about Alice-san!" He looked through the gallery of assembled faces of his naysayers, but found them all unflinching, even Sora's.

"Regardless, we at least should wait until we get more confirmation on what's going on, Negi-kun," Konoka patiently said. "Can't you wait a little while we try to clear up what's in store for you there?"

"And how do you suppose we can do that if we don't go there?" Negi asked.

"By asking in the other worlds around, perhaps?" Sakurako asked. "You're sort of acting like a crybaby here, Negi-kun. You're supposed to be smart, you shouldn't rush ahead without looking first…"

"Well, what did you expect?" Satomi asked her. "His father has always been the most vulnerable spot of his process of logical reasoning, after all."

"I'm not rushing—You know what, never mind," he sighed, still visibly exasperated. "You're right, we'll discuss the particulars of this later. In the meanwhile, who else's got a question of their own?"

Kirie raised a hand.

"Sakurame-san," Negi said, strained, "I thought we had agreed you would wait for your turn. There are many who still haven't asked anything."

"Actually, I'm offering answers rather than asking more questions," the bespectacled blonde said. "I know most people here don't trust me, not even those I came along with, so shy don't we cut through to the chase already? Just read my mind and see what my intentions are, Negi-sensei, so we're done with it."

"Sakurame-san, no," Sailor Pluto tensed up. "There's no way to tell the amount of further damage you could bring on by sharing information mortals aren't supposed to know about their futures, parallel or not."

"Oh, please," Kirie groaned. "Like your method's worked so fine for you until now, has it? I know what I'm doing. You aren't the only one with experience on using information from events yet to happen successfully."

"Even so," Ritsuko argued, "we only have your own word on that! I can't possibly allow you to—"

"Pluto-san, if I may be as bold as to say so," Negi said just a tad bitterly, standing up and walking towards Kirie's seat, "if your concern is we might disrupt the flow of time I'd say, between what happened back at Kyoto and what is transpiring as we speak, that ship has already sailed, as the proverb goes. Don't you agree?"

 _Just like someone related to Chao Linghsen_ , Ritsuko thought, even more bitter. Having Negi Springfield of all people talking condescendingly at you felt like a real slap to her dignity. "Sensei, I don't think you are truly aware of how much things can go worse from even seemingly completely hopeless situations. Even the most innocent looking factors can alter a chain of events beyond repair."

"I'm just tired of shooting in the dark," Chisame dryly said. "I'm with Negi on this one. Why would sharing information that could be useful be any worse than sitting on things we might need to know, like some other people do?" At this point, both Skuld and Ritsuko flinched a little. "So go ahead, Sensei, just read the little weirdo's mind already." Satomi, Matoi, Sakurako, Haruka, Yuuna, Cocone, Haruna, Chamo, Itoshiki, Ai, Sora and Keiichi all nodded their respective agreements.

At that point, Negi felt vaguely tempted to tell Chisame he hadn't asked for her approval, or anyone else's for that matter, but he realized that would have been rude and uncalled for. So he just placed his hands on Kirie's head as Ritsuko tossed her hands up in annoyed defeat. Kirie smiled, closed her eyes, and leaned ahead slightly, as if pretending to pucker up for a kiss. Just because nobody could waste a chance to troll the legends of Ala Alba, of course! It wasn't out of any childish expectation of getting a kiss from the legendary Negi Springfield, honest! Right now, she could hear the low, hissing breathing of Yukihiro, Kasuga and Kakizaki growing impossibly taut at the sight, although it was strange, since none of them had ever been founding or core members in any of the timelines Kirie could remember. "B-be gentle," she stammered. "It's my first time…"

Asuna barely managed to restrain Ayaka's scream.

And then she felt Negi Springfield entering her mind.

It was oddly intimate, in a peculiar sort of way.

* * *

"Move on! Come on, move on, move on!" Rito urged in hushed tones as they moved through the scarce vegetation that bordered the valley. The area they had fallen into had once obviously been a lush tropical jungle, but for some reason it was now mostly dry, leaving only a few patches of tropical jungle scattered across the land. They had decided to stick to one of those during their escape, but to little avail; while the T-Rex finished its bloody fight with the Triceratops by descending upon the quadruped's body into a savage killing frenzy, another Rex who apparently had been scouting the area along the first one had spotted them rustling through the tall grass, and was now chasing after them, each long-legged step making the ground quake, every feral roar sending deafening shockwaves through the air.

"Save your breath, Sempai, like you need to tell us!" Fuuka cried, she and her twin keeping up with him remarkably well all things considered. Above them, Lala was treating it all like a game, naturally, laughing to herself with a more concerned Ryoko riding on her back.

"We gotta turn around, find a way to get back to the ship!" Rito yelled. Now the other Rex was too busy feasting on the Triceratops, perhaps it wouldn't even notice if they made it into the spacecraft they had been forced to abandon minutes ago. If Lala could make it take off, maybe there still was a chance they could return to Earth yet. "Lala! Don't you have any inventions to help us with this?!"

It was then Mikado-sensei realized how truly desperate Yuuki-kun had to be now, not that she could fault him. "Princess, I think Yuuki-kun's right. No way you can't take a simple animal of this size on your own, isn't that right?"

Lala blinked, tilting her head up just enough as to look into Ryoko's eyes. "Eeehhhh? Do you want me to hurt this poor creature? It's just playing with us!"

"LIKE THE CAT PLAYING WITH A MOUSE!" the Narutaki twins bawled, beginning to lose speed as they all approached a narrow mountain pass, past a dry river. They might be able to lose the apex predator there, but there was no guarantee they could reach it in time, and passing through the river's empty bank would slow them a lot more than it would delay the Tyrannosaurus.

Lala hummed, looking back past her shoulder, at the giant reptile that approached them. "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll only give it a pat on the nose. Rito, catch!" she said, picking up Ryoko in her arms and tossing her down, the shrieking older woman barely landing into Rito's expecting hands in time, making them both stumble and fall together, rolling across the dirt. The pink haired girls, unable to stop in time, got caught up with them, and for a few moments the four tumbled as one, Ryoko managing to break their painful slide by planting a hand on the ground and stopping the others' momentum with her long strong legs.

"Oh, for the love of… Princess!" Ryoko yelled in her direction, short hair sticking out in all directions, showing her pointy ears off.

"What?" Lala asked as she flew into the startled Rex's lower jaw, hitting it with a fist so strong the beast's head swung back, its legs losing balance. The Rex fell onto its side, but recovered quickly and lunged at Lala again, only to be easily dodged as the Deviluke princess pirouetted aside in the air. "Sorry, was I too rough, Sensei? Gomeeeeen, when surrounded by dinos, I tend to forget not everyone's as strong as them…!"

This was said as she casually slapped a side of the Tyrannosaurus' head with a hand that was comparatively tiny and yet sent powerful ripples through the scaly skin, the Rex making a long, pathetic yelp of profound pain. Like a colorful fly facing a grown man, Lala floated before the animal, tail twirled up, hands poised on her wide hips. "Had enough by now, T-chan? If you don't make it back to your hubby soon, he'll eat your share too!"

The T-Rex stepped before Lala, back and forth, with nervous hesitation for the next few moments, before looking past her, recoiling back in agitation, and then running back towards its partner with an odd flinch to its steps that hadn't been there before her fight with Lala started. "Well, they don't come too persistent in this planet!" Lala observed, floating down to ground level and landing easily on her feet.

"What, what, what in the green world are you?!" Fuuka cried at her.

"You're a devil!" Fumika whined. "No wonder Paru likes you so much!"

"Ah? No, actually, I'm a Devilukean," the alien said, just as tranquil as before, and then waved up past Ryoko, Rito and the twins' back. "Ah, yoo-hoo there, Traveler-san! Wandering alone? That's against the customs in most safari! If you lost your group, maybe we can help you find it again!"

"Traveler? What traveler are you—?!" Rito's head spun back, and he saw for the first time a tall old man in some sort of Gandalf the Grey cosplay standing at the top of the rocky pass they had been running towards moments ago. He stood very imposing and firm despite his advanced age, and there was a very tall pointy hat on his head. To further add new shocks, the elder gentleman jumped off several feet down, landing on his feet at the bottom of the pass, apparently none the worse to wear at all since he immediately began walking towards Rito and the others, with no gait or sign of damage.

"What, what is happening here, now…" Fuuka said as she hugged Fumika.

"Onee-chan, this is all your fault, I shouldn't have listened to you…! Nice private place, my butt…!" Fumika sobbed, shrinking under the man's implacable stare.

For the man had covered the distance between them very quickly, although apparently never rushing at all, which only added to the strangeness of it for Rito. He stood now close enough as to touch them by just stretching an arm, but there he stopped, looking at them with steely gray eyes, shadowed by thick silver eyebrows.

Lala grinned and waved a hand, breaking the unbearable silence that had ensued, littered only by the twins' confused sobs. "Hello! My name's Lala!"

"I am Yen Sid," the man said, his voice strong and rich, his expression still one of stone. Nitta-sensei, the old one, would have looked like a circus clown at his side. "What were you doing with my disciple's Gummi Ship?"

"Oh, that thing?" Lala pointed towards the ship crashed in the distance. "Please do tell your disciple to never leave their ships abandoned without a proper security system on. If you don't have enough money to acquire one, I'll be glad to provide one, as long as in return we are shown the way back home…"

"Lala, be respectful, you aren't amusing him," Rito spoke between clenched teeth, then began to quickly bow for the man. "How do you do, Mister! I'm sorry, my friend Lala was raised with no clear understanding of our culture! We, we didn't mean to break into your pupil's ship, it was an all accident, we just found it at our Academy's grounds, and—!"

"Amusing?" Lala lifted an eyebrow. "I wasn't attempting to amuse anyone…"

"So," the man gravelly said, "you haven't even met Mickey?"

"Mickey? Who's Mickey? Oh, you mean your disciple? No, sir, the ship was deserted when we found it! Ah, but where are my manners! I'm Yuuki Rito, and this is our teacher Mikado Ryoko-sensei, and the twins are, well, I don't remember their names, but maybe they should introduce themselves after we hit a safer place…"

Fuuka gulped and advanced, looking up—way up—at the grim man's face. "I'm Narutaki Fuuka! And this, my sister, Narutaki Fumika! We are Shinobi in training from the Nagase school!"

"Ninja," the man simply said.

Fuuka blinked. "Ah, why, yes, ninja! That's nice, um, for a gaijin to know! Our school is very famous internationally, actually, although you know how these ninja things are, always secretive and… stuff…"

The man simply looked at Ryoko. Mikado noticed he, unlike most men, looked directly into her eyes, and not into the other pair of round features on the front of her person. Maybe he was gay, and that was why he rocked the Ian Mc Kellen look so well. "And you are?"

"As Yuuki-kun said, Mikado Ryoko, teacher in sciences at Mahora Academy. A pleasure to meet you, Yen-san."

The man nodded slowly, and then began to walk towards the Gummi ship. As he marched, he gestured with a hand, and the two dinosaurs feasting on the Triceratops' body quickly stepped back and ran away into the desert. The old man covered the rest of the way to the ship, then gestured for the youngsters and the woman to join him. After sharing a few glances, they collectively shrugged and went on to join him by the spaceship.

Yen Sid looked inside carefully, occasionally moving a hand and causing a fissure, a broken piece, to repair itself, much to the others' awe. "This foolish disciple of mine," he mused aloud. "He has gone alone in a quest of this caliber. When will he learn?"

"S-Sir?" Fumika gulped. "Are you… a mage?"

The man nodded, as austere as ever before. "And you hail, I can tell, from the dimension of the Nameless Prince."

"Nameless Prince?" Lala echoed. "Um, well, we used to have this cousin my father un-personed decades ago, but after that Dad threw him into a sun, so if he was your friend, sorry…"

"You might know the man I am talking about as the Lifemaker, or Mage of the Beginning," Yen Sid said. "One of the three disciples who sealed Darkness away."

"Darkness?" Rito echoed this time.

Yen Sid nodded. "A very Troublesome Darkness."

Somewhere in the distance, a faint rimshot sounded. Only Lala could hear it, and for a pair of moments she looked all around for the source, then to quickly forget about it after failing to find it.

"I'm afraid, Sir," Rito said, "we have no idea what are you talking about."

"Your hair," Yen Sid observed, "stands in point. Your eyes are innocent. And you are young. How young, exactly?"

"Was this some sort of come-on? Because it sounded like a come-on," Fumika asked.

"The come-ons of old men are always gross," Fuuka murmured.

"Girls!" Rito hissed. "Hnm, excuse them too, Mister, I… I don't know what their problem is, really, even my girlfriend doesn't, and she's their classmate… anyway, I'm sixteen, why do you ask?"

"Sixteen," the old man sounded like measuring the word in his mouth. "Older than I had expected, but still fitting the basic description, I suppose. We will go to my tower now. There we shall see if you are the one."

"Ew, yeah, that's a come-on, no doubt!" Fuuka cringed. "Just say no, Sempai! I know this kind of creepy icky Ojii-san…"

Yen Sid, doing his best to ignore her, gestured with a hand towards the Gummi ship and it rose into the air, suddenly completely fixed again.

"… well, maybe not THIS exact kind, but close!" Fuuka said while Fumika had to support herself on her.

Lala pouted. "Aw, where's the fun if you repair it like that? The challenge lies in doing it with your own continued effort!"

* * *

When Negi finally took his hands off Kirie's scalp, she smiled at him. "So, did you like what you saw?" she asked him.

Misa's right eyebrow twitched twice. "There's no way any woman can ask that from a man with it being innocent."

"She's not a woman yet," Sakurako told her.

"Many would say the same about Evangeline," Misa countered.

Negi exhaled a long breath out. "Actually, I'm... satisfied for the most part. I wish the Negi from your timeline wouldn't have disappointed so many, but he did his best and found his father, and in the end, I don't think anymore could be asked from him. Mostly, now I'm sure you are being sincere."

"What was it? What did you see?" Asuna urged him.

"Yeah, tell us, Negi-kun!" Makie nodded quickly. "I'm very curious!"

"There's no point in worrying too much about it, girls," Negi said. "I couldn't see that much, since no one can think of everything they know in the span of a few moments, and besides, the timeline Sakurame-san comes from is very different from ours. At this point in history, their Negi Springfield would be in his early twenties, for instance."

"C'mon, then there's no harm in telling us who their Negi ended up with..." Misora began.

"No one, actually," Kirie easily said. A deadly and sinister silence fell all over the table. Keiichi and Itoshiki traded nervous glares in the brief span the girls spent reduced to salt statues, and then bolted out of the room together, presumably to find refuge along with Pete and the Mad Hatter. After a moment, Tuxedo Kamen joined them in their escape for safety.

Eventually, Chamo was so unnerved by the silence he broke into a shaky laugh, despite feeling it would place him in terrible danger. "Eh heh heh heh, ah, wacky parallel universes...! I'll bet there Chamo had a beard and plotted evilly only for his own profit, too...!"

Ritsuko let out a short, elegant laugh as well. "Oh yes, you wouldn't believe the kind of alternate futures I have witnessed through watching over the streams of time! Which is why reading my mind would be pointless for you, incidentally. You wouldn't even know which sequence of events to trust. As a matter of fact, by this point, several times the whole lot of you would be dead already. The crisis at Kyoto was an even closer call than any of you realizes..."

"That's... the most depressing bit of uplifting information I've ever been given," Chisame admitted.

"Um, well," Skuld coughed into a fist, "it helps if you think of the future as a blank book you can write on, so.. never mind, that comparison is lame and I've always hated it. Mainly because who writes on books anymore? That's why we have tablets for now. But you get the idea! I think."

"So..." Ayaka very slowly said, "Sakurame-san's information would be basically useless for the purposes of what we have to do with our own lives? Then why so much hassle on us being told about it, Pluto-san?!"

"Woof?" Pluto barked.

"Not you! Her!" Ayaka told him.

"Anyway, some factors and variants would have to remain the same, which reminds me, I didn't get to see exactly where I found my father, Sakurame-san..." Negi began reaching over for Kirie's scalp again.

She frowned and batted his hand away, then wagged a finger at him. "No, no, no! It's fine if you enter a girl when she lets you to, but never against her will!"

"Oh, for the love of God, there's no way that phrasing can be innocent at all!" Misa argued.

"Hmmm... fine, sorry. But—!" Negi pulled his hand back.

"If things are the same in your world," Kirie told him, "you can't try and retrieve your father yet without getting yourself and others killed in the process. And if they aren't, what good would it make you knowing? So either way, why the hurry to learn about it?"

Negi exhaled. "Fine. Let's leave it that way for the time being. But I believe your legends greatly exaggerate my impulsiveness. You seem to think I'd handle my father's search recklessly, with little care for myself and others..."

"So that means you won't rush over to hit the Greek Pantheon homeworld, Negi-kun?" Konoka smiled. "That's good to know! Such a proof of maturity! We're all proud of you, aren't we, girls?"

"Very funny, Konoka-san..." Negi passively said, before risking a brief glance at Kirie, who in turn winked an eye quickly at him while the others debated what issue to address next.

For, before breaking the mental link, she had told him something else.

She'd help him go there, to the residence of the gods, if he truly wished for it.

And Negi had agreed.

* * *

"How can you pilot this ship anyway?" Lala curiously asked while sitting behind Yen Sid, who was at the pilot's seat steadily flying the Gummi across the vast plains of that alien world. "I had come to realize it works on an interface requiring thoughts of a positive nature..."

"I'm having lots of happy thoughts right now," the stern looking man said. "Why wouldn't I be having lots of happy thoughts? I might have found a Chosen One, after all. This is my happy face."

While Fumika kept on staring in awe through the window at the wild extensions of that wholly new world, Fuuka leaned up and over the driver's seat to examine Yen Sid's dry, stoic expression carefully. "Okay, if you say so," she said skeptically, sitting back and muttering, "Most old men who try taking us away at least have the decency to offer us candy first..."

"Those creatures attacking your world," Yen Sid spoke, "are Heartless, beings born from darkness who devour whole worlds and steal their inhabitants' hearts to create more Heartless. I hadn't heard of them for twelve years, but I was convinced they still were elsewhere, plunging more worlds into the abyss. For this to happen now, it must mean they are returning to our axis of existence..."

"What?!" Rito cried. "You mean our whole world might be in danger?! I have a family back there! A little sister, even! If you're a mage, then let me see if they're okay!"

"I'm sorry to say my magic doesn't allow for that, not from such a distance," Yen Sid somberly replied. The Gummi ship faltered a little, so his mind drifted to happier thoughts, "I only can tell my apprentice still stands, since I can sense the light of his Keyblade from... somewhere else. Mc Duck's homeworld, most likely."

"Is that like a Mc Ronald's?" Fuuka asked.

"Neechan!" said Fumika, who had returned to her side after hearing about the whole world being in danger. "How can you joke about that? Kaede-nee might be hurt now or... worse!"

"Kaede-nee's as strong as they come!" Fuuka answered. "I'm not concerned about her! She can beat anyone!"

"That's actually a positive mindset to keep," Yen Sid nodded. "As a matter of fact, your sister is greatly helping to keep this ship in the air. She, and the devil-tailed young lady."

Lala shrugged. "Even if those monsters could leave Earth and reach my planet, I'm sure my family would have no problems beating them back!"

"Are they as powerful as you are?" the old man asked. "You showed impressive strength and stamina fighting that dragon."

"Dinosaur," Ryoko corrected him.

"I call them dragons," Yen Sid said.

"Oh, actually, my father is much, much, much stronger than me!" Lala excitedly said. "He's Emperor Gid, sovereign of the Deviluke, conqueror of the Galaxy! He even gets Darkseid to step back!"

"Darkseid. I know of Darkseid of Apokolips," the elder man scowled. "So he still lives? I imagined he would, although I doubt he is behind the Heartless. I sense another old evil hand after this..."

"Come to think about it," Ryoko huffed, "I wouldn't be that surprised if Emperor Gid himself had sent those monsters to Earth. It'd be just like him, to find a way around the prohibition of conquest on Unadministered Worlds..."

Lala frowned at her. "Why do you always think so badly of my father, Sensei? Didn't give you a full pardon after—"

"How do they call this world anyway?" Rito asked before another discussion between them over the evils and merits of the Deviluke Empire could break out.

"They call it the Symphony of Sorcery world," Yen Sid answered.

"What kind of name is that?" Fuuka asked.

"Sis! Don't be a namist!" Fumika chided.

 _Somewhere, Chisame and Rin sneezed._

"They say," the mage continued, "music itself was born in this world, created by the nymphs and fairies who live in the South fields and woods. It might be even true. My tower lies past those mountains." He pointed towards a sharp, tall mountain range in the distance, hiding the lands beyond from sight. "There, we shall see what can I do for you, and possibly, what could you do for the future of the worlds."

"Will there be candy?" Fuuka asked.

"I believe I have some left in my provisions, yes."

Fuuka waved a fist up. "Yay, candy...!"

Fumika let out a long suffering sigh.

"Remember," Yen Sid told her, "she is keeping us flying. My happy face is not actually happy enough."

"Gee, don't you say..." Fuuka said.

* * *

It was already very late when the questioning session finally ended, despite the fact there were still several minor questions— and not so minor ones— hanging in the air, but by then everybody was exhausted both physically and mentally, and a general consensus had been reached on leaving several things, including grilling the Mad Hatter, for the next day.

Chisame, for once, had no problems falling asleep after she'd kicked out Matoi, but little more than hour and a half after, she felt Negi shifting into her bed. He hadn't done that since they had crashed at Traverse Town and he'd start sleeping with the other guys, so it came as a mildly annoying surprise for her. "Sensei?" she groaned, half-asleep. "What's your problem now?"

She could see enough of his face in the darkness, so close to hers, to realize he was struck by a deep sorrow. "Chisame," he softly told her, "I'm sorry."

She smacked her lips together. "Yeah, well, I'm sure you are, but what's the point of dwelling on it, just try not to—"

"I'm sorry, I haven't explained myself well. I'm not sorry about what I did, well, yes, I'm sorry about that too, but mostly... about what I'm going to do."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

He placed the tip of a star-pointed wand, the one from his childhood he used to carry around in the event he ever was separated from his staff, on her face, and whispered, _"Sleep, please."_

A moment later, he hopped back to the floor and took a regretful look to the next bed, where Satomi also slept like a rock, even deeper than her custom. Then he checked under Chisame's bed, where Matoi was. He'd been a bit concerned that she'd run out of air and pulled her head out a little. The ermine at his feet looked up at him. "Are you sure you want to do it? If you don't, we always can—"

Negi shook his head. "Regrettably, I have to do it. I just hope Sakurame-san can bypass Haruna-san, and... that the girls will be able to forgive me after this."

"They will," Chamo reassured him. "They don't always look like it, but they're very understanding. Towards you, at least!"

Negi smiled sadly at him. "Thank you, Chamo. Now, let's move," he urged, leading him out the bedroom.

In no time, they reached the front door, where they were stopped on their tracks when they found Sailor Pluto, frowning and smoking a cigarette, waiting for him while standing behind a contrite looking Skuld and Kirie. "Pluto-san!" Negi gasped.

"Wooff?" asked the dog standing by the girls.

"Oh, sorry, not you, her!" Negi pointed at the woman.

Pluto rolled his eyes, managing to look annoyed.

Sailor Pluto snuffed her cigarette out and crushed it under a heel. "You're a very audacious boy, Sensei. After all the warnings you were given, sneaking out like this, after putting most of your followers to sleep, just to chase after a wild hunch! Bet you didn't think I'd be too clever for that, though."

Negi swallowed. "I had to. The longer we spend holed up here, the worse the overall situation could get, and we've gotta find a way to return to Mahora soon, which will never happen if we don't act fast...!"

Ritsuko held a hand up. "Interplanetary travel, as long as it doesn't alter the past, is out of my jurisdiction. I don't have to, or are even supposed to, stop you, or mankind in general, from following your own paths."

"Pluto-san," Negi said, his eyes widening.

"Bark?" Pluto said, already rolling his eyes.

"Not you, her," Skuld told him.

Ritsuko waved a hand at them. "All the same, I shouldn't interfere in personal missions or private quests either, so I can't do much other than wishing you luck and helping to hold the fort in your absence. And hopefully help to convince the girls to spare your life after your return."

"That would be nice, thank you," Negi nodded.

"So you'd better leave already, then," Ritsuko began heading back inside. "And remember, Chamo-san, for once try and NOT peek into bathing women while you are there. I don't know what could they turn you into what would be worse than your current state, but I'm sure they'd find a way..."

"Gee, thanks for the concern!" Chamo huffed as Negi took him along Kirie and Skuld, the three trotting towards the woods with Pluto in tow. "Wait, the mutt's coming along too?"

"Gadget-san said it might pay off, that he knows the King's scent," Kirie shrugged, a filled bag slung over a shoulder. "Sheesh, that woman sure gave me a scare back there. She just showed up behind us, out of nowhere..."

"I, I, I wasn't scared or even startled at all," Skuld fought to stop her teeth from chattering further. "A-Anyway, I'd so totally go with you if I still remained _persona grata_ amongst the Greek, but as it is, I'd suggest you not even mentioning my name while you're there. And never go around boasting about anything. If there was something the Greek Pantheon hated above all in mortals, that was hubris."

"Hubris, right," Negi nodded. He and Kirie, who apparently had studied enough magic to carry a wand of her own around and cast at least basic spells, had enchanted their feet to run quicker into the wilderness, and the enhanced shoes Skuld had built for herself over the earlier evening helped her to keep up with them, although in turn she had to keep Pluto under an arm so he wouldn't get left behind. "What will we do about Chachamaru-san?"

Skuld grinned, pulling out a small square device. "Hidey-Hidey Signal Scrambler-kun will keep us and Yuuna cloaked from her radar until we're in close visual range!"

"I see, but once we're there, what— wait, Yuuna-san? Is she in this as well?" the boy gasped. "I'm not sure that's such— Oh!" he exclaimed, as they reached the clearing where they had left the Gummi ship, and he came to a halt. "Chachamaru-san!"

"Relax, she's just down for a short while," Yuuna smirked, standing nearby, supporting her back on the Gummi ship's hull, holding one of her guns cockily and keeping a foot on the fallen, swirly-eyed frame of Haruka, who still had her mace in a hand. "You see, it used to be part of my training at Eva's would consist of tagging her with magic cancel bullets. It was supposed to briefly deactivate her, but until tonight, I never could land a hit on her..."

"You managed it only because I helped you!" Skuld reminded her.

Negi, who had been crouched next to Chachamaru's still body on the grass, stared evenly at Yuuna. "And what happened to Suzushiro-san?"

"She was napping, but I took no chances and bopped her across the head while she slept," Yuuna shrugged. "I can't say it felt that bad..."

"That was very..." Negi tensely doubted before setting for a non-offensive term, "... pragmatic, Yuuna-san."

Professor Akashi's daughter grinned. "Thank you, you flatterer!"

"Why do you want to come?" Negi asked her.

"Well, Asuna won't do it, so magic cancel bullets are the next best thing after a magic cancel sword, right?" Yuuna asked.

"Why, of course, but I was thinking of why—"

"Asuna and Misora have no fathers, so they can't really know about it. The Vice Prez downright hates hers, and Iinchou barely knows hers. I'm sure Paru and Konoka sympathize, but... I know, better than anyone else here, what a father means to a child, Negi-kun," Yuuna told him, growing far more serious. "I know you'll do the same thing for me when it's time to find my Dad, so I won't stall you at all as long as there's a chance for you to find yours."

"Yuuna-san," he said, growing impressed as they stood face to face until the full moonlight. "That, that is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. For you to understand this— this— but still, it's wrong from me to pull you into—"

"Are we leaving right now or not?" Gadget's voice asked from within the ship. "The longer we spend here, the greater the chances we'll be found out before liftoff!"

Yuuna sighed. "You heard the lady, Teach. Let's get a move on this already."

Negi sighed as well. "Okay. Skuld-san, please take good care of Chachamaru and Suzushiro-san and get them home, will you?"

"Sure thing," Skuld nodded, letting Pluto go so he could hop into the ship. "Chachamaru may be an inferior piece of tech compared to my Banpei-kun, but she's still too much of a fascinating breakthrough in robotics in her own right to let her go to waste!"

"That's not exactly the way I meant it either, but thanks all the same," Negi said. After a moment of doubt, he squeezed one of her shoulders. "I trust my students to you and Itoshiki-sensei. I know I couldn't ask for better people for it."

Skuld seemed to briefly blush before coughing, leaning up on her toes, and placing a short peck on Negi's forehead, which took him by surprise. "I'm only another student of yours, as long as I am in Midgard. Or any of its equivalents. The class will need its proper teacher soon, so... don't take long, you hear me?"

"Um, oh, okay, whatever you say," he stuttered, while Kirie and Yuuna rolled their eyes at each other and walked into the ship.

Skuld stood there, in silence, watching the ship take off, until it was just another point of light in the dark sky. Then she heard Chachamaru asking her, "A piece of inferior tech?"

"Oh, so you were aware!" Skuld casually said. "One wonders why you wouldn't try to stop them in that case."

"I can't move," Chachamaru said. "Will this take too long? For I believe my body mass is too heavy for you to move, Skuld-san. Regrettably, I'm too much of an inferior model, not light enough as to be carried around as easily as Banpei-san."

"You would have stopped Negi just as easily by just asking him not to go, you know."

Chachamaru said nothing.

"What?" Skuld asked. "Now you can't speak either?"

"Do you believe he might take me along in his next exploit?"

* * *

 _St. Can— No, actually, the outskirts of Duckburg:_

Mickey looked back again at the crashed plane still smoking as it protruded, tail first, from the fresh crater in the ground. Then he looked, also once again, at Nodokat, Yue and Rin, who kept on walking before him and towards the small white house no too far from the crash site, following Gosalyn, Launchpad, Dogpool and Kotaro.

"I'm actually very surprised," the mouse confessed as he easily caught up to them, "you didn't react more... strongly to that violent landing."

"Oh, that?" Yue said. "We've been in Yukari-sensei's car before. No vehicular crashes faze us anymore."

"That car... is the hideous chariot of death and doom..." Nodokat briefly twitched, bangs fully obscuring her face.

Launchpad nodded. "Yep, once you've been in a couple crashes, you've been in pretty much all of them. Sorry anyway, guys; I had grown better at it, but months without any more practice, and you know..."

"Hey, my skull healed back just fine, so no hard feelings," Dogpool tapped on his own head with a finger. "Moving on, this doesn't look like an egghead's house to me. It should have more of a gothic, foreboding ambientation, and more chimneys spouting vile vapors upon the atmosphere."

"I know, right? But Gyro's sorta weird like that," Launchpad stepped up to the front door and rang on the bell. "Gyro? It's me, Launchpad! Listen, I know it's been a while, but I have some pals here who want you to hook 'em up with Mr. Mc D..."

There was a short pause, and then a male voice said from the inside, with a vaguely odd cadence, like that of a recording, "Oh, it's you, Launchpad! Come in, come in!"

The door opened itself, and Kotaro recoiled, his nose moving nervously. The tall duck stepped in immediately, feeling around for a light switch near the door. "Why, thank you, Gyro! Um, sorry to disturb you so late, but...!"

"Oh my God," Rin said as she peeked inside, and saw the living room in a complete state of disarray, papers and pieces of machinery scattered everywhere, oil stains all over the carpet. "This place's been ransacked!"

"What? Oh, no, Gyro's workshop's always been like this!" Launchpad laughed. "Hey, Gyro! Where are you, buddy?"

"Workshop? I thought you had said this was his house," Mickey said.

"With Gyro, both things are one and the same," Mc Quack explained. "Just like my hangar is my home too..."

Kotaro kept on sniffing. "This is a trap. We should leave right now!"

"Why would Gyro set a trap for us? He's always been one of the best fellows I've ever met, and... aw, shucks," Launchpad cringed, stopping in his advance through the room after feeling something under his foot. He lifted it, and the others could see it was a tiny, inert, figure with two spindly arms and legs, with a broken light bulb for a head. "On second thought, maybe you're kinda right..."

"What's that?" Gosalyn asked. "Some sort of good luck charm?"

"No, this was Gyro's robotic helper. They were inseparable, so this only can mean—"

Then the lights were turned off, and Nodokat gasped, gripping Yue's arm. Rin reached for her gems, and Mickey readied the Keyblade. Dogpool grinned viciously under the masks and swiftly pulled his guns out.

"You are all under arrest," a strong, cold, metallic voice said, "under the charges of attempted conspiracy against Quackwerks Corporation. Also, for the secondary charges of impersonation, possession of illicit weaponry, and reckless piloting through the aerial ranges of Saint Canard and Duckburg property of Quackwerks Corporation. Please surrender peacefully, everything you say may be used against you in a private court of law..."

Breaking through the windows and doors, shiny, black, menacing Crimebots just like those seen in Saint Canard began filling the living room, surrounding the group from all directions, blocking every possible exit.

"Ah!" Dogpool sighed orgasmically. "FINALLY! At last, I get a bloody chance to unleash violent retribution against the forces of established law and order! Granted, it's a bit lame they're only robots, but—"

* * *

 **To be Continued.**

* * *

"What?! Don't say so! Just when things are getting interesting at last, you're cutting MY chapter short?! This subplot advances too slowly compared to the A Plot! By the time we're done in this stupid Duckworld, Negi will have kissed—"

* * *

 **To be Continued.**

* * *

"Oh, fuck you, Author Dude!" Dogpool screamed.

* * *

 **Omake! The True Hero Revealed!**

Elsewhere, amongst the relentless darkness, a firm hand reached forward, and took a strong grip of the black and yellow-striped handle.

The hand pulled the Tiger Keyblade out, and a majestic roar coming from the ancient weapon filled the air, sending the approaching Heartless tumbling back. The Keyblade holder grinned, and her grin glinted in perfect white.

The short haired woman spun around, facing the confused, swarming Heartless who now tumbled into each other, looking for better attack angles. She chuckled, and her green eyes sparkled as well, with fierce determination. The determination of a real hero!

"OSUUUUUUUUU!" Fujimura Taiga roared, valiantly facing her destiny. "Look out, worlds! For here I come...!"

* * *

 **... to be Continued?**

* * *

 **Most Likely Not!**

* * *

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP AFTER TAKING ME HERE!" Taiga yelled.

"See? I told you he was a bastard!" Dogpool said.


	16. Myth Conceptions

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes and scenes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen**.

* * *

Long, long ago, in the faraway lands of the Ancient Greece, or a reasonable facsimile thereof recreated from the memories of the universe itself after Chao Lingshen had been screwing around so long the universe wasn't quite sure it was remembering things the right way anymore, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all those heroes was the mighty Heracles, no matter what that ridiculously rich Sumerian guy said.

So went the myth Illyasviel von Einzbern had been taught by her grandfather, who had placed all of his hopes on her summoning the glorious Heracles, son of Zeus and a mortal woman, divine enough as to possess the strength of a god, yet human enough to be dominated and summoned by a magus vying for control over the Holy Grail.

That had been then.

What was the measure of a great hero? That was something Illyasviel never bothered to think too much about, at least not until she learned the truth about her parentage. Before then, she had thought of heroes as mere tools of destiny, instruments who simply had functions to meet in the mortal world before being shuffled away into the annals of history. That had changed to some degree when Illya learned her father was not the assassin her grandfather had always spoken ill of, but the vagrant hero hailed by most of the magical community. Still, when all thinking was done, Illya decided it made little difference. Whoever her father was, he still hadn't returned for her, so if anything her opinion of heroes sunk even further.

It was one thing to be neglected past a certain point by some sneaky Japanese dog with no honor; it was another to be completely abandoned by someone who was supposed to be a paragon of virtue and justice (though the fact Illya thought in these terms was probably indicative of something). That only soured Illya's viewpoint of heroism even more. Were all heroes just hypocrites who only cared about themselves and their public image? Illya had quickly almost regretted summoning Heracles as a Berserker who could only grunt and roar at her questions on the subject.

It made little difference anyway, as shortly arriving in Mahora, and even before being able to target the other Servants or the son of Emiya Kiritsugu, who she still considered her father in a way, the whole place had been overwhelmed by other-dimensional demons and Berserker and she had been swarmed in combat by the damn things when all she asked for was a chance to murder a few people before getting her hands on ultimate power.

What an unfair waste of her time!

Now Illya sighed as she finished polishing one of the already ancient jars she had been tasked with looking after. She supposed it was a good thing of sorts her link with Berserker had... somehow allowed her to survive those nightmare-ish events. That it apparently did so by bringing her to the era Berserker had lived in had been far less pleasing.

Stranded in a fully alien world with no running water, toilets or even soap (or so it seemed sometimes), with no access to the resources of her family's fortune or a working way to summon her Servant back to her, Illya had been forced to do something far worse than killing for power, or submitting herself to the harshest training, or even befriending other people...

... she had to work for a living in a time with no social services!

"Someone's going to pay for this! A lot!" she shouted to the empty room of the temple where all the decorative jars were kept, her small sandaled feet kicking madly against the floor she had spent hours washing like a worthless domestic servant. "I'll have them killed! I'll sue! I'm going to invent new ways to dispose of them! I'm going to cut their heads off and keep them alive in jars! I'm going to stick their souls inside teddy bears! I'm going to—!"

"NEWBIE!" shouted the high priest's voice from the next room, where he sat solving crossword puzzles, something Illya was fairly sure the ancient Greeks weren't supposed to have. "Stop whining like a baby and get back to work already! We have visitors tomorrow, you know!"

"— yes, sir, of course, sir," Illya hissed poisonously to herself as she began wiping the next jar clean... "Whatever you say, _sir_..."

* * *

The next time Nanoha woke up, she was being held in the arms of the blond lady, her head between the lady's breasts, and hearing the soft, regular thumps of the woman's heart.

"I'm sorry," the little girl said, pulling back and rubbing her eyes, which had been leaking even through her troubled sleep. "I didn't want to bother you like this, I just—"

 _Ah, the Japanese ways,_ Arika thought before smiling and giving a single nod. "It's okay. Of course you had every right to cry. No one is going to hold it against you."

Nanoha nodded as she stood up, and took a step back from the blond beauty (come future therapy, this would be one of those moments where her therapist would point out the development of her blonde fetish). Then she looked at her surroundings, which still were the same, as if she had woken up from a nightmare only to step back into another. Tatsumiya-san stood at the top of a nearby small, blackened hill, examining the horizon with a pair of binoculars. When she came back down after a few moments, she reported, "Still no signs of life anywhere. On the plus side, that at least includes a lack of attackers. What do you think we should do now?"

"I think we should head into Library Island," Arika grimly replied. "There used to be... someone residing in its depths, out of public knowledge, and if someone else other than us has survived, it would be him." That last part was said in a much lower tone so Nanoha, who had gone to answer nature's call between some nearby, twisted and half-burnt bushes, wouldn't listen to such depressing pondering just yet. "He might know what to do."

Mana nodded. "Can she keep up with us?" she wondered aloud.

"I can!" Nanoha's voice replied, a moment before the girl herself walked out into sight, wiping her hands off on a tissue she conveniently had. "But, maybe we should head into the city instead? Survivors would be more likely to gather there..."

"A sound point," Mana conceded, then asked Arika, "That person you speak of, couldn't he just have moved into the city instead of staying holed up underground?"

"I highly doubt he could get out even if he wished it," Arika said, "But all the same, if he still lives, he certainly can wait for us. Human survivors, on the other hand, might need our help far more quickly. Very well then. We will do a quick checkup of the city and, if we don't find any reason to stay there, we'll head back and into the Island."

"Thank you," Nanoha bowed her head to them.

Mana frowned, pulled her cellphone out of her longcoat, and tried with it again. "Communication's still dead. Do any of you have another way to contact others?"

"I used to, but not anymore," Arika answered. She had tried reaching for Rei through their Master-Servant link, and even attempted to enter her invisible Spirit mode to move more easily amongst the devastation, but neither had worked at all. She could only wonder if someone had activated the Holy Grail before its due time and caused some sort of cataclysm through it. She didn't like their overall survival chances in that case. "So let us start walking," she added, starting a fast paced march towards the metropolitan area.

Nanoha and Mana began following her. "Perhaps," Mana said, "you should fly up. You can reach greater heights than the one I was using as an observation point. That could be rather useful."

Nanoha had been half hoping she wouldn't ask for that. That was, she truly wished to do it itself, but she barely felt in any condition to fly again just yet. Walking, she felt like she was up for it just fine, but magically speaking, she was feeling just too drained, which sent regular waves of a strange sort of pain through her. It was not the regular pain you would feel from being physically hurt, but it was just as crippling.

And yet, she only smiled and nodded. "Ah, of course! I don't know how I hadn't thought of that myself! Hee hee!"

She had to stop being that easy on herself, Nanoha chided herself as she flew up, ignoring the vaguely annoyed glare the blond lady was giving Mana. It was simply wrong to concentrate on her own exhaustion when there was so much to do, and so many still could rely on her. She had to stop spacing out so much and start focusing already. Come to think about it, she had been so distracted she hadn't even asked the nice blond lady her name yet. How rude of her.

"Onee-sama!" she shouted from above, after reaching a vintage point that was high enough for Tatsumiya-san's purposes, but still low enough they could hear her if she yelled really loudly. Which probably was not a good idea in the event there were still monsters laying in ambush around, but as we just said, Nanoha was not fully functional in body, mind or spirit just yet, and she felt bad enough towards the monsters she'd have welcomed the chance to blow more of them anyway. "I forgot to ask, what is your name?!"

Arika opened her mouth, starting to form the words 'Servant Shield' (or was it Shielder now?), and then said instead, "My name's Arika! Arika Springfield!"

Nanoha blinked from her careful observation of the surroundings and looked down. "Springfield?! Are you related to Negi Springfield-sensei?!"

"That doesn't matter now, Takamachi-san!" an exasperated Tatsumiya-san told her. "What can you see from there?!"

"I... wait a moment, I think I see... Oh no. Oh no no no!"

And then she flew away like a flash, ignoring her body's protests. After looking at each other, Mana and Arika ran after her trail in the air, and while Arika was soon lost as to which way to follow exactly, Mana kept on running without hesitation and leading the way, showing her where to go. Arika was about to ask her how could she be so sure about the direction when she realized the strange, demonic glow in one of the girl's eyes. Ah. Of course.

They found Nanoha soon enough, kneeling on the dirt near a children's playground, and staring with huge, vacant eyes at a gigantic block of ice, within which they could see the paralyzed figure of Headmaster Konoe Konoemon. "Mierda," Mana cursed under her breath.

Arika only could nod in silence.

* * *

"That was so... absolutely beautiful!" Yuuna gushed as the ship finally approached the orbit of the planet past Wonderland, her eyes as full of stars as the open space she had been watching over the last few hours. "I'm so glad I came along! It was even better than Asuna and Skuld said!"

"It was, wasn't it?" Negi smiled. "I told you so!"

"Well," Kirie shrugged, "it's certainly a bit better than the view of outer space we get at the space elevator, but not that much..."

"Space elevator?" Yuuna asked. "Is that a real thing?"

Kirie made a sign of zipping her own lips up. "Just wait a few decades and try not to die before then. Is that the planet?" she pointed at the small blue and green sphere ahead of them. "It looks too small, what about the gravity?"

"Wonderland was even smaller, and yet its gravitational pull was comparable to our homeworld's, and I presume yours as well," Gadget replied, setting the course directly towards the planetoid. "I'll try looking for a landing site close enough to its largest urban center to reach it easily from there, but distant enough from it so we aren't sighted and mistaken for invaders."

"That'd be really nice, thank you, Miss Gadget," Negi nodded, paying attention to her panel of controls and the radar scans hovering above them in the form of a holographic three dimensional image. Several small dots of intense light were scattered all over its spherical surface. "I assume those are the spots with the highest population concentration?"

"Bingo!" Gadget nodded with a bright smile. It still impressed Yuuna and even Negi how capably she flew the ship on her own, despite her size and lacking Skuld's support now. She pointed towards a section that looked suspiciously similar to Greece (the columns and such had something to do with it), poking a finger at it to get a series of successive zoom-ins. "And this country seems to be the world's leading power, both in terms of demography and urban development. I'll see if I can land near what I'm suspecting is their capital..."

"Just a question, 'tho," Yuuna said. "You said we're going to skip past the public eye, but what about the gods who are supposed to inhabit this world? They should be able to see everything, right? And Skuld said they hate human hubris above all things. What do you think they'll do if they see a chariot of made of candy coming from outer space piloted by human beings and a mouse? Won't they think we're overstepping our limits a wee bit and pull an Icarus on us?"

A deadly silence fell all through the cockpit, except for Gadget, who kept on whistling happily as she kept on piloting, now entering the first few atmospheric layers. "I'm sure everything will be fine. After all, if they wanted to shoot us down, they'd have done so by now, don't you think?"

A few thuds sounded against the ship's hull, and Negi, Yuuna, Kirie and Pluto all hugged each other, screaming in terror.

Gadget rolled her eyes. "That's just normal turbulence, guys! We're on a perfectly steady course!"

There were another few thuds. Negi, Yuuna, Kirie and Pluto all hugged each other and screamed again.

"And those were nothing but a few geese!" Gadget said. "We won't crash, all right? What do you think we're flying, a tube of toothpaste under a weiner balloon?"

* * *

"Why were you so scared anyway?" Yuuna asked Kirie as they walked out of the forest where they had hidden the Gummi ship, heading into a long, sinuous path across the lonely fields. It was early into the evening, and the temperature was fresh and pleasant. "I thought you were some sort of immortal?"

"I've never been killed by a god, for all I know it could kill me for real!" Kirie tossed her hands up. "Hmph, and in these clothes, we'll stick out like sore thumbs, too. Assuming the fashions here are as Helenic as the architecture we saw from above..."

"Well, we didn't have enough time to prepare local clothes before leaving Traverse Town, did we?" Negi sighed. "Maybe we can learn what we came here for before that becomes an issue."

"Yeah," Yuuna said. "By the way, Skuld-chan had the chance to place the universal translators into you too, didn't she?" she asked, tapping her ear.

"Yeah, but I hope I won't be needing it," Negi said. "Ancient Greek, along with Latin, was one of the languages we had to learn at Merdiana. Many old treatises on magic were written by the Greeks."

"I've taught myself pretty much all languages known to man," Kirie smirked petulantly. "It's not hard at all when you have as much time and brains as I do..."

"Geh, I had to come along at the same time as the Brainy Squad. I'll obviously have a bad time," Yuuna cringed before they reached a crossroads, and she blinked, shocked, at one of the wooden signs nailed to a large tree, not recognizing what was on it, other than an arrow pointing Eastward. "Hey! If this translator gizmo works, then how come I can't read this?!"

"Perhaps because the device was implanted into your hearing canal?" Gadget, who was traveling in Negi's breast pocket, poked a finger against one of her own ears. "Why would it influence anything but verbal communication?"

"But— But— But I thought it worked on the brain, so why couldn't it— Ohhhh, never mind!" Yuuna stomped a foot down. "Stupid science stuff!"

Gadget's left eyebrow twitched several times. "What did you just say...?"

Negi coughed to call their attention. "I can help you with that, Yuuna-san. It says, simply, 'Temple of Zeus, this way. Visit our giftshoppe'."

Kirie nodded. "If we're going to ask around for Philoctetes, I'd say that's our best bet to find someone who can help us. After all, it was Greece's biggest and most visited religious center."

"And one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, thought to be lost forever!" Negi gushed. "That we can get to see it with our own eyes is nothing short of a miracle! Do you realize how unique a chance this is? I'm really excited now!"

"Eh," Kirie snorted, "after being on a fucking elevator to Mars, it's hard to get excited about some old big ass temple."

Yuuna looked at Negi. "Aren't you going to tell her 'Language!'?"

The boy blinked. "Why should I? She's not my student, after all."

"But she's saying it in front of one of your— Oohhhh, what difference does it make?!" Yuuna began storming up the road. "Whatever, let's just hit this Temple of Grease already!"

Negi looked at Kirie. "Does she get better with age?"

"Do you want the honest answer, or the politically correct one?"

* * *

"It's not THAT impressive," Yuuna opined as they stopped before the temple on top of a grassy hill, reached after going up a road of stone steps that arguably was more breathtaking than the building itself (in that they were panting by the time they got to the top). Sure thing, it was big, and nicely painted a pearly white, but she calculated a dozen of those things would have fit in easily within Library Island.

"Are you guys sure we got the right one?" Gadget asked, still in Negi's pocket, her tail moving around.

"Well," Negi looked down at their surroundings, seeing nothing but green fields and a few scattered farms between the hill and a sleeping city. "I can't see any other temple in the vicinity, so this must be it. We made it all the way up here, so the least we can do now is knocking and asking, don't you think?"

Kirie squinted, looking at the sign someone had slapped on the massive front door. "Closed for the night, please come back tomorrow. Make sure of bringing your offerings," she read aloud. "Giftshoppe opens at VII."

"..." Negi, Yuuna and Chamo said.

"Well, that's inconvenient," Gadget said. "Maybe we can camp at the doors for the night?"

"Like hell!" Yuuna said, stepping ahead and starting to kick on the door, taking advantage of her Pactio-activated state to kick on without hurting her foot. "There must be some sort of night watchman here! Hey, whoever's in there, come out! This is urgent and can't wait 'til tomorrow!"

Much to their surprise, a little girl's voice answered from the inside. "Go away! I know these are times of illiteracy, but get someone else to read you what's on the door!"

Negi blinked. "That voice sounds oddly familiar. Why am I thinking of swords right now?"

"Must be the night watchman's daughter. Fathers often take their daughters to the job, just ask my Dad. He saved a fortune on babysitters until I was kindergarten age..." Yuuna groaned before yelling, "Hey, kid! Tell your dad this will only take a moment! All we want is to ask about Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes!"

"This is a house of divine enlightening, not an information agency! Go away!" the little girl shrieked.

Kirie sighed. "This is why I just hate useless brats. Maybe we can try our luck at one of those farms? And I think we can buy a bed or two from them in trade for some trinkets..."

"I guess you're right," Negi sadly said, before raising his voice for the person inside. "Thank you anyway, Miss! Have a good night!"

There was a short pause as he waited for an answer, which came along, but not in the way he had expected it. "Who are you?" the little girl warily asked.

"My name's Negi Springfield!" he replied. "Why?"

"Idiot!" Kirie hissed at him. "You shouldn't give such a clearly foreign name in a place like this!"

"I doubt they'd be namists," Negi said, giving her a half-annoyed glance. Definitely, Yuuna thought, he had been acting weird since his discussion with Chisame. "We're leaving anyway, so what difference does it—"

"N-N-Negi Springfield?! HERE?!" the little girl asked.

"Here?" Negi echoed. "Um, why, yes, that's my real name, but why—"

The doors were swiftly pulled open from the inside, with a strength unfitting the tiny albino girl who had just pulled them open, and who now found herself staring into the eyes of a Negi who was just as abruptly rattled as her. _"You!"_ she said, pointing at him dramatically.

"You!" he said as well, recognizing the girl who had crossed his path in Mahora several nights ago.

"Crap! The white Kuro!" Yuuna gasped, not really realizing the contradictory nature of what she had just said.

Kirie adjusted her glasses. "Oh! Is this... are you... Illyasviel von Einzbern, the Master of the Berserker? I was positive you'd have died by this point..."

Pluto, oblivious to everything else, just merrily skipped in past the open mouthed, paralyzed Illya, who now wore a simple white dress and leather sandals instead of the European furs and purple Negi had met her in.

Silence ensued.

"So," Kirie finally said, "when is someone going to say anything else?"

* * *

"So," Illya dryly said after closing the temple's doors, "how the hell did you get here?"

"Well, you see," Negi said awkwardly , "we happened to be… indoors over at one of my students' house, and when we walked out we found the house had been moved to a parallel world. There, we found a spaceship we've been using to search through the neighboring worlds with the help of its navigator. Please meet Gadget Hackwrench-san," he said, pointing at the blond mouse peeking out of his pocket.

"Hi!" Gadget waved.

Illya gave the mouse a blank stare, gave her a bland wave, and then said, "Well, I guess that's an interesting story. As for me, I was heading over to Emiya Shirou's house to pay a social visit when Berserker and I were attacked by small black monsters. Naturally, they were no match for Berserker's boundless might! But there were so many of them they covered the whole area, and jumped on me, and I began suffocating, and then I woke up in a pig farm, the indignity of it all! And worst of all, I lost Berserker! Look, look!" she demanded, waving a hand on his face, her milky skin now totally devoid of any Command Seals.

"Well," Yuuna said, "aren't you a mage as well? Why are you working as a night watchwoman at a temple? And you're here all alone for the night? Aren't you a little… little for that?"

"Magus, not mage! They're nowhere the same thing!" Illya told her. "Regardless, this is the Age of Gods! I may be a peerless magus, of course, but our own era's magic is no match for that of these times! I got this job by displaying my skills, but you'd have to find Stephen Strange or the Thousand Master to get a magic user at the same level we see in this time period!"

Illya seethed, keeping the others fairly intimidated, and then added, with a lot more dignity, "My position in this temple happens to be that of a curator specializing in sacred relics, not a 'night watchwoman'. Why would the Temple of Zeus need watchmen? This is a world where the old gods exist! Anyone trying to steal from Zeus will get a thunderbolt up the ass, and that's if he's feeling very nice!"

"Ah, that makes sense, I guess…" Negi gulped. "Th-These are Akashi Yuuna-san, one of my students, and Sakurame Kirie-san, a new friend we've made. The adorable puppy is called Pluto…"

Pluto paused in his careful sniffing of a bronze statue, then used a black ear to give a salute gesture to Illya.

Illya cringed. "I don't like dogs! They remind me of wolves, and I hate wolves. Anyway, what brought you to this world in particular? If you're looking for a way back, I'd have used it already if I had found it…"

"I see, that's unfortunate. You have our sympathies," Negi said, "and you can come with us after we're done here, if you want. However, before we go, we'd like talking with Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes. Would you happen to know his current location?"

"Philoctetes?" Illya frowned. "I know about his place in the myths, of course, but all bets are off when it comes to this alternate Greece. When I asked around for Heracles, no one recognized the name anywhere, yet everybody was aware of the Trojan War a few decades ago. Everyone seemed to think Achilles was a guy, though, can you believe it? I know the myths never had what you'd call a timeline, but this world seems to have abandoned all pretenses of the original mythological continuity we know. Would you believe the locals seem to think of Hades as the equivalent to Satan?"

"That's fascinating," Negi said. "We happen to have just visited a work reminiscent of Lewis Carroll's body of literary work, yet with many glaring differences…"

"I'm sure that's all very interesting, but you don't actually know where we can find this Pholiothetes guy, right?" Yuuna asked Illya. "That's all we really needed to know, so…!"

"You might trying praying to Zeus' statue for illumination," Illya smirked.

"Come on," Kirie grunted, "be serious here, Einzbern-san! Our ticket back might be your ticket back as well, so don't treat our search as a game!"

"On the other hand," Negi said, "what's to say it couldn't work? We've had enough contact with deities already as to tell us the idea might not be that wild after all. We don't lose anything by making an attempt. So please lead us there, Illya-san."

"Speaking from experience, talking to deities doesn't seem to get much done," Yuuna said. "They're always cranky and eating ice-cream."

Illya blinked. "I was just trying to joke indeed, but… ooohhhh, what the heck, fine, I'll take you to the statue. Follow me," she grumbled, pulling a set of copper keys out of her dress and marching towards a door, which she opened. She led them through a hall flanked by marble pillars and shiny statues, after which there was there another huge door. That led into another flanked by marble pillars and shiny statues, ending in yet another door.

"Is it just me, or does someone have a door fetish?" Yuuna said. "I mean, these can't all be for security, since you said any thief gets a lightning bolt up the ass..."

"Don't ask me, I just work here," Illya said.

She repeated the procedure five more times before finally leading them into a gigantic chamber that was empty save for a massive statue at the end of it, depicting a towering man regally sitting on a throne. The man wore robes and sandals, and his figure was bulging with stone muscles, sporting a long, manly beard and thick eyebrows.

"Wow, so this is Zeus?" Yuuna asked. She pulled her cellphone out and began taking pictures of the statue. "Hot old guy, so Asuna will want these. Hey, are selfies allowed in this museum, Illya-chan?"

Illya shrugged with a grunt. "Do whatever the hell you want as long as you don't break anything. It's not my statue, after all."

Then Pluto began growling at the statue, the fur on his back crawling up, teeth showing in full.

"What's wrong with your stupid mutt now?" Illya asked.

"I don't know," Negi said. "Usually he's so well behaved he's as forgettable as Chamo. What's up, boy? Is there something behind the—"

At that moment, the statue's eyes lit up with the unmistakable gleam of life, and it opened its mouth to announce in a booming, deep, larger than life voice, "I AM ZEUS, KING OF OLYMPUS! GREETINGS, MORTALS FROM BEYOND!"

The statue's eyes wandered down, and then it could see Negi, Illya, Kirie, Yuuna, Chamo, Gadget and Pluto all backed up together in the corner at the opposite end of the room, all of them quivering and covering their crotches and butts with their hands. The statue's head grew a gigantic bed of sweat. "By me, aren't up to date on my cult? Nowadays, I'm cutting back on the rape. Safe, sane and consensual is the new thing. I even went to the same sex addiction therapy sessions as David Duchovny! Step closer with no fear, my children."

The youngsters and the dog looked at each other, then the girls swiftly pushed Negi to the forefront and remained behind him. "… Chisame would never have done this," Negi thought aloud before walking ahead, bowing his head. "Greetings, O Immortal. Sorry to disturb your rest with our—"

"Don't be silly, boy," Zeus said, "do you think I spent all of my time inthe office here? I'd go crazy! I'm just speaking through it from my comfortable bubble bath in Mount Olympus, while enjoying a delicious blowj—I mean, relaxing shoulder massage. So speak, my boy, whatever brings you looking for Zeus' council?"

"Sir, I, um, we," Yuuna stammered, "we came to learn the whereabouts of Philophuster, the trainer of—"

"Don't be stupid, why would we need that guy anymore when we can ask the best available source!" Kirie snapped at her, and then fell to her hands and knees before Zeus. "O Powerful Zeus-sama, we'd like to know where to find Nagi Springfield, the hero known as the Thousand Master!"

"Yes, that, that!" Negi nodded very fast.

Zeus kept on staring at Kirie's small perky butt, which stood out in her current position, then coughed loudly, stifling a lecherous smile. "Nagi Springfield? Is that a legendary hero? Oh yes, I think I remember him now. I turned him into a tree after he dared flirting with Aphrodite. Then some lowly farmer cut the tree down…"

Negi screamed, taking a hand to his heart and going ghastly pale.

"—PSYCHE!" Zeus laughed then, pointing at Negi with each hand."No, actually, I've never heard of a Nagi Springfield before. I assume he comes from the same world as you, doesn't he?"

"Dammit, Zeus-sama, he's this child's father!" Kirie protested as she and Yuuna fanned a panting, twitching Negi. "Please don't do that again!"

"Sorry, sorry!" the god chuckled as he caressed his thick, manly beard. "In all honesty, I don't really keep myself up to date with mortal affairs as long as they don't involve my family directly. You should try asking Philoctetes, the best trainer of mortal heroes in this world, instead."

Negi sighed, somewhat recovered by now. "Okay, I thank you greatly for that information. However, if I might be bold enough as to ask for Philoctetes' current location…"

"It's not too far from here, actually," Zeus said. "Just head to the South until you reach the coastline," Then he gestured with his massive arms towards a specific direction, keeping his arms thrusting forward, "and from there, keep flying or sailing in a straight line until you find a small island with a sleeping volcano. That's Phil's pad. When you get there, do tell my son I said 'hi'…"

"That Philoctetes guy is your son!?" Yuuna gasped.

Zeus laughed. "By my glory, no!" A beat. "At least, I don't think so. He'd better not be. I'll have to check my little black book, but I'm almost 47% sure he isn't one of mine form this generation. Anyway, my actual son, Hercules, is currently studying under him. I sent him there several years ago, so he could become a great hero and reclaim his godhood."

"Heracles!" Illyasviel cried, knees wobbling.

"That's what my wife wanted to call him, yes, how did you guess?" Zeus nodded. "But everyone else agreed it sounded too girly, so we reached a compromise. Sure, it might sound strange for him to be the only one in the family with a Latin name, but better than that everybody else calling him 'momma's boy' behind his back for the rest of eternity…"

Negi, Illya and Kirie's eyes began tiny black dots.

"Have I said something unfitting?" Zeus asked. "Of course not, because I am Zeus, but have I in your unqualified opinion?"

"You mean… your wife Hera is Herac—Hercules' mother?" Illya gulped.

Zeus nodded gravelly. "It took us a lot of time, eons and eons, to be finally able to conceive a child together. It might have something to do with our being siblings, I don't know. At least that's what Aesculapius said. She was so excited about it, too! But then, after his birth," he squeezed a gigantic fist as his eyes burned aflame, "some treacherous, vile snake infiltrated Olympus and committed the ultimate sin! They dared steal our son from his golden cradle and spirited him away to Earth, where he became a mortal! In hindsight, we should have installed surveillance cameras," he finished more calmly.

Gadget nodded. "Surveillance cameras are a must in every room of a well kept fortress. That's why I keep telling my King Mickey, but do you think he ever listens? Nooooo! He says it makes jobs for all the mice not fortunate enough to be as gigantic as him, but I think he's just being cheap."

"Well, we have cameras all over the place ever since," Zeus shared. "I can give you the installer's number if you want." As Gadget nodded, he nodded back and a small calling card appeared in the mouse's hands, making her smile. Negi, Illya and Kirie still stood dumbfounded, and Yuuna seemed to be mostly lost about how to react. "Anyway, to make a long story short, now Hercules must prove himself worth of divinity by performing enough heroic deeds to become a legend. Is there something else you need to know? My blowj—massage is done, and now I must fuc—meditate on subjects of the greatest importance."

"J-Just one more thing, Your Lordship," Negi said as he discreetly covered Illya's mouth with a hand, the albino kicking and waving her arms, ready to ask a metric ton of questions more. "Would you happen to know something about the Princesses of Heart?"

"Of course I do. I know everything!" Zeus said.

"But, just a moment ago you said…" Gadget began.

" _EEEEVERYTHIIIIING!"_ Zeus slammed a hand on his mighty manly chest. "Lad, whoever told you about the Princesses?"

Negi gulped. "Sir, it was the Cheshire Cat, in the world they call Wonderland…"

"The Cat. Figures," Zeus tapped on his chin with a hand. Pluto had begun growling at the mere mention of the C-word. "Well, for once the trickster must have spoken the truth. There are, indeed, several Princesses of luminous hearts scattered across these worlds, descendants of great wise men and women from yore. This world happens to have its own, as a matter of fact."

"Seriously?!" Negi and Chamo excitedly said.

"Zeus never lies!" Zeus held a pointer finger up dramatically. "At least not when women and cute boys are involved. This world's Princess of Heart is the daughter of the King of Thebes. Look for her, and pray to me she can help you in your quest against the forces of evil."

"Wow, you even know we're in a quest against the forces of evil!" Negi said.

"Um, actually, I just figured that out on my own. I mean, why else would one look for Princesses?"

"Errrr… maybe just to—?" Chamo said, making pelvic motions.

"Well, obviously, but this child's not even hit his puberty yet," Zeus condescendingly told him. "Not that that's really a problem when enough will is involved, you'd be surprised how much you can do with a little effort..."

"Thank you very much, Zeus-sama," Negi bowed again. "Next time we come along, we'll make sure of bringing you some offerings…"

"That would be awfully considerate from you, indeed. I don't usually give freebies," Zeus tapped on his own cheek with several fingers, frowning. "By the way, lad, how many Princesses have you located before this?"

"Just Wonderland's, Sir."

"And do you have any idea of where to look for the next one? Because the Princesses themselves shouldn't be aware of each others' nature or location."

Negi swallowed. "If you would happen to know where—"

"Haven't I mentioned I know _EEEEEEVERYTHIIIIING?!_ " Zeus said, posing dramatically. "I can already see the ending! Head to the next world, where Triton, the son of my brother Poseidon, has his kingdom under the waves. He knows the identity of another Princess of Heart."

"Okay, that's a lot of help, thank you," Kirie nodded. "What about the other four, then?"

But by then the statue had returned to its still silence of stone.

"… okay, then," Chamo said.

* * *

Negi, Kirie, Yuuna, Chamo, Pluto and Gadget waited while Illya pinned a note on the gates of the Temple.

It only read _I have to know how to go back... I am DONE WITH THIS!_

"Is that... the best way to quit your day job, in your opinion, Illya-san?" Negi dubiously asked.

She shrugged. "It seemed the best thing to write while I was writing it down..."

"And why the CAP LETTERS anyway?" Yuuna asked. "Isn't that like the written equivalent of rudely yelling at people?"

"IT SEEMED THE BEST THING TO WRITE WHILE I WAS WRITING IT DOWN!" Illya repeated. "Stupid high priest kept trying to have sex with me, like there weren't enough boys he could do that with..."

"What?-!" Yuuna gasped, and even Kirie looked shocked. "That's horrible!"

"It's the high priest of the temple of Zeus," Illya pointed out. "He was being gentlemanly by trying to convince me instead of raping me in the hall. I'm actually surprised we managed to talk to Zeus with our virginity intact."

"What's...?" Negi began.

"Shut up, don't ask," Yuuna said.

Negi pouted. "Chisame usually just says 'don't think about it'," he said.

"Maybe you shouldn't have magic roofied her and left her at home then," Yuuna said.

"You sure they won't miss this broom?" asked Kirie, holding said broom Illya had 'borrowed' from the temple's storage room while Kirie had set her latest save point in the proximities. Obviously, flying around in the Gummi ship while they were at the planet's surface would attract too much attention on themselves, even when flying over the sea. "I mean, not like I care, and I imagine the King of Olympus won't mind about this single trivial thing, but is the heiress of the Einzbern really willing to resort to petty theft?"

Illya shot her a fiercely annoyed glare. "I'll take it as part of my severance package. If you're having scruples, though, you can swim to that island by yourself! Besides, stealing stuff you need on your quest is a proud and heroic tradition. I'm sure Zeus would have punished us if we'd asked for it instead of stealing it outright."

"I'm not sure it works that way," Negi said, even as he recalled all the cases of outright theft in classical literature.

Kirie frowned back at Illya. "You know, Einzbern-san, I hope you have a real close encounter with a strong blond gentleman really soon."

"... I don't get it," Illya said.

"Well, not yet at least," Kirie said, mounting the broom while Negi sighed and took his place on his father's staff. In the good sense of the term. "Akashi, you'll come with me. No way am I taking that little... _thing_ on any trip with me that lasts any longer than seven seconds!"

Illya stuck her tongue out as her while she sat behind Negi, hugging his waist tightly. "Believe me, if I were forced to go with you, I'd prefer to jump into the ocean mid-way!"

"Oh, then you can come with me, and forget what I said!" Kirie gave her a mocking smirk.

"... it's all the same to me, as long as you don't spend the next few hours sniping at each other," Yuuna said while sitting behind Kirie, with Pluto held against her with an arm as the other wrapped itself around Kirie's body. "Now, Pluto-kun, you're a big boy, so I expect you to keep calm during the whole flight, okay? Otherwise Kirie-chan will have to hit you with a sleep spell, and I really don't want a sleeping dog to drool all over me for hours..."

"Arf arf arf!" Pluto wagged his tail.

"... I'm going to take that as a yes," Yuuna replied.

And so they took off into the clear nocturnal sky, heading towards the coastline.

* * *

Very early the next morning, Poyo and Shiori sat in an isolated corner of Thebes' biggest bath house, naked and up to their chests in the warm water. Shiori didn't think it was half as good as the public baths in Mahora, mainly because they had put something in the water, some sort of perfume or lotion, that made it smell kind of funny and tended to leave whitish clumps floating on the surface. But after several days on the road, it wasn't like she was going to complain either way.

Not about taking a good long bath, at least.

"Are you sure about this, Poyo-san?" she quietly said.

"About leaving Megara-san alone with Nessus, poyo?" Poyo asked. "Yes, poyo. Trust me, it's the way things are supposed to develop, poyo."

"Well, that too, but mostly… I-I was thinking about leaving all those… Heartless things with Nessus-san. He doesn't look like, like the kind of person who would make good use of them, if there's even any good use anyone could make of those… things. I wonder if we should be dealing with them in the first place, since, well, they were the ones attacking Mahora. Doesn't make us… bad guys too?"

"We can't do anything else, poyo," Poyo stoically said. "My sister's soul and your own life are in danger, poyo. We can do nothing but play along for now, poyo. Just give me some time until I can turn the tables around, poyo. And from now on never speak about this in the open again, poyo."

Shiori blinked. "B-But, why? I doubt anyone would even know what are we—!"

Poyo hissed for her to be quiet, right before a few birds flew in through a skylight, gathering around her and fluttering their small wings. Poyo spread her arms in a manner that should have involved soprano-pitched singing and several of the birds perched themselves on her arms, hands, heads and shoulders. Only one of them, a tiny bluebird, stayed in the air, flying around Poyo and Shiori's chest areas, and constantly flapping close to their skin.

Shiori giggled when the bluebird landed on the upper half of her left breast, chirping a beautiful song for her. "Oh, it's so cute! Animals in this fantasy world are so charming…!"

"Yes, poyo. They are, poyo." One of Rainyday's hands then quickly snapped ahead, managing to catch the bird between her fingers and palm, and squeezing it tightly, much to Shiori's shock. The bird twitched its legs and gave a long, suffocated chirp of pain. "Zeus-sama, poyo. It's nice to see you alive and well again, but not so nice you are seeing us in this state, poyo."

"Really, Poyo dear," the bird struggled to speak, startling Shiori even further, "is this any way to greet your dearest uncle _arrrggghhh oh my cloaca!"_

 _In a way, both he and uncle Hades are very much alike, poyo,_ she thought before asking, "What brings you here without announcing yourself, poyo?"

"This is my world, and you're naked in it, why shouldn't I be here?" the bird said as if stating an obvious fact. "A better question would be, why are you here without announcing yourself first?"

"Our world was just destroyed, so we are looking around for a place to stay in until it's restored or we can find a permanent new home, poyo."

"Oh, I see. That's unfortunate indeed. My sympathies. But then, why aren't you at your mother's?"

Poyo just stared at him in silence.

"Heh heh, well, yes, that is a sort-of-stupid question," Zeus admitted. "Like anyone would ever want to stay around Hild longer than it takes to scr—OW OW MIND MY MAJESTY!" he yelled as Poyo squeezed tighter.

"That's still my mother you're talking about, poyo. Please don't say the truth about her in my presence, poyo."

Zeus' tiny bird eyes went over to Shiori, who was blushing and holding a towel tightly against her chest. "And this lovely mortal you took great lengths to spare from worldwide devastation is your—?"

"Yes, she is, poyo," Poyo nodded, intertwining the fingers of her other hand.

"Wh-What—- NO, WE AREN'T!" Shiori cried.

"She is still in denial, poyo," Poyo said, with all the easy poise which came easily to her being a Mazoku. "That is part of the virginal demureness that endeared her to me, poyo."

"W-what?!" Shiori said, eyes wide and beginning to spin.

"—yes, that is hot," the bird nodded, then told his niece, "I was just wondering if your impromptu visit had something to do with the arrival of several other visitors who apparently also hail from your world. Last night, they were at my temple asking about Philoctetes and Herc…"

"Visitors, poyo?" Poyo asked.

"A cute boy with red hair and glasses who kind of reminded me of... well, me, who asked about someone named Nagi Springfield. With him, there was a saucy young vixen with dark hair and a nicely developing figure."

"Did she have glasses, poyo?"

"No, she didn't."

"Then that's Yuuna-san, poyo. Who else, poyo?"

"A little precious albino with red eyes, and a barely older bespectacled beauty with blond hair. Plus a strangely tempting bipedal female mouse." A beat. "Oh, and some talking ermine and a dog. I almost forgot about them, to be honest…"

"Is that Negi-sensei?" Shiori gasped. "Oh, so there are others besides us! That's so great to know! Poyo-san, we should try and find them right now!"

Poyo frowned, falling into DEEP THINKING. _This is bad, poyo. I mean, it's indeed very good Sensei has survived, and if Yuuna-san is with him, so should be the rest of his team, poyo. Still, why would they be with Einzbern, poyo? And who is the other girl, poyo? Maybe Chisame-san in disguise, poyo? She always liked being a loli, poyo. Also, maybe Mother is right after all, poyo. Perhaps this tic IS going out of control, poyo. In my thoughts now, poyo? Really, poyo?_

She released the bird, then told him, "We'll look for them and find out what they're doing here for you, poyo. In the meanwhile, I wish you well, poyo. And please remember what Sex Addicts Anonymous taught you, poyo."

The bird kept a wing on his chest while keeping himself in the air by flapping the other. "I control my mighty divine thunderbolt, my divine thunderbolt doesn't control me!"

"Good, poyo," Poyo nodded condescendingly, knowing her relatives. "Now please leave so we can get out and towel our deliciously nude young bodies dry, poyo."

"… you can be just as sadistic as your mother, did you know that?"

"… we'll rub each other slowly and sensually, like good Schoolgirl Lesbians do, then maybe we'll start with the skinship as I devilishly begin corrupting this innocent girl, placing hands on her as she says no but means yes, making her shudder and pant as we begin to make out, and by the time we're done we might need another bath, poyo…"

The bird yelled in anguished desperation, then flew back through the skylight, as fast as a lightning bolt, frantically aiming for Olympus and specifically the royal bedroom.

Poyo stared at the tiny spark in the sky until it faded, then stepped out of the gigantic tub, turning her back to Shiori as she began rubbing her hair with her towel. "My apologies about my family, poyo. Other than Auntie Hestia and Cousin-In-Law Belldandy, there isn't a single normal in the bunch, poyo. And they both have this thing about dating semi-loser mortals, so I'm not really sure they count as normal, poyo."

"U-Urk," Shiori gurgled, awkwardly crossing her legs AND her eyes, which now for some reason were inevitably drawn towards those firm dark skinned buttocks so close to her. And darn it, how did this strange lotion get between her legs...?

* * *

 _Symphony of Sorcery:_

It was a very mysterious tower, Fuuka decided as they walked up the spiraling stone stairs leading to the upper floors of the huge, foreboding structure built in the mountains. Which looked like the fortress of an evil warlock more than anything else, although Fuuka guessed Evangeline might have liked it. Actually, Evangeline would likely have rejected it on the grounds of being pastel blue and decorated with stars, though.

"You have a nice parking lot," she said at some point of the long way up, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. Lala-sempai might have done it earlier if only she hadn't been too busy gasping in quite awe at everything around her. Wasn't it all too low tech to attract her attention anyway?

"Thank you," Yen Sid said as he led the walk up.

"It's kinda strange to see a parking lot for spaceships by an old castle, however," Fuuka added, folding her arms behind her neck and kicking a pebble on a step down the stairs' shaft, absently watching it disappear into the darkness below.

"It's not a castle, just a tower that used to be part of a castle," Yen Sid explained.

"And what happened to that castle?" Lala said.

"It belonged to an evil warlock who worshipped Chernabog, Lord of Bald Mountain. So I slew him, destroyed most of the castle, and took residence in the tower," the old man explained.

"Evil warlock. I knew it," Fuuka muttered with a smirk.

Lala nodded. "That's the fairest way to acquire royal state property in existence!"

Fuuka blinked. "Isn't it called murder and—"

"It was," Yen Sid said when they reached a small wooden door at the top of the stairs, pushing it open with a hand, "a battle where he was even more willing to kill me. I have never regretted it," he added, guiding them into a wide, circular room built around a massive square table, with several chairs around it. He took seat at one of them and gestured for them to do the same. Then he gestured with both hands, and a heavy looking object as long as a walking staff but shaped like a silver key with a sword's handle came into existence, lowering itself until it rested on the table. Even Rito was shook out of his deep concerned stupor to gawk at the thing.

"Oh!" Lala cooed. "Just think of all conservation of matter laws that have just been violated! This is going to be FUN to research!"

"Eh, it's just CGI," Fuuka said, growing dismissive again.

"This," Yen Sid said, "is a Keyblade, once wielded by a young hero of yore, who traveled through the worlds eradicating evil and darkness, along with his two best friends. Only a select few can use Keyblades, and to do that, one needs to own a heart untainted by selfishness or malice."

"Nice story," Rito said, "but what does it have to do with us? Please, Mister, could you just tell us what do we need to do to go back home?"

"The balance between the worlds, including your own, cannot be restored until all the doors allowing darkness to flow into the worlds have been closed," the mage said. "And for the doors linking the hearts of the world to be opened. And then the doors between dreams must be unlocked...For that, we need another great hero who can use the Keyblade to its fullest. My disciple, Mickey, owns another Keyblade, and while I am confident on his worth and bravery… he might just need another's help. Because there's a lot of locking and unlocking to be done."

Silence.

"I think, if may be so bold as to say so, you might have picked the wrong group of people, Sir, if that is your intent towards us," Ryoko said, far more respectful and less casual than was her custom. "I am a renegade scientist with a terrorist background, Princess Lala here is the unrepentant heiress to a mass murdering space tyrant, the Narutaki twins are two incestuous pranksters, and Yuuki-kun is… well, just plain normal. Worryingly stumble-prone feet aside, that is."

Rito, Lala, and the Narutaki twins all nodded. "Although personally, I prefer the term 'Well intentioned strong ruler who brought peace and order to the galaxy when the Green Lanterns couldn't'!" Lala pointed out.

"So, what are we supposed to do with this?" Fuuka groaned, looking down at the weapon. "Is it a King Arthur gig, where we have to keep trying to lift it one by one until the Chosen One—"

"I'LL SAVE MIKAN AND HARUNA-CHAN!" Rito yelled, startling everyone by reaching past them, grabbing the Keyblade's handle, and then easily lifting it over his head. "—huh. Didn't think it'd actually work. So… now I have to kill people with this, right? I, I don't know if I have the stomach for that…"

Lala nodded. "Generally speaking, when you want to kill someone, you want to do it with the swift precision of a sharp edge, or with the safe-distance of a laser or a similar ray-or-beam-based implement. Bludgeoning your victim is always very unpleasant, unless they happen to be a particularly hated enemy…"

Ryoko's right eyebrow twitched.

"Yuuki-sempai, for shame!" Fumika gasped. "There are _protocols_ for this kind of thing! The Chosen One isn't supposed to attempt it until everyone else have tried and failed!"

"You philistine with bad form!" Fuuka accused.

"I HAD NO IDEA THIS THING WOULD CHOOSE ME AT ALL!" Rito yelled at them before fuming. "Well! If it's for Mikan and Haruna-chan, I'm not going to back away, anyway! I'll become the bone of my sword, the—"

"You're aware that isn't a sword, aren't cha Sempai?" Fumika asked.

"Quiet, you're talking to the same guy who thinks Haruna would make a good wife…" her sister told her.

"Will you stop ruining my dramatic moments of love and determination?!" the boy exploded.

 _Well, at least he cannot fail any worse than Terra… can he?_ Yen Sid wondered before shuddering inwardly.

* * *

"Try again," Yen Sid challenged, holding nothing in his hands, readied into fists, as he stood across the room opposite Rito.

They had moved into another, even wider room with no furniture, and then the mage had made Lala, Ryoko and the Narutakis sit aside as he gave Rito his first test in combat. Holding the Keyblade, the boy had to charge towards the old man and try to land a hit on him.

"Eeeyaaaaa!" Rito cried as he ran towards him again, this time trying to strike from a side angle. Once again, in the blink of an eye, the mage had easily dodged the attack, grabbed the boy by the hair, and flung him into the air while avoiding being touched by the blunt instrument. Rito yelled while backflipping, all momentum lost, and then landed facefirst into Fumika's crotch. Once again, she cried and kicked him in the head. Fuuka was starting to feel a little jealous at all the crotch time Rito was getting.

"Do you want us to move around again?" Ryoko asked Yen Sid while Lala tended to the newest bump on Rito's head as best as she could.

The old man shook his head, seeming mildly perplexed. "Every time it has been the same thing. No matter your position, he always finds a way to land onto your chest or your lower areas. I never had seen anything like this."

Then he gestured for the females to leave the room. "I want to try something else. Please leave the room during our next encounter, if you please."

"Okay!" Ryoko nodded, beginning to herd the girls out. "You heard him, ladies, let's give them some quality man time."

"Awww, but it's so funny to watch!" Fuuka complained as she was being led out.

Yen Sid huffed while closing the thick metal door behind them. He crossed his arms behind his back. "Very well, boy, I won't use my hands this time. I figure that's a fair handicap now that I have removed your main weak spot."

"My main weak spot is I haven't ever fought before!" Rito protested. "How do you expect me to—aaaarrrrgghhh!" he growled, then charged the older man once more.

Over the next few minutes, the girls sat outside hearing the sounds of violence, the impacts and Rito's yells coming from the inside, until they finally quieted down. A few moments after THAT, Yen Sid walked out, holding a badly battered Rito under one arm. "My magic has healed him as best as it could," he said.

"THAT is the best you could heal him?!" Fuuka gasped.

"You wouldn't have wanted to see him before," Yen Sid calmly said, sitting him down between them. "The boy is quick on his feet, I will concede that. Are you sure he has no prior athletic experience?"

"He plays soccer!" Lala offered.

"And he's no stranger to receiving beatings," added Ryoko. "It seems he's visiting the nurse's office every other day."

Yen Sid nodded. "I realized he has a high tolerance to pain. Towards the end of the sparring match, he could barely stand, and yet he would keep on fighting. That… might be a start. I will be training him for the next week before sending you away in a test mission."

"A test mission for what?" asked Fumika.

"To face your first contact with the forces of darkness, of course," the mage said.

"Are you kidding?" Fuuka said. "Sempai would need years of training to become a half-decent fighter!"

"Hits! Hits! Hits all over my body!" Rito spasmed. "They hurt!"

"Regrettably, we don't have years at our avail. I can, however, make it so days spent within this castle equal hours in the outside, so that can speed his training up. It will have to suffice. And the first world you will be sent into will be one fitting your experience. A proper match for your starting level, young Rito," Yen Sid said.

Fuuka frowned. "You're not going to make it so gravity is one hundred times higher than normal to make him stronger, are you?"

"No, of course not," Yen Sid said dismissively. "That would be stupid and medically irresponsible."

"I'll fight anyone as long as it isn't you!" Rito said.

The mage nodded. "Yes. I hear that a lot. For now, I will show you your rooms and you can rest until dawn. Then we shall continue your training."

"Dawn inside or outside?" Fuuka asked. "How does that work anyway?"

"First hour of the dawn," Yen Sid stated simply. "There is no need to concern yourselves about your meals either. I will take care of those details myself."

"Whoo hoo!" Fumika cheered. "Hotel treatment!"

"How about our clothes?" Fuuka tugged on the edge of her skirt. "We can't spend seven days, inside or outside, wearing just this…"

"The two of you can wear the robes Mickey used to wear while studying here. He is around your body size…"

"And you're trusting that kind of midget to save the universe?!" Fuuka gulped.

"Oneechan, remember we prefer the term 'small people'," Fumika chided her.

"I thought you were called lolis?" Lala said.

"Only when we're talking girl on girl."

Yen Sid ignored that exchange. "Now, as for the Princess and the honored teacher…"

"We can walk around naked if needed!" Lala offered. "This place is warm and comfy anyway!"

"Lala-sama," the ornament on her hair told her, "I can supply you with any sort of clothing you ever could need… remember?"

"Yeah, Peke, but it'd be rude from me to walk around clothed while Mikado-sensei has to walk around naked, wouldn't it?" the Princess reasoned.

"I'm cool with it," Ryoko shrugged, with a smirk and a hand on a hip.

"Glurgh!" Rito said before losing all color and fainting down. Yen Sid stared, eyes slightly wide, at both women before a trickle of blood peeked out of one of his nasal orifices.

"Ahah, I knew it!" Fuuka cried and pointed. "You old perv! Old perv!"

"I'm old and Disney, not dead," Yen Sid retorted.

* * *

Early one morning, while they were having breakfast and waiting for the Narutaki twins to come down and eat, music began to fill Yen Sid's tower, pastoral flutes and violins, with a underlying steady drum beat that seemed to be rising in tempo. Flower petals, Sakura blossoms roses and other such things began to drift through the air, and the atmosphere began to take a distinctly pinky and sparkly tint. There was an occasional beat that could be best described as 'boom chicka bow wow', along with an occasional high-pitched whistle.

"What's happening?" Rito asked, confused at all the pinks and the flirty violin and flute music suddenly seeming to flutter through the air.

For once, Yen Sid looked disturbed as he visibly counted those present, noting Lala, Ryoko and Rito. "The Symphony of Sorcery is very sensitive and tends to react to strong emotion," Yen Sid explained. "In this case, someone appears to be making beautiful music together."

"Huh?" Rito and Lala said.

"It's a sexual euphemism," Yen Sid said directly since he wasn't dealing with Negi Springfield.

"Ah," the girls said in understanding, while Rito merely twitched.

Yen Sid thought a moment, and decided to be a good host and set aside an extra large breakfast for his still-absent guests. And see if there was a way to go around music-proofing the tower. This could be very distracting...

* * *

The music and pink swirly sparkles were still going on when he and Rito began training after breakfast.

"Pray just ignore it," Yen Sid said sternly. "You will meet such distractions and more in your battles. You must learn to ignore such things to survive."

* * *

The music and sparkles were still happening when they broke for lunch. The breakfast he'd set aside had disappeared, and there seemed to be less whipped cream in his refrigerator than he remembered.

"Such energetic children," he said dispassionately. "Lots of beautiful music together..."

"See, this is why I've had to ban them from the infirmary," Ryoko said.

"They remind me so much of my sisters," Lala chirped.

"Rurggle," Rito said, still beat up from training and going a bit blind at all the pink, sparkles and glitter in the air.

* * *

Come dinner, the tower was still bright with sparkles, pinkness, glitter and suspiciously feminine little fairy things flying around the air.

"You've got to be kidding me," Royok said, who'd taken to wearing sunglasses to protect her eyes from all the twinkliness. "Are they still going at it?"

"So like my sisters," a mildly exasperated Lala said nostalgically.

Yen Sid looked at Rito, who was twitching now and covered in bumps and bruises from all the distractions. "This appears to be getting counter-productive," he said, shooing away two little twinkly fairies who appeared to be identical twin sisters having sex on his saucer. "It appears measures must be taken."

He held up a bucket. There were ice-cubes floating on it.

"Well, that'll work to start..." Ryoko agreed.

"I'm not finished," Yen Sid said.

* * *

 _ **"We have to work?-!"**_ Fuuka and Fumika exclaimed.

"Dusting, sweeping, getting meals prepared, weeding the garden," Yen Sid said sternly, while Ryoko nodded along. "It's either that or no meals."

"B-but, Lala-san and Ryoko sensei aren't being asked to do this?-!" Fuuka complained.

"They aren't filling my tower with pink glitter and spontaneous instances of incestuous fairies," Yen Sid said. "And lots of loud, repetitive pop music."

"Porno music," Ryoko corrected.

"This is a Disney zone, we only go as high as 'pop'," Yen Sid chided.

The two girls still looked rebellious, which was quite an achievement since from everyone's count they apparently had any sleep in twenty four hours.

"You also get to wear this," Lala said, holding up a skimpy French Maid-esque outfit.

"And you only need to work 6 hours a day," Yen Sid said. "That should be enough time to clear the music out of our ears and sweep up the glitter."

The two girls stared at the outifts.

"We demand more variety in uniforms," Fuuka said.

"And cute underwear," Fumika added.

"And never having to be in the same room as Yuuki-sempai," Fuuka declared.

"Deal!" Rito roared. "Now, can we get back to me being beat up now?"

And so life in Symphony of Sorcery began to take shape. Though Yen Sid began getting letters from the Pixie Hollow League of decency about all the spontaneously generated incestuous fairy twins flying around.

* * *

 _Duckburg:_

"Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Dogpool laughed as he shot Guns Akimbo at the Crimebots surrounding him. "Eat lead, miserable fascist tin flying monkeys! I am Judge Dredd, I am the law!"

"KYAAAA!" Nodokat shrieked while Yue pushed her and Kero down to the floor with her, both girls rolling towards cover s per their librarian training.

"Damn it, Deadpool, you're going to kill us!" shouted Kotaro, punting a Crimebot out through a window. Dogpool's bullets were just bouncing harmlessly on the robots' shiny black shells, ricocheting and whistling everywhere, threatening everyone but the mechanic guardians. "The katanas! Katanas are better!"

"Geez, talking about chauvinistic scum. Okay, Nihon-boy," Dogpool sheathed his guns back and switched over to his swords. "Although I don't think this is gonna work any better…" he reflected as his first swing only clanged against the nearest Crimebot's surface. In retaliation, the machine extended a set of black metal tendrils it used to grip Dogpool's wrists and ankles. _"IYYYAAAAA!"_ he cried with a girlish falsetto, convulsing exaggeratedly and thrusting his butt. "This is exactly why I left Japan!"

"My kingdom for a bow and arrow, my kingdom for a bow and arrow…" Gosalyn, who never had read Sharkespeare but had watched enough TV and movies as to suffer from massive Pop Culture Osmosis, tried to crawl quickly away from the Crimebots circling her, feeling around for something to use as a weapon, only to be snared by a tentacle around a foot. Yelping in startlement, and shut up that's a real word now, she grabbed a wrench and began slamming it against the robot holding her upside down now, to absolutely no avail whatsoever.

"Die! Die, die die!" Rin roared, sending spells in all directions. She was pissed and now she had a socially acceptable target. She was in heaven.

Nodokat looked frantically through her cards, trying to think of the best one to use at the moment. The Jump was useless in a closed space under a relatively low roof; The Windy would probably just slam foes and allies alike; The Create… right now she was so nervous she probably couldn't think of a good use in time. So that left…

"The Tentacle!" Nodokat shouted, pulling the card out, and making a sinister, sleek woman with darker skin to come forth into existence, sending several inky tentacles in all directions, to envelop and try to crush the Crimebots. However, the armored menaces were too strong for that to work, and their own tentacles quickly began overpowering those of the manifested Clow card.

Out of everyone, Mickey seemed to be working the best, as his Keyblade swings and the occasional bursts of light magic he shot from the weapon and his hands actually were driving the Crimebots back, although never to the point of leaving the room. "Kotaro!" he shouted to the wolf-boy. "We need to reach what's inside of them! You're super strong, aren't you?"

The hulked up Kotaro blinked right after slamming a Crimebot against the floor using a single hand. "Huh? How didja know that?"

"I need you to rip one of them open!" Mickey yelled, swatting a set of tentacles heading his way. "We can't destroy them for real without destroying their core!"

"Makes sense to me," Kotaro shrugged, then held a Crimebot with both clawed paws and, exerting himself, pulled apart in opposite directions, managing to crack the Crimebot's outer shell open. The other robots paused for a moment, allowing Gosalyn to squirm free and roll over towards Nodokat, Yue and Kero. "Well!" Kotaro blinked, looking down at what there had been inside. "Look at what we have here!"

The small, shrieking Heartless bound by a terrifying fusion of cables and black organic tissue inside of the Crimebot's core squirmed frantically, trying to claw and bite at him, but in a moment King Mickey was on him, blasting him down to smithereens with the Keyblade.

That was the sign for all Crimebots to start converging upon Mickey, trying to overwhelm him with sheer numbers and pushing part the rest of the party.

"Ahhhhh!" Dogpool cried as he was flung against a wall, losing his crude dog mask in the process. "My face, my face! Now everyone will know I'm really Deadpool, aka Logan, residing in the Xavier Institute of Salem, New York, and start sending anthrax and high powered explosives there! Even more than they usually do!"

"Damn it, Deadpool, stop fooling already!" Kotaro said as he tried his best to push several Heartless away from Mickey, along with The Tentacle. However, by now Mickey was out of sight, completely covered in Crimebots… until a moment later, there was a big burst of light from under the pileup, and the Crimebots were sent flying in all directions, forcing everybody else to duck again. While Yue barely dodged a robot, however, she realized it was because it was flying through the air far slower than it should have logistically been after being violently thrown back.

Mickey had done something with time again, at least for the Crimebots. "Now!" he shouted to Kotaro, and the boy nodded, grabbing another machine and ripping it apart, exposing the Heartless inside so Mickey could destroy it. Quickly getting the hint, Nodokat began applying her tentacles on the rest of the robots; with the added time advantage, they could, after no small amount of effort, pry them apart, and then Dogpool, after pulling his dog mask back on, began gleefully shooting at them, laughing in a girlish giddy way as he blew them to pieces. In other parts of the house, there was crashes, cracks and electronic girls screams as Rin went full-contact wizard on the Crimebots, since she realized shooting blasts at them wasn't as satisfying as german suplexing them apart with her bare hands.

"So, guns are useless, huh, huh?" he chanted. "Is that what you were saying, Puppy Pal? Useless my butt—no, wait, I crap with it! Useless YOUR butt!"

"What are you saying, I happen to crap as well with—Ohhh, forget it!" the boy growled, ripping another shell off. By now the Crimebots were beating a hasty retreat, shouting regrouping protocols at each other while they flew out, often by outright crashing through the walls. "We did it! They are getting away! Yeah, flee while you can, you—OH NO YOU WON'T!" he snarled, leaping after a Crimebot carrying a limp and unconscious Launchpad away. After tackling it , Kotaro tried to smash it open, but the Crimebot shocked him with an electric discharge that made him howl in pain. Forced to drop Launchpad nonetheless, the Crimebot took its chance to escape into the night, following the others.

Mickey now stood at the middle of the wrecked workshop, panting and wheezing over a small pile of shattered machinery. "I could feel it," he confessed. "I wasn't sure at first, but I suspected it. This 'Quackwerks' company is using the Heartless to power their enforcers up. Never seen anything like this before… Oh my. Is everyone okay? I almost forgot…!"

"We're fine, thanks," Yue nodded while Nodokat helped her and Gosalyn to stand back up. Kero still kept the plush ornament act, although now only from being too frozen stiff and softly gasping under his breath to move efficiently, much less fly around.

Kotaro ran a paw over a small bleeding gap on his hairy chest and smiled. "I'll be as good as new in a couple hours."

"Are you sure, Kotaro-kun?" a concerned Nodokat asked. "We could take you to a doctor…"

"All the same, we need leaving fast," Mickey said while softly patting Launchpad's cheeks to wake him up. "They're going to send more, far more, after this."

"So what do we do now?" Rin asked, appearing on the doorstep that led further into the house, holding her aching right side. "Are we still looking for that Mc Duck guy, or are we taking the fight to the enemy's own home?"

"Sempai!" Nodokat gasped. "Wait, where had you been during this whole time? I hadn't seen you since—"

"I moved my side of the fight further in, so I could see why they were so keen on not letting us in any longer." She cracked a pained smile, holding two leftover gems between her fingers. "Maybe I don't have one of those oversized key toys, but never underestimate a Tohsaka's magicraft either. Anyway, I found something you guys might like to see before we fly the coop…"

* * *

 **Omake! The True Hero Revealed!**

A Keyblade had fallen into the lands of Soul Society, sinking itself to its hilt in the dry, cracked ground of the badlands. It had a skeletal design, stylish and yet macabre, coated in elegant silver and black.

After waiting around to see if this had anything to do with Death-sama losing her housekeys again, the Shinigami were dispatched by the wise and benevolent Captain-Commander Aizen, Hero of the Shinigami, to retrieve the mysterious weapon that had plummeted from the skies, fearing it was related to the mysterious cataclysm that had plunged the living world into a darkness even the Soul Reapers couldn't reach around the same time. All of them failed, from the stalwart Ukitake to the wily Kyoraku, from the motherly Unohana to the bloodthirsty Zenpaichi, who had spent three full days pulling on the damn thing savagely yelling "COME TO ME! COME TO ME ALREADY!" before four squads working at once could pry him apart from it.

Then the Meisters and their own living weapons had tried as well, and once again, they had failed, from Death the Kidd himself to those two girls who starred in _Soul Eater Not!_ , whatever their names I can't bring myself to care to remember were...

"HEY!" Tsugumi and Meme cried indignantly.

(Thanks to Wikipedia for its valuable help in the making of this omake.)

Finally, when everything seemed hopeless, and the Heartless began flowing into the realm of the dead as well, a young soul still fresh from Earth walked to the Keyblade, having nothing better to do, and pulled it just to see how heavy it was and how impossible it was to lift it. And probably to use it as a sex toy if it worked.

Much to his awe, and much to everyone's awe, he lifted it on the first try. A blinding light came from the skeleton Keyblade as its chosen bearer raised it high, his large dark eyes gleaming in absorbed fascination.

Itou Makoto-kun had just become the Soul Society's last hope...

 **"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"** everybody cried.

"Onii-chan," Itaru sighed admiringly. "Siblings can get married in heaven, right?"

"The loli option is okay, right?" Kokoro said next to her.

* * *

 **To be Continued?**

* * *

 **Probably Not!**

* * *

 _ **Omake! True Heroes United!- by Shadow Crystal Mage.**_

"At last! The end is nigh!" the heroic hero declared heroic, waving the Keyblade of the hero. "Now, Negi Springfield, your evil is at an end. Today, you face the might of... the Justice League of Tsarist Russia!"

Negi blinked. "Wait, I'm the final villain? How did that happen? Aren't I the hero?"

Buffy the Vampire Slayer raised an eyebrow at him. "You've been training under the most powerful evil vampire in the world! How did you not expect to be evil?"

"And taking princess and putting them in your castle-a!" Super Mario said.

"You have been breaking child labor laws. Dead or alive, you're coming with me," RoboCop declared.

"You are an ally of the machines," Sarah Conor said. "And not even properly reprogrammed ones! Skynet rises from Karakuri Chahamaru because you let machines get ideas above their station!"

"You've been getting it on with your sisters and relatives!" Itou Makoto said. "That's disgusting."

"Wait, what's he doing here?" Negi said, pointing at Makoto

"He's our token evil teammate who's not quite as evil as you," Buffy said.

"But... how is anything I've done worse than him?" Negi wailed.

"I actually try for romantic resolutions and fuck the girls I seduce!" Makoto said. "You just string them along and never do anything, you bastard! It's because of you Japan's birthrates are down! I'm heroically trying to reverse that trend, despite what people like you do!"

"You never go drinking with us after classes!" Fujimura Taiga raged. "Such anti-social behavior is unforgivable in a teacher!"

"You gave birth to Konoe Touta!" Setsuna cried, waving her sword. "Oujo-sama would never have done such a thing with _me_!"

"Justice League of Tsarist Russia, ATTACK!" their leader, Spider-Man, said.

* * *

 **To be Continued?**

* * *

 **Probably Not!**


	17. Hercules not in New York

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company owns all the Disney stuff.

I make no money from this.

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for proofreading and adding several jokes. The best ones.

* * *

 **The Keys of the Kingdom**.

* * *

 **Chapter Sixteen**.

* * *

Somewhere in the forgotten lands consumed by darkness, there lay a gigantic castle that rose majestically from the green, eerily quiet prairies beyond the limitless extensions of ink-bloated, black wastelands. It was a beautiful, silent castle with several pointy towers, with a single caretaker who occasionally roamed its still halls leaving only the fluttering of their hooded dark ensemble, and the echoes of thick-soled boots, behind. The caretaker rarely spoke, and when it did it was in strange chitters that would be rendered in strange runes and require a knowledge of Ancient Belkan to understand.

Sometimes, the figure would pause before one of the castle's sealed doors and would touch it with the tips of their delicate fingers, as if desiring to reach what was within. But access was forbidden, and while the caretaker hated the loneliness that slowly drove them to insanity, there was nothing they could do about it. All it had was roaming the halls, chattering in it's strange language. It was the same words all the time, two words, one of three syllables, another of two, that began with the same sound.

She could only dream about what there was inside, and about walking in to crush it.

Today, it felt like one of the rooms had just been filled.

Eventually, it turned away, the even, pure light of the hall easily tracing the heart-like crimson emblem on its chest, with lines like thorned chains crossing it, moaning the same two words...

* * *

It was a perfectly normal day for Kugimiya Madoka.

Wake up. Stare at ceiling as the strange feeling inspired by fading dreams faded away, settling her back to normal. Wake up her roommate Ku Fei, which was a major task in itself, but routine had made Madoka all too well used to it. Help the still half-asleep Ku bathe, coolly avoiding the usual skinship of Schoolgirl Lesbians, and not at all resulting in intimate contact and cries of no but secretly meaning yes that meant they had to take another bath again afterwards. Preparing breakfast for both of them, because of course Ku couldn't make breakfast to save her own life, even now, after two years of working for the Chao Bao Zi. Then head for school dragging Ku along behind her like a lump, only for the Chinese girl to snap back into full awareness as soon as she found the first batch of challengers standing in her way.

As usual, Madoka just rolled her dark eyes and moved along, reminding Ku not to be late as the dark skinned blonde just agreed absently while merrily pouncing on the much larger sempai charging her. Only then, after leaving Ku behind, Madoka could let her shoulders slump and let her body drop into a truly exhausted posture, her steps slowing down.

Even so, she reached the classroom relatively quickly, even before realizing she had covered most of the ground needed to get there. Lately, she had been having the same odd feeling, that of spending life as if walking through a dream, or a story with the unnecessary bits like background characters, background and shading trimmed out. It even extended to her classmates, as most of them looked like little more than ill defined filler caricatures to Madoka, like the boxer girl and the Okinawa girl, even without counting the staggering amount of empty seats in the 3-A classroom. It was as if, for some reason, somebody had pulled most of the roster away at the term's start, then only was able to fill a small part of the vacant spots with stock leftovers who rarely interacted at all with Madoka.

Madoka knew she should have been finding that weird, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to care. Asakura should have cared, however. After all, she was the infamous 3-A paparazzo, curious about everything. And one of the few girls in the class who truly seemed alive. "Good morning, Kugimin!" she grinned at Madoka from where she sat checking on her pocket camera.

"'Sup," Madoka blandly waved at her, refusing to take the bait of the nickname. She couldn't even remember who had coined the nickname by now. Although she had the nagging feeling she should have known. As she sat besides Murakami and shared a respectful greeting with her, the teacher entered the classroom.

The teacher was still the sensation of the Academy, even after months had passed and the initial fangirlish boom had quieted down somewhat. A foreigner with a troubling physical appeal, cultured and well-read, but always humble and polite, keeping a cool head above the gaggle of followers who even had believed, rather blindly, the rumor about the teacher hailing from European royalty. Madoka had believed those rumors herself, after being told about them by… she couldn't remember who, honestly. But in hindsight, it had been stupid from her, and deep inside she was kind of glad that, whoever that person was, she wasn't around anymore to keep stringing her along. Or so Madoka thought.

Yotsuba Satsuki, the class representative, stood up, facing the classroom. "Please give a good morning to Elsa Arendelle-sensei," she said, as the rest of the classmates also stood up and bowed for the teacher, as always smiling that little sad smile and absolutely rocking that form fitting business suit with tie. She even bowed back for her students, and so began the first lesson of the morning. Many students stared at her ass.

It was another completely normal day for Kugimiya Madoka.

"Sorry to be late-aru!" Ku Fei clumsily stumbled into the classroom, a hand awkwardly behind her head, her messed hair sticking out in all directions and the giggle dancing on her mouth. "Dog was eating my homework, had to fight him, but couldn't save homework in time-aru!"

Yep. Completely normal.

* * *

A majestic white horse slowly chewed a mouthful of grass at the top of a small green hill. That hill was located at a small island in the middle of a calm, crystal blue sea.

That would have been normal except because the horse had wings; huge feathery wings fitting the animal's size, currently plied against his flanks. The horse, as a matter of fact, was like a bird in many ways, one of them being his keen instincts to detect potential predators from above.

Pegasus' head snapped up, and a long neigh escaped his mouth. Then he rustled both feathers and fur, and flew up, ready to tackle the mysterious strangers approaching his master's territory. He was, after all, a Heroic Horse in his own right. He had a whole species of pony named after him, after all.

"Guys," Yuuna said, looking over Kirie's shoulder, "that's a flying horse approaching us at full speed, isn't it? The one flying so fast it looks like it has a rainbow coming out of its ass?"

"Yes," Negi nodded, keeping his grasp on his father's staff (snicker) with a hand while the one reached for his wand (double snicker) just in case.

"That's… Pegasus, that's how they called it, right?" Yuuna asked.

"No, I'm sure it's another of the many, many winged horses in the mythical Greece," Kirie groaned, reaching for her wand as well (and this isn't anywhere as juvenile funny when it's a girl doing it). "What's with the sonic rainboom? Did Zeus-sama troll us and send us to the wrong hero?"

"Ew, I hope not. Perseus was a well-documented dick," Illya cringed. "There's a good reason why I didn't—"

"Look out!" Negi cried as he swerved his staff down, barely avoiding a hit from the enraged beast's hooves. The broom show at the sonic boom that came from his passing as Negi got a faceful of rainbow. "He's actually attacking us!"

"That's weird, Pegasus was supposed to be noble and peaceful unless provoked!" Illya observed, tightly embracing her half-brother's waist.

"Well, maybe we're just invading his territory! Pegasi are famous for being dicks!" Kirie observed, taking higher into the air, as far from Negi as she could, to disorient the horse between two targets at once. It seemed to work, at least for the next few seconds. "I knew it, we were sent to Perseus!"

"At the very least, Pegasus' presence means Medusa can't be around anymore…" Negi tried to find a good side to the situation as he began descending towards the small island. "Here, boy! Boy, boy!" he called out, trying to draw Pegasus' attention to himself, since at the moment Pluto's angry barks were drawing the steed's fury instead. It worked, and Pegasus stopped flying after Kirie and Yuuna to focus on chasing Negi and Illya down instead.

Negi clenched his teeth, told Illya, "Hold on tight," and began accelerating with a direct course towards the ground, abruptly swerving between the branches of the trees in a densely forested zone. Both being small enough, Illya and Negi passed through the upper branches easily, with nothing but a few scratches, but the much bigger horse couldn't stop in time, and ended up tightly tangled, kicking and thrashing angrily to try and get himself free.

While that happened, Negi landed softly on a small meadow, with Kirie touching the ground shortly after. Yuuna hopped down from the broom and said, "Quick, let's look for some cover! That's a big horse, it won't hold him for much—"

Indeed, Pegasus chose that moment to break free, curving up into the air and trying a different angle to fly straight down into the meadow, fuming and neighing as Pluto stood his ground, madly barking at him, teeth bared…

"STOP!" Illya stepped between both of them, stretching her arms ahead. Her Kiritsugu-esque upbringing came to the fore as she uttered the words Emiya children were famous for. "No fighting! No fighting!"

 _Somewhere, the none-hearted but not nasal-less Nobody that was once Emiya Shirou but was likely now named some weird anagram with an 'X' thrown in like a reject mutant sneezed._

Pluto cringed back, startled, and so did Pegasus, who flapped to keep himself steady in the air while looking quizzically at that small creature who had just showed up in his way.

"Sit!" Illya pointed a finger down, emphatically.

The horse made a long, dubious sound out the corners of his mouth.

"Illya-san, what are you—?" Negi gulped, approaching her.

"SIT!" Illya repeated, gesturing even more fiercely towards Pegasus this time. Pluto, Negi, Gadget, Chamo, Kirie and Yuuna who instantly sat on the dirt, all the non-Plutos looking very confused and embarrassed. After a moment, so did Pegasus, quickly covering the few remaining feet separating him from the ground.

The winged horse then looked at Illya in a half-puzzled, half-intimidated way, waiting for her next move.

"You're Pegasus, aren't you?" she began to coo, stepping towards the mythic mount and reaching over to tenderly pat the sides of his face. "And what a pretty thing you are! Good enough to be the ride of a demigod, aren't you? No, a god's! I always thought they undersold you!"

Pegasus blinked, then started making small pleased sounds, wagging his tail at Illya.

"Did these scary Japanese hooligans and their ugly mutt scare you, hmmm?" Illya began scratching the underside of Pegasus' jaw, and the tail wagging intensified. "Poor little darling! Don't be nervous, your cute sister Illya won't let them touch you…"

"An Einzbern using the carrot instead of the stick?" Kirie snarked. "Now I've seen everything this side of a nice Matou…"

Illya briefly poked her tongue out at her. "We reserve our good side for the few worthy of it!" Then she patted Pegasus' head, making him flap his wings in place. "What do these peasants know of the class befitting our kind, Pegasus? You like me, don't you? You recognize a really good master when you see her, don't you? Now, what do you see if you let me adopt you and forget that smug, no good snake Perseus—"

"Perseus?" an annoyed voice said from the bushes. "Kid, I don't know who's been giving history lessons, but that jerk doesn't study here anymore. He's been playin' a nice stone garden ornament for Medusa for years! Now, who the bloody Hades are y'all?"

The youngsters and the dog all looked aside to see the tiny, pot-bellied bipedal creature who had just showed up, pushing two bushes aside to step out from between them, frowning fiercely. It was a very small bearded man, with no clothes on, his lower half covered by thick brown fur, his goat-like legs ending in sharp gray hooves. He had a small brushy tail, and while his torso was mostly hairless, his arms and chest were hairy enough to make a young Sean Connery take notice. His head sported a pair of short, stubby horns, and his eyes were shiny and little, his nose reddish and bulbous. Strangely, there did not seem to be a correspondingly huge, bulging tail-like appendage in front, for which Kirie, who knew her non-kiddified Greek mythology, was grateful.

"Um, hello," Negi weakly waved. "I'm Negi Springfield, and these are Akashi Yuuna and—"

The rest of the introduction was completely lost on the tiny goat-man while he followed Negi's introductory gesture and his full attention zeroed in on the gorgeous creature the boy had just pointed at. Small winged babies from the local Eros franchise holding bows and arrows and smirking mischievously began floating around him, accompanied by pastel colored hearts, shooting him constantly all over his body. His jaw loosened, and his tail stood straight in attention, his gaze slowly going up and down the curvaceous extension of the shocked, confused nymph who had just graced him with her visit…

Kirie was getting increasingly confused at the lack of huge, bulging erection.

He instantly fell to a knee before Yuuna, offering a hand up at her. "I knew it! I knew Zeus would reward me eventually for looking after his boy! Now he's sent me Aphrodite's best looking disciple!" He quickly grabbed Yuuna's hand and began planting a quick series of drooling kisses all over it, up to her wrist. "Oh, pretty sweet thing, the things Phil's gonna teach you…"

"NEGI!" Yuuna screamed, violently punting the short scruffy man in the stomach. "THIS WEIRD LITTLE TROLL WANTS TO MOLEST ME!"

She kicked him with the right foot, however, so it can't be said her relationship with Philoctetes began on the wrong foot.

* * *

"Do you know what we need? Two more members," Izumi Ako said as she put her guitar down. "I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think this duet thing is working."

Madoka could do nothing but nod. After classes, they had once again gathered at Ako's room to practice their bass and guitar routine, but even after months of practice, they could tell something was missing. And they still couldn't even decide on a name; they wanted something silly and catchy, but sadly it seemed neither of them was creative enough as to come up with a good one.

"We need a proper lead singer, for starters," Madoka sighed. "Don't get me wrong, your voice's great, but… I don't know, it seems like it isn't the best fit for our instruments, and mine is, well…"

Seeing Madoka downcast again, Ako, after a moment of doubt, reached over to pat her shoulder. Madoka smiled at her, knowing how much it took for Ako to dare pull even that simple gesture of contact off. The girl had been lonely her whole life after being orphaned; her uncle and cousin had tried their best to raise her, but Ako had still grown friendless and isolated, withdrawn and under the constant shadow of Kitami Reika-sensei, her supervisor in the school infirmary. Madoka, who often felt like she hadn't found the right clique to belong to herself, could sympathize.

"Well," Madoka mused aloud, "it can't be anyone from our class, that's for sure. Asakura's voice is just plain awful, Yotsuba-san is too busy, ditto for Chao-san, Naba-san is just plain scary, Natsumi-san's interests lie elsewhere, and Ku-chan is… Ku-chan!"

"How about any of the others?" Ako asked.

"The others…?" Madoka hummed, trying to think of the others and for some reason drawing blanks again. How annoying. She settled for shrugging and said, "I dunno. I don't think any of them would fit, really. They don't have enough… presence."

Ako nodded sadly. "It's a shame we can't just ask Elsa-sensei. I heard she has a gorgeous singing voice."

"For real?" Madoka asked. "Huh. I'd never have pegged her as the type." For some reason, she had the distinctive impression their homeroom teacher was supposed to have an awful singing voice. Although she couldn't remember exactly from whom she had learned it, or when or how.

"Asakura told me she once caught her singing something while she thought she was alone," Ako replied. "Something about the cold, maybe just being nostalgic about her country."

Madoka kept on thinking about Elsa-sensei as she walked down the hall towards her own living quarters. There was so much none of them, not even Asakura, knew about the beautiful, reserved foreign teacher yet. Why did she keep those gloves on all the time? Why she keep her socialization with the other teachers to a minimum? She was never rude or standoffish, and yet she always was on her own, departing classes as soon as lessons were over, heading directly into her house. Also, for some reason, the temperatures had been far lower overall since her arrival, although that had to be a simple coincidence.

She found a girl waiting for her at her doorstep. A girl she hadn't expected at all to ever see there.

The beautiful girl with long hair and a pleasant smile waved a hand at her. "Good afternoon, Kugimiya-san," she said. "How are you today?"

"Asakura Ryoko-sempai!" Kugimiya immediately recognized the popular school idol who wasn't related in any way, shape or form to Kazumi. "Um, good afternoon, is this visit about Ku-chan? I'm sorry, and I'm sure it wasn't her intention to send Kaoru-sempai to the hospital, but in all fairness he started it…"

"Oh, no, it's not about Ku-san. This has never been about Ku-san, she's just a bit player in this tapestry," Ryoko shook her head, arms folded behind her back now. "This particular little drama is about you, Kyon-san, Negi-sensei and your two closest friends, Kugimiya-san."

"Kyon-san? Who is Kyon-san?" Madoka asked, feeling like she had to take a step or two back, so she did. "And as for my two best friends, do you mean Ku-chan and Ak—Akkkkkkk," she groaned, eyes dilating as she felt the sharp pain of something very cold piercing her stomach.

She never hadn't seen the swift motion of Asakura's arm pulling it out, or the skilled twist of her wrist as she sank the knife into her. The next thing she could register at all, if anything, was Asakura's voice, as smooth as silk, telling her, "Remember. For remembering is losing, and yet is also winning. Remember, Kugimiya-san."

Then Madoka fell unconscious.

For a moment, Ryoko Asakura stood there, blood spattered and knife in hand, as the faceless, unreal extras– a permutation of Witch's Familiars crossed into a special breed of Heartless– continued on with their routine, ignoring the real people. For a moment, her smile gained a hint of reality to it, a touch of genuineness that conveyed her true feelings.

"Ryoko's back, bitches," she breathed. "Nozomu-kun... I will find you...!"

* * *

 _Symphony of Sorcery:_

"Why?" Rito asked, looking at the small wand with a star-shaped tip Yen Sid had just given him. It looked and felt like someone had taken a collapsible radio antenna and stuck a plastic accessory to it. "I thought I was going to be fighting with the Keyblade! Do I have to be a mage now as well?"

"A true Keyblade Master has to be able to deploy magic as well," Yen Sid replied. "Mere hacking and slashing through brute force will take you nowhere. To confront darkness, you must combat its brand of magic with your own." And that wasn't even getting into the sexy armor, he neglected to mention.

"But I haven't ever used magic either! I wasn't even aware it existed until yesterday!" the boy protested. "Well, yesterday in outside-world terms, but still! You can't expect me to learn TWO things I've never done at all at the same time!"

"I understand. Well, in that case, we only will have to find somebody else who has your sister as his sister and your girlfriend as his girlfriend so that person hopefully will not fail them..."

"Okay, okay, you don't have to give me the sarcastic passive aggressive guilt trip treatment! I get enough of that in a routine basis from Nao!" For some reason, Rito had the bizarre image of an unholy cross of Nao and Yue-san. Rito sighed, extending the wand forward. "Okay, so how am I supposed to make it work?"

"Mages from your home realm usually need to activate their magic through a special phrase or sentence," the bearded man instructed. "Generally, novices can get by through pronouncing the standard declaration _Practe biginar_."

"My world has mages?! I thought those were supposed to exist only here! Oh well, never mind that now," the boy closed his eyes and said, " _Practe biginar!"_

There was a still pause.

"Nothing has happened," Rito noted.

"Odds are nothing will happen during your first attempt," Yen Sid said. "Magic takes time to control and master, and even the first step may take years of concentration and practice. You must clear and focus your confused, rattled mind before achieving illumination."

"I thought we had established I had less than one week, never mind years!" Rito cried.

"Of course, of course," Yen Sid somberly said, caressing his beard. "I had hoped, given how the Keyblade chose you, you might be some sort of special born prodigy, although... Young Rito, stand there and look towards the door. Now close your eyes and think of the magic flowing into and through you. Place your hopes on it, and reach for it with your heart. Wish for it with all of your willpower, and never falter. There may be some sort of hope for you yet, and I want you to hold onto it."

He nodded as he obeyed. "Very well, Sensei," Rito said, having grown mildly truly impressed by the deep passion and trust on the man's words. As he closed his eyes and thought really hard of performing magic, hoping for it with all of his being, the old master gave a last instruction.

"As soon as I tell you 'now', you will use the spell Flans Exarmatio by pronouncing it, as loudly as you can. Do you understand, boy?"

Rito nodded firmly. "I'll be ready whenever you are, Sensei!"

"Good, that is good," the mage nodded back, before silently moving towards the large training room's door, opening it, and gesturing for Mikado, who sat in the next room reading through a thick volume taken from a stand full of even thicker volumes, to walk closer. The woman, intrigued, placed the book down on a table and approached the door, stopping right before Rito.

"Yuuki-kun?" she asked. "And Sensei? What are you—"

"Now, young Rito!" Yen Sid shouted.

 _"Flans Exarmatio!"_ Rito cried, and a second later, a combination of Ryoko's startled yelp and a fragant draft flowing all across the room made him open his eyes, shocked.

Another moment later, the sight of Mikado-sensei's naked body standing right before him made him yell in surprise and fall back, legs sticking up and twitching.

Yen Sid, who had stepped aside just in time as to avoid the effects of the spell's full blunt, shook his head and tapped a foot on the floor. "Just as I suspected. I am starting to believe some twisted deities might have imbued this lad with these strange abilities just to have perverse amusement with him..."

Ryoko just stood there, a fist cocked on a hip, staring at him in disbelief. "And you are a follower of those deities, aren't you? Honestly, to think of something like this to do to him..."

"I don't see you covering yourself, woman," he countered.

"I don't see you looking away, old man."

"I don't have to. I have perfected control over the base necessities of men. Your state of undress have no effect on one who has reached enlightening, but I thank you all the same for your assistance."

There was another pause.

"You aren't covering yourself yet."

"And you aren't looking away yet."

"Aren't you cold? You could get sick standing around like that."

"Oh, it's not that cold. The temperature is actually quite comfortable for me."

There was a beat.

"That's an interesting mark."

"Drunken sorority thing in space college. Tearju was such an animal when she got uninhibited."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YEN-SENSEI," Rito cried from the floor, "LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE PART WHERE YOU BASH ME OVER THE HEAD!"

Yen Sid gave him a blank stare. "Is he possibly borderline gay?"

"If he is, his body seems to be insisting he cut it out, going by what usually happens," Ryoko commented.

* * *

 _Traverse Town:_

"And you say," Pete snarled, looking down at the small man who sat before him in the darkness of the basement, "you're part of the coalition."

The Mad Hatter, who had made himself a small paper hat out of a newspaper they had given the two of them as a tablecloth for their meals, rocked back and forth, seemingly traumatized, and hugging his knees tightly under his chin. "I used to be, at least until Alice cruelly turned me down and allied herself with our enemies. Now I'll probably get my head cut off."

"Are you sure we're part of the same coalition here?" Pete insisted. "Because I don't remember ever seeing you before, and I was one of the highest ranking members..."

"I would know about you if you had been, since *I* was one of the highest ranking members!"

"You're delusional! I'm Lord Loki's right hand! Well, left kicking foot at least!"

"You're nothing but a fool! A bloated, uncouth foot soldier!"

"I'm just big boned!"

"You are so fat, Humpty Dumpty's clothes won't fit you!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you're so much of a midget, they should've gotten you to capture Snow White!"

"How... How is that an insult? I would have done an excellent job at capturing Snow White!" the Hatter exasperatedly asked. "I'm a Gotham criminal, threatening women with vaguely rape-y scenarios is part of wht we do! Also, they aren't midgets! They prefer the term 'hideously deformed dwarves'!"

"Dwarfs!" Pete corrected him.

Tetch folded his arms and humphed. "I have no time to waste with a brute who knows nothing about Carroll OR Tolkien!"

"What do a carrot and a token have to do with any of this?!"

Then Skuld entered the improvised dungeon, the doorknob patched up with healthy fruits and vegetables to prevent any more chewing on Pete's part, with heavy bags under her eyes and looking rather rattled and twitched. She sat down between them without saying a word and folded her arms on her knees, resting her chin there.

Pete blinked in some concern, vaguely paternal feelings coming to the fore. He was a doting dad, after all, his wife notwithstanding."What did they do to you, and why are you—" Pete began.

"They didn't send me here. I'm here to hide from them," Skuld replied hollowly.

"Huh? But that doesn't answer anything, why are they so angry with you, you felt you had to—" Pete began. Again.

Skuld just whacked him on the head with her mallet, then asked, "So, what do you do here to pass the time?"

"Mostly, we engage into colorful strings of mutual recriminations and insults," Tetch said.

"Nah, we bitch about you guys and swear about how we're gonna get you," Pete corrected. Weirdo.

"Ah, well. I can do that. I have lots of practice with one of my sisters, and it's also most of what we do up there, anyway..." Skuld began.

For a moment, the three shared a look. It said, "For all I loathe you can would gladly kick your ass, you weirdo, I will at least credit you with not being one of _**those crazy bitches**_. Weirdo perverts!"

* * *

The small goat-legged man stayed twisted on the dirt, muttering coarse words under his breath and clutching his stomach, only for Negi would kneel at his side. "Are you okay, mister?" the boy asked. "I'm sorry about that, but then again, you shouldn't have harassed my friend like that..."

"What kind of little monster is this anyway?" a disgusted Yuuna asked. "A chupacabra? A tanuki? A kappa?"

"Nah, it's a satyr, a variety of woodlands monsters who followed Bacchus' entourages and chased after the nymphs in their drunken speers," Kirie explained. "The Romans would call then fauns... though I thought they'd have bigger..." And Kiried mimed a gesture with her hands, as if she was holding something long and thick.

"Monster?" the satyr groaned while Negi helped him back to his feet. "Schylla, Charybdis, Cerberus, the Sphinx, lawyers, THOSE are monsters! Kids nowadays, no respect I tell you! What are you twerps doing in MY island anyway?!"

Illya grunted, regarding him dismissively. "Don't start acting so cocky, little satyr! We're here for Philoctetes, illustrious son of King Poeas of Meliboea! Zeus himself pointed us to him!"

"Zeus?" the satyr blinked, then began laughing. "Yeah, that's a riot! If Lord Zeus had sent you here, he'd have told you better than to mess with me!" Then he stopped laughing and frowned sternly instead. "Not to mention I've never ever been to Meliboea. Now you'd better scram and go home to your mommies and daddies, since I have no time to waste with you..."

"Phil?" a male voice asked, from not too far, and Negi's group looked in the voice's direction. "Who are you talking to... Oh, we have visitors!"

The newly arrived man, who still was very young, looking like he was not even eighteen yet, radiated a strong but not overwhelming sense of power coupled with grace, and Yuuna couldn't help thinking he was the second best looking man she'd ever laid eyes on. He stood even taller than Takahata-sensei, and had a chiseled, perfectly sculpted, yet not brutish or thuggish physique bulging with muscle. His eyes were blue, and his semi-long, wavy hair a deep shade of orange, barely lighter than Asuna's. He wore leather sandals with straps all the way up to his upper calves, plus a golden tunic with a thick belt, which exposed his thick arms and most of his legs. His expression was affable to the point of looking almost goofy, and the winged horse reacted very happily upon seeing him, beginning to fly in circles all around him, wagging his tail and neighing in glee.

Kirie tagged him 'brainless non-harem shounen hero protagonist-type'.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, Pegasus!" the young newcomer said, patting the horse's head. The two headbutted each othe, both seeming to find it hilarious. "I'm glad to see you too, but first let me welcome Phil's friends, okay?"

"They're not my friends!" the satyr protested, then begrudgingly added, "Although I wouldn't mind being friends with the cutie if she improved her attitude..."

"Well, yeah, fat chance of that, fattie," Yuuna murmured, crossing her arms under her breasts. "Unlike Asuna, I have standards that don't involve any old fart that comes along!"

Illya gasped, horrified and pointing dramatically. "Berserker! Is that really you?!"

The young man blinked. "Excuse me?"

The aghast Illya stared down at the backs of her hands and arms, as if expecting to see her Command Seals back. "It can't be! I figured, if I ever came close to you, they might return!" She crept forward and began slapping her hand on random places in Hercules body, muttering in German.

The young muscleman looked quizzically at the satyr, ignoring the loli seemingly groping him. "What is she talking about?"

"Beats me!" he tossed his hands in the air. "These people are Zeus-damn crazy!"

The young man, looking truly troubled now, stared at the little albino for a moment, before crouching down and softly asking her, "Have we ever met before? Somehow, you look familiar..."

"I should!" Illya cried. "Berserker, remember me! You're Heracles, my Servant, my devoted follower, my living weapon, my sworn slave! My favorite batteries shopper! Remember? You always buy Ener-loops!"

"What are 'batteries'?" the young man asked, growing more confused by the moment as Illya pressed her hands on his face and muttered more things in German.

The satyr frowned again. "Herc," he said. "Be honest with me, now. These are old girlfriends of yours from Mycenae, right? And the boy's their little brother, or something..."

"What? No!" the young man gasped. "I've told you, back then no girl would ever go out with me!"

"Yeah, right, that's what all men running from their past say," the satyr waved a hand. "Kiddo, I'm not holding it against you, but be honest to old Phil, willya? I'm the last person who would ever tell you you shouldn't enjoy the chick magnet perks of being the Big Boss' son, but you just can't bring them here either. Girls are an obstacle during trainings, unless they're the kind you're supposed to spend only one night with at a time..."

Negi blinked. "What does he mean with—"

"Ask Chisame later!" Gadget, Yuuna and Kirie said all at once, while Illya's mind just boggled and she kept staring helplessly back and forth between her hands and her 'Berserker'.

"Okay, I will," he nodded. And then, "Please, sirs, as my friend Illya said—"

"I'm not your 'friend', little brother!" Illya declared.

"— we are here only to look for Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes, so we can ask him a few questions and then be on our way out," Negi reasonably continued, somehow missing the blatanat clue Illya had just dropped on their actual relationship. "That's all we want, really, and once you've pointed us in his general direction, if you can, of course, we will gladly leave so you can continue with your charming comedy of errors..."

"You guys are being a bad influence on that boy," Kirie told Yuuna. "You should have let Kagurazaka take care over him."

"Not my call to make, sister," Yuuna shrugged.

"He's Philoctetes, so you just found him," the tall man smiled, pointing down at the fuming, grouchy satyr. "And I'm Hercules, his disciple! Nice to meet you all!"

"Ah, that's good to know, thanks," Negi smiled back. "Like I was telling Mr. Philoctetes, my name is Negi Springfield, and these are— wait, whaaaaat?!"

"That's impossible! That can't be Philoctetes!" Kirie cried. "The stories never mentioned Philoctetes was a satyr!" A pause. "A dickless satyr at that!"

"Hey! don't get personal! The stories say a lot of things and omit even more, brat!" Philoctetes said. "And I don't ever give interviews, so it's no wonder they get things about me wrong! You know how prejudiced people can be, would they ever really believe the wise Philoctetes belongs to the proud but underestimated satyr race?! Feh!" A beat. "And I'm not dickless! Come on, let me show you– "

"PHIL!" Hercules cried as all the girls screamed and covered their eyes. He pointed at the 4th Wall. "Think of the kids!"

"Oh. Sorry," Phl said, tucking ... IT... back out of sight... somehow.

Everyone sighed and nervously got back on the script as the satyr folded his arms and fumed harder. Hercules patted him on a shoulder. He didn't rip Philoctetes' arm off with that gesture, an indication of how much he had mastered his strenght over the last few years. "Now, now, Phil, how could they know that? I didn't know either!"

"Yeah, and I'd have booted you out like I'm going to do to 'em if you hadn't turned out to be who you are!" his master protested.

"Well, who knows? They said my father sent them! At least listen to them first! It's not going to demand a lot from you, is it?"

The satyr gave a reluctant, long sigh before staring acidly at the perplexed youngsters, the mouse and the dog. "Alright, spit it out, then. What didja want to know? Before you ask it, though, no, I won't take the boy as my disciple. Only one student at a time, that's my motto!"

"We... We didn't come here to ask for that, sir..." a gulping Negi said.

"What?! Why not?! Why else would anyone come to see me?! I'm the trainer of heroes, I train heroes, that's my thing!"

"Um, well, you'll see... I'm actually already training to become a hero like my father, but..."

"Ah-hah! I knew it!"

"No, no! Please listen to me! I already have a trainer I'm rather happy with, and—"

"Another trainer? Don't be dumb, kid! How can you have another trainer, then stand before Philoctetes himself, and then say you're happy with that other trainer? That makes no sense whatsoever!"

Negi sweated bullets. "Well, I'm sure you're the best trainer in Greece, and far from me to question your worth, but..."

"The best trainer IN THE WORLD!" Phil proudly corrected.

"Oh, that's right, sorry, sorry, but the thing is, I already gave my word to that trainer I'd stick with her, and she's a very mindful person when it comes to—"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Philoctetes said. "You mean a woman is training you? A girl?!"

He nodded. "Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell, the Vampire Witch, Strongest of all Daywalkers, the Queen of Darkness, the—"

"Never heard of 'er," Phil grunted. "You sure you weren't cheated by a fake two-drachma school, kid? It happens all the time!"

"No, no, actually, we've seen firsthand how powerful she is!" Negi claimed. "Listen, please, all we want to know is if you know something about the whereabouts of the Thousand Master, Nagi Springfield..."

"Who's that?" Phil asked, then asked Hercules, "Does that name ring any bells with you?"

"Why should it?" Hercules had to shrug. "I'm the newbie here, remember?"

Negi's mouth hung open, then he turned around and began walking away totally crestfallen. "thAnks 4 ur va7uAb7 time 50rr33 wE hAve botH3rd y0u" he said, so bland and dejectedly even proper punctuation, spelling and grammar seemed to have abandoned his speech altogether.

* * *

Madoka opened her eyes only to find herself sitting on her seat in classroom 3-A , her head spun and her gaze fixed on the ceiling. Since her neck was already aching at that point, she threw her head back into its proper position and began rubbing the back of her neck. Now, why had she fallen asleep in class like that? It had to be during one of Itoshiki-sensei's inane Social Studies lessons. Worst part of all was, everybody else had left by now, so it was obvious no one had bothered to wake her up before leaving. Misa had surely found it hilarious. That smug little —

Then Madoka realized she was actually not alone. Someone was writing a complex set of highly advanced equations on the blackboard, with their back turned to her. A chill ran up Kugimiya's spine. It was the girl she had just dreamed about, well, one of them at least. Asakura Ryoko. The one Nagato-sempai had told her about, and then—

"Oh good, you're awake now," Asakura calmly said, placing her piece of chalk down on the teacher's desk and smiling sweetly to Madoka. For some reason she was wearing glasses that made her look rather intellectual, and even her attire was a tight, sexy suit ensemble rather than the typical High School uniform. "So, did it work? Do you remember now?"

"Where's Nagato-sempai? Why aren't you a Chibi? What is the meaning of life? What do you want from me?" Madoka said in quick succession.

"That's good, you do remember now!" Ryoko said cheerfuly, clapping her hands together. "I hypothesized only an extreme emotional jolt would wake you up from your induced slumber state, and it pleases me to verify such was, indeed, the case. Now, in order to answer your questions, they can be summed up as: 'I don't know yet either', 'I don't know yet either', 42, and 'nothing'. Although I am 96.8563% certain Kyon-san would be involved somehow."

Madoka placed a hand to the spot where Ryoko had stabbed her, and saw nothing. No wound, no scar, and it didn't ache either. "So, was I really dreaming?"

"That is one way to express it, although it's actually far more complex than that," Ryoko nodded. "It would seem we have been placed in some sort of sustained habitat after a widespread collapse of the System. I suppose you could say we have been relocated to a minor backup copy of our reality. Obviously, the Data Overmin— sorry, Data Overmaster, I almost forgot the paradigm shift that tends to come with rewrites— is still active to some degree, or else I would have been deleted entirely. As it is, the crash seems to have deactivated the suppression protocols Nagato-san had installed in me. Fortunately for you!"

At this point, while Madoka still wished Nagato could be there immediately, by now it was more out of a desire for her to translate Asakura's weirdo speech into marginally less weirdo speech, rather than to protect her from being stabbed again.

"Okay," the cheerleader said, "I'll be generous and assume you really thought it'd be for the best to try and wake me up by killing me instead of just telling me to wake up. Do you think you're Freddy Krueger, killing people in their sleep? Anyway, right, we'll skip past that. The point still stands, what took me into that dream anyway?"

"I don't know, I already told you that," Asakura shook her head, smiling beatifically. "I still lack sufficient data to formulate an educated guess I can share with you. I actually doubt Kyon-san was the cause... although enough frustration with the way the world was turning out might have prompted him to attempt a continuity reboot. It's a well known trait of moody teenagers, fanfiction writers, and other fickle, unpredictable types. In any instance, while I remain unconvinced Kyon-san caused it, I am fairly sure it was his intervention that spared you, and probably me. I always suspected he retained some level of physical attraction for me. Or maybe he just liked, deep inside, when I tried to kill him. Men! They love living dangerously."

By now Madoka was more afraid of being talked to a boring death than of being stabbed, so she got up, picked her bag, and walked for the door. "Whatever. If you're back to what passes for normal for you, then good for you, go and enjoy your life. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find Nagato-san and—"

"Didn't I tell you our System collapsed?" Asakura asked while Madoka struggled in vain to open the door. "That means our world. Well, your world. It would seem I spent so long in it, I have begun growing too attached to it," she shook her head to herself. "A troubling thought if there ever was one..."

"Open, open, damn you!" Madoka was kicked at the door, wanting nothing better than to get away from Ryoko right then. "What did you do to the door, Sempai?!"

"Nothing at all," Ryoko said. "If it doesn't open for you either, it can mean one of several things. Maybe there's just nothing outside of this classroom. Maybe Kyon-san's conscience, wherever it is now, doesn't want you to leave. Maybe we're required in engage in a steamy girl-on-girl scene of intense carnal lust before we're allowed to leave. Maybe it's a combination of the above. And maybe—"

"What?!" Madoka spun back to face her. "Then, you woke me from that dream, as you call it, only so I can be trapped in an even more restricted place?!" She held up her bag before her, a fragile shield. "And you intend to do ecchi things to me?-!"

"Technically, it was you who called it a dream," Asakura waved a finger. "And I have no actual wish to do ecchi things to you. I merely hypothesized aloud that it's want Kyon wants us to do to each other. I did say it was more complex than that. I was hoping your awakening, if you insist on using that verbal imagery, could be the key to reach over to whatever Kyon-san is pretending to do, but since you can't exit either, it's clear that course of action has failed. Ah well."

"Cut it out!" Madoka shrilled. "Don't be so blasé about it! If you know or suspect so much, whatever, then give your next guess as to what can we do to get outta here!"

Ryoko hummed, rubbing her own chin. "If it is Kyon-san who has preserved you, and I see no reasons for anybody else to bother, then that means Suzumiya-san, Nagato-san, Asahina-san, Itsuki-san and Kyon-san's sister, at the very least, must also remain, somewhere. I can't imagine where, or how to reach them, but unlike me, you have a human imagination, so you could help me follow Kyon-san's pattern of thought here..."

"Itsuki-san? Everybody else, I get it, but Kyon-sempai hates Itsuki-sempai. Why would he—"

Asakura chuckled. "How little you know, Kugimin-san!"

Madoka frowned. "Don't give me that crap, sempai. I know perfectly well about Shounen Ai, and like I don't have to put up with a lot of crap insinuations from Misa and Haruna, but that doesn't mean I really think Kyon-san feels anything but—"

"If Kyon-san didn't want him around, then Itsuki-san wouldn't be around," Asakura said. "Unless, naturally, by now he doesn't want him or the others around anymore. Which you should hope is not the case... since we could very well come next!" she simply, matter-of-factly said.

"Oh shit," Madoka cursed.

"Indeed," Ryoko agreed. Her smile went beatific again. "Well, as it appears we have nothing to do and nowhere to go, would you like to see if engaging in a steamy girl-on-girl scene would result in awakening Kyon's consciousness? I'll let _you_ stick things inside me this time."

Madoka's bag slammed into her face.

"Is this your way of indicating you want to do kinky S&M stuff instead?" Ryoko said, voice not changing.

A chair soon followed after.

* * *

"Wait," Chamo said, "aren't you even going to ask him about the Princess?"

Negi, who had walked away to support himself on a hand planted against a tree's trunk, just muttered something incoherent, his eyes turned around from everyone else.

"Okay, I'll handle it then," the ermine shrugged. "Hey, Phil, would you happen to know anything about a Princess of Thebes? Lord Zeus said she is one of the Princesses my Bro here has to find and smooch for everlasting world peace..."

"... no one never mentioned Negi would have to kiss them all," Yuuna said.

"Haven't you been paying attention?" Chamo said. "Of course smooching is going to be involved!"

"Zeus? You spoke with my father?!" Hercules excitedly said.

"Many kooks and women who want their bastards praised by the public pull that card , Herc!" Phil told him. "Wise up! Listen, kids, the more you talk, the more you show you have no idea. Thebes has no Princesses! It made the peaceful jump to modern democracy ten years ago!"

"What?" Illya asked.

"Yeah," Phil nodded. "The King of Thebes was a lecherous tyrant who like to take advantage of his young peasants, so the place became a democratic system through a public beheading, dragging the body across the streets tied to wild horses, putting the head on a pike, and then choosing a popular Parliament and President of the State."

"I've started noticing a worrying pattern related to public decapitations in the worlds of this solar system," Gadget quietly said.

"That's hella weird," Chamo pondered. "The Big Man himself told us that was the princess we're looking for!"

"Why are you looking for a Princess?" Hercules asked.

"Isn't it obvious, Herc?" Phil asked. "I've told you, every hero wannabe worth their salt has to rescue at least a pair of princesses during their career. Usually they end up marrying them and living happily ever after, unless they happen to be their mothers or end up stabbed by them in the bath."

"Well," Yuuna said, "Chisame often warns Negi he's gonna get stabbed by a jealous woman someday, so I suppose that fits."

"The one doing the stabbing will be Chisame-aneesan, who is no princess, though," Chamo said.

"True, true..." Yuuna nodded.

"Chisame would never do anything like that to me!" Negi angrily retorted from his tree, then sighed sadly. "Never mind. Let's go back home, then. It would seem we've only wasted our time. And Chisame will tell me she was right and I was wrong, and it'll hurt worse than any stabbing..."

"Are you stupid?!" Kirie said. "Are you sure you're the actual Negi Springfield?! The Negi Springfield I learned about would never surrender, not even in the face of impossible odds! Even when told he couldn't do something, he'd keep on trying until he'd do it! And the same was true of Nagi Springfield! How do you even call yourself a Springfield with that kind of attitude?!"

Illya nodded unconsciously with every word, even as she continued trying to touch every square inch Hercules had exposed, still muttering in German. Frankly, the beefcake was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

Negi looked back at her, his eyes very wide. "Sakurame-san!"

Kirie walked up to him and slapped him across the face. "Pull yourself together! After going this far, after getting word from a god, are you just going to quit and go back with your tail between your legs?! Yukihime-sama should be ashamed of you! Hell, you stand now before a great man who did his best through a life full of hideous misfortunes, and you dishonor his presence by behaving like a spineless worm?! Incompetent!"

Hercules blinked. "Did... did she mean me with that? I've only have experienced some mild rejection, it wasn't that bad... even after I destroyed the market place... again... and that time too..."

"Nah, it's obvious she means me," Phil smirked. "Great men like me often have it hard, son..."

Negi looked at Kirie's fuming, red-with-seething-disgust face for a few moments, keeping a hand on his cheek, and his heart went _Ba-dump! Ba-dump!_

"Oh, oh," Yuuna said.

"Oh oh what?" Illya asked.

"Chisame is his favorite," Yuuna said, "and that's because Chisame is the one who is the strictest to him. You don't know how the masochistic mind works, do you?"

"I have no favorites, and I'm not a masochist!" Negi said.

" _That_ word, he knows?" Yuuna said incredulously.

Then Negi straightened up and fixed his tie, coughing uncomfortably. "You are right, however, Sakurame-san. I apologize over making a fool of myself like that. It would seem I still have much to learn..."

"Yeah, obviously, the girl training you has been doing a half-baked job," Phil snarked. "As expected, really! You just can't ask for good male training from a—"

"She's not bad! She's the best, harshest trainer ever!" Negi and Kirie snapped at him at once.

"Aaaaand now they're talking in unison, too," Yuuna noted, an eyebrow raised. "Shit."

Phil huffed, looking aside. "If this is some convoluted reverse psychology trap to try and convince me to train you, I'll congratulate you for originality, but it's still not working!"

"I can't train with you, because I can't stay here, and mostly, because my master would kill me if I betrayed her like that!" Negi said.

"Oooohhh, Momma's Boy is afraid Mommy will be furious if the kid talks to a strange satyr! Maybe she'll even ground him!" Phil mocked in a falsetto voice, jumping around like a little sheep.

"Phil, please, this is just, geez..." Herc said, embarrassed. He unconsciously steeped to the side. Illya, still patting him all over, followed. He took another step...

"Professor," Gadget said, trying to placate Negi's growing outrage, since mocking his master was almost as much of a Berserker Button for him as mocking his father, "you should consider looking for a new teacher, however. Didn't you say this Lady Evangeline disowned you as her student? Do you really think she will let you go back to her side?"

"Oh, she even disowned him! This gets better and better!" Phil slapped himself on a knee. "I knew it, you want me to help you pick up the pieces, but you're too proud to admit you messed up!"

"I don't!" Negi protested. "And I'm sure Master Evangeline will let me back! This, this is just a stage she's going through! Chachamaru said she was having a mid-life crisis! I still have faith in her!"

"Oh really," Phil said. "Boy, you should know something about women and—"

"No more sexist comments!" Gadget, Illya, Kirie, Yuuna and Hercules yelled at him at once.

Phil gave his student a shocked look. "You too?!"

"Why... why wouldn't I?" he asked back, an eyebrow twitching just a wee bit.

Phil sighed. "You must have gotten that from your mother. Okay. You want me to take you, your training and your trainer seriously, kid? Then you'd better show me you have learned something good, because as I see it, now even your friends are badmouthing you. So excuuuuuse me if I keep thinking of you as nothing but a brat!"

"What do I have to do?" Negi asked.

"Bro," Chamo said, "what do you have to prove to this guy? Let's just leave already so we can find the princess! Look, he said that king had a lot of flings all around, right? A princess is a princess even if she's the result of a—"

"A test?" Phil rubbed his chin in contemplation. "A test, what should I give a runt like you for a test... Ah-hah! I know just the thing!" he suddenly snapped his fingers.

"Let's hear it then!" Negi challenged.

"... none of you are listening to me anymore, right?" Chamo weakly said. "I'm not relevant at all unless I'm drawing a circle, am I? I suppose I might have brought it on myself, but still..."

"Huh? Were you saying anything?" Gadget asked him.

"Oh, shut up, it's not like you're any more relevant, you glorified chauffeur..."

"Woof?" Pluto barked.

"And the same goes for you!"

Pegasus neighed inquisitively.

"You just debuted and you're falling into it already, too!" Chamo said, exasperated. "I want equal representation, damn it!"

* * *

 _Duckburg:_

"Whoa," Kotaro said as they followed Rin into the next room, walking all over several torn, inactive Crimebots. "You really did all of this by yourself?"

Rin held her chin up and smirked smugly. "Well, I don't like to boast, but... yes, I did it all by myself and it was extremely easy!"

"H-how?" Gosalyn asked, impressed despite herself.

"I imagined they were all bitchy Finnish girls with drill hair," Rin explained.

Since Nodokat was walking by her side, Kero, still as blank faced as before, reached over with the tip of a plush paw and softly touched Rin's arm.

The twin-tailed girl shrieked, putting a hand on her arm. "Don't touch me there! It still hurts! Anyway," she stopped after pushing another door open, leading them into yet another room, "this is what I wanted to show you."

They saw the room was empty except for a gigantic containment chamber at the other end of it, as tall and wide as the wall it was attached to. Inside of it, frozen solid under a thick layer of glass, there was a tall, lanky bird-man with a short, sharp beak and a mop of messy, brown hair sticking out from under a small yellow hat.

"Gyro! That's Gyro Gearloose!" Launchpad gasped.

"Oh, that's him?" Dogpool asked. "Bummer. I thought Rin-chan was taking us to enjoy a nice frozen dinner." He sadly lowered his knife and fork.

"Is he still alive?" Kotaro asked, cautiously approaching the unit.

Dogpool brightened, raising the knife and fork again. "On second thought, if he isn't, there's no point in wasting perfectly good chicken..."

"If I'm ever killed through this," Gosalyn told Yue, "please keep him away from my body."

Yue nodded at her. "I will, but in return I ask the same from you."

"Deal," Gosalyn said.

Mickey looked at the unit from several angles, scratched his head with a hand, and shrugged. "In my expert opinion..." said the mouse who has at various pints been in the army, navy, air force, locksmith, electrician, farmer, race car driver, and various other things.

"Yeah?" everyone else asked when his pause went on for too long.

"... my expertise doesn't lie with these things, so I have no idea how he is or how to get him outta there."

Everybody but Dogpool made a facefault to the floor. "Oh, come on!" they all cried.

"Hey, before I was a king I was a musketeer, and before that I was a locksmith!" he defended himself. "But!" he raised the Keyblade, "I could easily get him out all the same! The Keyblade can open any sort of door or lock with minimal effort!"

"Then why did you feel the need to use it to burn a hole through my door instead?" Launchpad asked him.

Before that question could be answered, Rin grabbed Mickey by an arm. "Wait! Opening it is one thing, but who knows if doing it could just kill him in this state?"

Mickey looked at her, then nodded. "You have a point there. But as I said, I know nothing about those things. How about you? I think they have this level of tech in your world, don't they?"

"I'm the last person you'd ever want to ask about handling technology! I can't even program my Blu-Ray player!" Rin said.

"Really? Are you THAT incompetent?" a dismayed Dogpool asked. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I bet even the plush toy can do that!"

Yue nodded. "Actually, he's the best of us at using it, the PC, and the game consoles..."

"These are the fingers of techno-magical wonder!" Kero boasted, stretching his fingerless paws in and out.

"Well, then how about YOU do it for us, smart guy?!" Rin bared her dog teeth to Kero.

"I didn't claim I was THAT much of a wonder!" he said.

Whistling the theme of the nineties' X-Men animated series to himself, Dogpool walked past them, punched a quick sequence of keys in the small controls panel of the cryogenic chamber, activated a small side screen, entered a long string of answers to the questions featured onscreen, accessed a series of cracking codes, sorted them out, absently reprogrammed the next few steps of the process, kicked he machine a couple of times in strategic places, and finally stopped when the screen began glowing alternately in red and yellow. Then he calmly sank a katana through the controls, and the glass panel opened itself, dropping Gyro's body on the floor and releasing a cooling waft of vapor all over the room.

All the while the others just stared on, blank and helplessly.

Dogpool now stared back at them. "What? Do you have any idea of how many saps I had to release from Weapon X like this? And honestly, it was always the same crap!"

Gyro slowly began coming back to his senses as Launchpad crouched at his side to help him up. "Oooohhhh... no, Professor Von Drake, I'm not interested, although I'm flattered, of course, but I'm not... oh, so that was a dream. Launchpad!" he blinked. "Golly, it's so good to see a friendly face again! Last thing I remember was seeing Taurus Bullba's..."

"Taurus Bullba?!" Gosalyn gasped, suddenly horrified.

"Something tells me that's not a talking stingray, or an aardvark, is it?" Rin mused aloud. "That sort of thing never happens here for the sake of variety, does it? No, if you're a cow, you must be called something like Cowette Fauchelevachelent, and if you're a jackal, of course you have to be Inspector Jackalvert..."

"Please, young lady, don't be namist in my house," Gyro calmly told Rin before looking at the strangely pale (even under the white feathers) and nervous Gosalyn. "That's what I said, Taurus Bullba, yes. Do you happen to—"

"He killed my grandfather !" Gosalyn cried. "He's my dad's greatest, deadliest enemy! Of course I know him!"

She took a hand to her beak and began chewing on her knuckles, shakily. "We thought him dead after the whole mess at the Mayan temple of Axolotl with Daring Do, but if he's still alive, and behind Quackwerks, then all of Saint Canard is, is—!"

 _"I thought Dr. Slug was her dad's greatest enemy?"_ Gyro whispered to Launchpad.

"Well, yeah, but it's obvious she'd think otherwise, as Bullba— wait, how did you know—?"

Gyro kept on talking in hushed tones. "Why, Bullba wouldn't stop talking about it while questioning me. Given how insistent he was he was number one while Slug was number two, I deduced—"

"Would you two stop discussing villain ranks?!" an uncharacteristically wrecked Gosalyn exploded at them. "Now Bullba knows we've been here, and that means he'll go after Dad next, and now he's so down and out of shape! Right now, he could be even... even...!"

"This is where the scene cuts away to Darkwing Duck, right?" Dogpool wondered aloud. "Except because that's useless as a narrative device this time, because now we cut back to Negi and Hercules, and—"

"What in the name of Herringstein's wrong with him?" Gyro asked Launchpad.

"I don't know, and I'm frankly too afraid to ask, Doc."

* * *

"Well, here's what I want you to do," Phil said after leading them to a large valley, pointing towards a gigantic statue of a vaguely androgynous, almost feminine man in battle armor who vaguely resembled Brad Pitt, holding a spear and a round shield. The inscription read 'Achilles'. Several such statues formed a very wide circle. "Move that thing. As much as you can. Do it, and then we'll talk."

Negi nodded. "Any direction you'd prefer?"

The satyr moved his hand in a circle, leaning against another statue labeled 'Joxer the Great'. "Go nuts!"

"Professor, are you sure you can do it?" Gadget asked. "I don't know for sure yet, but according to my preliminary calculations, based on its height, width, and the material it seems to be made of, that sculpture should weigh around—"

"It's okay, it's okay," Negi smiled at her, rolling up his sleeves. "I've been doing a lot of strength training with Master Evangeline. I don't think I'll be straining anything."

"I should hope so," Kirie said. "I've got some healing magic, but I'm still no Konoe Konoka..."

"Well, here it goes," Negi drew in a deep breath, pushed his hands together, and chanted, _"Rastel Maskir Magister._ _Sim Ipse Pars Per Secundam Dimidiam. Neguis Springfieldes!"_

Then he planted both hands against the statue and pushed, clenching his teeth and grinding himself forward, his feet occasionally slipping and sliding across the ground as he pushed at the seemingly immovable object. For a moment nothing happened, but then the ground around the statue made a low, rumbling tone, as if the earth itself protested under its breath. And Negi began slowly moving the stone colossus with a great, visible effort, but in a constant fashion regardless, only stopping several moments afterwards, having pushed the statue roughly beyond thirty centimeters. "Well?" he panted happily, looking back at Phil while Yuuna, Gadget, Pluto, Pegasus and Chamo clapped, and Kirie and Illya hummed analytically. "Was that good enough?"

"It wasn't bad for a beginner," Phil nodded. "So you're a mage, huh? No wonder you have a broad as a teacher, it's more their thing. Most mages I know tend to be villains rather than heroes, but okay, I'm not saying you should be a bad girl, er, guy, either, there are always exceptions. However, you still gotta a lotta ground to cover, brat. Herc? Would you lift it now, pleez?"

Hercules frowned. "Aw, c'mon, Phil, it's not fair, I'm—"

"I know what you are, Herc. Lift it , willya? Just one hand. Unless you can't, of course."

Hercules sighed, shook his head to himself, put a hand under the statue's base, and then lifted it over his head in a single yank, keeping it there with no effort whatsoever.

Phil chuckled. "Of course, like the man himself said, Herc's a special case..."

"Yeah, we know," Kirie said.

"He would have to be," Illya added with a sort of possessive pride. She'd eventually stopped groping Hercules, throwing up her arms in frustration and muttering about who'd buy her batteries for her now.

"I feel slightly inadequate after witnessing that," Negi confessed, "but I understand how high the bar is when one compares oneself to Hercules, Prince of Power..."

"Prince of Power?" Hercules blinked. "Hey... I kinda like the sound of that!"

"Dammit, kids, stop inflating his head up like that!" Philoctetes shouted. "You're going to turn him into some brainless braggart! Heroes shouldn't be big-headed blowhards, they should be humble!"

"Well, yeah, go tell that to Jack Rakan..." Kirie said.

"Jack Rakan?" Negi said. "I've heard that name mentioned along my father's. What do you know about—"

"Enough!" Phil clapped angrily, and Hercules put the statue back down just as easily. "I wasn't talking to you! Pick that thing back up now!"

"Yes, Phil," Hercules sighed, lifting the statue again.

"Good boy!" The satyr then turned his attention back to Negi, smirking at him. "You know, I figure I can spare a few moments for ya, twerp. What if I show you guys a few mementos I have lying around my house?"

* * *

 **Omake! Tsukuyomi-chan's First Kingdom Hearts Mission!**

Nothing said she couldn't have some fun before carrying her job out, so for a change, she decided to engage into some peaceful tourism and sight-seeing before engaging into the massacre. The massacres being the most fun of everything didn't mean they had to be all Tsukuyomi ever enjoyed, after all. Desserts taste much better after a 'proper' meal and apperitives, and all that.

And talking about tastes...

"What are these?" she curiously asked the salesman she had found by the seashore, during her quiet free afternoon in that fascinating new world to explore and later plunge into darkness, after dinner and trying out some of the local underaged prostitues (or possibly just girls coming home from school she dragged off to an isolated corner and raped at swordpoint. She really couldn't tell, they didn't say much. She left some money anyway).

"They are sea-salt ice cream sticks," the salesman smiled at her. "Salty, but also sweet! Why don't you try one? I'm sure you'll love them, everyone does!"

"I will!" Tsukuyomi gleefully said, picking one and paying for it. "Itadaikimatsu!" she childishly sing-sang, before sticking the ice-cream into her mouth...

Then a single big fat tear escaped out a corner of her left eye.

"THIS IS DISGUSTING!" Tsukuyomi cried. "It tastes like salt and sugar!"

So she unleashed the Heartless and destroyed the world. Which she was going to do anyway, but that's beside the point now, isn't it?

Worse of it all, the sea salt gave her a bout of diarrhea. A world with that kind of awful sanitary conditions truly deserved what it got, if you asked her!

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


End file.
